How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

Thank you *all* for your coments!

I love my wife. My strongest love is my greatest weakness. My wife’s family is no longer an issue. (that was just background info)

I’m just tired. Tired. Tired, and I just want this ride to stop. However my love (however disfunctional) for her won’t allow me to pull the plug. I pray for us, more than I have for anything. I know I’m not the 1st and not the last to go through this, but I find very little counsellation in all of that.

My heart hurts. It hurts. Bad.

I don’t want to be alone. My family has been my purpose. I’ve been blessed. My 1,700sq.ft. home enlarges exponentially when I’m here alone.

I guess what hurts the most is my feeling of needing my family to complete me. I look at my life before I was married (drugs, womanizing, drunkedness and GODless) and I am afraid.

My thoughts are filled with don’t wants. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to date. I don’t want TV dinners. I don’t want to be alone.

Again Thank U All!

I can’t stop thinking aboutngetting married. Sometimes, when I’m alone in my room, I get lost in my thoughts, twirling the air in my arms screaming, “I’m so glad you’ll marry me!” or standing by the bed, acting as if my “wife” is giving birth and “supporting” “her.” then I pick up the air like a baby, twirl it, and I can’t stop smiling and laughing and feeling so good inside. I csnt sleep in the middle of the bed, I always move aside as if to leave someone else room. And I can allays imagine myself with 4-5 children. I am NOT crazy, I am completely sane (my lowest grade right now is a 97%, I’m perfectly smart and sane) and I don’t do this in public, only in private. But I don’t know why

I am a 17-year-old male, virgin, never had drugs, never drank, and I have a girlfriend who I dream of marrying in about 6-10 years, and yet when I imagine my “wife” it’s never her. Why do I do this? I can tell you I’m not crazy because no one knows about it and they don’t suspect anything.

I just found a random letter from my husband, to me, but he never gave the letter to me. So he must be unsure about telling me his feelings. Just a little history… we are 27 years old and have been married for 2 1/2 years, we have dated on and off since we were 15. We have one son 18 months old and another baby on the way.
The letter goes on to say how I’ve changed since our son was born and how he misses our fun and wild days. And he stated that he thinks I’m trying to be like my parents and says I’m not 50 years old but he thinks I want to be.
I am devastated, and I want to crawl in a hole. Because I don’t know what to do. I WANT to go out and have fun and do all the stuff we used to do, but it’s been pretty impossible. And since Our son had been born my life has changed, and it’s been really hard. I’ve lost every friend I had… because all my friends were par tiers, and my best friend… I don’t want to associate with anymore because she sleeps around, goes out everynight and started doing drugs at 26 years old, she used to be married and a good person but It’s hard to stay friends with someone when I’m at such a different part of my life. So basically ya, my life is different. But not because I don’t want to be young and have fun, but because I’m a mom and I thought it was a mothers job to put things like that behind them for the sake of raising good children.
We used to go out to the clubs with friends and go to parties and all the things young people do. He still does sometimes, but he goes with out me because I am pregnant. Well i was pregnant 3 months after we got married, and then we had a new baby who I was nursing until he was a year old, and now I’ve been pregnant again for the past 5 months.
I don’t want him to think I’m an old hag of a wife who doesn’t have fun anymore, but I also don’t see how I can go out and party when I’m pregnant and have a baby at home. I don’t think it’s really fair that this is all put on me and that it’s my fault that it has to be this way.
I don’t want this to lead him away from me and I don’t want to feel this way, and I don’t even know what to do as far as having friends that I can relate to, now that I’m a mother. I’m so depressed and I don’t know what to do. I get where he is coming from… because I am lame now, but how can I be anything else with the way my life has been????
What have some of you mothers done, that are stuck in similar situations?
to the person who thinks I’m not a proud mother… I am a proud mother, and happy to be a mother… I live for it everyday. I love my son so much. This is why I have let those wild young days go… because I am happy to be at this point in my life. I don’t know maybe I have a hard time balancing my marriage and being a mother…and my marriage is somehow hurting from this, because I lack friends and any outside fun in my life, and I can’t figure out how to make this better. We do go out on date nights.. to dinner or shopping but I guess it’s not the same fun as he is missing. I am just lost.

