I need some advice on how to grow some man berries and tell her that it is over, and take my lumps since it will be all my fault in her eyes anyway. The children that are in this house do not deserve this and I feel like I am letting them down but, I need to be comfortable in my own house and that is not possible with her.

I have been married for 2 1/2 years. About 7 months ago my husband started having escalated problems with anxiety (something he has struggled with for a long time). This went on for about 3-4 months until it got so bad he was not able to function for about a week. He had to take a lot of time off work and his general practitioner doctor diagnosed him with severe anxiety. He took alprazolam (a lower dose version of Xanax) for a few months and then was weaned off that and onto the anti-depressant Lexapro. When he’s off the drug it’s very hard to have sex because the anxiety makes his sex drive minimal. Now the drug has taken away ALL sexual desire for him.

His doctor told him after a few months his body would become used to the drug and his desire would return, but it’s been two months and nothing. He tried to go off it for four days (because he was frustrated that he couldn’t make love to his wife) and his anxiety came back to where he couldn’t deal with it.

As long as I thought it would eventually come back I was okay with waiting as long as it takes!! I will be with him forever, I know that. I can deal with any problem that comes our way. The only thing is that I have researching Lexapro and found out that the sexual side effects do not necessarily ever go away!

The thing is, I would rather not have sex than to see him suffering from this terrible anxiety disorder! It’s horrible to have to seem him not be able to control his mind like that. I would never want him to stop the drug. I just need some advice from those of you who have had a spouse on antidepressants before and how we can deal with it. Thanks for listening and thank you for your advice.

Oh, and we are both still very young. I’m in my late twenties and he’s in his early thirties. No children. Fun-loving couple living in a big city and loving our lives.
You people are so insensitive.
After the first three answers everyone else has been SO helpful!!!! THANK YOU!!! :D I am very hopefull. I really appreciate it!
Seriously, I am SO grateful for all the heartfelt advice. I can’t talk to anyone in my life about this and having people online who actually take the time to help me extremely touching. I am gonna cry. Thank you!!

The in the past years she is just ‘mean’ to me. I know I am not perfect. i dont smoke, drink or really have any bad habits beside nail biting. I have gained some weight and snore, which is not great. But we often play tennis, go to kickboxing class, go cycling.. and now I am on a diet drug to help reduce my weight which should help w/ the snoring. I am pretty professionaly motivated and have some decient IT certs. We havent slept together in a while due to my snoring (yeah its sorta bad).. I am very attracted to her. She often complains that I wont wear contacts and when I grew out my ‘stubble’ she enjoyed it and oddly I foudn her snapping photos of me at events when I am not looking. I dont want to be vein but I think that sorta hints she is still attracted to me (aleast w/ thick stubble).. ;)

BUT she is SO mean.. I know when I was in Japan I missed my family from time to time but I am not so close to them. Her family is VERY cool and really spoil her. I have tried to go out of my way to make her feel as free as possible here. I got her a nice VW beetle not cause its expensive just cause its safe, girly, and I recall the feeling before I had a scooter in Japan and that stuck/locked in feeling.

So Thurday is her 30th birthday.. I planned a party at an all you can eat sushi place.. 15 firends have RSVPed. I setup an appoitment to go for a 30min ride in a little airplane (cessena) so she could have a new experience, and ordered in a new braclet from coach.com.. yeah she conditioned me well, how could anybody not be happy with this. But I know this cant bring her family closer. She constantly complains that I havent learned Japanese and that if I want to ‘argue’ with her I shoudl learn Japanese.. come on HOW long would that take. I know I should learn but trust me its difficult as I have a ‘math’ type brain.

BUT I think the problem is that she feels being stuck in this small town is a form of ‘isolation’ abuse. Ie typcially ‘mean’ guys say you cant go out, you cant talk to him, your not allowed to do something.. And I think she gets back at me by just being mean. She has said often she wants you yournger husband, better looking to me this is REALLY rude. She is really hurting my feelings. And I feel this has gone on for a few years.

