How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘married’

I”m a recovering alcoholic and and have no social life anymore. I can’t seem to make any friends at all in AA, and I don’t think I will ever get over my ex-girlfriend unless I start dating someone else.

I’ve tried MATCH.COM and another site, but I always get the same answer, sometimes immediately. Either women:

1. Just don’t want to date anyone that’s a recovering addict/alcoholic.

2. Don’t want to date anyone that doesn’t drink.

I was just hoping someone could tell me why?

I’m 45, single, live alone and a pretty nice guy. Women in recovery generally don’t date men in recovery. I don’t think i’ll ever find a wife.

It’s been a few years now, and I find myself so lonely that I think of suicide alot.

Well, here it goes; My wife and I have been together for about 9 years. throughout the years, I was able to support her, I busted my ass working and did what a good family man was supposed to do. She took my two children in from a previous marriage in and she took care of them as if they were hers. The last two years however, I became addicted to opiates and started to become “a piece of s***”. Needles to say, things got really bad and we decided that I would come back to my mom’s house and get my s*** together until I was ready to return home. I was on my way to detox and we had plans to move out of state and she supported my efforts of recovery by coming down with the kids about twice a month and taking care of my “sensual” needs. We were in the movies seeing “UP” with OUR two kids, ages 2 yrs (girl) and 10 months (boy). The person (Terry) that she had been seeing was a mutual friend of ours that lives 50 yards away from our house. In the middle of the movie, my fone starts receiving text messages from Terry which were supposedly forwarded texts from my wife to Terry. VERY SEXUALLY MESSAGES!, the last two where “The 10 month old is my baby” and “Dude, this is Terry, your wife and I have been F******”!

You can only imagine what happened…if interested, write an email and I’ll give you details :o)

But to make a long story short, my wife finally confessed to having an affair with him. However, she says that the affair had just started and that the baby is REALLY mine. I don’t know…Im Mexican, she’s white, and Terry is white. The kid has my ears and general looks, but he also has blue eyes like him. So, I don’t know how far back it really goes. My wife had broken up with him before coming down to the movies with me and that’s why he flipped, because she wanted to be with me and not with him. My wife also tells me that their “thing” was more about money than anything, he had money I didn’t have to give her and he got lucky. She didn’t really want to be with him. Again, I don’t know.

I do know that Terry was VERY angry at her and me because I didn’t just let her go like I was supposed to. Terry wanted her REALLY BAD!, but he doesn’t realise that we have a family together and there is NO WAY she would let me go with so much at stake. I think that Terry saw this as an opportunity to make up for lost time….He is almost 50 and my wife is 27 (I know, sick hu?) and I’m 34. He f****d up his own family before cause of drugs and here he sees a nice little family that he could maybe squeeze into..in the process squeezing me out. We r still trying to work it out, but I don’t know what to do. and then the baby? does their thing really go back for almost two years? Can I ever forgive her? Please, help me sleep :o)

Thanks for your time.

My husband is comtemplating divorce and has written a list of things that he want me to be, in order to continue the relationship.

On the list he mentions his needs as a woman “Not Being Needy” and a woman “Not being Manipulative” and as a requirement she has to “Be Purpose Driven”.

Here’s my situation:

I have been married for 9 years. I am a housewife(even though I held full-time job for 4 years of the marriage and made more than my husband).

My husband left me 3 times in the first 3 years of the marriage and then came back. I made the decision to dumb down, and take jobs making less money or sometimes no job at all. When I did this, my husband became happier and stopped leaving me, so I exchange a career for a happy marriage (6 years happy – so I thought).

I don’t have children(can’t get pregnant).

I have a bachelors degree in management but am unsure as to what, I want to do with my life (I lack real purpose in my life, I don’t know what to do about that – I prayed, I educated myself, I read self help books, I tried different kinds of jobs in different fields, I’m running out of options).

Whenever I work, If I am not content with the job, my husband says, “if you don’t like it then you can come off the job baby”. He also says that my attitude changes when I work. So I am confused , when he says that he wants a wife that is not needy!

Please help! When I dated my husband I knew how to conduct my self. I basically had the attitude that I could do anything I wanted and that I need nobody to support me for anything! But then I heard people saying that a husband needs to feel likes he’s needed in the relationship. When I started this behavior my marriage got way better but I lost myself in the process…

Isn’t a woman suppose to be “one” with her husband, and isn’t he suppose to take care of his wife needs? and isn’t it hard not to be needy, when you can only date that one man, for the rest of yur life(before I got married – I had lots of friends and some of them were considered to be friends with occasional benefits(but I stopped these friendships when my husband proposed to me)?

I dated my wife for a year before she became pregnant. She was a young, hot, 105 lb cheerleader when I met her. Naturally after our first child she put on alot of weight. It happens. We had another child and she gained more weight. Never really bothered me. I love her very much, and although we have had our struggles and have very different personalities we have a pretty good relationship.

