How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘should’

Here are the facts: Wife and I married seven years and have been separated for eight months. During those eight months, I’ve had my boys over 60% of the time. I make $60,000 per year; she makes $52,000. We have two boys, ages 6 & 5; she also has two other boys, ages 12 & 14 from another marriage living with her about 90% of the time. There are no issues regarding abuse or drugs.

Currently, I pay all of the monthly $1,200 child care bill, plus the $400 a month med. insurance. According to various child support calculators, I’m paying much more than I should.

She says that she can’t afford to pay anything, yet she’s paying $200 a month for a housekeeper.

Those of you who have been before a CA judge, how has the judge determined child support? Is it strictly a numbers game, or do they take into consideration other more subjective things? Do they overly favor the mother?

Anyone that has been through this kind of thing, please share your thoughts.

Thanks!
Also, does a judge take into account a person’s standard of living prior to the separation? I am currently living with my parents and I’m unable to move out until she starts paying at least something. Will the judge take that into consideration?

If you were in a domestic violence marriage and both used drugs and then the victim decided to turn her life over to God. Would be Ok to leave the husband? The husband always went out and cheated on the wife every chance he got? Would it be ok to move on and marry a christian guy one day? He’s claiming he changed but really hasn’t he’s still using drugs and living the sinful life. Is it ok to leave him behind. You don’t want to be with a man that doesn’t love God you feel you shouldn’t have to go back to this marriage? Should you? Let me know your opinion please!

I have five sons, three of whom are stepsons from my wife’s previous marriage. My eldest is mine from a previous marriage. The oldest is 44, the youngest 24. All are now adults, but I experienced every phase from pre-adolescence to adulthood with them all. We made our share of mistakes raising them.

My first wife was a nonbeliever in religion and I did not begin regular church attendance until after the divorce. My current wife and I brought all five to church regularly and have encouraged them to be Christians. All have been baptized.

I feel all have turned out reasonably well. Some have been more successful than some others. One has a career in financial management, one is a career Army NCO, and one is an Air Force airman in tech school. Two have gone through a series of jobs but have generally managed to be steadily employed. All are Christian, but church attendance has not always been a top priority.

We have had issues with alcohol and drugs. Also with hair length and sexual conduct. We have fought many battles with our kids and won a few and lost a few, but I think we have generally been fairly successful parents. (One mistake was letting them outnumber us.)

My question is basically, where do you draw your lines? When should you back off and when should you fight for your kids? We make mistakes and so do they. I think a Christian upbringing helps them find a way to seek their best paths, but that is my opinion. It does seem to have worked. There were some issues with the four sons who experienced divorce of their natural parents. (Our youngest has not experienced that.)

None of our sons have been in prison, although at least one has spent at least one night in a lockup. Two are college graduates and two more are working on college. Some have been good financial managers and some have not.

What do you think is the most important thing you can give your children besides love? (And I hope we all agree on love.)

I’m 36 yrs. old, have 3 kids, was married before for 20 yrs but it was a real rough marriage and I was never truly happy from the day I said, “I do”! My fiance is 30 yrs. old, has full custody of his 3 kids, was married before for 5 yrs and got a divorce because he found his wife was using drugs and cheating on him. Anyways, my parents and my g-ma keep telling me I should wear any dress at my wedding the second time around or people will stare at me like I’m crazy. Are my family members being old fashion or are they right?

Registered Sex Offender I have read his case. He was charged with statutory rape when he would NOT give up his parental rights. The victim of the age of 15 was his legal wife with her mothers consent. My children are not his children their fathers don’t do anything for them. this man has served 8 years in prison and no one can give that back to him. When people hear that he has to register the first thought is he is a molester. They print the charge but not the report of how the case was built. My daughter father has drug and gun charges but after he serves his time no one else has to know. What about Killers that kill kids they do not have to register if they do their time. The Law is now getting to be so confusing.

