How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘Long’

okay to make a long long story short as possible ..my hubby and i have 2 kids together and he has 2 from a previous marriage we have all 4 kids full time ..recently we were arrested on drug charges stemming from being framed by the man who molested our kids…well his ex wife is trying to get custody of the kids now and i wanted to know what u think our chances of keeping them are ..heres the facts of the case DCS is siding with us and the older 2 kids were NOT here when the drugs were found they were with their mother also the mother owes us 21,685 dollars in back pay child support the kids also told the counselors that she smacks them in the mouth (they have a busted lips) and lets them watch very scary movies with nudity (they are 8 and 11 yrs old) her husband drinks everyday and his parents have been convicted on drug charges .me & the hubby have no criminal background be4 this what do u guys think? she was already proven unfit by the court once back in 1999
MAYBE SOME OF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THE STATEMENT INNOCENT UNTIL PROVENT GUILTY READ THE STORY I SAID THE DRUGS WERE PLANTED IN MY HOME MY THE MAN WHO MOLESTED MY CHILDREN ..YES MY KIDS WERE MOLESTED AND THE MAN WHO DID IT WAS IN MY HOME AND I DIDNT KNOW IT WHILE I HAD MY SON IN THE ER BUT SINCE POSSESSION IS 9/10TH OF THE LAW IM BEING PUNISHED BUT THATS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT SUBJECT AND NOT EVEN THE QUESION I ASKED ON HERE …BUT THANKS FOR BEING SO QUICK TO JUDGE PPL

have been married to my one love, whom I believe is the person God had put on this earth for me, however I’m starting to doubt whether or not he will love me just as true as I do him and if staying with him is worth the heartache in the longrun and if I’m just holding out for something that may be just in my mind and not reality.
We have 2 daughters and 14 wks pregnant with another. Due to my military obligation, we were living apart for four years, now we’re living together, but a lot has happened in the last year. Just a year ago he had an affair with a co-worker, which I found out through text messages from her to him and emails. Then I do more digging, and it looks like he was cheating on me with various other girls and via online dating sites throughout us dating and marriage. When I confront him with all, he denys and wouldnt admit the truth until almost dec 08.
We decided to move and start fresh four months ago, he moved 3 weeks before me. Then I find out that just before I went down here, he was going bar hopping with some (male) coworkers, but they would flirt with other women and there was a number in his phone, we’ll call Jill- he says it was to hook up Jill’s friend with his, who is female-shy. I call Jill and she says that’s the truth but my husband didnt act married and was very flirtatious. I asked him to go with me to marriage counseling, he said no until we found out that I was pregnant and that was only because he hoped the counselor would convince me that having the baby was not a good idea- ie get an abortion and I believe that I would be murdering an innocent baby. He has stated things like “I wish I didnt have the stress/ responsibility of a family at this age” and “I wish I was able to do things like every other 25 yr old.” etc (Im 25 too) I have asked him to reassure me that he didnt mean those comments and he side-steps my request, and acted like he didnt understand. So I get mad, and throw a “girl” tantrum and say if you dont understand by now what I need, I dont know how else to tell you.
I just feel like, hes the one who keeps messing up, and I’ve told him and WROTE him things that I need to feel reassured, and if I keep telling him that I need reassurance, etc. or what to do to make me feel better, than its more of me telling him what to do and nagging, than for him to really realize okay I screwed up and need to do that so I can show how apologetic I feel for keep on messing up and to be sincere. For example, I asked him to show me affection in a non-sexual way and remind me that he does love me, he jokes about it by saying at the end of the day “did I meet my I love you quota for the day?” I still feel like he just gropes me and push away when I think he’s going to far (sexual undertone) and not just showing affection.
My own self-esteem has also plummted because I am very different from all girls he’s ever dated. I’m asian, I’m athletic built (size 8) from soccer and rugby, conservative with strong religious beliefs, and after 2 kids in 2 years with the stretch marks and 10 lbs baby weight left over and now getting bigger with baby 3. His other girlfriends and the girls hes cheated with/talked to were white (blonde), size 4/6 petiteness, and they were all party girls with the drinking/ piercing/ high school rebellious drug/party/drink stage, which he has in common with them. I think he makes me the “bad” guy to all his friends/family because they notice my insecurities/ calling him when hes at work and they think I’m trying to control him, but he doesnt mention the whys of it all and just say something like “yea, the wife is clingy.” The new baby- he said that I’m forcing it upon him since he doesnt want it, and I wont get “rid” of it. Within the last week, hes been more involved with my pregnancy and asking me how the baby’s doing.
He says he loves me since I am so different and he sometimes wants to “keep his cake and eat it too.” His version of moving on/ helping is by pretending everything he’s done has never happened because then I’m “dwelling” on it and it’s not doing anything productive to move past it.
My mind- I love him, simple, because it wasnt all bad. Until his affair, I thought everything was perfect, but it was just one bomb after another isnce. We never had a chance to really be together as a family and I have to give it a chance to see if it will work, if not for myself then at least for my kids. But I get my doubts and think was I loving who I thought he was, and not who he really is? Does he really love me because if he did he wouldnt keep doing this to me? Wouldnt he try to understand where Im coming from and help me out instead of always doing things his way? And it breaks my heart every day thinking about this because I dont feel like I’ve gotten any closure/ healing from even last year so how can I deal with whats going on today and last month? I got out of the army, moved, dont have a job, I dont have any family to lean on, but I do have 2 be
To Jason, you will not go to Hell for getting a divorice in cases of abuse or adultery. I went to my pastor and he has told me so himself and showed me passages. Maybe you should read the Bible more thouroughly.

