How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘stay’

I caught my bf in a hotel with another chick. He swares he never slept with her and the worst thing is i believe him. He was out with his mates off his face when it happened – i only found out cos the idiot used my creditcard to pay for the room.

We’ve been together for 4yrs, im 25 and he’s 31. We’ve just bought a house together and we have 2 dogs and 2 cats that make up our little family. I love my life with him and dont wont to loose it. I am also not from the state that we live at the moment, im orginally from the otherside of the country where all my friends and family are. I only have his family here, if i were to leave him i’d be leaving to go home.

Another thing is he works away on the oil rigs and the standard male or typical relationship consists of a lying cheating pig who constantly cheats with whores while away from this wife/girlfriend, drugs and alcohol are usually involved this this type. There are select few that are decent and i was under the impression that he was one of them.

So i have all these factors running around in my head but i dont want them to define my decision about our relationship. Yet on the other hand i cant ignore them either.

I dont no if this is the begining of worse things to come or if it was in fact a once off slip.

This isnt some silly girl relationship drama. The decision i make will define my life. We’ve talked about marriage and kids before this happened so if i stay it would continue that way but if i leave i have to go home and start all over again.

I just have no idea what to do and would love some advise… Mature responses preferred as this is a huge decision for me.

Thanks :)
Just to clarify a couple of things as “maddison jack” did an awesome job of making me sound like a crazy clingy bitch.

When i mentioned the marriage and kids part, i should have noted he had talked about, which then made me to believe the relationship was turning a lot more serious. I’m not the motherly, house wife type – i dont like kids. I dont long to not work, I dont work so its the other way around, i long to work. Bouncing back isnt a problem, its the easy part.

Im just trying to decide this in a mature way for once. Do i shut down and throw everything away and be completely happy which i no i will be or do i stay on faith it wont happen again and have a 50/50 chance – either happiness or even worse BS than now???

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. 4 years ago through a lot of work on my part and my family paying for the lawyer my husband got custody of his 4 year old son. The child is now 8, his mom is so very bad that she was down to only 8 hours a month of supervised visitation, but we have a restraining order against her. We also have a 20 month old daughter together.

My husband had spent some time in jail 10 years ago, but it was mostly drug related and he was not doing drugs any more when we met, or even to this day, but over the last 15 months he has had several brushes with the law. Ever since our baby was born he has become distant, his drinking increased, and he was arrested 3 times in the last 15 months. Once for driving a 4 wheeler on private property, once for a DUI where he really did only have 1 beer, and this last time for being so darn drunk he totalled his truck into a tree. When he went to jail I couldn’t bail him out this time and I found that he had been texting another woman 742 times the month leading up to his DUI. He even had a suggestive picture of her on his phone,a nd his texting ring tone set to silent. I have put up with a lot hoping to get back to a happy place, but ever since our daughter was born he didn’t even share a bed with me, instead he slept with the 8 year old. At first it was because the baby cried, but even after she moved into her own room he didn’t come back. We were more like roomates than man and wife.

Once I found the text messages I had had it. That was cheating in my book and it is unforgivable. The arrests, the stupid mistakes, the excessive drinking…I was trying to work through all that, but I was the only one responisble for the baby, and responisble for my step son both with school work, medically, I even coordinated the visits with his biological mother, and did all the laundry, and the dishes, and pretty much everything except the cooking, because i also work 40 hours a week and my husband got home at 3pm, so after many fights he agreed to do the cooking…but that was pretty much all he did. He even gave me a lot of attitude when i asked him to watch the baby so i could do homework with my step son, he said i should have been able to do both..I was very close toa nervous break down when he went to jail and then, to be honest, without him there to tell me how I was doing everything wrong, my life was better. Even being a single mom of 2, and fighting with my step son’s mom so that i could keep him while my husband was in jail for the last 5 months, my life was STILL better.

Well, I have made it clear that when he gets out next month he isn’t coming to my house, because it really is my house, I owned it before we met. When he is sober he is a good dad to the 8 year old, he says the baby just scared him and i want to believe him…anyway, he will be living at his mothers house, and I must say she is one of the coolest people I have ever met, we are really good friends. But how do I stay friends with him?

