How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

I’ve been married for 2.5 years and we have a 2 year old, last may ’09 my wife had a flare up with her colon (she has ulcerative colitis) I knew she had the disease when we married but never experienced the flare up. She was is tons of pain and I have to work mon-fri, so she moved home with her mother who lives a few blocks away. She was put on steroids and other drugs and we began fighting mostly due to the fact I felt she should be home with me. I mean we married through sickness and health right? But her condition has fluctuated greatly in the past 9 months, we speak everyday 3-4x, but she says that she has no interest in moving home until she is feeling 100% better. I feel I have been very patient throughout and have not always acted the right way or said the right things but I have been here for her. Her sister lives with her mother also and helps with the baby because she doesn’t feel good, and I feel I can’t compete with this, I mean there are 2 extra sets of hands over there and I am only one man. Additionally her father passed the year before our wedding and I feel she likes being over there to make sure they aren’t alone (she’s the oldest) and bring joy to their lives (our son). The doctor said she is on the verge of getting better, but I have been hearing this for a year. So basically I am tired and wore down, we did go to a marriage retreat in October which has improved our relationship, but she still wont move home……should I give her an ultimatum? Move home or lets move on? Oh and also she won’t let me come and pick up my son and hang with him alone, she thinks I won’t watch him close enough, but I do see them both 5-6x a week

She swore she wouldn’t get fat after marriage, but here we are, a year later and she’s tankin-up. I think she just trapped me to let herself go on an eatin’ binge.

My wife takes drugs to replace the hormones her pituitary gland doesnt make. This gland is responsible for all the sex hormones. So basically she has no sex drive and when she tries to please me which is about once every 2-3 weeks she she initiates with a luke warm offer that is at best not sincere and at worst cold. We are married for two years and considering adopting a child but I am really struggling with the no sex thing. Is this normal for married couples in their thrities that are married only two years? I have a pretty healthy sex drive and although I am not considering ever cheating on her I dont see how I can last in this relationship without a healthy sex life and the feelings of love that come with it.

if a judge tells her that she thinks she should stay away from her husband

Marriage A:

Frequent fighting. Husband has attacked wife numerous times while intoxicated, requiring medical attention.

However, husband and wife spend a lot of time together and can be very loving toward each other.

Marriage B:

Very little fighting, just chronic, low-grade hostility. Rarely talk about important things, or anything at all. Appear to hate each other.

Rarely spend time together.

I still want to work it out. About 9 months ago she started hanging out with a boarder in our house. We have a severely autistic child and it can be difficult for my wife to make friends so I thought it might be a good idea for her to have somone to talk to. She started hanging out in his room a lot with the door open and just talking. She was staying up late talking with his door open and he had a guy that was his friend in there too. I trust her and go to bed. I wake up at 3am and the wife is not in bed. I go to tell her to come to bed and the guys door is closed with the lights off and the bed springs making noise. I cracked the door and the wife is getting banged by both guys! I am in shock and felt betrayed and just closed the door and sat in a chair to wait for her to come out. She comes out after about another half hour and is shocked to see me waiting. She says she is sorry and she just kind of got stoned and did what felt good. This coming from the woman to much
…the prude to do anything more than missionary with me. So I try to work things out with her she tells me it was just a one time thing. But I catch her again and she is stoned other times now. She insists that if I do anything about the boarder she will leave me. To compensate she starts doing things with me in the bedroom that I had always wanted her to do but she was too timid…well she is not inhibited anymore. I kind of let things go on with her going and doing whoever she wanted, part becaus eI felt stuck and part because selfishly she was now totaly satisfying me sexually. This went on for a while and she even started sleeping with women too. Eventually I had a jealous runin with the boarder and he left he left. She has not forgiven me. This also brings a problem, I kind of want the normal marriage back and she says I do not satisfy her since she likes doing more than one guy at once and @nal both things I will not do with her. She also insists on pot which I hate.
The boarder was needed for the money because my wife could no longer work because of my son’s behaviors we could find no one who would watch him. I do not make much money and the ironic thing was she asked me to get a male boarder because she did not feel it was appropriate to have a woman boarder with me being a man.

She did pot in high school and did not do it again(as far as I know) until the boarder incident.

Yes, I do now suspect she had previous affairs(she does not admit to it). When she worked at one company she started working late with no answer of phone and went in Saturdays and sunday to work. But was not bringing home any overtime pay…???

I fear that things are at the point of divorce. We have gone down two seperate paths..