I have been married to a sociopath for 8 years. I am wife# 3. We share a child, who adores both of us. From the start he was so attentive. I did wonder however, why he had soul custody of his two teenage boys and their Mother never was mentioned or involved with them. He is very controlling and they were not allowed to mention her name. I became pregnant, he then suggested I get an abortion by taking a pill. I refused. We eventually got married. It was so gradual. I watched him browbeat his younger son , who was fond of his mother. To the point where his son was having panic attacks which led to heavy drinking and drugs.And later showed signs of violent behavior. The older son however is his favorite. Later I found out because he does as he is told. Needless to say when the boys left home, I became his punching bag. He has recruited his whole family against me.It has made my life a living hell, since my family is deceased. I had the good credit when we met. He had none. I put his name on my cards. He then forged my signature for huge amounts of cash. When his business failed I am left holding the cards literally! Thousands of dollars. I learned he owed the IRS quited a large sum of money which he lied about. We lost our home. After I refused to sign Power of Attorney on his tax lien , he made my life unbearable. Often times he would bring in his fav. son to get in my face and try and set me off. I warned him, the next time the police would be called and he would be escorted off the property. This man is very cunning, noone ever hears the things he says to me. It is emotional and mental abuse of severity. I have called the women’s shelter and the women’s crisis center for help several times over the years. Appears to be hopeless. I am afraid of him. I have seen him set people up for failure. He is a convincing, practised liar. and has an exceptional verbal facility, which can outmanoeuvre most people in times of conflict. I just feel as though there isn’t any hope. He is the actual Jekyll and Hyde nature. a very scary individual. sometimes i wonder if it’s easier to stay in the marriage rather then face divorce. I do know I cannot go on feeling this way it just gets worse with time. Open for suggestions……………

A Wife told the husband she doesn’t love him for over a year. He tells her “we will get it back”.. you told me when we got married so you have to love me. He cry”s over and over please love me and stay with me and the kids. She tells him the kids are not going to leave you or me we are just getting a “d”. She gets a restraining order kicks him out. She has an affair with her old boyfriend. They go on a vacation and he(husband) finds out. Tells her family and friends she is a pig and she is with the ex(who he told lies about drugs alcohol etc.) When she gets back He and her family pressure her to let him move back home. She end the relationship with the ex and lets him move back in for the kids…..She has no job and the husband tell her I will make ur life so easy if you stay with me…The wife told the ex in texts and call i love u 10x everyday for a year..Is this marriage going to last?? What is the home life like for this couple?

Alright, so I’m asking for advice but, in a way, writing this is also therapy for me. I fully expect people to email me and call me an asshole, a hypocrite and make fun of me. That’s fine, I probably deserve it. What I’m hoping to get at least a little of is something constructive and helpful. If anyone has had a similar experience to me, that would be especially useful.

