How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘needs’

She had an affair last year. Still believes she “Loves” the goofy idiot. The know nothing about each other except sex. He is a drug addict, womanizer who wouldn’t be a husband for 2 minutes let alone 20 years.

We have stayed together so far. Im trying to forgive. I find her with messages professing love an longing for this freak. I still sleep on the couch (Well over a year), no wedding rings (She writes that we are “Separated”). No sex, no love, no ANYTHING.

We have 3 kids. They are the best. Wanted to work it out for them especially. But then I find this crap.

I am so tired of the lies. She says trust me, than sits around writing that crap. She finds out I am going to file for divorce. Last night she says we’ll work on it, wants to try counseling. Says she does not love him. Just venting, trying to come out of this “Sickness”. We had a good talk and decided we’d make an effort.

So this morning I ask her…”Are we married or separated” Because when she thinks she is separated she does/says things that are not good for this marriage. She stammers around and says “I just need some time for me”. I just walked out.

Wow. The last year and a half of running around “Sexy & Separated” sowing her oats while I starve to death.

So…do I put anymore effort into this? We are scheduled to start counseling…will it help? Anybody had any luck with that?

I still love her. I really do. But not enough to live as room mates, while she pines away for fiction and fantasy.

She had an affair last year. Still believes she “Loves” the goofy idiot. The know nothing about each other except sex. He is a drug addict, womanizer who wouldn’t be a husband for 2 minutes let alone 20 years.

We have stayed together so far. Im trying to forgive. I find her with messages professing love an longing for this freak. I still sleep on the couch (Well over a year), no wedding rings (She writes that we are “Separated”). No sex, no love, no ANYTHING.

We have 3 kids. They are the best. Wanted to work it out for them especially. But then I find this crap.

I am so tired of the lies. She says trust me, than sits around writing that crap. She finds out I am going to file for divorce. Last night she says we’ll work on it, wants to try counseling. Says she does not love him. Just venting, trying to come out of this “Sickness”. We had a good talk and decided we’d make an effort.

So this morning I ask her…”Are we married or separated” Because when she thinks she is separated she does/says things that are not good for this marriage. She stammers around and says “I just need some time for me”. I just walked out.

Wow. The last year and a half of running around “Sexy & Separated” sowing her oats while I starve to death.

So…do I put anymore effort into this? We are scheduled to start counseling…will it help? Anybody had any luck with that?

I still love her. I really do. But not enough to live as room mates, while she pines away for fiction and fantasy.

Ok, I’m in a tight spot and I need to get some thing off my chest. Any input is greatly appreciated. Well here it goes. I am 31 years old. My wife is 45 years old. She has a history of substance abuse. She used to shoot heroin and smoke cannibals on the streets 24/7 when she was my age.

To make a long story short, I took her from a small city and moved her up to my home town. She still continued to use drugs, but not as much. She has ran up all my credit cards without my consent to get money for drugs. She goes on binges, then stops for 10 months or so, before repeating.

We have a 7 year old son. He is autistic, but doing very well in school. The problem is my wife is very verbally abusive to him and me all the time. She has to be in control all the time. She can be sweet when everything is going her way, but when it is not, or I stand up to her, she goes ballistic. This includes physically attacking me, scratching me, throwing things at me, and punching me when I’m not looking.

Yet she is the one that always claims she is the victim. I have been with her for 10 years and I’m at my wits end, but she is a VERY vindictive, ruthless woman, and I am afraid to leave her. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I am literally afraid of her.

I have to hide in my room and do everything in secret. She can talk to whom ever she wants, but I can’t have any friends without her going into a jealous rage, and even threatening any friends I have had over the years.

My concern of leaving is my son. I do not know what will happen to him if I leave. I have to type really quiet or she’ll kick in my door to see who I am typing too. That’s how controlling she is. I feel like a prisoner.

There is a lot more but I am going to end this post now. I’m at a loss of what to do. I feel like my life is slipping past me and I am stuck in a miserable situation with no way out that wont hurt everyone drastically.

I’m literally considering waking my son up one night in the coming week and flying out to relatives in California just to get some down-time. As much as I’m depressed with it all, I really don’t want to get the police involved but there is a gun in the house.

In the past I shot rifles on a Thursday afternoon as a hobby with two friends. I have a license and all but I don’t know where it is. About three months ago I came home and the inventory room where I’ve kept it for several years was moved around. The rifle is gone and whether it’s in the house or not at this stage, I’m unsure but I haven’t mentioned it to her.

I better end this now. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you in advance for the replies. I’m sorry if this is not the right section.

Desperate Dan.