Brian Henderson and his wife, Toni, have been coming to see me for counseling. Their problem isn’t an uncommon one. He isn’t aroused by his wife so he claims impotence. She doesn’t know that he has had a girlfriend on the side for about a year and a half. My goal is to get him to drop the girlfriend and become interested in his wife once again. The major difficulty in this is that they live in the small town of Cole Camp, Missouri. There aren’t really any viable dating options in the town. And he doesn’t drive due to a DWI suspension that he got a few months ago. They have a suitable house located at 1251 S Montgomery in Cole Camp, Missouri( I can’t disclose the zipcode due to patient confidentiality laws). It is about three blocks from the local park. What suggestions would you have for this couple?

My wife and I are/were alcoholics, she had been abusive and cheated on me{I LET HER BACK 3YRS AGO}…she & I had a fight and I left had a few beers and parked down the road from the house.I got a dwi..was forthright with my job and they took my $2 million sales territory like I was meat for the hungry wolf pack.My went off the deep end stopped taking her meds flipped out started punching and kicking me, I backup blocking but getting kicked in the groin into the kitchen and she came at me with a 12” knife,she was so out of control and fearing some-one would get hurt I was cornered,I TRAPPED THE ARM and she wouldn’t drop the weapon so I poped her in the face,it all happened so fast,and she was so violent I just reacted. I held her down and then let her up,She just kept coming at me IHELD HER DOWN telling my daughter to call 911,mommy was drunk and out of control.She didn’t press charges but the P.D. did.My daughter tried to tell them Daddy was defending himself but NOWAY.Any suggestions

It seams that everytime my wife and i go out and have a few drinks we end up fighting …the wife blames it on me and i think if she didnt drink so much we wouldnt be fighting everytime we go out.Its when i see that she has had to much she tells me shes not ready to go home and continues to drink more and in turn makes me mad and thats when the anger comes out……….HELP!!!!!
i should have added thats its not me who wishes to stay and drink more, its my wife and thats when all hell breaks loose

As a wife what would you do?

Scenario~

We are a married couple with two children. For the most part very happy. Most only spats we ever have are financial and are few and far between.

However it was not always this way. My husband was an alcoholic and has been sober for a very long time. Recently he became angered at me because I stood my ground on him having a beer. I explained to him my fears. I remember like it was yesterday how horrible the drinking was.

I am freaked out by the thought of him drinking even one single beer. He would become enraged, verbally and physically if he had the opportunity. He would fight others etc. He would get black eyes to say the least. And as for me, when he drank passed a third beer I would bee line it the heck out and not go home.

This is no exaggeration. I am even holding back some.

So my problem is, he tells me he wants a beer, just a single beer on his day off sometimes. I told him I fear going back to the way things were.

I do not want to fight over this, and really am confused as to what to do. If I knew he was going to pick up drinking again I would walk out. Being that if he does that he has made his choice. He tells me he is a different husband and father now. But there is no track record for me to believe he wont go back to his old ways and we have too much to lose.

What would you do? What should I do?
He has been in no support groups. In the past when he has been in trouble for drinking he attended the required AA meetings and never went back after that.

He has been sober for several years and I have been his support, and quite frankly I don’t want to be the “whiny wife” insisting he not drink. I want it to come from him. I don’t want to feel the stress he puts on me when he gets angry because I disagree with him on this. I feel like the scolding mom and I just want to be myself, his wife not nagging not worrying over this because I have other things to worry over.

My wife and I have been together 18 years. Her father had been fighting cancer for 4 years and died 1 year ago. She has been drinking in those 4 years with a friend twice a week till 4am and it’s been killing me to see her go down this path. I keep bringing it up to her and she says she doesn’t have a problem that I’m jealous of her girlfriend and having friends. I’ve asked her to go to counseling with me and she said”You don’t believe in that stuff!” and then her sister died last month related to alcoholism. She broke down and I grabbed and hugged her and said everything will be ok. She thanked me and for the first time admitted she had a problem. We came to an agreement that she would not go out as much and would only drink if I was there. (I don’t drink) She started drinking again 4 days later with her friend and when she came home I said we have to talk now she ignored me and I snapped grabbing her and slapped her face! This isn’t me! How can she believe I could never do that again?