The 8 year old adores his dad, he knows why his dad is in jail, and I take the kids to see there dad once a week, which I think under thr circumstances is very nice of me, but I don’t do it for him I do it for THEM. My husband is still talking about us getting back together, but there is just too much that has happened, it isn’t something I want. He isn’t good at the monday-friday stuff, so i want to keep the kids, even my step son. We can make this happen, and his family is on board with that idea, they really like me. But how can I maintain a friendship with this man…how do you do the parent thing with another person when you refuse to do the married thing?

How do you stay friends for the kids sakes?
My step son has been living in my home for over half his life, I am the only mother figure he knows since his own mom has had the state remove 2 children from her care and she has been deemed a danger. My husband can terminate her rights according to state law and then I can adopt him…that’s how i wind up with my step son too.
Okay clarification, my husband can PETITION the courts to terminate the biological mom’s rights as she falls into multiple categories for involentary termination of parental rights. I thought my post was long enough so I didn’t expand on what all she has done.

Help! I am young mom and wife I have 2 kids, no job or car I am in college and I go to church, I have an abusive husband, who I have left 3 or 4 times, now he has came from a abusive family, he has a history when he was a teen of abuse, he was a bully in school, but he always acted like he was a protecter not a abuser, he has held weapons to me, and he used to hit me on my arms and say he never did I cry for hours and he would just laugh at me, and he has emotionally hurt me for years, well some of that has stoped the hitting , except he is very verbally abusive and puts me down allot, he screams at me for everything now ,he wont work and is really mean to our kids he says he isn’t but he is my son is 5 and he is really scared of his dad my husband is a big guy. i am scared of him to, i love him though and i forgive him, but some things I cant handle like my sons which are his too afraid of him ,my oldest loves his dad, but is afraid when he gets mad, he has never changed a diaper or feed them its only been me, he says he loves me and he is trying to change I am really confused I dint want him to hurt our kids emotionally, I dint understand I cant do anything right with him he dont drink or do drugs his family thinks that its all me, my parents didnt want they was always having affiars and they drink and do drugs they gave me to him literally when I was 15 and he was 17 ,he hid me from his family , and took care of me for a long time before he became this way to me I was really mistreated by my mom dad and some of my dads family, I dint have support from friends, or my family, but now he makes me jump to his every com and and if I dint he will try to argue with me, I feel like a paddle ball with him One minute he hugs me the next he is cussing at me flip pin me off, he plays xbox360 all day and night then blames me for the house not being spotless, I am trying to wean my 1 year old from breast fading because I keep having panic attacks and they want me on anxiety meds and meds to slow my heart rate down he says I am a good wife and he loves me but he wont ever let me talk if i do he says I am starting, or to shutup or whatever or Just cuss at me, his family hates me they are mean to me when he is not around but he makes me give my oldest son to his mom for weeks and I am not aloud to say anything, he is a carpenter he has had past charges on him for assault with a deadly weapon on me, and i have been to demos tic violence shelters its weired because when me and my husband are not together I always feel so good about myself and have Alto of cofidence and don’t get aggravated and I feel like I am accepted by people not with my husband though, I feel worse he says I am pretty but then he says well not like in high school or well your not ugly I have 1 beauty awards I don’t understand he makes me feel good then bad does anyone think that I should leave I need help really! I am a christian so he always says sum bit to me and if he messes up he says hes sorry but then blames me. I don’t know what to do I feel like saying enough, I keep praying but my husband doesn’t see his problems, i have went to consolers but he wont go, he says that he is going to take my oldest son is we get divorced, I tell him that,then he says well go and get one like he doesn’t care! I am afraid that since no one now believess me and he seems so nice to everyone else what if hemight to take my kids I could not handle him having them they are my angels I love my kids there dad would just do that to hurt me I am afraid that he would just eventually turn tagainstanst me. if i leave him. I love him nothing I do please my husband only when I am his sex slave or waitress then is my husband happy , somtimes I pray that he would just get tired of me and leave. what should I do should I just stay for my kids and keep sumbting to him, or should I leave I feel like my heart has been chipped away so much by him I cant forget everything. I would not say anything that is false i would not sit up when he is asleep at 7:30am just to cry I am sorry about missspellings and punction errors i am tired havnt sletp in 20 hours and he was yelling so loud earlier he woke up our baby. he said he is trying to change but I dont see it,
does anyone think that this guy might love me at all ? I dont know when I think of when he is being nice and how he has helped me its not so bad, but then he can change in the blink of an eye, i stayed because i thought i could change him, and i am afraied

My wife and I have been separated for 3 months and about a couple of weeks ago we started going to marriage counseling. So far the counseling has been useful, but how much longer should we go until we decide to work things with our marriage or to go on with the divorce. We have been together for 8yrs and married for 1 year. No infidelity ,physical abuse, or drug use. Just BAD communication between us.

