How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘porn’

Okay ladies and gents. I have a simple thing to say that is on my mind after reading other women’s hurt-felt thoughts on porn with their husbands. If you are married or in a long loving, trusting relationship DO NOT BRING IT INTO THE MARRIAGE! It only destroys your relationship and makes things worse. I read a lot of articles where men said “Well if my wife would be a little bit more whorey in the bedroom and let me try new things I might not look at porn or smut so much.” I got news for you a lot of women do put themselves out for their men and do things beyond ones imagination. I am a wife of 5 years and my husband and I had a wild sex life for years I welcomed everything and anything, EXCEPT hardcore porn. We make our own porn, yes video tapes and pictures. We have fun with it. I do things that most women wouldn’t dare dream of doing. But hey as long as it’s between my husband and me it’s perfectly fine, it only makes us stronger. Or so I thought! Now he just started recently looking at porn in the last 6 months I could never figure out why or how. I do everything for him that most men would die for. I am very open in the bedroom. I just do not welcome porn because it destroyed my last marriage among other things. My ex was a horrible abusive S.O.B. with a drug and alcohol addiction along with his sex addiction and cheating. Needless to say it was a nightmare. My current hubby knows all of this and the hell I went through. I had no problem with porn before I met my ex until I experience the hell for myself only then did I understand what other women were going through. I used to model. So I don’t think I’m bad looking but it sure does make me feel blah when my current husband looks at this smut. I don’t get it I offer him a whole lot more than they can. What is the deal? Sorry men but you cannot use the excuse “well my wife needs to be more slutty in the bedroom” because I am a slut in the bedroom for my husband, his every desire is met. And still it is not enough. Is he gay? What the heck? You betcha I’m pissed I have bent over backwards for him and this is what I get in return?
By the way I do not take this out on him or even let him know that this actually makes me upset I try to be as understanding as possible and he did not know about my history with my ex till we were a few years in. He just started this 6 months ago.

I lived my last 10 yrs with a husband who was addicted to marijuana, alcohol, porn, has had 4 DUI’s in the past 5 years, now has a revoked drivers license for the next 4 years and had an affair in 2004 and most recently is in an affair with his gas station manager who never divorced her husband, sold her house in another state and actually purchased a home six blocks from my home. My husband left me and our 10 yr old son in Feb 2008 and now lives with her. I am 47, he is 41. Wow, looking at what I just wrote it looks like I am the crazy one for staying with him. That’s what happens when we think we can change someone. I don’t do drugs, drink very seldom, have a good paying job, I am attractive but very overweight from depression and lack of self esteem. I took care of him, my son, and everything else in the our home from bills to household problems. I took care of everything except myself, and look where I am today. Sex was no problem in the beginning but now I realize it was because I always initiated. When I got tired of initiating, being ignored, going everywhere with my son alone (and not my husband) and so much more, the sex stopped, not because I was going to teach him a lesson, but because I was not interested anymore. Sex was not important to me anymore. You want to give affection when you get affection. After all of this, my husband was able to walk out of this house and away from our son and I blaming me for the affairs, no sex, I was overweight, I was never going to change, he had no money, (he mostly worked as a gas station attendant) and the story goes on and on. He walked out of marriage counseling after we talked about my problems and started on his. He has never been physically abusive, called me any names, he gave me all his paychecks minus his $30.00 a week weed money, he did dishes, the laundry, cooked some meals, was the bathroom cleaner and never once in 10 yrs complained about watching our son or complained of having to take our son with him anywhere (he did not drink but did smoke the weed). So I looked at him as being this very good husband and father because of the few things he did do. I then figured out that he was like a child and quickly doing his household “chores” so he could then go out and play as he had admitted, his jobs were at minimum wage, he was more interested in smoking weed and having oreo’s and milk after work than showing his wife any attention (for years) and more. I have been in counseling for 14 months with a drug and rehab counselor, not because I have drug/alcohol addictions, but I was trying to figure out my husbands behavior and why he would shack up with his boss instead of working on our marriage. It’s simple, I finally set some boundaries in my marriage, his desperate married girlfriend allows him to smoke weed not only at home but right before they go to work, he drives her new truck with a revoked license, she didn’t want kids so has no other responsibilities therefore has time for sex that I am sure she always initiates. I tell myself she thinks she got Willy Wonka and the golden ticket, but all she got was Willy Wonka. This is my problem, why do I feel like she is looking at me as the loser because she has my husband, like I am the wife that didn’t give my husband sex, didn’t take care of myself, didn’t pay enough attention to him, ect…. What pyscho would actually “purchase” their home 6 blocks away from the current wife as if to say, ha, ha, I got your husband. Can someone please help me to understand why I hate her so much when I am the normal one and she and he are not. The counselor, who knows my husband also, explains to me that I am the normal one, maybe not normal for being with my husband for so long, but that the marriage crumbled along time ago because of the substance abuse. Can I please get some views on this except what an idiot I was.
Sorry, I did not write that I was married for 2 years already before getting pregnant, those were the only 2 good years. I did not get married because I was pregnant and never would for that reason only. I do appreciate everyones input, it does help me to understand better.
Some people do change when a child is born, unfortunately for my son, his father did not. I took the risk of him changing and my son lost. I am a great mother and hold my sons happiness higher than anything else.