There is a cultural difference and I try to do all I can but I think this is the biggest issue. Another issue is she was never happy with the wedding party we had, as we were between countries. When we first got back to the US, I had like $3000 and no job.. We moved around and planning something has been hard as her Ps are so far away.. but most importanly I just always feel like I am around the cornor from a divorce let alone a WEDDING..

Friends have told me your FAR to nice to be treated this way, and that its time for me to live for myself. I really enjoy being married, I dont like chasing women. I feel I have been lucky to have a few really great long term relationships and am sad about 1 or 2 that I dated that I really wanted to have something happen but it just didnt.. but I cant take much (or any) more of this.

doors have been smashed in fits of rag, there is wall putty in place.. it just not right.

its becoming very hard to go to work, do my job and be happy knowing there is nothing to come home to that is nice, sweet, kind.. or even appriative of what I do.

I have seen one counslor but could not contiue with as insurace would not pay. a co-worker r’cmd a private marriage cousulor he has used and I think its time for that. but part of me just wants to forget it, ‘how could it be so messed up now’ I cant even imagine if we had kids (luckly we dont!)..

So… Should I just end it and start my own healing process. I have been there before, it s-cks but I know I will make it..

(sorry for spelling and grammer errors, pretty emotional now)..

Certainly there is strife in my family, and my wife does not get along with my mother nor my sister, and in NO uncertain terms, I made it clear to my mother and my sister that I will not be involved with them since they seem to cause my wife so much heartache.

My wife calls me and says, “If I find out you have been talking to your mother about me, I will get a divorce.”

So, let me add something to this: My mom is a drug addict, she’s a filthy excuse for a mother, a wife and a lady and I would NOT put it past her to tell my wife a lie. My wife suffers from childlike narcissism and will always feel like a victim.

So, my question to you is: Am I screwed or what? And how do I deal with it?
No, you miss the point: I chose my wife over my mother. The point I’m making is that it won’t matter. LOL
TRIXIE – I don’t currently know if my mother is using. I literally associate with her as little as possible. The only time I say one word to my mother is at family functions.

In my frustration, I call him a cracker and a white piece of trash every time we argue. But yesterday, it got worse. Alex and I were riding in a car with my coworker/friend Nick and his wife Emma. Nick and Emma are both white by the way. I always felt that Nick could do so much better than Emma because Emma comes off as a stuck up, self-centered HOE. Plus, I can just sense that my husband and Emma want each other because they act too flirty. Anyway, the four of us were in the car coming back from Maryland. Nick was driving with Emma in the passengers seat. Alex and I were in the back. Alex and I had a huge argument because he refused to answer my question if he was interested in going back to white women or not. I called him a cracker and I told him that my BLACK ex boyfriend was more of a man than he will ever be(in and out of the bedroom). I also told him that I’m having sex with other men and they’re all black(I lied but I said it just to piss him off). I proceeded to call him his RACIST mother right in front of him and call her every b*tch and whore in the book. But Alex grabbed my cell phone and then I lost control and punched Alex in the face. We had a huge physical fight in the car. My nose was bleeding and Alex had scratches all over his face, neck and chest plus I blacked his eye and ripped his shirt. Nick and Emma had to pull over in the middle of the highway just to break us up. They were PISSED. Now, it’s been over 24 hours since Alex and I talked. I’m crying because I love him. I’m expecting Alex to pick our son up from his godfather’s house tonight, so I’ll see him then. I know I was wrong but did I come off as racist or is he racist? Who was wrong and what should I do? If I didn’t love this man so much I wouldn’t even need advice.

Recently my wife’s attitude has changed and has become more dominant and angry. It’s like she’s on her period everyday. Everything I say is nonsense to her. She doesn’t believe anything I say and overrides it with ridiculous conclusions that are simply not true.

I am thinking either she is going insane or I have to be more patient until this “unknown stage” in her life goes away.