My wife was the one that wants the divorce because she was “fed up”. Even though she thinks that divorce is the best out, she starting to see that going to MC might not be too bad. Again nothing is guaranteed, it seems like she is giving a shot to work on our marriage.

I dont want us to go to counseling for the next 3 -6 months and at the end, we still going to divorce.

My wife never wants to work as we had to leave her home town where she was working for her dads business and has no other skills and a high school dropout.We lately had lot of financial problems because of her wayward ways of spending on drugs and clubs while I am working my ass off. I stopped putting money in joint account as she blows them away in cold cash with no proof of tracking expenses but instead give her weekly dollars for her cigarettes and other personal expenses rest of the bills I pay and She says in marriage everything is half and half. How can this be true if u contribute u can ask for half and half she neither does any work at home sleeping half the tiem nad smoking pot the rest of the time. She says she will divorce me if I don’t start putting the entire pay check in our checking account and subjecting me to a lot of verbal and emotional abuse.She was not like this when we started. My point is I too want to end this and go for divorce what are the chances of she getting alimony and how much ? We have been married for 3 years ..
Thanks for all answers. The sad part is I really want her to change she is good to her friends but really complacent in marriage. But all i get being called selfish as she says I expect things from her by doing things any other man would do for his wife (like paying bills and everything else)

I met my wife in 2006 summer. She asked me for my number. She called me for 3 weeks before I returned her call because I thought she was not serious (she is now 25 and I am now 39). We had sex the first night we spent together. She then started telling me how she felt that I was the best man she had ever met(even though she has 4 kids from her 1st marriage). I told her since she was married I cuoldnt have a relationship with her, so 2 months later she filed for divocre. She showed me the papers to prove to me that she was serious and i made me feel good at the time so i gave her a chance. The first 5 months went smoothly then, she started becoming dominant, bossy, controlling, verbally abusive,etc..when I paid all the bills took her and her 4 kids in, work 13 hour shift in the emergency room, come home to her every night etc… Then we married 1-11-2008. 1 month later she cheated on me with 2 men at different times. She spend all her money on clothes etc before she pays her bills. She gets little sleep, parties all night, hangs with her girlfiends who are not doing anything productive with themselves, etc. We have changed residences 4 times because she was bored staying there. I finally bought a 5 bedroom ranch home in a very good area. 3 months later she pawned her 2500$ wedding ring for a 150$ to put a deposit down on a apt in a run-down neighborhood(drugs crimes etc). She got back on the telephone chat line meeting men. She met one guy the next day she had sex with him by the way, she has cheated on me 8 time during our marriage. Now i need advice on if i should stand by my wife because of her disorder or get away and why/how without losing my sanity? She is very manipulative(says one thing does another). Very sexy and she uses her sex appeal to get men intrested in her until she feels that she s got them. I had several confrontations with various men concerning her, they feel like she is playing them too but im married to her. How do i get my self esteem up to face being away from her. Is she ill or playing games?
She was perscibed Haldol Lexipro Seroquel and Depakote 2 years ago but refuses to take them or seek treatment. I think that she is getting worse as far as her impulsiveness. She can barely take care of her bills so she talks to men on the chat-line to get money (looking for the bigger,better,deal) but there is not many men who would take in her and 4 kids just for sex(thats all she is bringing to the table). Thats why she keeps on rotating men in her life(i feel sorry and ashamed for her). She says that she wants to better herself but she never follows through. Its her habitual-ritual you cant belive anything she says.
How do I stop worrying about her? Its tearing me up on the inside. I feel like im in the MATRIX!!!(THERE IS NO SPOON…)I fell in love with a hoodrat but I know that there is good in her. She has been through alot and she seems to be scarred. But it seems to me that she blames others and myself for her shortcommings. I feel that one of the men she is involved with will physically hurt her and i wont be there to protect her.