I have been with my husband now for almost 4 years. We just recently got married and it has been a little over 2 months. When I met him I did have a child from a previous relationship. After dating for 3 years we had a child of our own which is his first.He has always been a vivid drinker having to have at least 6 beers a night. Some nights it is more and then some nights it is less, if any at all (although those nights are rare). My husband was raised by his grandparents because his mom chose a man over her children and sent my husband and his older brother to live with her parents. He has alot of resentment and abandonment issues that stem from this. Also he has never met his biological father because his mother up until a couple months ago would even tell him who he was. She came out about 5 months ago and gave him a name and that was it. She said she didn’t know what town he lived in but she did have a stated, and she wanted him to know that his father did know about him before he was born. He has went thru very hard times growing up watching his granmother pass away, getting into the wrong crowd, doing hard drugs, drinking and partying. He has been in two wrecks that should have took his life becausehe was drunk. He totalled out both vehicles in those wrecks. One he was going about 90 mph and lost control and went off the road. The other he was going too fast lost control and ran off the road and broke his neck. i cant imagine how he survived either one, but i am very greatful he did. I met him about 6 months after he got his halo off (which was what they had to screw on his head when he broke his neck). I loved everything about him. He made me feel so important and so special, he accepted me having a child and loved my son to death, yet he did drink. As the years go by and i see how bad his drinking really is ive become to HATE alcohol. I have never been a big drinker nor have i done drugs so i dont see what it is about it that people just HAVE TO HAVE.. He could tell me time and time again i dont have money for this or i dont have money for that but there is ALWAYS beer in the refrigerator. When he drinks all his childhood emotions come out and it really intensafies his emotion that soon lead to anger. He overtalks me and will not listen to what i have to say becuase hes been through so much more than me in his life and i just dont understand and will never really understand him. Ive threatend to leave in the past but never done it. Im to the point now where i dont know what to do. I am 25 years old and i get advice from my mother becuase i look up to her and respect what she says, but i dont know if she is just telling me he will never change becuase she doesnt care for him? or what.. I was a only child so i know by all means i was not perfect in the releationship either. I see myself as a good mother, a loyal wife, churchgoer, i have a job that i have had for the past 4 years*doesnt pay that well*but it is a job. Some women think the man can jsut work and support them but i acually go to work everyday so that we can have extra money for the extra things we want or need. I just feel like i am stuck here trying to change him and he isnt going to change and im wasting my time… Yes i see what is happening maybe i dont want to believe it but i do. I love him so much and want nothing more than our family to work and us raise our kids but with him not respecting my wishes on him to stop drinking then that shows me he doesnt care. Everything is my fault…i dont understnad him, i cant relate to him, i will never be able to provide for our family like he can. These are just some of the things i get on a daily basis.He gives me excuses as to why he is drinking.. well some friends came over we are watching this ppv fight, you let me drink 2 beers the other night whats wrong with it now…. this is what he says to me.. Well now i see that me condoning him drinking those two beers was really not the right thing to do becuase it gets put in my face now, so im to the point NO BEER AT ALL and have your family together…. or keep drinking but im going to find someone that iwll love and respect me the way i know i deserve to be respected. Sorry for rambling on guys i just really need some elder advice. This isnt everything in our life but it touches on alot of things. It is humiliating to have only been married 2 months and it is coming to this. I have tried praying at church, spending quality time with him and the kids, tell him he is doing a good job on not drinking as much, ive read 2 books on the inner life of a man and how they feel and what i can do differently, ive called a counsoler, ive signed up for daily emails on how to save our marriage, ive tried to talk to him and i have told him what he can do to change, i have asked him to do the same for me yet he refuses. When he tells me hes done all he can do the only thing that comes to mind is he has started attending a recovery group*yet he is still drink
Sorry it didnt take my whole message here is where it left off….*yet he is still drinking*, he tells me he provides a home for our family, he tells me he plays with his kids, but you dont hear naything about ME in there… nothing about ive done this and done that to make our relationship better. Hes told me several time that paying child support would be ten times better than being with me. A week after we got married he told me he has felt the erge to leave but he hasnt because of the kids becuase he didnt want to be away from them… Is there anything more I can do to help save our marriage or should i just let it go here and stop holding onto something that is not there…? All advice is welcome good or bad… Please Help!!!