So I met my wife in lawschool. We hung out all the time, drank, did drugs and basically did the friends with benefits thing. We also had sex with other people. I wasn’t jealous about that at the time. Towards the end of school, my wife took a job in Hawaii and I stayed in SF. I told her that we weren’t an item and that we should see other people. I don’t think she liked hearing that. She was going to stay in Hawaii for at least a year.

She hated Hawaii, at first, and I hated my corporate job in the city. I was having sex with other people and I knew she was having sex with other people in Hawaii. We lied to each other and said we weren’t seeing or screwing anyone. Eventually I had a second thoughts about her so I asked her to move in with me when she was done in Hawaii. We still asked each other whether we were sleeping with or seeing other people. We kept lying to each other about that and, since we aren’t stupid, we each knew the other was lying the entire time.

She said she wanted to move back with me and that she loved me. She said it instantly without hesitation. We talked on the phone almost daily. When her voicemail came on on a Friday night, I figured she was with someone and I’d get a little jealous even though I was doing the same goddamn thing.

When she got back things were tough at first. We weren’t living in a very cool place, we weren’t making good money (I got fired and had to get a new job), she got an abortion (mine), she couldn’t find a job she wanted. When I’d get home from work she’d be all mopey all the time. Sometimes she’d be wearing just sweats and hadn’t showered. It wasn’t like she was dirty, she just wasn’t trying to impress me.

She’d gotten to like Hawaii while she was there. She was always telling me how in shape she’d been, how tan, how she would always go out and get drunk or do drugs. I could tell she wasn’t happy that she’d moved back. She kept saying she hated it back in California and the only thing worth coming back for was me. I’m not sure if she meant it all the time.

We fought constantly about virtually everything. I wasn’t interested in having sex with her. I sometimes regretted asking her to come back. The fact that I knew she had had sex with people in Hawaii didn’t bother me in the slightest. In the first year when she came back, it came out that I had slept with some people while she was out of state. She freaked out, cried and swore up and down that she had never slept with anyone while she was in Hawaii because she was being honest about our “long distance” relationship.

Over the next few years, things got better between the two of us. We fought less. We took better care of ourselves and looked generally better. Our jobs got better and we moved to a nicer place. Things became pretty happy and I think we were both honestly content. I proposed, bought a big ring and she accepted. We eloped a short time later because planning for the wedding had become annoying. It was wonderful.

Right after our first year of marriage she got the dream job offer in the dream place to live. We were both ecstatic. We prepared to move and she flew to a seminar for training. While she was gone, I happened to read her email. She had saved emails to a friend and they detailed how she had had sex with five people while in Hawaii, how the sex was incredible, how she did drugs and drank and basically went wild. She had rated all the people she had sex with. I was a 10 but so was some other guy in Hawaii and another was a 9.5.

Bear in mind that I had been with six or seven people while she was gone. Even so, I got pretty pissed about the whole thing. I confronted her about the other guys, she admitted but didn’t apologize since I admitted I had done the same. I figured it was no big deal and I don’t think she ever cheated on me. She also wrote in the emails that she missed me incredibly but that didn’t stop her from having sex. She wrote about how she had second thoughts about coming back how she enjoyed her independence. She didn’t mention that she wanted to stay for any particular guy.

That was three months ago. Since then, I haven’t been able to keep the emails out of my mind. I get angry with her, stop speaking with her we fight about what she did while in Hawaii. I know I have no right to be angry since I did the exact same things but I am angry and insanely depressed. I think I’m actually more depressed than I’ve ever been in my whole life. When I wake up until I go to sleep I think of her having sex with other people, I think how she’s a slut and how she probably bragged that she was doing this while her long distance boyfriend was none the wiser. I simply cannot get the thoughts out of my mind. I have tried to think about other things and I can’t, I’ve tried to rationalize that it doesn’t matter since I did the same stuff and I can’t.

I think about suicide constantly. I think about divorce. I think about moving to Hawaii myself and leaving her. I think about how she was in her best shape then, tan and fun and drunkenly getting the shit fucked out of her by hot surfer guys. I know the kind of screwing I do to be a 10 so I’m pretty goddamned sure what they did to be a 10 and 9.5 respectively. I think about how she came back and was mopey and wasn’t the same for me. She’s still hot, but not as hot as she described herself then. I feel they got the best of her and I got seconds.