I have been married for about 3 years. I met why wife when I was an english teacher in Osaka. Dating was wonderful, she always visited me, we toured all over Japan and SE Asia. Generally had a great time. We relocated back to my home town in a pretty small midwestern town. We moved around a bit as I had a job in Boise for a bit but quit as I didnt like it. And are back in my home town. She had me promise we would leave this year to either to return to Japan or move to a more metro area to enjoy life more (SD or Hawaii or Miami). My job is stable and in the past years her parents and neice have visted us, one fried came over. We have hosted Japanese univ students. We have traveled all over the US and went on a cruise. To me its been pretty good life.. BUT

The in the past years she is just ‘mean’ to me. I know I am not perfect. i dont smoke, drink or really have any bad habits beside nail biting. I have gained some weight and snore, which is not great. But we often play tennis, go to kickboxing class, go cycling.. and now I am on a diet drug to help reduce my weight which should help w/ the snoring. I am pretty professionaly motivated and have some decient IT certs. We havent slept together in a while due to my snoring (yeah its sorta bad).. I am very attracted to her. She often complains that I wont wear contacts and when I grew out my ‘stubble’ she enjoyed it and oddly I foudn her snapping photos of me at events when I am not looking. I dont want to be vein but I think that sorta hints she is still attracted to me (aleast w/ thick stubble).. ;)

BUT she is SO mean.. I know when I was in Japan I missed my family from time to time but I am not so close to them. Her family is VERY cool and really spoil her. I have tried to go out of my way to make her feel as free as possible here. I got her a nice VW beetle not cause its expensive just cause its safe, girly, and I recall the feeling before I had a scooter in Japan and that stuck/locked in feeling.

So Thurday is her 30th birthday.. I planned a party at an all you can eat sushi place.. 15 firends have RSVPed. I setup an appoitment to go for a 30min ride in a little airplane (cessena) so she could have a new experience, and ordered in a new braclet from coach.com.. yeah she conditioned me well, how could anybody not be happy with this. But I know this cant bring her family closer. She constantly complains that I havent learned Japanese and that if I want to ‘argue’ with her I shoudl learn Japanese.. come on HOW long would that take. I know I should learn but trust me its difficult as I have a ‘math’ type brain.

BUT I think the problem is that she feels being stuck in this small town is a form of ‘isolation’ abuse. Ie typcially ‘mean’ guys say you cant go out, you cant talk to him, your not allowed to do something.. And I think she gets back at me by just being mean. She has said often she wants you yournger husband, better looking to me this is REALLY rude. She is really hurting my feelings. And I feel this has gone on for a few years.

There is a cultural difference and I try to do all I can but I think this is the biggest issue. Another issue is she was never happy with the wedding party we had, as we were between countries. When we first got back to the US, I had like $3000 and no job.. We moved around and planning something has been hard as her Ps are so far away.. but most importanly I just always feel like I am around the cornor from a divorce let alone a WEDDING..

Friends have told me your FAR to nice to be treated this way, and that its time for me to live for myself. I really enjoy being married, I dont like chasing women. I feel I have been lucky to have a few really great long term relationships and am sad about 1 or 2 that I dated that I really wanted to have something happen but it just didnt.. but I cant take much (or any) more of this.

doors have been smashed in fits of rag, there is wall putty in place.. it just not right.

its becoming very hard to go to work, do my job and be happy knowing there is nothing to come home to that is nice, sweet, kind.. or even appriative of what I do.

I have seen one counslor but could not contiue with as insurace would not pay. a co-worker r’cmd a private marriage cousulor he has used and I think its time for that. but part of me just wants to forget it, ‘how could it be so messed up now’ I cant even imagine if we had kids (luckly we dont!)..

So… Should I just end it and start my own healing process. I have been there before, it s-cks but I know I will make it..

(sorry for spelling and grammer errors, pretty emotional now)..