Wife and I been married for 13 yrs. 2 girls (6 & 7). Wife has moved out 5x in the last 2.5 yrs. Always because she’s trying to work on her. No drugs, Alcohol, Adultry, Abuse on neither part. Just outside influences. Her relatives mooching off of us. Moving in when I say no. Come home they’re there anyway. Her brother who lived w/us for a year broke in our home.
Had a conversation with her the other night and told her how hurt I was because she said she was leaving again (over a supposed lie I told that she later found out was the truth).
I told her I was “tired” of this emotional roller coaster. Move out then in…. out then in. I asked her to finally make a decision to either stay or go. I told her I shouldn’t have to come home from work and wonder whether my family will be there because the day before we had an argument. It should be us against the world. We talked she said Stay. Then this morning found note, “Changed my mind…Who are you to give me an ultimatum!!!” What do I do?

I have been married for 20+ years. This is a wonderful woman that I took advantage of.For the last few years I have paid not alot of attention to my wife. I have never berated her, hit her,I do not drink or do drugs. I thought life was good until about three weeks ago. I was slammed in the face hard. She told me she had a boy friend and was in love with him.The only lucky thing is that I changed my ways about a week earlier before she told me. I have a hard time controling all these new found emotions. I keep pushing her away but it is very hard to control. I think she is going to move in with him. She may never move back either. She said she wants to see if she misses me. I need advice. I have always loved her with all my heart, but now I love her so much more! What do I do? Do I let her go and see if she comes back? Or do I break it off completely and sell everything that we have? Lost in california
There is allot more 2 this. My kids and their drug habits played a big roll also. My lack of attention to her was not done on purpose. It was a very slow in coming. I also tried to get things back in order from time to time but was not very successfull. I am trying everything in the book that is truthfull and honest. Today she said in a sad voice that she would be willing to come back and throw out the other guy. But then I asked her if that is what she wanted. She said she was not sure at this time. Right now she is so much up in the air over things. The good thing is that we never have had yelling anger at each other even now. We sit down allot and talk things out weather they are good or bad. Thanks for all the advice. I do take total responsabiltiy for all that has happened. I just hope it is not to late. I am giving her all the space I can give her.

First off, I have (unfortunally) lived in small, rural close-minded towns in the South, so I know what republicans do behind closed doors, as I have many relatives who are Republicans. (I now live in Austin Texas and have an openly gay man as my state rep, believe it or not)
Also, there is a huge difference in what those under 30 (like me) believe, and those older than 50 think. It is cool and hip for whites and blacks to intermarry, and men kissing each other all the time is something we do not even notice it is so prevalient here at UT. There is a huge support of gay marriage among my crowd, who voted over 7 in 10 for Obama, and we still would today if he were running, despite your narratives.
The all of a sudden embrace of MLK is the most laughable, considering just last year it was “MLK the commie wife beatin white wimmin lovin n—–”. What is even more laughable is Glenn Beck, who is a drug-addicted alcoholic Mormon, that organization DID NOT ALLOW BLACKS at all until like 30 years ago.
People, especially those in the South (yes that is where most of the lynchings and Jim Crow laws were) and over the age of 60 need to get over it, let their hate and prejudice go, and accept that things are changing in this nation, we are becoming much more minority, and that gay marriage will be legal very, very soon, as it is in 5 states plus DC.
In summary, I believe the old, white majority needs to stop romanticizing about how “wonderful” things were before the 1960′s, and get with it, regardless or not, if you hate gays, they will be allowed marriage, and you will be left out in the cold again, like you were when blacks were allowed to vote in the 1960′s without fear of being lynched.
Having listened to such bigotry makes me want to fight these people even harder than I would have otherwised, and I am so glad that most in my generation are different than the old guard.
Also, do not state the Bible in your answers, as it has been proven long ago there is no such thing as beliefs in fairy tales. Christianity I believe is the biggest fraud of the past several centuries.
I knew Right Wingers could not read, all they can do is reguritate Glenn Beck’s psychobabble.
CACTUS — ??? Don’t bore me with mentions of your damn bible. You Christians are the WORST people of the Earth!
Bitter old white men clinging onto their religion, Obama was right again.