The other odd thing that’s happened is that our sex life has really improved. At least, I want to have sex with her constantly now. For the the past three months, I haven’t even watched any porn or jerked off to anyone else but her. That is one thing I’m actually kind of happy about. But I get upset when she doesn’t want to and sometimes I bring up the people in Hawaii when she says no as if to say “if you were a slut for them why not me?” We are having a shitload of sex though. Immediately after sex is the only time I’m not insanely jealous and down.

I also get angry since she doesn’t smoke now and hardly drinks. I’m so depressed and angry I drink more now and took up smoking again. She complains about how I smell after I smoke and sometimes doesn’t want to kiss me. I bring up the fact that one of the guys she was fucking in Hawaii dipped and we fight some more. I see double standards in everything.

I don’t want to leave her and I don’t want to feel this way. But I can’t keep going on in this kind of misery, it’s just a constant torture that’s driving me completely insane. I know that it’s unfair of me to feel this way but knowing that doesn’t make it go away. I need to know what to do. Is there some pill I can take to mellow me out until this passes? Will this pass? Will therapy do something? Should I just leave while I’m still young (33)? If you’ve gotten this far, please, please email me and tell me what you think I should/could do.
Some really interesting and insightful answers. Now that I think of it, I am possessive and narcissistic, among other things… Thank you all. I wish I could choose several best answers. So the prevailing logic seems to be not to leave her?

Isn’t it usually the one’s who speak so ill about others who have the most “dirty little secrets?” I think King is probably having an affair with his wife’s uncle, he has probably stolen US money….uses heroin, sells drugs, is a spy, a wife beater, and is just an all out disgusting lunatic who probably mixes antidepressants with raw animal flesh for breakfast! Karma ALWAYS has it’s way of coming back to these guys who use their positions to try to hurt others…Remember how the congressmen who wanted Clinton to step down started committing suicide and having heart attacks because their “little secrets” started coming out??? It’s so ironic….
MICHAEL WAS FOUND NOT GUILTY ON 14 COUNTS AND ALL OF THE PARTIES INVOLVED HAVE ADMITTED TO LYING!!!!!
GET IT RIGHT!!!!!
Michael’s insurance company paid the family…Research the case for yourself before believing what you hear from the media. listen to the”evan chandler taped phone conversation…” research the case against this man where his son had to sue him for being abusive…actually hitting his son with a weight…read the Michael Jackson transcripts….D*mn…are people really just sheep who cannot think and research for themselves? RESEARCH!!!!! There is SOOOOO much more to the story…
Yea…FREE SPEECH….That doesn’t discount the vile, filthy things that come out of people’s mouth. How do you call someone the names that king called Michael when he has absolutely NO proof??? This just shows how very careful we have to be trusting some of these cats who are running things…A man was found “Not Guilty” and a US Congressman called him those slanderous names????? WHEWWWWWW…This is why our world is in the state that it is…I can call you what I want and the more people hear it…the more…
…they believe it…Shame on him and shame on whoever agrees that he was proper in his statements…God forbid anyone EVER begins a heinous rumor about YOU….trust me…once it starts to spread….you WILL be suspect……

