How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘years’

Wife and I have been married 7 years.
Son is 4 years old (4.5 like that matters)
Wife had condition which made sex difficult/ impossible for the last 2 – 3 years
Wife had a complete hysterectomy in April 2010
I had a right orchiectomy June 2007, this actually boosted my libido (I had a lot of pain due to nerve damage from previous surgeries)

Wife has offered divorce 3 times I turned her down.
Wife has said that I should buy sex (common thing in Japan with “delivery health”) not really my thing.
I offered to take drugs to lower libido (drugs have nasty side effects as well as not available in Japan)

Wife’s libido is 0 and has been for years, kissing etc even pretty much out.

I have polled my friends and the response was to ” hope/ pray that I can reconnect wife to sex”

Marriage counseling is not available in Japan (bilingual and in our area, it is only really Osaka, counseling is not even big in Tokyo)
Having wife’s hormone levels tested is out as she is happy with her system the way it is now and an endocrinologist is EXTREMELY difficult to find

Looking for other options that I might be overlooking.
Right thanks.

Ok. she works full time and I look after the house, child.

I do all the cleaning, laundry, cooking, shopping etc.

I also run her bath, buy her treats, massage her when there is time and buy her clothes.
Oh yeah grandparents are no where near here. One set live in Canada (16 hours by 3 planes) or near Tokyo (2.5 hours by plane)

My buddy lives in Houston, TX, and he was charged w/ misdemeanor & convicted back in 2004 for assaulting his wife, (2′nd marriage.) In 12/2006 he was arrested & charged w/ 2′nd misdemeanor – assault/bodily injury f/ assaulting wife, (2′nd marriage.) Bond set @ $5K, he paid $500 & released from jail. He received a 3′rd charge (FELONY) – assault w/deadly weapon in 2/2007, (2′nd marriage.) Bond $$ for the 2′nd misdemeanor was enhanced to a FELONY @ $50K. He was charged – 3r’d time (FELONY) in 2/2007 – assault w/ deadly weapon, (2′nd marriage.) Bond set at $0 bond. He’s still in jail. Arraingment is set in a week or so in court.
NOTE: He’s been in jail & prison in the past, i.e. possession of drugs, selling drugs, traffic tickets, welfare fraud, bad checks, domestic violence/1′st marraiage. I think his fate will depend a lot on the prosecutor, judge & criminal history. So, what’s the likelihood he’ll get probation or end up in prison? If he goes 2 prison, what’s the min/max time?

..he was emotionally abusive; not understanding the importance of friends and family, expecting me to think the same way as him, he was extremely jealous and just flat out insecure. Not all times were bad, of course. I am most definitely in love with him but I gave him too many chances and I feel I can’t keep going around in circles. I’m 28, he’s 32. He was never a sponge – always pitched in and after the last time I ‘tried’ to end things, he did change some of his ways. I felt he didn’t change enough of his ways.

My brother recently got married (last year) and now has twin babies. After the marriage, he started doing drugs and lying often. His wife took “for better of worse” on and got him help. She loves him very much. He got off the drugs and now goes to therapy and is on medication for depression and anxiety. He often turns his phone off and will disapear the whole day because he is too stressed out to deal with being broke and feeling he can’t provide for his family..
They are under a lot of stress with money, etc. Yesterday, my brother (whom works for my dads company) was caught stealing from a jobsite. He got arrested. FIrst time ever being arrested in his life. He’s not a horrible person. His wife’s family won’t speak to her and she spent the day and night with me and my family. I saw my brother today and he sobbed, explaining he was so desperate to do anything for money and that’s why he did this. I WILL NEVER SAY IT IS OKAY.

She’s been through so many ups and downs with my brother and she’s still by his side. Today, it dawned on me and perhaps I shouldn’t give up so easily on my (ex) boyfriend. Is this a right way to feel? Does it make sense?

I told my brothers wife last night that if i were in her position, I would have dropped him on his butt but I didn’t think she should do that to my brother, because I know him. He is my best friend. He is such a good person with so many good qualities.
I feel like my (ex) boyfriend really is a good person with very good qualities. He just had a really bad upbring and doesn’t know how to act. He needs help. I am contemplating being there for him and now giving up. Everyone in his life has given up on him. He never met his dad, his mother doesnn’t call him because she’s a mean mean lady. She beat him as a child, etc., etc.