My Wife and I have a short but colorful history:

I am 35, she is 24
I grew up in Florida, she grew up in Vermont

January 2006 – We met in Florida in school
April 2006 – Started dating, (we were both heavy drinkers and partiers, night clubs, beach bars, etc.)
August 2006 – Found out she was pregnant
September 2006 – I tried to take care of my credit card debt or $18,000 by calling a “Debt Consolidation” firm
December 2006 – Moved up to Vermont to be close to her family
January 2007 – Found out that my identity had been stolen and my credit cards were maxed out. I now am in $85,000 in credit card debt. Plus our school loans. $20,000
April 2007 – Our daughter was born

The first year we tried really hard and I worked as a waiter, she stayed home to raise our daughter. We had financial difficulties throughout the year, I obviously wasn’t paying the credit cards or school loans, we barely made rent each month.

January 2008 – My wife found God and became a born-again Christian.

March 2008 – After several attempts to control what had become a growing problem with alcohol I ended up going on a ten day drinking binge. She left to her parents house and I stayed in the apartment and tried to drink myself to death with wine and stayed drunk for ten days. My mother in-law ended up calling the police and they came to the apartment and found my laying on the floor naked and bloody, covered in my own urine and vomit. They took me away. I went to rehab for 21 days.

Since then I haven’t had a drink or touched any substance. (Almost ten months now)

April 2008 – I got out of rehab and we got married on April 15th. Shortly after we joined the local church and we were baptized together.

Over the summer of 2008 I was unemployed, we moved to a new apartment and started a new life. I felt like a new man and she seemed very happy.

August 2008 – Found a great new job with the promise of a life-long career building furniture. I am very happy and working quite a bit (6 days a week)

Since then money is still tight but getting better. My wife continues to stay home with our daughter, now 20 months. However, she is very upset with me about many things. I don;t chip in enough with the housework. I need to devote more of my free time to bible study, prayer, and devotionals. We need to tithe, (donate), more of my pay to the church. I stay up too late sometimes and when I am tired the next day my behavior reminds her of me being drunk. I forget to put my dirty socks in the hamper.

She claims that she has changed and become a Christian and I haven’t and it’s not good. However, since she’s Christian she can’t leave me because she made a promise top God. I want to stay together but I am having a hard time complying to all the rules of Chritianity. She has stopped wanting to kiss and be affectionate now, however, talks about having more kids still? Recently she told me that she actually never liked kissing in the first place. Also, she says she’s way too tired from being a homemaker to have a libido. I feel she gets enough sleep, she gets up at 9 or 10 AM and goes to bed at about 11 PM.

I don’t know what to do. Please, some advice!!
I wanted to add that I don’t think she loves me and feels that she really screwed up by getting with me in the first place. Now she’s poor and has a kid and is stuck with an old man. Also, she really wants a house now and wants me to pay the $85,000 off and not claim bankruptcy. I have know idea how I would ever be able to. I make $13 an hour before taxes. We’re on food stamps $242 a month though, which helps. She left me in October, went to her Mom and Dad’s, but then came back when she got in a fight with her Mom and realized she had no place to go. She just really can’t stand me, but at the same time is still planning a future and more children and stuff.

I have been married for 15 years. We met in the military when he was married to his first wife. He ended up divorcing her to marry me. We had a child 1 year after marriage(he did not have children with the other woman). We have been through violence on my part, 2 affairs on his part,1 on mine, and years of counselling. In the last 5 years we tried to get it together, but he started staying up for days, losing weight and unable to keep jobs. In the last 2 years he has been fired from at least 7 jobs all 6 figures. I think he may be addicted to [censored] cocaine. Friends and family have suspected this and brought it to me. Aside from unexplained spending, and the hours in the bathroom which he attributes to hemmorroids, I have never caught him. I have confronted him, but he has never admitted to it. In July after being unemployed for 6 months, he announced that he was moving to NJ to work a 6 month contract with an ex-coworker. I was heartbroken. We tried to make things work long distance, but the phone calls were short and we usually argued. I got very insecure and started to monitor the cell phone bill that is in my name. I saw a telephone number that had been called at midnight for 2 hours. The same number came up again 5 more times for at least 30 minutes a day. I called the number and asked the woman to call me back to explain the nature of her relationship. She told me he told her he was getting a divorce. I was heartbroken. I confronted him with by texting him a picture of her from her myspace page asking him who she was. That was last Tuesday. That is the last time we talked. He emailed me on Friday that he has never even met the girl and that he wants to end our marriage because he feels there is no room for him when distrust occupies so much. He told me he was sorry for misleading me about having female friends, but does not want to talk to me and that we would just be able to communicate via email. What did I do wrong?

Then I find out that he lost his job on Wednesday. I thought to myself, he has got to be on drugs. He just lost another 6 figure job after only being there for less than 2 months.