However in the last year or 2 (which would be many years after having children so that is no longer a viable excuse), she has gained an enormous amount of weight. She weighs more than I do now. It is entirely her fault because she refuses to exercise and will not give up the baked goods and soda (which she binges on). Obesity and heart disease runs in her family, (especially her mother) and I feel like she is on a fast track to just that. I am more worried for her health, self esteem, and quality of life than anything.

However what makes it a little worse is that I have become gradually better looking and getting in better shape since the day we met, while she has gone the complete opposite. I’m a bit of a nutrition and fitness freak, and I have tried literally every approach to involve her and get her motivated. I’ve even broken down and told her that I NEED her to be a part of my hobby because I have no workout partners and I just want to spend time with her more than anything…still nothing. I’ve tried cooking healthy for her, I’ve tried being nice and upping her self esteem telling her she looks great, and I’ve also tried the polar opposite which neither made her budge. I want HER to be happy more than anything and I know she is not happy with herself, yet she chooses to do nothing about it. This brings me to my next issue. The fact that she is basically turning into her mother, who to the extreme has no regard for her own health, is what has lowered my attraction to her. This makes sex completely undesireable for me.

I have 3 options now:

1.force myself somehow to change my feelings about the situation and just have not so good sex with her for the rest of my life or until she somehow miraculously decides to change.

2.look at porn, which I have been doing because it does keep me from choosing option 3 to an extent, although I feel like I am addicted to it and I’d rather not look at all.

3.I have been bartending for years @ nightclubs and on a weekly basis have very attractive women give me their numbers or invite me home with them, and believe it or not even after everything I have NEVER cheated. But I fear that the longer my marriage goes on like this, I could give in to this option.

So how do I stop the porn AND avoid option 3?!?!?
Yeah its def not baby fat, that was 5 years ago. She gained about 60lbs, 30 of it being in the last year or so. I’m worried for her health. Physically I was never turned off by her weight, its only now because of her mentality that she will not change anything, i have no respect for that.

Yes I am married with kids and I bartend at a nightclub, but this is my career that I have been doing for years and I have never strayed. I also do contract work but the economy is not so good right now and I have to do what I have to do to support my family. And you ask me what I’m doing with my brain? I’m what some people might call a muscle geek. I build computers and play video games, I teach music lessons, there is actually ALOT that I do thank you. Healthy eating/exercise is just a passion of mine because it’s something that completely changes the way you live and experience life and something I think EVERYONE should experience. So it hurts when I know the person I love most wont.

My wife and I have been together for 8 years. We are both relatively young, I’m 28 and she’s 27. Anyway, three weeks ago I discovered that my wife who I loved & adored cheated on me with a married man. The affair has been going on for more than 3 months before I found out. Anyway, when I found out I confronted her about it she began crying and telling me that it was a mistake & that she didn’t mean it. I forgave her ONLY because we have two children together (ages 2, 4).

I still can not get over my wife cheating. I feel like such a fool. My wife cheated on me when I was working. I tried my best to support my family and she goes out and cheats. What makes me even angrier is that while I was working she would leave our two little boys with our neighbours. Our neighbours are fine people the woman is ok but the man is a freakin’ alcoholic and my wife left out children is his presence while she’s out doing God knows what. How do I deal with that?

I am seriously contemplating leaving her every day but I just think about my two sons and the life they’ll have if my wife & I get a divorce. After all this I still love my wife. I still remember the beautiful girl that I fell in love with when I was 18. When I found out she cheated, my wife was really remorseful and loving. I still cannot shake the image out of my head where my wife is with another man. It hurts so badly. Any advice?

I made a wish this year – not a resolution, but just a wish. I asked god if he could find me a wife.

The problem is, I’m unsure what a wife or a potential wife would want from me. I’m 45, a little overweight, a recovering alcoholic and have had lots of girlfriends in my life. I wanted to marry the last one, but I screwed it all up by drinking and cheating on her. I never want to go back there again.

I’ve never been married before, and find alot of women are looking for a second or third husband and think that there is something wrong with me.

I did start a multi-million dollar software company, which failed in 2003, but I’m trying again. (I started it in 1987 when i got sober the first time)

What do you think is wrong with this picture. Do you think I’d never find a wife? That’s what I want most from life.

What can I do to make myself attractive enough so that some woman that I’m equally attracted to will marry me?