Anyway, is my case different than my brothers? I’m just so confused. Does he deserve to not be given up on?
Thanks Elisabeth – your words really gave me a different outlook. It was hard for me to tell myself exactly that because I have been caught up with these other feelings these last couple of days.

You are right.

Thank you *all* for your coments!

I love my wife. My strongest love is my greatest weakness. My wife’s family is no longer an issue. (that was just background info)

I’m just tired. Tired. Tired, and I just want this ride to stop. However my love (however disfunctional) for her won’t allow me to pull the plug. I pray for us, more than I have for anything. I know I’m not the 1st and not the last to go through this, but I find very little counsellation in all of that.

My heart hurts. It hurts. Bad.

I don’t want to be alone. My family has been my purpose. I’ve been blessed. My 1,700sq.ft. home enlarges exponentially when I’m here alone.

I guess what hurts the most is my feeling of needing my family to complete me. I look at my life before I was married (drugs, womanizing, drunkedness and GODless) and I am afraid.

My thoughts are filled with don’t wants. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to date. I don’t want TV dinners. I don’t want to be alone.

Again Thank U All!

Wife and I been married for 13 yrs. 2 girls (6 & 7). Wife has moved out 5x in the last 2.5 yrs. Always because she’s trying to work on her. No drugs, Alcohol, Adultry, Abuse on neither part. Just outside influences. Her relatives mooching off of us. Moving in when I say no. Come home they’re there anyway. Her brother who lived w/us for a year broke in our home.
Had a conversation with her the other night and told her how hurt I was because she said she was leaving again (over a supposed lie I told that she later found out was the truth).
I told her I was “tired” of this emotional roller coaster. Move out then in…. out then in. I asked her to finally make a decision to either stay or go. I told her I shouldn’t have to come home from work and wonder whether my family will be there because the day before we had an argument. It should be us against the world. We talked she said Stay. Then this morning found note, “Changed my mind…Who are you to give me an ultimatum!!!” What do I do?

My husband had a child and was married nearly 9 years ago. His ex wife left in the middle of the night nearly 8 years ago and took their daughter. She bounced around and then came back after he pleaded. She returned 4 months pregnant and stayed for 10 months, had the child which is not biologically related to my husband, but he signed the BC and tried to make it work. She took off 2 months after the birth and was awall for nearly 6 years, my husband paid child support to her last known address the entire time. He filed for divorce 5 years ago and completed divorce by publication because her whereabouts of her and the child where unknown. At one point they surfaced about 3 years ago and he found out she was a habitual cocain and heroin user and had been since she was 16 which explains her sketchy behavior. He found out that legal custody had been granted to a grandparent, we attempted to file for custody but had to enter the foster care program, at the time we were students in college and could not enter the program ( he was no longer considered a guardian since the office was told he passed away 4 years prior, even though he paid child support to that office)

Either way, one week ago the mother and children surface again and tell us they are going to be about 20 miles from our home this weekend. She says they want to see him, even though they don’t know who he is. She informs my husband that they call her new husband Daddy and not to freak out about it. I should mention she does not legally have the children, and while we reported that to the state inw hich they live they will not do anything until the legal guardian says they are missing.

So she wants to have this meeting. We both feel that this meeting should be set in a structured enviroment with a mediator, not over coffee and dinner. We’re thinking this could be very hard for the children to handle, a lot to take in. The mother insists we do this in a public place and is refusing to have them meet in a structured setting. We are going to speak to a psychologist in the morning to get their opinion, but I am curious how other parents might handle this very odd situation.

At first the thought of a nice meeting, where they can meet their little brother and sister ( we have twins) sounds so nice, but then the more I think about it, I think it needs to be in a more structured setting.

The other side of it is, I think it could be really hard to know you were 20 miles away from your father and didn’t see him.

I don’t put it past the mother to tell them exactly that as well.

Please don’t get upset with me about this, I know it’s messed up and sad, but really we’re trying to do what is best for the children.