Just for the record: No, I have not been unfaithful, no drugs, don’t drink or smoke, etc… We are just a normal couple. We go to the gym together and like to eat healthy.
Oh by the way we are in our early thirties.

My husband had spent some time in jail 10 years ago, but it was mostly drug related and he was not doing drugs any more when we met, or even to this day, but over the last 15 months he has had several brushes with the law. Ever since our baby was born he has become distant, his drinking increased, and he was arrested 3 times in the last 15 months. Once for driving a 4 wheeler on private property, once for a DUI where he really did only have 1 beer, and this last time for being so darn drunk he totalled his truck into a tree. When he went to jail I couldn’t bail him out this time and I found that he had been texting another woman 742 times the month leading up to his DUI. He even had a suggestive picture of her on his phone,a nd his texting ring tone set to silent. I have put up with a lot hoping to get back to a happy place, but ever since our daughter was born he didn’t even share a bed with me, instead he slept with the 8 year old. At first it was because the baby cried, but even after she moved into her own room he didn’t come back. We were more like roomates than man and wife.

Once I found the text messages I had had it. That was cheating in my book and it is unforgivable. The arrests, the stupid mistakes, the excessive drinking…I was trying to work through all that, but I was the only one responisble for the baby, and responisble for my step son both with school work, medically, I even coordinated the visits with his biological mother, and did all the laundry, and the dishes, and pretty much everything except the cooking, because i also work 40 hours a week and my husband got home at 3pm, so after many fights he agreed to do the cooking…but that was pretty much all he did. He even gave me a lot of attitude when i asked him to watch the baby so i could do homework with my step son, he said i should have been able to do both..I was very close toa nervous break down when he went to jail and then, to be honest, without him there to tell me how I was doing everything wrong, my life was better. Even being a single mom of 2, and fighting with my step son’s mom so that i could keep him while my husband was in jail for the last 5 months, my life was STILL better.

Well, I have made it clear that when he gets out next month he isn’t coming to my house, because it really is my house, I owned it before we met. When he is sober he is a good dad to the 8 year old, he says the baby just scared him and i want to believe him…anyway, he will be living at his mothers house, and I must say she is one of the coolest people I have ever met, we are really good friends. But how do I stay friends with him?

The 8 year old adores his dad, he knows why his dad is in jail, and I take the kids to see there dad once a week, which I think under thr circumstances is very nice of me, but I don’t do it for him I do it for THEM. My husband is still talking about us getting back together, but there is just too much that has happened, it isn’t something I want. He isn’t good at the monday-friday stuff, so i want to keep the kids, even my step son. We can make this happen, and his family is on board with that idea, they really like me. But how can I maintain a friendship with this man…how do you do the parent thing with another person when you refuse to do the married thing?

How do you stay friends for the kids sakes?
My step son has been living in my home for over half his life, I am the only mother figure he knows since his own mom has had the state remove 2 children from her care and she has been deemed a danger. My husband can terminate her rights according to state law and then I can adopt him…that’s how i wind up with my step son too.
Okay clarification, my husband can PETITION the courts to terminate the biological mom’s rights as she falls into multiple categories for involentary termination of parental rights. I thought my post was long enough so I didn’t expand on what all she has done.

Wife is also a cold fish. She never gives affection or sex – and refuses to seek help for it. Just tells husband she’s not in the mood, she’s too old (she’s mid 40s), and her overall attitude is “tough luck!” when it comes to sex.

They’ve been married for 10 years. Should husband get a divorce?
The wife refuses counseling for the sex issue.
Hound: I have nothing to do with this scenario, don’t even go there.

I love my wife. My strongest love is my greatest weakness. My wife’s family is no longer an issue. (that was just background info)

I’m just tired. Tired. Tired, and I just want this ride to stop. However my love (however disfunctional) for her won’t allow me to pull the plug. I pray for us, more than I have for anything. I know I’m not the 1st and not the last to go through this, but I find very little counsellation in all of that.

