How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘separation’

Ok. so Im not perfect. But I will admit. Ive been smoking the green stuff. for a while not around my kids . never.she knew who I was before we got married and had kids. she’s telling me to stop seeing my friends and drugs. I understand. the drug part but my friends that i knew before she did is not fair. she can hang with her friends and I never complain why is that? well after 3 years of marriage she tells me she wants a separation. Here is the thing my first important question is what to do with the kids. I mean she wanted the separation. but why is she taking my kids to her parents leaves me in the apartment all alone with all the kids stuff. which is killing me inside because I love my kids. cant she do this. if she wants separation shouldnt she leave and let me take care of my kids in our own house there food is here there toys crib and bed. I stay at home dad. please someone help what do? I want her back too. and the kids as a family.
Isnt she the one abandoning the house we live in. and taking my kids with out having a normal wife and husband conversation before she takes my kids i consider kidnapping. there is no violence in my home.
these friends never come around my kids. kids are sleeping when i make my decision to go out and have smoke. I dont come home wasted. its not meth or heroin here. its and herb thats gives you 1-2 hour high then its gone. the puff puff is once in a while also. its not every day here guys. second there is more to this bashing of me. so im going to spill the beans. her brother smokes pot also in the house that she is staying right now. so its ok to go to and environment where the pot can be smelled when you walk in. but she wants me to stop smoking but her brother can be around my kids like that right?. hmm. she is not being fair here. she wants me to stop cigarrettes and drinking. but then again her DAD a 2 time DUI car operator can be drunk and smoke cigarretes in front of them is the picture clear here guys im trying to save my marriage but im not going to let the fingers fall all on me.

About 3 weeks ago we started going to marriage counseling and is on our 5th session. So far the counseling has been useful, but I do want her to return back home. She said that she is only going to therapy to help me but she still wants a divorce, but she has not file or mention anything about the divorce since our 3rd MC session. The MC thinks that she is calling out divorce as a defense mechanism. We have been together for 8yrs and married for 1 year. No infidelity ,physical abuse, or drug use. Just BAD communication between us.

My wife was the one that wants the divorce because she was “fed up”. Even though she thinks that divorce is the best out, she starting to see that going to MC might not be too bad. Again nothing is guaranteed, it seems like she is giving a shot to work on our marriage. How do I get her to come back home? Or should I just give up?

8 yrs is a long time to throw away just because we have bad communications.

ok, the story here is very long, so i ll try to keep it brief

my darling wife and i have been together 7 years, married 5, we have two sons, 4 and 15months

our relationship has nt always been great, we ve had alot of good and bad times but i may have had my last chance

basically, i have recently been diagnosed with bipolar, undiagnosed as depression for a long time, stemming from a trouble childhood and drug abuse in my teens, and whilst i am not using this as an excuse, i believe it is a huge factor in why my marriage has broken down,

over the years i have neglected to show my wife the love she felt she needed, it was right at times but quickly ruined by my constant mood changes, arguements went from fiery to violent (on my side) never seriously injuring her but enough to physically hurt her, i dont remember much about it all, a red mist decended and from that my mind is blank (i am now seeking anger management help, but the violence is nothing like it was)

if that was nt enough for my poor wife i went into even deeper depression and rejected the support she tried to give me, i turned to another woman, i did nt have a physical affair but some might say it was an emotional one, she found out and quite rightly did nt believe me, to worsen matters i then decided i did nt want my wife and spent the night at the other womans house, again no physical affair, we did nt even talk, i slept on the sofa and returned to my wife the next day, she did nt want me to leave and i stayed, i knew through this i loved her and tryed to get help.

the help i recieved helped for a while, but the mood stablising drugs i was taking were effecting my work, me being foolish and thinking i was ok now just stopped them and the problems arose again.

all the time these things were destroying my wifes love for me, unbeknown to me, i was trapped in a suicidal, self harming bubble, every time i hurt her i cut myself.

fast forward to recently, things had nt been too bad, but things still were nt quite right with us, i was feeling rejected and she was starting to get more of a social life, i was feeling rejected and was beginning to think i had pushed her into the arms of another man, a friend she has at work, after talikng to her about it i belive she is nt seeing this guy and that he is just a friend, but my paranoia was making me think because i had done this sort of thing, then she may too.

i took an overdose of my tablets and ended up in hospital, this foolish act was the beginning of the end, it was getting too much for her and it really upset her, as she saw there was no reason for me to try to take my life
HOWEVER during my time in hospital, and the thought of losing my wife caused something to ‘snap’ in my head, i realised all my mistakes, felt the pain i had caused her, basically a real reality check, i accepted my mental illness finally, went to see my gp, got refered to a mental health team and started making changes

the love and affection i showed my wife over the last three weeks had been natural, she was still not right but i took that for being the shock and her not beliving i had changed, as i had said so many times before,

we went on holiday last week, a good holiday until i foolishly responded to flirty messages i had replyed to on facebook, she found the messages and quite rightly hit the roof, and that was the final straw, she wanted us to have a break so she could think of whether she could forgive me or not, i think she believes me when i honestly say it was a mistake, again the feeling of being rejected had made me think it would be ok to respond to these messages,

so here i am, now living with my dad, while she thinks on whether she can live with the memories of the last 7 years, shes not ended it properly yet, does nt want a divorce (yet) and says she still has feelings for me but is not in love with me (understandably)

this has hit me so hard, i know i love my wife so much, always have done but my neglect over the years has destroyed her love for me, she says this is nt a short break and she does nt know how long it will take to give me a definate answer, she knows i m seeking help to change, but i m not sure what else i can do, i will give her space, but at the same time i m wondering if we spend longer apart will it be harder for us to get back together, do i wait? try to move on? i m in limbo and not sure whats for the best

my love for her is so strong, we have talked alot and are getting on as friends,

i m not looking for answers, id just like sensible input into this situation

hope someone out there has some wise words or experiences

Phil

Let’s face it. I was a lousy parent. Step parent to be exact. When my wife and I got married, she had a daughter that was 5 years old. I tried to be a parent, but I guess the connection was never there. Her real Father was not in her life and I think she resented him over it. I wasn’t much better. I spent a better part of her child hood hooked on meth and binge drinking. I always managed to hold down a job and support my family. But I was young and not prepared to be a parent. I never had any children of my own.

My step daughter gave birth to a baby boy 5 years ago. The moment I held him he became mine. I have never been able to separate myself from him. Thankfully my daughter lives just 2 streets over so I get to see him all I want. Yet, when I am apart from him I get really depressed. I think now I know what it is like to be a parent because I have now been around a child since it was born. His Father is not in his life so I am the next closest thing. I can not begin to tell you how much this child has changed my life. People tell me I am not the same person anymore. I have done a radical change for the better.

Is it possible to become so attached to a child that you can become terribly depressed to be apart from them? Is it possible to be so attached to a child that they change your life forever?

how do i celebrate?.. fattening breakfast at the cafe?.. $1,000 tattoo?.. mid-day binge drinking?.. suggestions?.. suggestions?..

by the way, i took the day off work so i could go to the closing… i just wanted all of you who are working right now to know that…

I’m in a marriage I definitely want to end. We have one son and he is 18 yrs. old. I know that a divorce can be a bit pricey and if you knew my wife she wants everything especially the house. One of the main raesons we’re splitting is because of her (bitching and ) alcoholism. Right now I’m not in a financial position to pay a lawyer but I still don’t want to be around her either. I have thought of getting my own little place until I get it all together. What course should I take and is separation a good idea? Thanks guys.