Sorry the spelling is so bad I am dyslexic. I have been separated from my wife for 4 months now and we have been trying to work thing out, The background of our problems is that she has an addiction to sleeping pills and spends money uncontrblaley. I know what you are going to say she had these problems before we got married. I never knew just like I never knew about her bankrupsey she had. So I have some very large trust issues with her. She has gone in to concealing for the drug problem it has got better I believe. She just recently agreed to start living on a budget and not spend every daller she makes. But with all the promises she makes she never seams to follow threw on them and I am left trying to put a life back together and cant move on in other direction because of this stale mate in our marriage. I know we said for better or worst but I don’t feel that she is giving it her all to receiver from the drug problem and fix her money troubles. When do you cross that line that enughff is enughff. Any advice would be great.

Ok, so my wife’s husband is a complete scumbag. He has beat her and at one point put a cigarette out on her nose. However, she won’t leave him. He has her hooked with meth and drugs. I feel sorry for their 1 year old son most of all!!! However, I have learned that he may be in the country illegally. However, he is now married to her and she is a citizen. Also, it appears he is working under a false name. Its possible this is due to him having a warrant possibly?

Just wondering if there is a way me and my wife can make this guy dissapear so her sister can get the help and recovery she needs. Because it ain’t gonna happen with this guy around.
Ahh oops that is a typo. What I meant to say was my wife’s sisters husband. Not myself. Sorry, upset about this whole situation. We might have to try and get custody of the child is my wifes sister does not quit the meth and this guy doesn’t stop beating her.

I have a situation where my ex-husband who is newly remarried, and chose to adopt his new wife’s children, has petitioned to increase visitation with my daughter 60/40 in his favor because of his “new family”. He is away from their home 50% of the year (6 months of twelve), and this would put her in their home quite often while he is away. I am a fit, and consistant parent with no alcohol, drug or criminal history, employed full time, and up until this point the custodial agreement has been written 60/40 in my favor. Does her step mother have “rights”? or am I dealing with “control” issues.

I am recently seperated from my wife of 3 years, we were together for 6. I am living in the apartment we lived in, working at the same job for the past 5 years, going to school to get my A.A.S. degree in Business with an emphasis in Accounting. I was so used to being married, with children, that I have forgot how it is to be single. My wife took all our furniture, left me with a few things to get by. I have acquired some furniture since September, since we broke up. It’s just hard being alone, I usually would break down if something tragic like this happened to me before. This time I have been able to stand strong, and continue taking care of my responsibilities. Usually, I would lose everything, and go do drugs for a while. So I guess my question is, … I am continuing on the right track I feel, I trust in Jesus, that he will take care of me. When will my life make sense again? When can I be comfortable again? When will I feel like everything is as it should be, even though I know it is the way it is supposed to be right now? I guess I am just venting. Anyone single girls in the 559 area that would like to talk to a good guy?

I’ll try to make this as short as possible. I have been with my husband for 15 years, married for 8. My husband is a recovering drug addicted. Our years together have been pure hell because of his addiction. I’ve always supported him through his addiction and recovery, until recently. A few months ago he slipped off the wagon again, but this time was different, this time I got fed up. Not sure what I was going to do, entered an ex-boyfriend from high school. He contacted me via Facebook and we begin talking. He lives in another state. In talking to him I felt a lot of relief and comfort because he has taken my mind off of things at home. Somewhere through the conversations and messages, we started to take our friendship to a whole other level. I know I’m not ready for this, but he has made everything so much easier. He has been such a blessing. I’m all but done with my marriage and I cannot afford to go back to my husband even though he is back on the wagon. I will support him, but I can’t do it as his wife. I thought that I would be able to go back to him, but the love is gone. Years of mental and verbal abuse has damaged me. The problem is he doesn’t want to let go. What should I do?