He did tell me about her when we got together. He told me they were in an unhealthy relationship. He was 19 and she was 51. He was a crack head and she supported and enabled him for 20 years. He got sober 3 1/2 years ago and broke off the relationship.
When I asked him in the beginning had he ever been married, he said no. He claims now, he lied about the marriage because he was ashamed of the life he had, that he never loved her only used her to support his drug habit.He says he was embarssed to admit the short marriage of 5 or 7 years. He denies he meets with her. He says they are divorcd now. He says she called me to hurt him and try to break us up.She constantly calls leaving messages begging him to come back to her.He didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to concern me. He says he never responds.
We are not youngsters he is 40 and I am 55. He is the most loving, considerate and thoughful man I have ever been with.We have been togeher 5 months, daily. He has introduced me to his family, he is now back in their good graces. He would be my 4th husband. I am not rich, but do have more resources than he. He says he will always be there for me. I try to talk about the age difference and does he realize I will lose my beauty and could need care. He still insist his love for me is forever. Since there are no guarantees in life, I just want to live for today and hope he is sincere. I love him dearly and would be so unhappy without him. Just like her. I feel sorry for her. I want to believe in him, should I?

He’s not a bad person although he’s in jail for having drug’s in his car at a traffic stop, however he comes from a good loving family and he realized that he’s made past mistakes and while he’s been in jail he’s learned a trade to better himself. He’s really turned his life around. So should I trust him or not, should I take the chance in becoming his wife??

I caught my bf in a hotel with another chick. He swares he never slept with her and the worst thing is i believe him. He was out with his mates off his face when it happened – i only found out cos the idiot used my creditcard to pay for the room.

We’ve been together for 4yrs, im 25 and he’s 31. We’ve just bought a house together and we have 2 dogs and 2 cats that make up our little family. I love my life with him and dont wont to loose it. I am also not from the state that we live at the moment, im orginally from the otherside of the country where all my friends and family are. I only have his family here, if i were to leave him i’d be leaving to go home.

Another thing is he works away on the oil rigs and the standard male or typical relationship consists of a lying cheating pig who constantly cheats with whores while away from this wife/girlfriend, drugs and alcohol are usually involved this this type. There are select few that are decent and i was under the impression that he was one of them.

So i have all these factors running around in my head but i dont want them to define my decision about our relationship. Yet on the other hand i cant ignore them either.

I dont no if this is the begining of worse things to come or if it was in fact a once off slip.

This isnt some silly girl relationship drama. The decision i make will define my life. We’ve talked about marriage and kids before this happened so if i stay it would continue that way but if i leave i have to go home and start all over again.

I just have no idea what to do and would love some advise… Mature responses preferred as this is a huge decision for me.

Thanks :)
Just to clarify a couple of things as “maddison jack” did an awesome job of making me sound like a crazy clingy bitch.

When i mentioned the marriage and kids part, i should have noted he had talked about, which then made me to believe the relationship was turning a lot more serious. I’m not the motherly, house wife type – i dont like kids. I dont long to not work, I dont work so its the other way around, i long to work. Bouncing back isnt a problem, its the easy part.

Im just trying to decide this in a mature way for once. Do i shut down and throw everything away and be completely happy which i no i will be or do i stay on faith it wont happen again and have a 50/50 chance – either happiness or even worse BS than now???

I’ve been using Vicodins at night because I’m nursing an injury, and last night the dreams were bizarre.

One was that my wife was seeing someone else, per an agreement we made to “open” the marriage,” and he and his whole extended family moved into the house, moving beds around and such, and, while I was larger than this guy and felt that I could easily “take him,” I felt powerless to enact any change.

The second was an old girlfriend was in on a meeting with a former female boss and I, and the boss was very aggressive sexually while the old girlfriend was crying. I had to leave on a business call, but when I got back, the old girlfriend was beside herself and felt “raped,” and, again, I was powerless to help. The old boss was very cold, saying to her that going to authorities would cost this former girlfriend her job. I felt really sorry for her.