I’m 20 and I’m a female, both my parents met in rehab. My mother was addicted to Xanax and Ambien and way later on she got hooked on crack cocaine. When I was born my dad took full custody of me, my mom was rarely in my life.. seen her maybe 6 -10 times a year and for some years she had stints in prison / jail. Since I was VERY small I have memories of being very overly emotional. When I would get in trouble I would sit in my room stare in the mirror and scream and cry WHY ME! I HATE MYSELF! in Kidnergarten this was. Also on my 4th Birthday I tried to carry a peice of cake to my dad and I dropped it on the floor and remember crying and saying “I can’t do anything right” I was also extremely attached to my dad.. if he went anywhere without me I’d freak out and sit in the window making up songs like “where’s my daddy, where’s my dad” forever… people used to say I was glued to his belt loop. My dad’s mom – my grandma lived with me since I was born and still does to this day.. She is very verbally abusive and always told me my mom was a prostitute, and really mean things.. I was VERY jealous of ANY woman that tried to talk to my dad.. or even some of his male friends that would get him to drink. As I got older things got really bad… I felt like I was nothing… I was sent to a psych ward when I was 13 for cutting myself and drinking. Eventually I was diagnosed with severe depression/bipolar. My mom died when I was 14 of a crack overdose, and she was only 33. My dad got married RIGHT after my mom died, and he moved out with his new wife and left me with my grandma. Then I started smoking weed at 15, and doing really hard drugs (heroin and coke) but I thankfully never got addicted. I was in a school with lots of rich kids and I wasn’t rich at all I never felt loved or like I belonged. I never got along with my step mom, I always felt she judged me. We came from two different worlds – she grew up very well off, and her parents were teachers, and her dad was also a pastor. I dropped out of school at 17, I was addicted to xanax, and klonopin. I tried xanax because I always heard that my mom was addicted to it. I started blacking out and binge drinking, I was in and out of the psych wards. I was addicted to xanax for 3 years I took over 10 pills a day and barely remember my life from 17, til just recently. I’ve been sober for 3 months now. I’m trying to get my life together but I still have these feelings of worthlessness and I’m still overly sensitive. I have a boyfriend who is really really mean and since I understand his past and how he grew up and WHY he has so much anger.. I try to stay with him but he makes me histerically cry every single day. He knows my past and uses it against me.. I am now 13 weeks pregnant and just trying to live my life happy. I never want my child to go through anything I did.. I stopped drinking, pills, and EVEN smoking cigarettes the day I was told I was pregnant. I stopped everything. I just want to know what should I do to help myself feel better? I can’t stop being so sensitive why am I like this?

Lots of post on here about the idea of being in or out of “LOVE” and sex issues. I have been married for 11 years. I think too much gets made of sex issues in marriages. It is important but is it a measuring stick of a good marriage. I also think that sometimes the “feeling in love with someone” get blown up so much no one could live up to it. At all times during our marriage I feel a bond with my wife. Maybe a combination of trust, caring, dependability, familiarity, friendship, sex but I do not always feel that intoxicating feeling of “LOVE” for her. At least for us marriage is not always easy thing but we have been able to make it work so far. So what do you think are the keys to a long marriage?

My boyfriend was married, and has a child with his ex. They both used to do drugs, but when they had the baby he stopped and got his act together. She didn’t, left him after the baby was about 4 months old. (so this was also only there 2 month of marriage they got married after they found out she was preggers). He basically hates her, and they never talk because she is still on heroin so she’s not allowed around her kid.

When we first met he showed me pictures in his wallet, some were of her preggers, and I didn’t mean to piss him off but I said she was pretty. Cause it was true she was really pretty, his daughter looks just like her. He got mad and took out every picture that had her in it and ripped it up (while we were at a restaurant) and threw it away, and told me thats how much he hated her that he didn’t want me to think about it.

I believe you have to really care about someone a lot to HATE them that much. If you only sorta like someone u don’t usually hate them..
Well twice now she’s poped into the picture while we were dating. The first time a mutual friend brought her into the picture, trying to help “clean her up” for her daughters sake. She would wait outside his work, basically forcing him to talk to her. Then this friend (not one anymore) would call me and tell me how much better she’s looking and that she still has feelings for him. So I started freaking out, worried that they might decide to give it another try. She’s beautiful and the mother of his child, and they were married. She couldn’t hack it though, and ran away and back to drugs.

Now my boyfriends aunt just died, and he gone (because they live 6 hours away). The problem is his dad (also a heroin addict) is dating his ex wifes mom, and his ex wife lives in his aunts house. So I know he’s going to have to see her again. The un logical part of me is so insecure that he’ll be so upset about his aunt that she’ll comfort him yaada yada you know where the stories going.
(active imagination I have). But the reality check part is telling me, he’s a good dad, and wouldn’t want anything to do with a girl whos not good for his daughter. He hasn’t gotten with her for almost 6 years why would he start now. Plus hes a good guy, he wouldn’t cheat in the first place.