have been married to my one love, whom I believe is the person God had put on this earth for me, however I’m starting to doubt whether or not he will love me just as true as I do him and if staying with him is worth the heartache in the longrun and if I’m just holding out for something that may be just in my mind and not reality.
We have 2 daughters and 14 wks pregnant with another. Due to my military obligation, we were living apart for four years, now we’re living together, but a lot has happened in the last year. Just a year ago he had an affair with a co-worker, which I found out through text messages from her to him and emails. Then I do more digging, and it looks like he was cheating on me with various other girls and via online dating sites throughout us dating and marriage. When I confront him with all, he denys and wouldnt admit the truth until almost dec 08.
We decided to move and start fresh four months ago, he moved 3 weeks before me. Then I find out that just before I went down here, he was going bar hopping with some (male) coworkers, but they would flirt with other women and there was a number in his phone, we’ll call Jill- he says it was to hook up Jill’s friend with his, who is female-shy. I call Jill and she says that’s the truth but my husband didnt act married and was very flirtatious. I asked him to go with me to marriage counseling, he said no until we found out that I was pregnant and that was only because he hoped the counselor would convince me that having the baby was not a good idea- ie get an abortion and I believe that I would be murdering an innocent baby. He has stated things like “I wish I didnt have the stress/ responsibility of a family at this age” and “I wish I was able to do things like every other 25 yr old.” etc (Im 25 too) I have asked him to reassure me that he didnt mean those comments and he side-steps my request, and acted like he didnt understand. So I get mad, and throw a “girl” tantrum and say if you dont understand by now what I need, I dont know how else to tell you.
I just feel like, hes the one who keeps messing up, and I’ve told him and WROTE him things that I need to feel reassured, and if I keep telling him that I need reassurance, etc. or what to do to make me feel better, than its more of me telling him what to do and nagging, than for him to really realize okay I screwed up and need to do that so I can show how apologetic I feel for keep on messing up and to be sincere. For example, I asked him to show me affection in a non-sexual way and remind me that he does love me, he jokes about it by saying at the end of the day “did I meet my I love you quota for the day?” I still feel like he just gropes me and push away when I think he’s going to far (sexual undertone) and not just showing affection.
My own self-esteem has also plummted because I am very different from all girls he’s ever dated. I’m asian, I’m athletic built (size 8) from soccer and rugby, conservative with strong religious beliefs, and after 2 kids in 2 years with the stretch marks and 10 lbs baby weight left over and now getting bigger with baby 3. His other girlfriends and the girls hes cheated with/talked to were white (blonde), size 4/6 petiteness, and they were all party girls with the drinking/ piercing/ high school rebellious drug/party/drink stage, which he has in common with them. I think he makes me the “bad” guy to all his friends/family because they notice my insecurities/ calling him when hes at work and they think I’m trying to control him, but he doesnt mention the whys of it all and just say something like “yea, the wife is clingy.” The new baby- he said that I’m forcing it upon him since he doesnt want it, and I wont get “rid” of it. Within the last week, hes been more involved with my pregnancy and asking me how the baby’s doing.
He says he loves me since I am so different and he sometimes wants to “keep his cake and eat it too.” His version of moving on/ helping is by pretending everything he’s done has never happened because then I’m “dwelling” on it and it’s not doing anything productive to move past it.
My mind- I love him, simple, because it wasnt all bad. Until his affair, I thought everything was perfect, but it was just one bomb after another isnce. We never had a chance to really be together as a family and I have to give it a chance to see if it will work, if not for myself then at least for my kids. But I get my doubts and think was I loving who I thought he was, and not who he really is? Does he really love me because if he did he wouldnt keep doing this to me? Wouldnt he try to understand where Im coming from and help me out instead of always doing things his way? And it breaks my heart every day thinking about this because I dont feel like I’ve gotten any closure/ healing from even last year so how can I deal with whats going on today and last month? I got out of the army, moved, dont have a job, I dont have any family to lean on, but I do have 2 be
To Jason, you will not go to Hell for getting a divorice in cases of abuse or adultery. I went to my pastor and he has told me so himself and showed me passages. Maybe you should read the Bible more thouroughly.