The third was, at the last second, a student for a university I work for asked me to give an impromptu speech at an awards dinner, introducing her and others. But midway through the speech, I started feeling ill and fumbling names, and had to excuse myself. When I got back, the speeches were over and my coworkers were telling me how unprofessional I was and how my performance could be “career-threatening.” Again, my attitude was that I didn’t have the inner strength to fight back.

Now, in real life, I’m a bulldog, but perhaps the injury and the Vikes and my crazy work schedule are taking their toll?

Help! I am young mom and wife I have 2 kids, no job or car I am in college and I go to church, I have an abusive husband, who I have left 3 or 4 times, now he has came from a abusive family, he has a history when he was a teen of abuse, he was a bully in school, but he always acted like he was a protecter not a abuser, he has held weapons to me, and he used to hit me on my arms and say he never did I cry for hours and he would just laugh at me, and he has emotionally hurt me for years, well some of that has stoped the hitting , except he is very verbally abusive and puts me down allot, he screams at me for everything now ,he wont work and is really mean to our kids he says he isn’t but he is my son is 5 and he is really scared of his dad my husband is a big guy. i am scared of him to, i love him though and i forgive him, but some things I cant handle like my sons which are his too afraid of him ,my oldest loves his dad, but is afraid when he gets mad, he has never changed a diaper or feed them its only been me, he says he loves me and he is trying to change I am really confused I dint want him to hurt our kids emotionally, I dint understand I cant do anything right with him he dont drink or do drugs his family thinks that its all me, my parents didnt want they was always having affiars and they drink and do drugs they gave me to him literally when I was 15 and he was 17 ,he hid me from his family , and took care of me for a long time before he became this way to me I was really mistreated by my mom dad and some of my dads family, I dint have support from friends, or my family, but now he makes me jump to his every com and and if I dint he will try to argue with me, I feel like a paddle ball with him One minute he hugs me the next he is cussing at me flip pin me off, he plays xbox360 all day and night then blames me for the house not being spotless, I am trying to wean my 1 year old from breast fading because I keep having panic attacks and they want me on anxiety meds and meds to slow my heart rate down he says I am a good wife and he loves me but he wont ever let me talk if i do he says I am starting, or to shutup or whatever or Just cuss at me, his family hates me they are mean to me when he is not around but he makes me give my oldest son to his mom for weeks and I am not aloud to say anything, he is a carpenter he has had past charges on him for assault with a deadly weapon on me, and i have been to demos tic violence shelters its weired because when me and my husband are not together I always feel so good about myself and have Alto of cofidence and don’t get aggravated and I feel like I am accepted by people not with my husband though, I feel worse he says I am pretty but then he says well not like in high school or well your not ugly I have 1 beauty awards I don’t understand he makes me feel good then bad does anyone think that I should leave I need help really! I am a christian so he always says sum bit to me and if he messes up he says hes sorry but then blames me. I don’t know what to do I feel like saying enough, I keep praying but my husband doesn’t see his problems, i have went to consolers but he wont go, he says that he is going to take my oldest son is we get divorced, I tell him that,then he says well go and get one like he doesn’t care! I am afraid that since no one now believess me and he seems so nice to everyone else what if hemight to take my kids I could not handle him having them they are my angels I love my kids there dad would just do that to hurt me I am afraid that he would just eventually turn tagainstanst me. if i leave him. I love him nothing I do please my husband only when I am his sex slave or waitress then is my husband happy , somtimes I pray that he would just get tired of me and leave. what should I do should I just stay for my kids and keep sumbting to him, or should I leave I feel like my heart has been chipped away so much by him I cant forget everything. I would not say anything that is false i would not sit up when he is asleep at 7:30am just to cry I am sorry about missspellings and punction errors i am tired havnt sletp in 20 hours and he was yelling so loud earlier he woke up our baby. he said he is trying to change but I dont see it,
does anyone think that this guy might love me at all ? I dont know when I think of when he is being nice and how he has helped me its not so bad, but then he can change in the blink of an eye, i stayed because i thought i could change him, and i am afraied