My mom is 56 years old. Before all this started she was a happy normal successful woman. She worked tirelessly to help support me, my brother and my sister. She kept a spotless home and drove me out of state every weekend for gymnastics meets. My dad had a pretty tough job and worked long hours so it was mom that did everything for us. Things were great until I got to be about 15. My dad lost his job and started doing hard drugs. They’d always smoked pot but I’m talking about meth and cocaine. First it was a little here and there and then it got to the point they were both addicted to meth. My older sister was already out of the house. Neither of them were working, my dad had several little bullshit jobs here and there but he could never keep one for longer than a few months and whatever money they made went generally right to their drug habit. Eventually I moved out of the house at 17 just to get away. My brother was 14 and too young to do much about it so he got the worst part of it. We were never hungry or abused or neglected. They just did a lot of drugs and things were really crazy, I remember fights that left huge holes in the walls and lots of threatening divorce. Fast forward to now, that was about 8 years ago, they have both calmed down but have turned to prescription drugs instead. My mom is on so much medication for depression, fibromyalgia, she’s on anti-psychotics, you name it, she’s on it. My dad still drinks and takes stuff like Xanax ‘recreationally’ but it’s no longer the party it used to be. Mom is no longer able to care for herself, I really think her mind is just gone from all the drugs and stuff they did before and the pills just pushed her over the edge. She is no longer able to care for herself, my dad says he has had to wake her up and change the sheets and her clothes because she has used the bathroom while in bed. She cannot cook or do chores or even dress herself. I haven’t had a real ‘mom’ for a very, very long time. Today he called and told me he found her wandering outside in the road barefoot. I am 22 starting out with a new family of my own, we have a 2 year old and one on the way. My sister is 33 and has 2 daughters of her own, she is married as well. My brother is 18 and is headed down pretty much the same path our parents went. Dad informed me today that he was tired of caring for her and wanted to move out of state with his mother. He said “she can go live in a home or something.” My sister has nothing to do them, my brother is obviously useless, and I live out of state and am not in a financial position to really do anything. I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure if it’s just the medication she’s on now that is doing this to her or if her mind really is gone. I kind of have come to terms with the fact that I will never have my mom back. But I have to do something, she cannot care for herself, and I really think my dad would just up and leave her. I asked him if she would be able to care for herself and he said he wasn’t worried about that anymore. What can I do? How does rehab work, since she is over 55 does she get any kind of gov’t assistance? How would I even go about starting this process? Please help me. I don’t know what to do and I am scared for my mom. It seems like everyone but me has forgotten that she gave us the best years of her life being a good wife and a good mom and now she is just some crazy lady that is a burden on everyone. I appreciate any advice.
Please understand, her mind is gone. I doubt she even has competent thoughts.

We’ve been seperated for almost 3 years now, and our divorce settlement is a few weeks away from being finalized. We have a 4 year old daughter together. It was a very bad breakup and we didn’t speak or have any contact for about a year and a half…working with our families to take care of our kid. This past summer we started a dialogue and we have been able to re-establish our friendship in effort to raise our daughter without conflict. However, I have become increasingly concerned for her health and well being lately and I’m not sure what to do or how to approach it.

When we started talking again this summer, she had a boyfriend in California (3000 miles away) and they were ‘together’ pretty much since I had moved out. A few weeks later she called me crying, and told me she’d been getting drunk alot and sleeping with another guy. She dumped the guy she had been cheating with, and the guy in CA dumped her. She was upset that she had sabatoged yet another relationship in her life, and cited depression, heavy drinking and partying as the source for her bad decisions. For a few weeks I checked up on her and she said she was doing better, not drinking and not partying. All seemed better.

This past weekend she called me again…crying. She is apparently back to her old ways of drinking, partying and sleeping with casual acquaintances. She had apparenly put some amount of faith in her latest “friend”, but could not deal with certain realities about him so she dumped him. Once again, she cited depression, heavy drinking and partying for her poor judgement. She has also admitted a couple recent close calls with the law while drinking and driving. We talked at length, and I told her that it is apparent she is repeating the same cycle with every man in her life. She starts out being very affectionate and fully giving up herself and her body to these guys. Then she learns that these people are not who she thought they were and regrets her choices. It’s not even that there’s anything wrong with these guys, she just can’t deal with situations that aren’t ideal for her. She has dumped or cheated on every guy she’s ever been with and has ended these relationships “because she can’t deal with people once she really gets to know them and see that they aren’t all perfect”. She is not permiscuous when she is not drunk, so it’s like she’s a whole other person when she’s partying.