I cut off his phone on Sunday because I am paying for it. He called me from a Sprint store yesterday asking me to give the clerk my passcode so that services could be restored. I told him that if he needs to contact me to not call me anymore and do it via email. It felt good to stand up to him. Which I have never done before. And I filed for child support and separation yesterday. I really don’t want to do this, I still love him. But I cannot take suspecting he is on drugs or his lies anymore. I emailed him and told him I still love him but that the only way he could come back here was if he admitted himself into inpatient treatment. I got no response. Could this separation help him see the light?

He still operates but has no formal address or phone number listed. Tried background check but nothing updated for past 3 years.

If you have tinnitus (ringing ears), like I do, my experience tells me that you likely have a great deal of difficulty with relationships. Why? Because not only does the tinnitus drive you crazy, it can also make feel very much alone. You feel isolated because it often feels like no one can understand your suffering.

The doctors don’t really seem to understand. Your friends and co-workers don’t understand. And, most importantly it seems like your family doesn’t understand. You feel like no one can possibly understand and therefore you tend to lash out at the people closest to you.

You need to be aware that the ones you love are equally suffering right along side of you. You need to know that they feel just as helpless as you do because they know there is nothing they can do. They want to save you from your private torture chamber, but they can’t. All they can really do is hold the space while you try and figure out your next course of action.

Click for Stop Your Tinnitus Fast and Easy

And so, you are faced with a choice. You can continue on your present course and hope for a different result. That’s what many people do. The do the same things day after day and always get the same result. Or, you can actually begin to learn what works in reducing your tinnitus volume. In order for me to share what I have learned after 7 years with tinnitus, I need to tell you a little bit about my story.

I had been happily married for 8 years before I got tinnitus. When I did get the Tinnitus it almost drove my wife and I to divorce. My marriage was not simply strong enough to withstand that kind of pressure. The reason for this was that our marriage, at that time, was based mostly around romantic love. This kind of love cannot withstand serious challenges because romantic love is like a drug. Your body produces chemicals that make you to feel euphoric, energetic and great. It’s the equivalent to experiencing a natural high. But, when that drug wears off; everything bad that you felt before you took the drug returns.

So, along with my tinnitus came an opportunity to learn what real love is. And, as I gained more knowledge, our love grew into something much deeper than romantic love. It grew into a spiritual partnership. Gary Zukav (author of Seat of the Soul) defines Spiritual Partnership as “a partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth”.

Unfortunately many people are addicted to romantic love. They continue to seek it with no understanding that they are addicted to an illusion. When you fall out of romantic love you think love is gone, but it’s really only the illusion that is gone. In order for any relationship to evolve beyond romantic love, both partners must evolve as human beings.

Click for Stop Your Tinnitus Fast and Easy

For my wife Nancy and I, Tinnitus was a beacon in our life experience to help us work towards that evolution. As we evolved as human beings, we evolved in our partnership. And, as I learned more about spiritual partnerships, the more I was able to heal the emotional, spiritual, mental parts of myself. Then my physical world, including the world of tinnitus, began to change. It was an awakening of sorts. You can learn to do this by becoming aware of your thought processes, your internal dialogue, your physical habits and your emotions. Awareness is the key.

As our marriage got stronger, my tinnitus diminished. We discovered a deeper sense of identity, a greater feeling of spiritual connectedness and purpose and a renewed commitment to both our personal growth and to service. With that said, in order for your relationship to evolve, both partners must be willing partners and commit to their own personal evolution for the partnership to grow. Remember, it takes equal partners.

You can actually choose to allow tinnitus to remind you that you need to get beyond where you are at now and align yourself with a higher purpose. You are now being compelled, by force, to find your greater self and to heal yourself. And once you do, you will notice a greater quality of life all around you. Your relationships will change, your marriage will get stronger, your kids will be drawn closer to you, and everything and everyone around you will change for the better. It all starts with the realization that tinnitus is here as a beacon in your life for you to learn to be a happier person, a better spouse and a true friend to all those you encounter.

Click for Stop Your Tinnitus Fast and Easy

i had told my wife b4 marriage that i never smoked/drank alcohol and that i never had any girlfriend. but she smokes & drinks alcohol, also uses illicit drugs and had boyfriend b4 marriage with whom she had physical relation too but she hid everything from me. she nevr told me anything b4 marriage. now after marriage she tells me everything. i feel cheated, betrayed and deceived. wt should i do?