my husband has many people look down on me, he brings the worst out of me in front of people. it seems to me he gets off on people being on his side and not liking me and liking him more. im very uncomfortable with this. i always wondered why people look down on me when we are together, i figured it out finally, wow what a shame and blind folded i was. anyways we wee on vacation in carribean. with his friend and wife, day 2 his friend and him were looking for pot, his friend smokes it i guess, im AGAINST drugs , i found out the wrong way because i walked in on the action, i tripped, the couple my friend was with said for me to shut up and started yelling at me, i said this is my life your interupting and my oppion is none of your buisness, they brought the bad out of me. my vacation was ruined from then on . my husband was told by them not to tell me anything anymore, all 3 had their secrets. i was a tag along the whole vacation, even hubby left me behind.
been married 27 yrs kids are grown,

My husband was previously married to a woman who had a daughter. He helped raise her for the 5 years they were together until she left him, moved out of state (from CA to WA) and remarried only days after their divorce was finalized. Shortly after her second marriage, she sent her daughter to live with the biological father who, previous to that, was a complete dead-beat dad. It wasn’t long before things didn’t work out with the bio-father and this poor little girl (who was around 8 or 9 when this all started) has since been ping-ponged back and forth between her mother, father and grandparents…mostly living with her grandparents.

In the course of all this, my husband lost touch with his “ex step-daughter”. He never adopted her, but her last name was changed to be the same as his and she always called him dad until she became a teenager. My husband has complete full custody his two sons whom he fathered with his ex-wife.

Well, the other day, my husband received a call from an old friend who told him that she was going to see Anna (the girl) and possibly bring her home to live with her because her mom (the ex-wife) refused to do anything about an alleged rape that happened to her daughter a month ago. She said that everyone is ticked off at the ex and when they went to pick Anna up, their living place looked like they were squatting in an abandoned house and the mother was completely strung out and had the daughter hooked and doped up on pills. They took Anna and offered to take her mother if she agreed to let them help her with the drug problem, but she refused.

Apparently everyone believed that my husband was Anna’s father and kept calling him to ask what he wanted them to do. THat’s when my hubby told them that he never adopted her and doesn’t actually have any custody over her.

So now my hubby is thinking about taking her in. We have four kids together and a very small apartment so it’s not really the most ideal situation, but considering the alternative, is this somehting YOU would do?? Please advise.

1. Do you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor?

2. Do you own a $3,000 machine gun, but you can’t afford shoes?

3. Do you have more wives than teeth?

4. Do you wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon “unclean?”

5. Do you think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide?

6. Can you think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad agains?

7. Do you consider television dangerous, but carry explosives in your clothing?

8. Were you amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs?

9. Do you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four?

10. Have you always had a crush on your neighbor’s goat?

11. Is cousin is president of the United States?

Some people think jealousy and possessiveness are at the root of my visceral reaction to my girlfriend / fiance / wife being massaged by a male massage therapist (masseur). I disagree. I think part of the sanctity of marriage is that the body is proprietary and confidential between a husband and wife. In this crazy world, shouldn’t we fight for at least that much?

I put my feelings on this matter under quite a microscope. Really, I did. As someone with a research degree in Psychology, I did the requisite soul searching. As a social philosopher, I examined the Brave New World in which we live. You know — the one beginning to resemble the vision of Aldous Huxley more by the day, where babies are grown in mechanical incubators rather than in uterus and where the government controls its population through world consensus textbooks and some pleasure drug called “Soma.” There is no coupling in this world — no marriage. This is a world where public service announcements inform the citizenry that “promiscuity is your duty.” The instinctual foundations of human nature have for all intents and purposes been domesticated — if not anilhilated — by this antiseptic civilization that could almost pass for a sequel to any one of the four major Invasion of the Body Snatchers flicks.