Il
In addition, we have tried to gain custody of the children. At the time, we were told it was basically a legal adoption because custody and guardianship had been awarded to a grandparent. The court informed my husband that if he wanted to push forward we would need to have a home inspection in our state, when we applied for that we had to enroll in the foster care program and classes, we could not enroll as two unmarried students with part time jobs. The attorney in that state informed us it was going to cost around 12K which we didn’t have at the time.

We are working on building a case to gain custody rite now, it’s just not as easy as one might think.

In Oct of 2005 she had my son and our marriage councilor diagnosed post partum depression. When my son was 3 months old she began partying like when she was single. This includes going out two to four times a week until 7 to 8 in the morning. In the Fall of 2006 her mother and drug addicted father moved in with us, into a 2 bedroom house, with my wife, myself, my son and step daughter. This was supposed to be temporary. Three months later the father had left the mother. Both mother and daughter were getting drunk at least weekly. They decided to take my wife and mine tax return of $4,000 and go to California for a vacation instead of paying off some judgments that my wife and I agree to pay with the money. Two weeks after they got back I left. In the following month she said she would change and things would be better. I came back. A month later I had to force the mother in law out of the house. My wife continued drinking eventually she got a DUI.
I went away on business and she wouldn’t even skip a drinking session to pick me up from airport when I got back. If see doesn’t have money to go out and drink she will borrow it from her mother. We spent 6 weeks going to a marriage councilor, but ignored the councilor’s recommendation in regard to the post partum depression. To top it off the councilor said she didn’t think my wife had a problem with alcohol.At times she displays remarkable paranoia. She has even gone so far as to try to use the kids to spy on my conversations between my parents and me. (She bribes them and will even use her step daughter to interrogate my son from a previous marriage.) Now she says she is pregnant, but she went out with her friends again last night (says she didn’t drink but came home at 1 am and immediately showered). The time frame for conception is “wrong” too; it was during a time when I was away for work.
PS. She offered to got to church counciling to “straighten me out”, but when I took her up on it she dropped it like a hot potato. She argues that I don’t help enough with the kids and house work. I work 10 hours a day, am pursueing an MBA, and come home to watch kids, do the dishes, maybe a load of laundry, and cook dinner. She works maybe 30 hrs a week, wakes up after 9 am or 10 am, and stays up till midnight even if she isn’t getting drunk at the bar. Before I met her I had a house 3 vehicles and good credit. Now we rent own 1 running car and have been through bankruptcy and our credit is still bad.
What is your impression of the situation?
What would you do?
She has also put on about 50lbs from when I met her. Do you think she would be able to cheat on me?

My husband of over 20 years has been good and bad to me. He has taken care of me financially, other than micro-manage my money. He does really nice things for me, but is sarcastic to me in front of others. He can’t go 1 day without talking about me behind my back. I beg him to stop, but he can’t.

Since we first got married, he ran to his parents about any kind of fight we had. They lived next door to us, what a total nightmare. After 4 years of this we moved away, and things got better.

Fast-forward to 8 years of marriage. We move close to his mommy and daddy, but not next door or anything. Once again, any kind of disagreement and he tattle tale’s on me like a baby. They ofcourse pamper him. His dad passes away. Things arn’t as bad, but his mother thanks I’m the skum of the earth still.

1. I don’t drink or smoke.
2. I have never cheated on him.
3. I have devoted my life to my husband & son whom is 19 yrs. old
4. Our son is now addicted to drugs, and my hubby keeps bailing him out of trouble hiring lawyers which doesn’t solve anything.
5. Before our son’s addiction, when my son would hide and smoke a cigarette for ex., my husband would punish him by not speaking to him for weeks to months on end.
6. My husband went overseas. His father wrote every time I would go anywhere, how long I was gone, etc. He would talk horribly about me to my own son. My son just stopped visiting b/c it hurt him to bad. Then his dad would go through my trash and report to my husband if he found something that I had bought that for ex. was in a box. Like a blower for the driveway, electric screwdriver, etc.
7. We do not have any debt what so ever, have a large amount of equity in our custom-built home, own every vehicle in our yard. Obviously I’m not so terrible with our money.