I have been through a lot with my current BF and I really care about him a lot. He has been a pot smoker his whole life and drank his sorrows away. He now is on medication that helps with all the seratonin he has lost over the years of drug use… so he is not suppose to drink or smoke. I just saw a message from his brother (loser) that read… this weekend while your wife is away, let’s go to Palm Springs… get beer & weed & go to the casino for Texas Hold em.
My BF just got out of 3-day hold at the hospital two months ago for going on a serious binge and he has had two down days of drinking since. He seems to be working through it, but his brother is not helping… he is selfish and just a user himself. He doesn’t care about the well being of his own sick brother.
What should I do???
I just moved into a new place with him, because he has been doing so well… It is my place, so if he goes, I will ask him to leave… so sad! Do I mention I know about what is going on? Or let him make a bad decision. Also, we spend a lot of time together…. so I wonder where he gets his time to get high. When he spends time with his brother I am sure he is getting high. I just found medicinal marajuana in my BF’s car. I know it belongs to his brother (who borrowed my BF’s car all week)… and that just irritates me to no end. I think that his brother is a moron!!!
I need to get angry… Has anyone ever been in my BF’s shoes? I understand addiction, but don’t understand why they continue to do this to themselves. UGH

Should I stay with my wife and kids in the cold Midwest or go by myself to Florida?
My wife and I have been married for a three years. We have been together for six years. She has two young children from a previous marriage. Ages 7 and 12. The kids get on my nerves a lot, but I do love them. My wife and I have had a lot of issues over the past year. The problems caused by me and include: talking with other women online behind her back which include a woman who my wife had a threesome with at a party and emailing an ex-fiancee, smoking marijuana, and talking about moving to Florida even after she had told me she would never leave our home because her family lives here.

I believe my desire to move to Florida is the biggest issue currently. Right now I own a home in the Midwest (mortgage is under my name only) where we get 70+ inches of snow every year. I have recently been offered a job in Tampa which is where I have always wanted to live. The job pays 9K more than I make right now. I do like my present job (in the same field) but the job in Florida appears to offer more challenging work which would boost my career. I have been vacationing in Florida for years and I have a brother who lives there. When I was drunk recently I told my wife that I was moving to Tampa and I wanted her and the kids to come too. She got very angry and told me to go. She said she wasn’t moving because her family is here and she doesn’t want to leave them. That is the first big issue that has occured recently. The second thing I did to hurt our marriage further was to begin smoking a “legal” pot that is sold at head shops. I smoked some last week and became so high I couldn’t even stand up. My wife knew something was wrong with me so I told her what I did. She then kicked me out of the house. After a week of living apart she has agreed to give me one last chance. We have been going to marriage counseling together (twice) and I have been attending NA meetings.

My question is this. Should I stay here in the Midwest and try to make my marriage work or should I move to Tampa? The marriage counseling seems to be helping me more than my wife. She feels that the counselor is on my side and making excuses for my bad behaviors. She has said that I should go by myself and there is no reason for her to go there. She did however say that she will continue going. She also says that I open up to the counselor and people at NA meetings, but I don’t talk to her. Lately I have been trying to be more open and honest with her. The problem is though that the more I tell her the more mad she gets and the less she trusts me when I tell her about things I have done in the past. For the past week I have been a good guy with no drugs, lying etc. As I said I am trying now, but it may be too late.

I have reservations about leaving. They include: losing a wife I love, losing the only kids I have ever known as my own, having to most likely foreclose on my house, possibly taking a job that appears better but in reality is not. My desire to leave comes from the beliefs that: my marriage may be too far eroded to save, I hate the gloomy Winters here, more opportunity in the new job. Please provide any advice that may be helpful. Thanks.