I feel at this moment much like I am living in such a world.

Enough with the pseudo-literary foreshadowing …

My fiance said I wouldn’t find any measure of validation — and not much more sympathy — for feeling distressed by her 17-year relationship with her male massage therapist. She was right.

I don’t know what it is exactly, but I guess when you get down to the heart of the matter, I just believe I am entitled to exclusive access to my fiance’s body. This is what I feel I will be entitled to as her husband, and naturally she is entitled to the same exclusivity where my body is concerned. Her body is proprietary and confidential. In a world in which control of anything is hard to come by — and when things are constantly changing and our position constantly being challenged — a spouse is supposed to be that one person we can count on. Do I feel I own her? Hell no! But is it too much to ask that I be allowed to feel that she and I belong to one another and one another only? This is part of what I think makes marriage both sacred and delightful. Marrying the right woman should bring me both love and peace, and while I know there is love here, peace is a hard thing to come by when I have to pop a Xanax when I know she is being serviced by another man.

It’s not so much that I am distrustful and fearful that my fiance’s quasi-professional relationship with her handsome male massage therapist will morph into something more intimate. He’s been kneading her flesh for some 17 years now — all as a married man until recently — and there’s never been a sexual aspect to this relationship. But I am the kind of guy who doesn’t like to get into that murky business of finding the line between clinical and sensual touch — sensual and sexual. At least half the people I have talked to want to bully me into pathologizing my own feelings, which I refuse to do. I believe my feelings on this subject is one thing that makes me a better lover and all-around significant other, and this aspect of my personality cannot be surgically resected from me without causing serious damage to “normal adjacent tissue.” And my feelings are this: touch is touch. And if my female significant other is to derive any sort of pleasure (or relief) from touch and from knowledge of her body, than it should not come from another man.

When I touch her body in any way — when I hold her hand or when I slide my palms up and down her sides as part of the 2-3 hour massages I give her every night — I feel something electric. I maintain an erection throughout the whole thing. I am sensitive that way and she benefits from my having that kind of tactile compass. So I feel I am being cheated or robbed — that a man is stealing the jewel of my soul — when he touches her. I feel violated whenever she derives some kind of pleasure at someone else’s hands. Touch is communication. Touch is a way of knowing the person you’re touching. Something passes between two people who are in these forms of contact. Touch is an important part of foreplay. You just can’t convince me that over the course of these 1-4 hour massage therapy sessions with this male massage therapist — that the sustainment of touch and the menagerie of tactile sensations both tenderly caressing and forcefully pressing — doesn’t hit some high notes in her every now and then. By what authority incidentally was it determined what is acceptable in a professional massage? I wasn’t consulted on this. I know the breasts and buttocks remain off-limits but who decided that no other part of the body can be an erogenous zone? For me, the area around the base of the neck and especially in front of the body, is very
To answer some of your comments:
1. I researched a same-sex therapist. She would have none of it.
2. Happy ending after all. I massage her 1-2 hours every night, and since then she has not seemed to need this guy. I think she realizes it would bother me too much for her to enjoy the massage.

We have a Christmas party tonight, and my father in law, who is divorced from my mother in law, but remarried will be there. His wife and her children (teenagers) from a previous marriage will not be. I don’t feel inclined to get anything for her because 1. She won’t be there and 2. because she and her ‘children’ make my father in law’s life a living hell. He says that they are about to get a divorce and I don’t think that he’ll be offended if there’s not a gift sent home for her. I do feel a little guilty about not giving a gift to one of the kids because for the most part, he’s not THAT bad, but his sister is awful (I guess she can’t help it if mom lets her get away with it) and I don’t think I should give to one without the other. Am I being a Grinch? All of the other years I have gone against my husband’s wishes and gotten them presents anyway, but I haven’t seen these people in years and only hear stories about their drug use and attempts at throwing my father in law out.