My friend says I just need to pack my things and leave for a few days, or weeks.

I’m contacting a lawyer. I know he loves me, but he also takes everything out on me. I’m the only one he has. When he gets over his temper tantrums he tells me I’m a good wife & he just has problems.

Where does this hell stop?

My wife never wants to work as we had to leave her home town where she was working for her dads business and has no other skills and a high school dropout.We lately had lot of financial problems because of her wayward ways of spending on drugs and clubs while I am working my ass off. I stopped putting money in joint account as she blows them away in cold cash with no proof of tracking expenses but instead give her weekly dollars for her cigarettes and other personal expenses rest of the bills I pay and She says in marriage everything is half and half. How can this be true if u contribute u can ask for half and half she neither does any work at home sleeping half the tiem nad smoking pot the rest of the time. She says she will divorce me if I don’t start putting the entire pay check in our checking account and subjecting me to a lot of verbal and emotional abuse.She was not like this when we started. My point is I too want to end this and go for divorce what are the chances of she getting alimony and how much ? We have been married for 3 years ..
Thanks for all answers. The sad part is I really want her to change she is good to her friends but really complacent in marriage. But all i get being called selfish as she says I expect things from her by doing things any other man would do for his wife (like paying bills and everything else)

I have been married to a sociopath for 8 years. I am wife# 3. We share a child, who adores both of us. From the start he was so attentive. I did wonder however, why he had soul custody of his two teenage boys and their Mother never was mentioned or involved with them. He is very controlling and they were not allowed to mention her name. I became pregnant, he then suggested I get an abortion by taking a pill. I refused. We eventually got married. It was so gradual. I watched him browbeat his younger son , who was fond of his mother. To the point where his son was having panic attacks which led to heavy drinking and drugs.And later showed signs of violent behavior. The older son however is his favorite. Later I found out because he does as he is told. Needless to say when the boys left home, I became his punching bag. He has recruited his whole family against me.It has made my life a living hell, since my family is deceased. I had the good credit when we met. He had none. I put his name on my cards. He then forged my signature for huge amounts of cash. When his business failed I am left holding the cards literally! Thousands of dollars. I learned he owed the IRS quited a large sum of money which he lied about. We lost our home. After I refused to sign Power of Attorney on his tax lien , he made my life unbearable. Often times he would bring in his fav. son to get in my face and try and set me off. I warned him, the next time the police would be called and he would be escorted off the property. This man is very cunning, noone ever hears the things he says to me. It is emotional and mental abuse of severity. I have called the women’s shelter and the women’s crisis center for help several times over the years. Appears to be hopeless. I am afraid of him. I have seen him set people up for failure. He is a convincing, practised liar. and has an exceptional verbal facility, which can outmanoeuvre most people in times of conflict. I just feel as though there isn’t any hope. He is the actual Jekyll and Hyde nature. a very scary individual. sometimes i wonder if it’s easier to stay in the marriage rather then face divorce. I do know I cannot go on feeling this way it just gets worse with time. Open for suggestions……………

I guess I should clarify.My Ex is very well off and just inherited a over a million dollars.My daughter is cleaning houses so they do not loose there house.The new wife just bought a 500000 dollar house and all her children are welcome there but not his children,The excuse is that my so-inlaws weehchair scratches her wood floors.I am over my Ex but why is he so bad to his 2 daughters and grandchildren he was not like this untill he married her on one of his drunken binges,truat me he knows he made a big mastake and also refuses to wear a wedding ring he always wore it for 25 years with me,do you think he is afraid of another divorce and that they do not have a pre nupital.