NO DATING SERVICE SPAMS PLEASE

I still want to work it out. About 9 months ago she started hanging out with a boarder in our house. We have a severely autistic child and it can be difficult for my wife to make friends so I thought it might be a good idea for her to have somone to talk to. She started hanging out in his room a lot with the door open and just talking. She was staying up late talking with his door open and he had a guy that was his friend in there too. I trust her and go to bed. I wake up at 3am and the wife is not in bed. I go to tell her to come to bed and the guys door is closed with the lights off and the bed springs making noise. I cracked the door and the wife is getting banged by both guys! I am in shock and felt betrayed and just closed the door and sat in a chair to wait for her to come out. She comes out after about another half hour and is shocked to see me waiting. She says she is sorry and she just kind of got stoned and did what felt good. This coming from the woman to much
…the prude to do anything more than missionary with me. So I try to work things out with her she tells me it was just a one time thing. But I catch her again and she is stoned other times now. She insists that if I do anything about the boarder she will leave me. To compensate she starts doing things with me in the bedroom that I had always wanted her to do but she was too timid…well she is not inhibited anymore. I kind of let things go on with her going and doing whoever she wanted, part becaus eI felt stuck and part because selfishly she was now totaly satisfying me sexually. This went on for a while and she even started sleeping with women too. Eventually I had a jealous runin with the boarder and he left he left. She has not forgiven me. This also brings a problem, I kind of want the normal marriage back and she says I do not satisfy her since she likes doing more than one guy at once and @nal both things I will not do with her. She also insists on pot which I hate.
The boarder was needed for the money because my wife could no longer work because of my son’s behaviors we could find no one who would watch him. I do not make much money and the ironic thing was she asked me to get a male boarder because she did not feel it was appropriate to have a woman boarder with me being a man.

She did pot in high school and did not do it again(as far as I know) until the boarder incident.

Yes, I do now suspect she had previous affairs(she does not admit to it). When she worked at one company she started working late with no answer of phone and went in Saturdays and sunday to work. But was not bringing home any overtime pay…???

I fear that things are at the point of divorce. We have gone down two seperate paths..

Heres the deal-about three years ago my wife went into rehab for alcoholism-she came out of treatment and sex was off the table a while as she struggled to stay sober. That struggle is now 3 years old. I love her to death but the lack of any real physcial contact istempting me to look elswhere. ( I havent, but it is tempting-even a high class escort for just one night)

Has any Married couple been through this? maybe not for the same reason but the same problem…She seems to have no interest in it or me..She says it is not me but she is unwilling to find out what it is…….I know she is not cheating etc. She goes to AA meetings 3 x a week. How much time is enough time before YOu would look elsewhere.
Update-
It is just not the physical part-(grown up discussion) a guy can handle that -hell look at porn and handle it—-I know that sounds crass but it is a way it can be done——-hell thats the only argument we have———”you look atporn” GOD lady we havent touched each other in 3 years…..

the funny thing is–is I honestly love her but am just growing tired of growing tired–if you know what I mean—-

Maybe wI will suggest we talk to someone (she wont) then Perhaps I have to do something else……….any wifes in Mass in the same fix-we can help each other out (kdding-not by much)
Menace,

Thanks for the answer. I know and understand what your saying. When I speak to her about our relationship she says she still loves me, and wants to stay together and there definitly is no one else etc. I believe her. Drunk or sober she is the most honest person i Know. She will not tell a “white lie’ to any of the kids. I think she has some clinical depression and is not dealing with some issues that are bothering her. I would welcome her saying lets figure a way to split- hell I have offered-if it was that she has had ample time to say yes—–just what it is though i do not know—–perhaps I will give it one more try and if not successful perhaps move on. The funny thing is that during her drinking period we had some serious family problems and we made it-I stuck by when she was drinking-I want to stick by when she is sober…I just dont want to be a brother….

according to him.He is seeing me when he isn’t at work or with his kids.they have no sexual ties at this time for about 6 months now so all of the sexual things in his life is coming from me.Every time he tries to touch her all she says is don’t touch me.Am I wrong for giving him the loving that he is seeking?Keep in mind he was honest about being married.

I am in the military and deployed. My wife told me she wanted a divorce a few weeks ago. While deployed I can’t do anything about it but I would like to know if the mistakes I made before marriage and my child was born will effect the outcome of child custody.

some people have said that she has died but ive looked in the deaths columns and her family has not heard from her either well my question is how can i find out?

and had several partners. since then, i have changed my ways and settled down. i think my old ways may have created a sex addiction however. i feel uneasy when I am around pretty girls and I feel like i am constantly craving sex with women. i feel like i am a crack addict. i am scared i am going to do something to destroy my marriage. is there any other way to fix this problem other than professional help? im not sure how my wife would react if i told her this.

I am about to leave my family I can’t do it by myself no body is helping me and I can’t take it any more.

I know someone in this situation. His wife drinks all throughout her day at work. She drinks all weekend. Her husband is a good friend and I just wondered what must it be like for him when they are home together. He doesn’t like her drinking so much and doesn’t know how to get her to stop.