Alright so I’ve never had a good relationship with my dad. He lives about 10-15 driving hours away, and is…well, a jerk. And a heroin junky. I haven’t seen him in over a year, because each time I’ve tried to make plans to visit him, he’s cancelled. For reasons like getting fired from his job, to splitting up with his wife, to going away and “getting clean”(which he says all the time, and never really does). In May, I turned 16 and got a job. I have quite a few things going on this summer that I need to ask for time off for, which I hate doing as a new employee. Well, things have started to “settle down” for my dad, and he now wants me to come visit. I told him that I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to get the time off, which immediately turned into a screaming fight over the phone. He feels like “everything I do is more important than visiting him.” I have a job! He’s had 14 months to get his shit together. Now he is calling just about every week to see if I’ve got time off, and I keep
telling him that I’ll call him when I have more information, but he keeps calling anyways. Honestly, I’d rather tell him to fuck off and never see him again.

This might just be me venting, but I would appreciate some advice.
My dad also has a personality disorder. Borderline, I think it’s called.

She is 18 years old and we just found out she has been addicted to heroin for 4 years!!! My mom and dad are not doing anything to help her. my sis says she is clean, but my mom says she is lying. if i agree with my sis then my mom wont talk to me and if i agree with my mom my sis wont talk to me. shes been to rehab 2x and shes still not better. she also got her boyfriend addicted and now feels sorry for him so she wont break up with him. i dont know what to do. im a mother and a wife with an extremely busy life and cant devote myself to getting her better. she is a really good person and i fear the worst. she listens when i talk to her but then nothing changes. my mom has just cut her off completely and i dont think that she is handeling it good at all. anyone have any serious advice please answer.
she lives 2 hrs away from me with her heroin addicted boyfriend! i have no control over her. i cant afford to drive back and forth to see her.

me and my wife been together for about 5 years and we have a one year old son well we haven’t really gotten along well for a long time ..we have our moments like usual but my wife has lied to me about doing drugs in the past,lying about guy friends on the phone,she hits me and not affectionate,lazy, i have to work all the time bc she cant work full time shes to lazy to find a real job..I really want to get out of this relationship bc I want to finish school and find someone better well couple days ago this girl emailed me on face book we have been talk in and text in and i told her that i was single and had a baby and tryin to go through a divorce but I dont know what I should do is like i need a fresh start but then again what about my son i dont want another guy rasing him or something..
but my question is should i tell this new girl that wants to hang out and see if we click to date tell her that I am married and i am goin through a divorce or what should I do please help ?

I’ve been married for 2.5 years and we have a 2 year old, last may ’09 my wife had a flare up with her colon (she has ulcerative colitis) I knew she had the disease when we married but never experienced the flare up. She was is tons of pain and I have to work mon-fri, so she moved home with her mother who lives a few blocks away. She was put on steroids and other drugs and we began fighting mostly due to the fact I felt she should be home with me. I mean we married through sickness and health right? But her condition has fluctuated greatly in the past 9 months, we speak everyday 3-4x, but she says that she has no interest in moving home until she is feeling 100% better. I feel I have been very patient throughout and have not always acted the right way or said the right things but I have been here for her. Her 2 sisters live with her mother also and help with the baby because she doesn’t feel good, and I feel I can’t compete with this, I mean there are 3 extra sets of hands over there and I am only one man. Additionally her father passed the year before our wedding and I feel she likes being over there to make sure they aren’t alone (she’s the oldest) and bring joy to their lives (our son). The doctor said she is on the verge of getting better, but I have been hearing this for a year. So basically I am tired and wore down, we did go to a marriage retreat in October which has improved our relationship, but she still wont move home……should I give her an ultimatum? Move home or lets move on? Oh and also she won’t let me come and pick up my son and hang with him alone, she thinks I won’t watch him close enough, but I do see them both 5-6x a week.
i did ask the question twice to simply obtain more answers, i have never asked a question before and it appears people only answer in the first 10-15 minutes, thanks again