I am heart-broken!!
I have been married to my wife for 16 years (half my life). We have had our ups and downs like any other marriage and we have even separated for unrelated (to this) reasons. The separations were when my oldest was around 4 or 5, she is now 14. My wife suffers from Bi-polar disorder and has been hospitalized numerous times for depression. Each time I have stood by her and we have come out licking our wounds and tending to the pain we each suffered through the ordeal.
I am in the military and my issue begins while my family was stationed in England. Due to my wife’s “condition” we were forced by Tri-Care (our health insurance) to move back to the US. This was 2 years ago and my wife has yet to forgive herself for “ruining our lives” (her quote not mine). She and my children never adjusted to life in England and therefore none of them were truly happy. Of course, they all miss it now. My wife seemed to being doing better until recently …

My wife got her first job when we arrived at our new base and has been working for 1.5 years now (I congratulate her constantly). She was never able to handle the pressure of going to work and this was a huge improvement in her well-being. Only thing I worried about … prowling men! My wife feels she is ugly and unwanted (normal feelings for bi-polar & people in general), so a compliment here and a giggle there is enough that she can (could) develop a friendship easily (or an enemy). Well the cute, cool, womanizer caught my wife in his net and drew her in back in June of this year. Nothing happened between them more than friendly banter until June. When he asked her what color her underwear were online one night while im’ing. (Before finding this out he was nothing more than a friend and my children had even met him). My wife felt so guilty over allowing the IM to flourish that she attempted suicide to erase her guilt. While we were in the emergency room she told me about what had happened and that she was “intoxicated” on her nighttime medications, and that she was truly sorry and regretful. I was hurt of course, but I know that mistakes happen. So I let her cool off and get the help she needed and I supported her through it. She was released from the hospital and agreed that she would never talk to the man again. Like I said though … she is bi-polar and her emotions can quickly overcome her. One day in July or August she again over-dosed. When I asked her why she would do this she said it was because she wanted to talk to the guy because she missed their original “FRIENDS ONLY” relationship. I informed her that because of the cyber-sex I was uneasy with their relationship even as friends, because I knew he wanted more and she is gullible and easily manipulated emotionally. After she was released from the hospital this time I asked her to begin looking for another job, transfer, or take a vacation to visit her family. She informed me that everything would be fine and we talked with her employer to attempt to arrange her schedule to avoid this man as much as possible (my wife is a manager, but not his), so at times they MUST interact.

Now after my history my problem ….
On Nov 3-6th my wife began acting depressed again and took 3-4 sleeping pills. When I confronted her she said that the guy had began talking to her again and he followed her to the parking lot while talking. They almost kissed. I was FURIOUS, but once again I allowed her “mental health” to control my emotions and I forgave her and BEGGED once again that she NEVER talked to him again. She swore that she wouldn’t and we seemed fine, but her depression lingered. She blamed it on guilt and the holidays and then she emailed the guy calling him a p.o.s. and told him to not talk to her again (I guess he had been pitching jokes here and there again). BTW: All this time I avoided the “kill the other man” instincts, because of my children and my utter devotion to my wife. I admit I am deeply in love with her and wanted undeniably to spend eternity with her. Turns out though that 3 days ago she again took 30+ sleeping pills and the “almost kiss” was actually “REAL ORAL”. I proceeded to have her removed from my home for cheating on me. Until this day an UNFORGIVABLE ACT in my eyes. She flew home to her family today and I am heart-broken and unsure of where to turn. I know I will pray a whole bunch this weekend and I will be seeing my therapist (I talk mostly about my wife and how to deal with Bi-Polar), but that doesn’t take her act away nor does it allow me to forgive her. I KNOW I LOVE her though and I don’t know how I will continue life without her. I (we) have our children to consider (age 8-14) and I am under a cloud of hate and love.

Do I forgive her? Do I accept the “bi-polar” excuse? Do I say enough is enough? Do I keep the children (I am military and could be deployed) or do I forfeit custody to her? I wish I could talk to GOD and hear and know what his answer is. I feel so

After our 3rd child, my wife started take anti-depressents / anti-anxiety drugs. This may be why she has absolutely no sex drive. Prior to #3, the sex was good. I do love my wife.

Dear Abbey once said “when there is no passion within the marriage, there will be passion outside the marriage”. I haven’t been looking for passion outside, but I finally told my wife that if some came my way, I probably would go for it. Well, I did. Now I’ve got this strong emotional desire for a co-worker. We’ve been friends for over a year, and the three of us have gone out several times.