So how do I get over this insecurity about nothing? I know its stupid, but I can’t seem to control my own thoughts

Got hooked on percs and lortab around November of 2007 and in March of 2008 came clean to my wife and parents about the pain killer addiction. Instead of just going through the withdrawl, I looked for an easy way out and started on Suboxone. So I was on Suboxone for over a year and finally on June 30th I had enough and checked myself in to a detox so I could get off everything once and for all. After a month, I finally feel good mentally again, better than I have in 2 years. Problem is the BACK PAIN. As soon as I started feeling good in every way my back started killing me. This has been going on for 2 weeks now. Could this be a lingering effect of the pain killers and suboxone?? Anyone have a similar situation??

so my sisters husband is a major drug addict. they got married a year ago and had a baby. he says he stopped using since the baby was born ( which was two weeks ago) but i dont believe it. yesterday i was looking at his hand and noticed that it was all blown up and red. he said it was because he missed a vein when he shot up heroin ( which he claimed was two weeks ago) and i was wondering how long the swelling lasts after someone injects opiuts and misses a vein, i think hes lying. i believe he used drugs this past week because i dont think swelling lasts that long. does any one know? because his wife needs to know the truth!

My husband is a wonderful, wonderful man. He’s a great father, he treats me like a princess, BUT he’s an alcoholic. I left him about 6 months ago (drove 2,700 miles cross country) because he wouldn’t get help and it was getting out of control. I didn’t want to stay in an environment like that with our 2 small children. To make a long story short, he ended up going to rehab, and getting sober. He wanted to be in WA with us, so we agreed he’d stay in a “sober house” for a while first, then if he stayed sober he could come home. All that was great. He’s been sober about 5 months now. The roles are totally reversed now, I work 50 hours a week at a job I love, and he stays home with the kids and works part time. He hasn’t been loving staying home, so we have been talking about him working again. No pressure from my end, financially we are ok now. This morning he was extra grumpy, but we brought kids to day care, I got a few new things for work, then went to work. He was supposed to pick up the kids since I worked till 8. well, at 6 I called to say hey, he was drunk, kids left at daycare. I had to leave work and go get them. I cried and cried and tried to talk to him, but no use talking to a drunk person. I told him to get dressed, and we dropped him off at an AA meeting. He looked miserable and mad. gave him a kiss, said I’d pick him up in an hour. I went back, some guy told me they tried to talk to him, he didn’t want to talk, took off walking. There’s a huge fair downtown tonight where the meeting was, a million people out, so I just came home and put the kids to bed. He hasn’t called. I looked at the search history on the computer, he was looking at “amtrack” this morning when I was still home, from WA to TX. He’s from TX. And he had my phone today, he called his Dad who lives in TX. So, looks like he’s been thinking about leaving. He told me he went to Tacoma to find out about the local electrical union, which he was in before. He did go, he’s got some guys cards. So it seems he wants to get a good job again, and everything should be fine. But he got drunk and didn’t go pick up the kids (who have never been picked up late ever before, and it was embarrassing because day care called him, he didn’t even bother to call, and he lied and said he was having car trouble and would “be there later”) I’m FURIOUS!!!!! But I’m not taking it out on him, just trying to figure out what the real problem is and help him. I realize that I can’t. And I’m not going to live my life with an alcoholic, lying, irresponsible husband. I deserve better, I am a good wife, I work hard, I’m a good mom, and I really freakin try. Our love life is fine, everything was just fine (I thought)…so I guess my only real option here is divorce. I’ll never fully trust him again. Where do I go from here? I mean, should I start looking for a room mate? I don’t know how I’ll manage without his income, and all the help is is to me. I just don’t know what the heck to do…I know I have to keep going foreward…what’s the next step?

My wife took a lot of xanax and other prescription drugs while drinking a substantial amout of whiskey. She is bi-polar. She fell several times and has the bruises to prove it. We took her to her psychiatrist who sent her to the hospital for a minimum 72 hr stay. He says that she needs to be de toxed from all the prescriptions that she’s been on as well as the alcohol to which she has become addicted. Is 72 hrs enough time for someone to de tox? She has been on psychotic meds for 25 yrs. She keeps getting worse. At the emergency room she told the nurse that she was trying to kill herself. She had a full bottle of xanax but only took 16. Anyone with the misfortune to have experience with this type of trouble is asked to share what they know. Thank you.

My roommate’s son is a heroin addict, a wife and child abuser and a convicted criminal. He recently got out of jail for doing time for armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill. We called his PO when we found out that he was doing heroin (AGAIN), and they’re going to test him when he goes in. I think he may know he’s getting tested because magically, three weeks before his PO meeting (for some reason it’s only once a month, I don’t get it), he ‘quits’. A day after his meeting he’s wasted again. If he ‘quits’ now, and his meeting is 5 days away, will it still show up in his urine test?