My wife and I have been split up for a little less than a year. We did have relations about midway through the seperation. She went on a big drug binge and had some relationships while lying to me about it. Then moved to Colorado with a guy she met and they had a big break up. It’s been a month or so and we have been talking about getting back together, I went to Colorado this weekend to do the Halloween thing with my children and my wife was very affectionate and loving saying she wanted to be married to me and wants no one but me. I didnt believe it, so I checked her facebook and cellphone and she had been flirting with her ex untill about a week before my visit. The whole time telling me how much she loves and misses me. I didnt confront her about it because I wanted to have a good holiday with my children, but her, her parents and my children are trying to get me to move to colorado and start it again. I love her, but can I keep this together? Do I put my eggs in her basket to save my marriage which I wish to do very badly. She cried on my shoulder for 20 minutes in bed before I was leaving, is she just a good actress or is it a sign she wants better for her life?
I just can’t believe that she would drag our children through saying “Daddy is coming back” and still be playing the field.
I want and need to trust her very much, but she isn’t being totally honest with me after saying that “I love that I can’t be totally honest with you”

when i read that brent and erin were high school sweethearts at age 16.
i couldn’t believe this woman erin would give up a life long commitment with many memories and 2 beautiful kids.i’m sure barry’s going to file for custody of their kids.
i fill bad for their kids because the holidays are here and these are the times you should be thankful to have a nice family.but she threw it all away by cheating behind former team player (brent barry)
i hate to say it but this woman erin f.ck up because there kids are young and now she won’t be able to be a full time mother to them.

for tony parker, he give men a bad name. he also admit to flirting with this woman.why would this man hit on a former team mate the won championship together.”he’s not a man” i have no respect for parker to do such a low down thing after barry and and his ex wife(erin) attend his wedding in france.
parker must be on drugs to want to cheat on his soon to be ex wife(eva) that supported his a.s. as a nba wife.women like eva you just don’t throw alway.

I am literally disgusted by men.
I knew most were capable of lieing and being deceitful in order to get sex from women with low self-esteem, but I never thought my husband was one of “them”. Why would I want to be entangled to someone who lies and uses women? If he uses, lies to and manipulates other women to get what he wants, why wouldn’t he just lie and use me too?
In all my life, I never envisioned, imagined or thought I’d be married to a man who peruses craigslist, facebook etc… looking for naked pictures and casual meet-ups for sex while he claims to be happily married and loyal to me.
Then, he tells these women that we have nothing in common and that’s why he’s looking to them for companionship. By nothing in common does he mean that because I am a good person, and he is not? Because otherwise, we have a whole lot in common. We both make each other laugh and have a similar sense of humor, we both care about our families, we’re both intelligent, we both try to please others, we are both hard-workers with plans to start our own successful businesses, we are both ambitious, we both have similar goals to own multiple real estate investments, we both enjoy each others company, we both like going out to eat, watching funny movies etc, we both keep ourselves in great physical shape, neither of us does drugs or has alcohol problems, we both try to spend more time with friends but usually wind up choosing each other instead, we both love documentaries on tv, neither of us grew up in a exceptionally healthy home environment, both of us love animals etc… Seroiusly, am I missing something? Is there usually a lot more that people have in common? When I confront him about having nothing in common, he tells me that he just told them that and that we do have many things in common… Who is he lieing to, me or them?

How am I supposed to trust this person? Does he even know what the truth is?

I still can’t stop myself from crying whenever I think about it.
It’s like he had no consideration.
I though he was the best of men. What if I am right and he is one of the best of them? He did aplogize for trying to soloicit sex from a myriad of people. He says he never actually met up with them. ?????? What if he is one of the better ones and the unfortunate fact is that most guys are really skeezy and don’t deserve our time, energy or love?
They do say infidelity exists in about 50% of marriages…And then domestic abuse exists in another % and men molesting their daughters exists in another % and men who raped others before marriage exists in another % and men who are otherwise horrible but their wives stay with them anyway exist in another %, and men who go out and unsuccessfully attempt to have affairs that no one finds out about exists in another %. So, what’s left?
To the person who said women are just as guilty and that I should look to myself first. I have looked ta myself! I would never have an affair. It’s wrong and selfish.
To Tyawanna. Yes, my post seems focused on the negative because a life changing, bad thing happened (infidelity isn’t good right?). Statistic’s show men are responsible for more WAY MORE violent crimes than women and more infidelity than women, So I was just wondering what % out there are really good men? I understand why you said my post was focused on the negatives, but I am just trying to understand why this happened?
To Tyawanna. Yes, my post seems focused on the negative because a life changing, bad thing happened (infidelity isn’t good right?). Statistic’s show men are responsible for more WAY MORE violent crimes than women and more infidelity than women, So I was just wondering what % out there are really good men? I understand why you said my post was focused on the negatives, but I am just trying to understand why this happened.
Arlette you say you’d never let your man get away with disrespecting you, yet your advice to me is to reward him for seeking sex outside the marriage and probably having an affair. I was happy with him and supportive before all this happened? WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME FOR THE BAD CHOICE HE MADE?