Yesterday, she’s back to “everything is OK” and “I’m going to stop drinking and partying”so much. Basically, now she’s in total denial that there’s any signifigant issue at all…its all under control all the sudden after completely falling apart the day before. I’ve told her that there really is a problem and it’s not OK, and I’m not going to ignore it or just watch her continue hurting herself. I am certain she will revert back to the drinking and party scene after a few weeks. She is definitely taking a lot of risks (sexually and driving drunk) and her drinking / partying is out of hand. She’s a 33 year old mother, but she’s living like a 19 year old college girl. I have our daughter over 60% of the time each week, and I’ve been paying child support for almost 2 years…apparently to fund her nite life. Ironically, I had turned to the bottle as we approached the end of our relationship (to deal with the stress), and she cited that as a major problem at the time. Now the tables have turned and she’s the one binge drinking to cope with her problems. I had more than a few problems when we broke up, and she watched me fall to pieces and drink myself into oblivion. It’s OK now that she’s the one who drinks to cope? I’ve told her a few times lately…she seems like a whole other person than the girl I had married years ago. The “friends” she has, all the booze / weed and the whole party scene she frequents have drastically changed this girl, and destroyed her integrity. Why is she doing this to herself?

When the divorce is settled I am taking 1/2 of the value of our equity in the house and the support will be revoked. I have agreed to joint legal custody but I will not hesitate to seek full custody if she continues on her downward path. She is visibly exhausted when I see her, and she basically refuses to see a counselor even though I provide good insurance for her till the divorce goes through. I keep telling her to take advantage of it while she can. I feel like the divorce will be a real hardship for her due to the reduced income and sale of the house…it may perpetuate or worsen her current behavior. I really worry that she will wait for something to go really wrong before she addresses these issues and starts to deal with her problems. There are definitely some underlying problems from her past that are coming into play, including being molested by her cousin when she was a child, and an alcoholic father. She needs help, and to some degree I still have love in my heart for her…probably always
will. I can’t just stand by and watch her destroy herself, or give herself up to men who really don’t deserve a girl like her. I always felt like she would find someone better than me after we split…I had no idea she would become who she is today.

What more can I do to help her, without being overbearing and over-assertive? I don’t want to push her away. I have told her that I really care about her…she is my child’s mother and our daughter needs her mom to be there for her. Our child also needs a mom that she can be proud of, and not a drunk who keeps giving up her body to guys who don’t respect her and that she ultimately regrets. I just wish I could get her to understand the gravity of the situation before it’s too late. I truly hope she finds her way out of this mess she’s in.

I appriciate any similar stories, constructive feedback or any advice. Please help me help her! Thanks!

Two years ago, she told me a story about getting hit on by a married woman. I was at sea at the time, and she went out with some friends, including the woman and her husband. During the course of the night, it became known that this woman had affairs with other women which her husband approved of, and that she was interested in my wife. My wife claimed she was horrified, but somehow the lady ended up staying at our house that night and wearing my wife’s pajamas. She said she slept ont the couch, stayed there becasue they wanted to avoid driving drunk (but she lived in the same neighborhood) and nothing happened. Since then, we’ve had a kid, marital problems, a lack of sex, and suddenly I remembered this incident and feel like a complete a** for believing it. How should I handle this? I am thinking of asking her point blank. Even if nothing did happen, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to question…

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Ok the following list is ten people who need a kidney. This is not real. Purely hypothetical. Normally in medicine they decide off of who is the healthiest and has a better chance of living a long life. These rules need not apply if you do not want them to.

Basically I am giving you free reign to decide how to judge which of these people should get a kidney.

1)A pregnant women with AIDS who works as a prostitute.

2) A member of a militant terrorist group who is in the US and is feared to have been planning an attack on the US.

3) A 40 year old diabetic male who is blind from diabetic retinopathy. (damage to the eye)

4) A 50 year old male in prison for murdering his pregnant wife 15 years ago.

5) A 35 year old mother of 3 girls who has breast cancer. She has been treated for a year and is not cured but the chemo has destroyed her kidneys. Cancer has spread to her lungs and possibly bones.

6) A 44 year old male alcoholic who has had no success with AA or any other form of treatment for his alcohol problem.

7) 70 year old female with severe osteoporosis and fractured hip.

8) 15 year old teen who Over Dosed on drugs. He has permanent brain damage from the OD and is addicted to cocaine.

9) A 35 year old male in prison for rape.

10) 10 year old boy who is blind and deaf and has several other birth defects.

So you decide in which order they should get the kidney. If you can, give your philosophical or even personal opinion on why you ordered them as you did.
This is NOT homework help. It was just mentioned in class and I found it interesting.