I get mixed signals. She’ll watch it with me if she’s a little intoxicated, but hates it when she’s in her normal mind. (She’s not an alcoholic) I do show her I’m interested in all ways. I hug, kiss her, compliment her, but I also like to look at porn, and sometimes like to draw nude women from photos only. Am I just a normal guy?

I dated my wife for a year before she became pregnant. She was a young, hot, 105 lb cheerleader when I met her. Naturally after our first child she put on alot of weight. It happens. We had another child and she gained more weight. Never really bothered me. I love her very much, and although we have had our struggles and have very different personalities we have a pretty good relationship.

However in the last year or 2 (which would be many years after having children so that is no longer a viable excuse), she has gained an enormous amount of weight. She weighs more than I do now. It is entirely her fault because she refuses to exercise and will not give up the baked goods and soda (which she binges on). Obesity and heart disease runs in her family, (especially her mother) and I feel like she is on a fast track to just that. I am more worried for her health, self esteem, and quality of life than anything.

However what makes it a little worse is that I have become gradually better looking and getting in better shape since the day we met, while she has gone the complete opposite. I’m a bit of a nutrition and fitness freak, and I have tried literally every approach to involve her and get her motivated. I’ve even broken down and told her that I NEED her to be a part of my hobby because I have no workout partners and I just want to spend time with her more than anything…still nothing. I’ve tried cooking healthy for her, I’ve tried being nice and upping her self esteem telling her she looks great, and I’ve also tried the polar opposite which neither made her budge. I want HER to be happy more than anything and I know she is not happy with herself, yet she chooses to do nothing about it. This brings me to my next issue. The fact that she is basically turning into her mother, who to the extreme has no regard for her own health, is what has lowered my attraction to her. This makes sex completely undesireable for me.

I have 3 options now:

1.force myself somehow to change my feelings about the situation and just have not so good sex with her for the rest of my life or until she somehow miraculously decides to change.

2.look at porn, which I have been doing because it does keep me from choosing option 3 to an extent, although I feel like I am addicted to it and I’d rather not look at all.

3.I have been bartending for years @ nightclubs and on a weekly basis have very attractive women give me their numbers or invite me home with them, and believe it or not even after everything I have NEVER cheated. But I fear that the longer my marriage goes on like this, I could give in to this option.

So how do I stop the porn AND avoid option 3?!?!?
Yeah its def not baby fat, that was 5 years ago. She gained about 60lbs, 30 of it being in the last year or so. I’m worried for her health. Physically I was never turned off by her weight, its only now because of her mentality that she will not change anything, i have no respect for that.

Yes I am married with kids and I bartend at a nightclub, but this is my career that I have been doing for years and I have never strayed. I also do contract work but the economy is not so good right now and I have to do what I have to do to support my family. And you ask me what I’m doing with my brain? I’m what some people might call a muscle geek. I build computers and play video games, I teach music lessons, there is actually ALOT that I do thank you. Healthy eating/exercise is just a passion of mine because it’s something that completely changes the way you live and experience life and something I think EVERYONE should experience. So it hurts when I know the person I love most wont.