Thank you for taking the time to read my question. My wife and I have been married for 3 years, been together for 7 years. We have 3 small boys ages 1,3 and 5. I have been in jail (3 times) due to my wife calling on Domestic Violence, every time she was either pregnant in the last trimester, or after the birth of one of our boys, all cases were dismissed with prejudice against her. I never hurt or harmed her, she just went crazy. Twice she was intoxicated on wine, but the police took me away, because I am the man and she was pregnant.
In 2005 we started a small seafood business, she quit her job which had great Benefits (Starbucks) I asked her not too because of the burden of health insurance on a small business, we did great to start, but she insisted on overpaying us out of the company, also she wanted to buy a house so we also purchased a home 2 months into our new business. I was trying to make her happy. Since then our relationship went downhill, this is where I started feeling hopeless with our relationship, although I went through the court system and jail, I forgave and told myself to hold the family together.
In summer 2007 the money in company ran out and she told me that she wanted to separate, she took the kids and moved to her mothers home, I ended up having to file a chapter 7 personally, due to no money and Credit Card debt above 25000 dollars, I also have decided to surrender my home, because I can’t make the mortgage.

Currently, she is going to counseling for herself, I feel alienated because when I ask about ‘us’ the family and she and I, she says that she does not know. She moved out at the end of August, and she has not done anything for the sake of the family, but only for herself, I have talked to my parents about it and they want me to divorce her, they believe that sometime along the way of our lives, she decided that she just wanted a meal ticket, they want me to find someone that will work with me and love me.
Another important point I want to make is that my parents invested 20K, and her grandfather invested 50k into the company, this is how she and we maintained the lifestyle that is now falling apart. In the bankruptcy I listed my parents and her grandfather for protection. Recently she told me that we need to pay her grandfather back, but no mention of paying my parents, I wrote a letter to her grandparents wanting to know what the situation was with the loan they gave my wife, but they have not answered back. My wife wants me to pay her 500 per month for the next 6 years to pay back this loan, I don’t believe her, especially now without an answer to my letter sent to her grandparents. I feel that she is holding the relationship hostage to get her way.

Should I move on, I am only 37, I think that she has some mental and emotional issues, that only she can work on, I also feel used, I mean she left me right when all the money ran out, and left me to fix it.

I have written letters to her letting her know that I love her with no response.

My friends say that she has turned into a gold digger.

I need some arbitrary advice on this…

My wife and I have been married for a three years. We have been together for six years. She has two young children from a previous marriage. Ages 7 and 12. The kids get on my nerves a lot, but I do love them. My wife and I have had a lot of issues over the past year. The problems caused by me and include: talking with other women online behind her back which include a woman who my wife had a threesome with at a party and emailing an ex-fiancee, smoking marijuana, and talking about moving to Florida even after she had told me she would never leave our home because her family lives here.

I believe my desire to move to Florida is the biggest issue currently. Right now I own a home in the Midwest (mortgage is under my name only) where we get 70+ inches of snow every year. I have recently been offered a job in Tampa which is where I have always wanted to live. The job pays 9K more than I make right now. I do like my present job (in the same field) but the job in Florida appears to offer more challenging work which would boost my career. I have been vacationing in Florida for years and I have a brother who lives there. When I was drunk recently I told my wife that I was moving to Tampa and I wanted her and the kids to come too. She got very angry and told me to go. She said she wasn’t moving because her family is here and she doesn’t want to leave them. That is the first big issue that has occured recently. The second thing I did to hurt our marriage further was to begin smoking a “legal” pot that is sold at head shops. I smoked some last week and became so high I couldn’t even stand up. My wife knew something was wrong with me so I told her what I did. She then kicked me out of the house. After a week of living apart she has agreed to give me one last chance. We have been going to marriage counseling together (twice) and I have been attending NA meetings.

My question is this. Should I stay here in the Midwest and try to make my marriage work or should I move to Tampa? The marriage counseling seems to be helping me more than my wife. She feels that the counselor is on my side and making excuses for my bad behaviors. She has said that I should go by myself and there is no reason for her to go there. She did however say that she will continue going. She also says that I open up to the counselor and people at NA meetings, but I don’t talk to her. Lately I have been trying to be more open and honest with her. The problem is though that the more I tell her the more mad she gets and the less she trusts me when I tell her about things I have done in the past. For the past week I have been a good guy with no drugs, lying etc. As I said I am trying now, but it may be too late.

I have reservations about leaving. They include: losing a wife I love, losing the only kids I have ever known as my own, having to most likely foreclose on my house, possibly taking a job that appears better but in reality is not. My desire to leave comes from the beliefs that: my marriage may be too far eroded to save, I hate the gloomy Winters here, more opportunity in the new job. Please provide any advice that may be helpful. Thanks.