My heart hurts. It hurts. Bad.

I don’t want to be alone. My family has been my purpose. I’ve been blessed. My 1,700sq.ft. home enlarges exponentially when I’m here alone.

I guess what hurts the most is my feeling of needing my family to complete me. I look at my life before I was married (drugs, womanizing, drunkedness and GODless) and I am afraid.

My thoughts are filled with don’t wants. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to date. I don’t want TV dinners. I don’t want to be alone.

Again Thank U All!

I am a 17-year-old male, virgin, never had drugs, never drank, and I have a girlfriend who I dream of marrying in about 6-10 years, and yet when I imagine my “wife” it’s never her. Why do I do this? I can tell you I’m not crazy because no one knows about it and they don’t suspect anything.

Just wondering if there is a way me and my wife can make this guy dissapear so her sister can get the help and recovery she needs. Because it ain’t gonna happen with this guy around.
Ahh oops that is a typo. What I meant to say was my wife’s sisters husband. Not myself. Sorry, upset about this whole situation. We might have to try and get custody of the child is my wifes sister does not quit the meth and this guy doesn’t stop beating her.

for tony parker, he give men a bad name. he also admit to flirting with this woman.why would this man hit on a former team mate the won championship together.”he’s not a man” i have no respect for parker to do such a low down thing after barry and and his ex wife(erin) attend his wedding in france.
parker must be on drugs to want to cheat on his soon to be ex wife(eva) that supported his a.s. as a nba wife.women like eva you just don’t throw alway.

How am I supposed to trust this person? Does he even know what the truth is?

I still can’t stop myself from crying whenever I think about it.
It’s like he had no consideration.
I though he was the best of men. What if I am right and he is one of the best of them? He did aplogize for trying to soloicit sex from a myriad of people. He says he never actually met up with them. ?????? What if he is one of the better ones and the unfortunate fact is that most guys are really skeezy and don’t deserve our time, energy or love?
They do say infidelity exists in about 50% of marriages…And then domestic abuse exists in another % and men molesting their daughters exists in another % and men who raped others before marriage exists in another % and men who are otherwise horrible but their wives stay with them anyway exist in another %, and men who go out and unsuccessfully attempt to have affairs that no one finds out about exists in another %. So, what’s left?
To the person who said women are just as guilty and that I should look to myself first. I have looked ta myself! I would never have an affair. It’s wrong and selfish.
To Tyawanna. Yes, my post seems focused on the negative because a life changing, bad thing happened (infidelity isn’t good right?). Statistic’s show men are responsible for more WAY MORE violent crimes than women and more infidelity than women, So I was just wondering what % out there are really good men? I understand why you said my post was focused on the negatives, but I am just trying to understand why this happened?
To Tyawanna. Yes, my post seems focused on the negative because a life changing, bad thing happened (infidelity isn’t good right?). Statistic’s show men are responsible for more WAY MORE violent crimes than women and more infidelity than women, So I was just wondering what % out there are really good men? I understand why you said my post was focused on the negatives, but I am just trying to understand why this happened.
Arlette you say you’d never let your man get away with disrespecting you, yet your advice to me is to reward him for seeking sex outside the marriage and probably having an affair. I was happy with him and supportive before all this happened? WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME FOR THE BAD CHOICE HE MADE?

the positives:
1. Good to the kids when he has the money
2, non smoker
3. non drinker
4. non drug user
5. non abusive,
6. He knows my moods and tolerates me
7. easy to get along with, ( really laid -back)
8. not a picky eater, ( not really anyway)

I am still hopeful that ONE DAY I’ll fall in love. Our marriage is a comfortable one, not the most passionate,love-dovey type, but just comfortable, like an old friend who knows ya and likes ya anyways.