My wife left for a 2 month vacation with her family, and my co-worker invited me over, and it happened. And it was GREAT! We sat and talked for about 6 hours one night. I have not had that kind of companionship with a woman since 3 years before I hooked up with my wife. Let me be truthful — before the sun came up, we knew each other Biblically.

I don’t want it to end with my co-worker. What should I do?

Years ago, I saw this discovery channel series that was amazing. The show showed you, through actors who acted out the situations, what happens to your body in certain situations. One was a man who was going on a diet and dropped lots of water weight at first. Then, after starving himself, he went on a binge and ordered a large pizza. Another one was about a man who had Salmonella poisoning after his wife didn’t cook a chicken thoroughly. Another one was about a woman who was allergic to bee stings. The last one I remember was about teenagers who were experimenting with sex. Please help me figure out what show this is!!

A friend of mine married a lady in early 2008. He knew she had a history of drug abuse, but stated she was clean when he married her. He is a very nice and decent guy. Anyway, AFTER he married her he found out about some trouble she’d been in previous to their marriage.

After only about 1 1/2 years of marriage, his wife is called to court to answer to the charges against her and is sentenced to three years.

What would you do if you were this guy? Would you wait the three years for her to get out or would you get a divorce and move on with your life?

Wife had drug problem 4years ago and other charges. Now clean but was arrested again this time sellnig drugs.She has done the rehab,some jail,house arrest, and only had 13 months to go on probation. Now with new charges looking at minimum 5 years jail up to 15 years. We are in early 40s should I wait or let GO???

I get mixed signals. She’ll watch it with me if she’s a little intoxicated, but hates it when she’s in her normal mind. (She’s not an alcoholic) I do show her I’m interested in all ways. I hug, kiss her, compliment her, but I also like to look at porn, and sometimes like to draw nude women from photos only. Am I just a normal guy?

A friend of mine is trying to decide what to do. In early 2008 he married a lady with a history of drug abuse. He knew she’d been in trouble with the law but thought everything was taken care of BEFORE he married her. And when he married her she was clean and even doing lectures against drug abuse in schools, etc. He is a very nice and decent man….doesn’t even drink.

Anyway, AFTER he married the lady he finds out she has more charges against her and she gets put into jail. Long story short, she will be doing a solid three year stretch.

I have been seeing this guy as friends only. Going to movies or out to eat, etc. He told me that he doesn’t know how he is going to handle this and doesn’t want either of us to be hurt. So we haven’t done “the deed.”

However, he acts like he is really crazy about me and he knows that I am a decent woman. Also, he has went so far as to kiss me. Now, I’m starting to get very uncomfortable. I mean, I like him. I liked the kiss. But he is still married. And I don’t date married guys.

Do you guys think he will divorce his wife or wait the three full years? What would you guys do if you were him?

I’m treading very lightly in this situation and not letting myself get emotionally attached.

My son used to not drink or drug. when he went to college he started doing a litle here and there. It did catch up with him. Now he is not married no kids and lives his mother and I. He has a job. Works very well. He has been on a Meth. program for 2 years. He has stolen some of my drugs. In the last 7 years i have had to fight 3 types of cancer and problems. Many surgeries etc. He may could walk away after a detox i don’t know. His job may have medical benifits in about another month or two. Idon’t know if the benifit would be drug rehab. My wife and I are stable but have been sinking slowley because of dying mother in law and two grandchildren that we help over 70 percent in there finances. Actually i see no reason for him to quit. Her goes to work and when he gets home he lay’s in bed and watches t.v. He is paying off debts etc. for when he was away from home for a few years. He used to be everybody’s buddy but they all grew up and had families. he does have it made.

We used to be so close, like friends,ya’ know.I’m afraid I’m loosing my mind,and she needs to cut me loose.But she is torn because of our history.How ,in a 16 yr./friendly/marriage way,do I tell I git/get it.sHE NEEDS TO BE FREE OF MY /ME.Without making her feel bad or responsible to get what she needs to bring sanity to HER life?She’s worried how this 42 yr. only child will survive.She should be free because I’ve been drunk since she meet me.12 days ago I left detox.She’s had children since she was 18.Then ..ME…….How I telln “Her i’t's time to be You????