ok this article explains alot. My marriage in a nutshell:
1 we sleep in seperate bedrooms
2. Intimacy (what’s that ??)
3. only staying together for the kids. ( no messy divorce,no child support,no alimony)
4. He has his computer games ( second life,in which he has “cheated” and “gotten married”, and “had a second family” twice now.
5. had suspecious scratches and hairs on him/ his body, that I have found a few times.
6. His diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol has killed my desire to be intimate with him.
7. he hears what i say, but doesn’t necessarily listen to me. Sometimes tuning me out completly so he can continue to play his 2nd Life or W Of W. ( World Of Warcraft).
Which he gets very happy with,showing them more emotion with them than he ever did with me.
8.We act more like friends than husband and wife.

the positives:
1. Good to the kids when he has the money
2, non smoker
3. non drinker
4. non drug user
5. non abusive,
6. He knows my moods and tolerates me
7. easy to get along with, ( really laid -back)
8. not a picky eater, ( not really anyway)

I am still hopeful that ONE DAY I’ll fall in love. Our marriage is a comfortable one, not the most passionate,love-dovey type, but just comfortable, like an old friend who knows ya and likes ya anyways.

He sleeps, or drives cab, or is online.
I am cleaning house or, cooking or sleeping or online.
Under the same roof, we have seperate lives, seperate interests, seperate rooms…
Like I said, i have yet to fall in love, to give all of myself.
He wanted June Cleaver,and I wanted to be the next Ann Rice.
So,my sleeping in my own room,is my little way of being resentful towards him. My kids are great kids,they don’t misbehave, they are not troublemakers, or fighters, or disrespectful.
Like i have stated, i have a comfortable marriage. We are more friends that anything. No intimacy, no PDA’s and for the most part, like 95% of the time,i can rely on him. I trust him with the kids.
But the “I don’t know where those scratches came from,hun,” and the two hairs that weren’t mine and the ” I dunno where that money went” don’t make me love him.
In fact,that is the reason we sleep seperate and why I can’t love him 100%.
I am 80% happy,or should I say ” content.”
people think that we have a great marriage because he is a sweet guy.
he “doesn’t look the type to cheat.”
He does his “cheating” online. In role-playing games.
Leaving me to do what ever i want to. This has been this way for years.
is this normal???
I am content, but i need love, affection,a listeneing person and well, intimacy. To connect with someone, not just exist with them.
I dont want to leave him,because of the kids.
is this normal too?
Just asking.

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/17045/the-breakup-test-5-questions-to-ask-before-giving-em-the-boot

He is impotent. My mom had raise dme that if he couldn’t ” be a man” he wasn’t worth it. That kind of stuck in my mind.