He sleeps, or drives cab, or is online.
I am cleaning house or, cooking or sleeping or online.
Under the same roof, we have seperate lives, seperate interests, seperate rooms…
Like I said, i have yet to fall in love, to give all of myself.
He wanted June Cleaver,and I wanted to be the next Ann Rice.
So,my sleeping in my own room,is my little way of being resentful towards him. My kids are great kids,they don’t misbehave, they are not troublemakers, or fighters, or disrespectful.
Like i have stated, i have a comfortable marriage. We are more friends that anything. No intimacy, no PDA’s and for the most part, like 95% of the time,i can rely on him. I trust him with the kids.
But the “I don’t know where those scratches came from,hun,” and the two hairs that weren’t mine and the ” I dunno where that money went” don’t make me love him.
In fact,that is the reason we sleep seperate and why I can’t love him 100%.
I am 80% happy,or should I say ” content.”
people think that we have a great marriage because he is a sweet guy.
he “doesn’t look the type to cheat.”
He does his “cheating” online. In role-playing games.
Leaving me to do what ever i want to. This has been this way for years.
is this normal???
I am content, but i need love, affection,a listeneing person and well, intimacy. To connect with someone, not just exist with them.
I dont want to leave him,because of the kids.
is this normal too?
Just asking.

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/relationships/17045/the-breakup-test-5-questions-to-ask-before-giving-em-the-boot

He is impotent. My mom had raise dme that if he couldn’t ” be a man” he wasn’t worth it. That kind of stuck in my mind.

My mom had 2 marriages under her that ended badly, and 2 boyfriends afterwards that I didn’t care for. One of them was a drug junkie and he went to jail for it. I was always worried and paranoid that I’d make the same mistakes that she did. Growing up I told her once how her drug junkie bf wasn’t a good guy and she just ignored me.

So I always had this fear that I would be bad at love and relationships like my mom was. btw I’m happy to say that she finally learned how to pick men, she found a nice man she’s going to get married to, about time she’s like 55. Third time’s the charm, lol. Anyway.

So I’ve been struggling with the fact if I should get married or not, or what should I do. I realize there are long-term couples like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell and other Hollywood couples. I really want to be with someone who I love and who is my best friend in life. It seems to me that no matter what, even if you don’t get legally married the law in many states in America considers you married…

as in common law marriages. I don’t know, I’ve been thinking, isn’t it better to just get married legally…I mean if you live together, share your life together, and then just do everything together and if the government considers you common law husband and wife then isn’t it a good idea to get married?

I also was thinking I don’t want to get denied legally if something happens to the guy I love, like what if they won’t let me into the hospital because I’m not legally his wife, just his partner. What then? That would make me upset.

Also there seem to be many men whom are against marriage, I mean is there any hope for those of us women who want to get married? btw I’m still going to have a career and earn my own money if I get married. I’m not rushing to get married because I want to take my time. I really do. If I have to wait until I’m 40 to meet the right person for myself then I will. I just don’t want to be like my mom about it.

I don’t want to be one of those people who gives up on the dream of a wedding and a marriage just because the guy doesn’t believe in them.
btw a lot of guys are scared that marriage will be the end of sex, the end of fun, the end of anything good. how can I convince a good man that it won’t be the case with us?
I’ve been realizing marriage is more than just a piece of paper and I’m not interested in my bf’s money, he doesn’t have any money, he just has a normal job and I do too.
its not just about a wedding either. I want to elope to hawaii and have a wedding there with my groom, just the two of us

either that or a very small family wedding with our immediate families and close friends. Maybe at most 20-40 people.
Tyed…thank you so so so much….I still want to keep my last name though, lol ;-)
Bella…no I can’t live with that anymore. I used to not want to get married but I’ve changed my mind and I can’t be with someone who doesn’t have the same life goals that I do.

Thanks. :-)
thanks again tyed, you are awesome, and to you too bella…yea I want to get married for lots of reasons. hehe. I’m going to take my time finding the right person.

I just felt so frustrated before with the guy not wanting the same things that I did. I realize I have to let him go because our life goals are not the same.