How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘soon’

My boyfriend, who also happens to be the biological father of my oldest daughter, is going through a nasty divorce. Right after his ex left we started seeing each other. We have been ever since, it’s been almost 16 months. He still hasn’t got divorced because the ex is trying to get back with him, and keep contesting it over and over. Also he has been very back and forth on whether or not he wanted to give her another chance, so he didn’t really “rush” this divorce along. He was very naieve about the whole process.
It’s hard to put this all into a short lil composed story, but basically she moved 1 state over months and months ago and he’s been making the trip there so that she can see her daughter, even a couple of times towards the end he let his daughter stay the night with her.
All was well, until last weekend she called to say she was driving to town and staying in a hotel and wanted to see their daughter. My bf told her he didnt want their daughter staying in a hotel so she could have her the next day. He proceeded to drop her off with her in the morning, when time came to pick her up, the ex didnt respond to any calls or txts. We later learned she fled to another state with her and he could do nothing about it until he recieved a temporary custody paper.
Ok so onto my problem now… she still has the child and is telling him that I will never be allowed to be around his daughter, which is also mind you, my daughter’s sister. We will be getting her back once he gets paperwork, but when they have divorce court in a few months I’m wondering if she can try and break us up by not allowing the child around me. Obviously she has to have grounds for this, which are the following: I have been arrested, but before I was ever dating him, or around his child, and everything but 1 thing was dropped in court, which was resisting arrest, which I spent 8hrs in an anger mgmt class and 36 days house arrest for. Also before we were dating, or I was ever living with his child I tried to kill myself and spent 30 days in the hospital, 5 of which were in a mental facility, where i was cleared to go home.
Should I be worried? I have been raising his lil girl for over a year bc her own mom has barely been around. Now all the sudden she wants to keep her from me bc I was mad and txtd her that her daughter will know all about her mom one day. She feels that she is going to use my past against me.

Ok now onto her past:
While she was pregnant she smoked pot and took pills to get high, they drug tested the baby when she was born and she came up positive.
During their marriage she cheated on him with almost every single one of his friends, inlcuding his roommate while he was in the other room.
She has done every drug imaginable even after the baby was born, including smoking crack, and meth.
She would have family members come over to watch the baby every single day so that she can go meet up with random men and get drugs.
After she left him she started stripping at a local strip club.
She has repeatedily threatened to kill herself if he doesnt take her back.

Please, I welcome any and all responses. I want to know LEGAL stuff more so than opionions. Thank you in advance.
I am not a threat to her in anyway what so ever, but can she use my past against me? My past is in no way abusive or involving children.

Also, she is trying to claim that I am still suicidal, and that I am on drugs. Can she even bring this up in court or will they just realize she is a jealous ex-wife?

We have a Christmas party tonight, and my father in law, who is divorced from my mother in law, but remarried will be there. His wife and her children (teenagers) from a previous marriage will not be. I don’t feel inclined to get anything for her because 1. She won’t be there and 2. because she and her ‘children’ make my father in law’s life a living hell. He says that they are about to get a divorce and I don’t think that he’ll be offended if there’s not a gift sent home for her. I do feel a little guilty about not giving a gift to one of the kids because for the most part, he’s not THAT bad, but his sister is awful (I guess she can’t help it if mom lets her get away with it) and I don’t think I should give to one without the other. Am I being a Grinch? All of the other years I have gone against my husband’s wishes and gotten them presents anyway, but I haven’t seen these people in years and only hear stories about their drug use and attempts at throwing my father in law out.

We’ve been seperated for almost 3 years now, and our divorce settlement is a few weeks away from being finalized. We have a 4 year old daughter together. It was a very bad breakup and we didn’t speak or have any contact for about a year and a half…working with our families to take care of our kid. This past summer we started a dialogue and we have been able to re-establish our friendship in effort to raise our daughter without conflict. However, I have become increasingly concerned for her health and well being lately and I’m not sure what to do or how to approach it.

When we started talking again this summer, she had a boyfriend in California (3000 miles away) and they were ‘together’ pretty much since I had moved out. A few weeks later she called me crying, and told me she’d been getting drunk alot and sleeping with another guy. She dumped the guy she had been cheating with, and the guy in CA dumped her. She was upset that she had sabatoged yet another relationship in her life, and cited depression, heavy drinking and partying as the source for her bad decisions. For a few weeks I checked up on her and she said she was doing better, not drinking and not partying. All seemed better.