I have been married to my wife for 9 years. I have never cheated on her but I have smoked a lot of drugs. 5 yrs into the marriage I went to rehab and am still clean. About this same time she discovered the casinos and has now developed what looks like a gambling addiction.
We fight frequently (every two months?) about the gambling and now she wants me to leave because of verbal abuse. She has been carrying the family for the entire marriage but doesn’t seem to understand how destructive addictions can be…and once mommy is addicted the whole family is screwed. she lies and breaks all her promises but then calls me abusive. If she kicks me out I have nowhere to go but she can always run back to her mom& dad’s house. Does anyone have any good suggestions on how I can prevent her from moving our or wanting me to move out?
In the past saying I’ll get a job pacified her (I was going to school full-time, this seems unimportant to her) but getting a job won’t help… what can I f do? thanks
I appreciate your broad range of responses. Thank You

My wife and I are/were alcoholics, she had been abusive and cheated on me{I LET HER BACK 3YRS AGO}…she & I had a fight and I left had a few beers and parked down the road from the house.I got a dwi..was forthright with my job and they took my $2 million sales territory like I was meat for the hungry wolf pack.My went off the deep end stopped taking her meds flipped out started punching and kicking me, I backup blocking but getting kicked in the groin into the kitchen and she came at me with a 12” knife,she was so out of control and fearing some-one would get hurt I was cornered,I TRAPPED THE ARM and she wouldn’t drop the weapon so I poped her in the face,it all happened so fast,and she was so violent I just reacted. I held her down and then let her up,She just kept coming at me IHELD HER DOWN telling my daughter to call 911,mommy was drunk and out of control.She didn’t press charges but the P.D. did.My daughter tried to tell them Daddy was defending himself but NOWAY.Any suggestions

Valley friends stay sober by getting hooked on fishing
With a yelp, Vicky Whinnery leaps to her feet and starts yelling. “Hey, hey, hey!” she screams, gripping her newly purchased fishing pole. “What do I do now? Do I have a fish?”

Read more on Yakima Herald-Republic

away from the area she lives in to another part of the country? Usually my in-laws leave for Arizona in Septermber but this year they stayed in the area because my wife’s diagosis of breast cancer. They left in November.

Her aunt and uncle left too for Texas, and only her brother remained in the area but he works full time. It was easier for me when my in-laws were around because my wife would talk with her mom and dad. They would come by and keep her company and they would go out to breakfast together.

I felt ok to go to work and then they would leave when I got off work or stick around and we would talk together. I know they are retired and earned their right to travel. But I felt deserted when they left, I felt a huge burden upon my shoulders. Nobody would be there for my wife to take her to the hospital if she needed to go. She never did but the thought of her being alone scared me.

They left after my wife had her mastectomy and her mom helped empty her drain. When the left she started 12 weeks of Taxol and I did not know how those treatments would go for her, I was scared and feared the worse.

My wife now is on her last week of radiaiton. It is hell for her. She is taking two Percocet for pain (when she had her mastectomy she only took one and she hates to take pain pills). Yesterday she told me she wishes her mom was here. I told her they will be here in about a month. They don’t call to see how she is doing. I feel like they don’t care. If it were my child I would not leave the area until the doctors said she was through it. Am I wrong to feel like she has been abandoned?

It hurt me a lot to hear her say she wishes her mom was here because she is not and there is nothing I could do to make her be here. I have felt like calling them and asking them to hurry home their daughter needs them, but I am afraid to.

What would you do?

My thyroid was removed 20 yrs. ago; hence, something in my brain tends to hyperfocus on certain details. I am getting treatment for this and aim every day to rise above it. However, it comes out when my boyfriend, who says I am the one, are talking. He has a daughter. Wouldn’t a man be wary of exposing a child to this kind of thought process? One detail – his wife died 7 years ago because she did not talk about her problems and overdosed on prescription drugs. I appreciate your advice and comments! Thank you8.

My wife was prescribed generic Percocet to take after her tonsilectomy. It’s been helping with the pain but she feels like garbage when she’s on it. She’s been experiencing coldness, paranoia, racing thoughts, etc. She’s been taking it for 5 days now and wants to stop. How long will it take for it all to get out of her system and for her to start feeling normal again?