I work in sports career that sometimes means a lot of time away from my family. My wife and I became disconnected and we haven’t had a real conversation in months and it’s really taking a toll on our marriage. We have two daughters Amerie and Alexis and they mean the world to me and I love them so much that I’ve put myself on ‘dad mode’ 24/7. That means my wife and I completely lost our ‘love connection’ and it’s like two adults living in the same home. Well it gets worse, because I’m away a lot, some people rumored that I was having an affair and that torn us more. We recently had a talk and we decided to get a divorce last friday. Well, friday came along and we were still married. On saturday, however, my wife hadn’t forget about the divorce. On the way there, we were completely silent until we hit the parking lot. She turned to me and asked me if I had anything to say, and at first I didn’t want to but then I started talking, and talking, and talking. I told her that she was the first love of my life, and it’s going to be hard to live without her. I told her that I didn’t want her and her daughter (Alexis is really my step-daughter) to leave my life. I reminded her of how we first met, and how hard it was for me to actually talk to her. I told her that she changed my life (I used to be a heavy alcoholic and drug addict) and how I was always there for her. I let everything come out. After that she asked if we could just be friends and I told her that I wouldn’t want it to be that way because I couldn’t stand to see the woman I love to be with someone else. After some time, she told me that we should spend some time away from each other. We would be seperated. I would stay in Miami and she would go to NY but we wont date anyone else. She just needed to be alone right now. I agreed and she blew me a kiss and left. I was relieved that we didn’t get a divorce but I feel like I’m delaying what is going to happen anyways. What did I just do to my marriage and does anyone have any advice they could give me to save it?

Okay so for the past several days I’ve been asking you guys questions about commitment ceremonies, and weddings and marriage and here’s another question, I’m really struggling with marriage because my parents were pretty bad at their marriage. I’m 26 and this is the time in life that I’m thinking about getting married and what I want for the long-term.

My mom had 2 marriages under her that ended badly, and 2 boyfriends afterwards that I didn’t care for. One of them was a drug junkie and he went to jail for it. I was always worried and paranoid that I’d make the same mistakes that she did. Growing up I told her once how her drug junkie bf wasn’t a good guy and she just ignored me.

So I always had this fear that I would be bad at love and relationships like my mom was. btw I’m happy to say that she finally learned how to pick men, she found a nice man she’s going to get married to, about time she’s like 55. Third time’s the charm, lol. Anyway.

So I’ve been struggling with the fact if I should get married or not, or what should I do. I realize there are long-term couples like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell and other Hollywood couples. I really want to be with someone who I love and who is my best friend in life. It seems to me that no matter what, even if you don’t get legally married the law in many states in America considers you married…

as in common law marriages. I don’t know, I’ve been thinking, isn’t it better to just get married legally…I mean if you live together, share your life together, and then just do everything together and if the government considers you common law husband and wife then isn’t it a good idea to get married?

I also was thinking I don’t want to get denied legally if something happens to the guy I love, like what if they won’t let me into the hospital because I’m not legally his wife, just his partner. What then? That would make me upset.

Also there seem to be many men whom are against marriage, I mean is there any hope for those of us women who want to get married? btw I’m still going to have a career and earn my own money if I get married. I’m not rushing to get married because I want to take my time. I really do. If I have to wait until I’m 40 to meet the right person for myself then I will. I just don’t want to be like my mom about it.

I don’t want to be one of those people who gives up on the dream of a wedding and a marriage just because the guy doesn’t believe in them.
btw a lot of guys are scared that marriage will be the end of sex, the end of fun, the end of anything good. how can I convince a good man that it won’t be the case with us?
I’ve been realizing marriage is more than just a piece of paper and I’m not interested in my bf’s money, he doesn’t have any money, he just has a normal job and I do too.
its not just about a wedding either. I want to elope to hawaii and have a wedding there with my groom, just the two of us

either that or a very small family wedding with our immediate families and close friends. Maybe at most 20-40 people.
Tyed…thank you so so so much….I still want to keep my last name though, lol ;-)
Bella…no I can’t live with that anymore. I used to not want to get married but I’ve changed my mind and I can’t be with someone who doesn’t have the same life goals that I do.

Thanks. :-)
thanks again tyed, you are awesome, and to you too bella…yea I want to get married for lots of reasons. hehe. I’m going to take my time finding the right person.

I just felt so frustrated before with the guy not wanting the same things that I did. I realize I have to let him go because our life goals are not the same.

My wife at first was great but things have gone from bad to OMG.She has almost cost me everything and Im in debt because of it.She has issues with sexual abuse as a child. So needless to say there have been problems in the bedroom.She has had problems with gambling and drugs,that nearly cost me my house.Ive had to get a second job just to get by. She is batteling depression and has now cheated on me . I tried to end it but there was a suiside attemp that complicated that . The hardest part is we have two kids any words of advise