This past weekend she called me again…crying. She is apparently back to her old ways of drinking, partying and sleeping with casual acquaintances. She had apparenly put some amount of faith in her latest “friend”, but could not deal with certain realities about him so she dumped him. Once again, she cited depression, heavy drinking and partying for her poor judgement. She has also admitted a couple recent close calls with the law while drinking and driving. We talked at length, and I told her that it is apparent she is repeating the same cycle with every man in her life. She starts out being very affectionate and fully giving up herself and her body to these guys. Then she learns that these people are not who she thought they were and regrets her choices. It’s not even that there’s anything wrong with these guys, she just can’t deal with situations that aren’t ideal for her. She has dumped or cheated on every guy she’s ever been with and has ended these relationships “because she can’t deal with people once she really gets to know them and see that they aren’t all perfect”. She is not permiscuous when she is not drunk, so it’s like she’s a whole other person when she’s partying.

Yesterday, she’s back to “everything is OK” and “I’m going to stop drinking and partying”so much. Basically, now she’s in total denial that there’s any signifigant issue at all…its all under control all the sudden after completely falling apart the day before. I’ve told her that there really is a problem and it’s not OK, and I’m not going to ignore it or just watch her continue hurting herself. I am certain she will revert back to the drinking and party scene after a few weeks. She is definitely taking a lot of risks (sexually and driving drunk) and her drinking / partying is out of hand. She’s a 33 year old mother, but she’s living like a 19 year old college girl. I have our daughter over 60% of the time each week, and I’ve been paying child support for almost 2 years…apparently to fund her nite life. Ironically, I had turned to the bottle as we approached the end of our relationship (to deal with the stress), and she cited that as a major problem at the time. Now the tables have turned and she’s the one binge drinking to cope with her problems. I had more than a few problems when we broke up, and she watched me fall to pieces and drink myself into oblivion. It’s OK now that she’s the one who drinks to cope? I’ve told her a few times lately…she seems like a whole other person than the girl I had married years ago. The “friends” she has, all the booze / weed and the whole party scene she frequents have drastically changed this girl, and destroyed her integrity. Why is she doing this to herself?

When the divorce is settled I am taking 1/2 of the value of our equity in the house and the support will be revoked. I have agreed to joint legal custody but I will not hesitate to seek full custody if she continues on her downward path. She is visibly exhausted when I see her, and she basically refuses to see a counselor even though I provide good insurance for her till the divorce goes through. I keep telling her to take advantage of it while she can. I feel like the divorce will be a real hardship for her due to the reduced income and sale of the house…it may perpetuate or worsen her current behavior. I really worry that she will wait for something to go really wrong before she addresses these issues and starts to deal with her problems. There are definitely some underlying problems from her past that are coming into play, including being molested by her cousin when she was a child, and an alcoholic father. She needs help, and to some degree I still have love in my heart for her…probably always
will. I can’t just stand by and watch her destroy herself, or give herself up to men who really don’t deserve a girl like her. I always felt like she would find someone better than me after we split…I had no idea she would become who she is today.

What more can I do to help her, without being overbearing and over-assertive? I don’t want to push her away. I have told her that I really care about her…she is my child’s mother and our daughter needs her mom to be there for her. Our child also needs a mom that she can be proud of, and not a drunk who keeps giving up her body to guys who don’t respect her and that she ultimately regrets. I just wish I could get her to understand the gravity of the situation before it’s too late. I truly hope she finds her way out of this mess she’s in.

I appriciate any similar stories, constructive feedback or any advice. Please help me help her! Thanks!

We are in the middle of going through a divorce. He has his ex-wife staying there. He had the locks changed. I can’t get and half of my and our 4 year old daughter’s things are still in the house. We both have a toorneys but they are closed for the weekend. I sent my husband a text saying I was on my way over to get my new key with a cop escort. He said I have no right to do that and he would call the cops too! It’s still my house! Do I not have a right? My husband is getting drunk at our home and he is on probation for a dwi with our daughter in the car.
sorry for all the typos! I was typing fast!
Texas. I left b/c we were fighting, not b/c we were divorcing. He texted me later that week he wanted a divorce.

She drinks atleast two fifths of vodka a week, easy, sometimes more. She always has an excuse for why she needs to drink (don’t feel good, helps me go to bed, puts me in a better mood, etc.). And she drinks all hours of the day. I’m pretty sure she is an alcoholic, but how do I get her help? Do I confide with her family or just keep it between the two of us?

I was arrested in February while still married. Our divorce is now done, and we have joint physical custody. I have entered an out-patient treatment program for alcoholism. My kids have never seen me drink in excess, and rarely saw me drink at all. Yet I admit I am an alcoholic, and my wife is addicted to prescription drugs (she’s still in denial). How much do I tell my kids when they jail me for 2-7 days (probably) and I lose my license for a year? I want to give them the truth, but how much? And should I tell them this week before court? Neither my ex nor my kids even know about the arrest or treatment yet. I am committed to quiting. What and how much do I say?