We’ve been seperated for almost 3 years now, and our divorce settlement is a few weeks away from being finalized. We have a 4 year old daughter together. It was a very bad breakup and we didn’t speak or have any contact for about a year and a half…working with our families to take care of our kid. This past summer we started a dialogue and we have been able to re-establish our friendship in effort to raise our daughter without conflict. However, I have become increasingly concerned for her health and well being lately and I’m not sure what to do or how to approach it.

When we started talking again this summer, she had a boyfriend in California (3000 miles away) and they were ‘together’ pretty much since I had moved out. A few weeks later she called me crying, and told me she’d been getting drunk alot and sleeping with another guy. She dumped the guy she had been cheating with, and the guy in CA dumped her. She was upset that she had sabatoged yet another relationship in her life, and cited depression, heavy drinking and partying as the source for her bad decisions. For a few weeks I checked up on her and she said she was doing better, not drinking and not partying. All seemed better.

This past weekend she called me again…crying. She is apparently back to her old ways of drinking, partying and sleeping with casual acquaintances. She had apparenly put some amount of faith in her latest “friend”, but could not deal with certain realities about him so she dumped him. Once again, she cited depression, heavy drinking and partying for her poor judgement. She has also admitted a couple recent close calls with the law while drinking and driving. We talked at length, and I told her that it is apparent she is repeating the same cycle with every man in her life. She starts out being very affectionate and fully giving up herself and her body to these guys. Then she learns that these people are not who she thought they were and regrets her choices. It’s not even that there’s anything wrong with these guys, she just can’t deal with situations that aren’t ideal for her. She has dumped or cheated on every guy she’s ever been with and has ended these relationships “because she can’t deal with people once she really gets to know them and see that they aren’t all perfect”. She is not permiscuous when she is not drunk, so it’s like she’s a whole other person when she’s partying.

Yesterday, she’s back to “everything is OK” and “I’m going to stop drinking and partying”so much. Basically, now she’s in total denial that there’s any signifigant issue at all…its all under control all the sudden after completely falling apart the day before. I’ve told her that there really is a problem and it’s not OK, and I’m not going to ignore it or just watch her continue hurting herself. I am certain she will revert back to the drinking and party scene after a few weeks. She is definitely taking a lot of risks (sexually and driving drunk) and her drinking / partying is out of hand. She’s a 33 year old mother, but she’s living like a 19 year old college girl. I have our daughter over 60% of the time each week, and I’ve been paying child support for almost 2 years…apparently to fund her nite life. Ironically, I had turned to the bottle as we approached the end of our relationship (to deal with the stress), and she cited that as a major problem at the time. Now the tables have turned and she’s the one binge drinking to cope with her problems. I had more than a few problems when we broke up, and she watched me fall to pieces and drink myself into oblivion. It’s OK now that she’s the one who drinks to cope? I’ve told her a few times lately…she seems like a whole other person than the girl I had married years ago. The “friends” she has, all the booze / weed and the whole party scene she frequents have drastically changed this girl, and destroyed her integrity. Why is she doing this to herself?

When the divorce is settled I am taking 1/2 of the value of our equity in the house and the support will be revoked. I have agreed to joint legal custody but I will not hesitate to seek full custody if she continues on her downward path. She is visibly exhausted when I see her, and she basically refuses to see a counselor even though I provide good insurance for her till the divorce goes through. I keep telling her to take advantage of it while she can. I feel like the divorce will be a real hardship for her due to the reduced income and sale of the house…it may perpetuate or worsen her current behavior. I really worry that she will wait for something to go really wrong before she addresses these issues and starts to deal with her problems. There are definitely some underlying problems from her past that are coming into play, including being molested by her cousin when she was a child, and an alcoholic father. She needs help, and to some degree I still have love in my heart for her…probably always
will. I can’t just stand by and watch her destroy herself, or give herself up to men who really don’t deserve a girl like her. I always felt like she would find someone better than me after we split…I had no idea she would become who she is today.

What more can I do to help her, without being overbearing and over-assertive? I don’t want to push her away. I have told her that I really care about her…she is my child’s mother and our daughter needs her mom to be there for her. Our child also needs a mom that she can be proud of, and not a drunk who keeps giving up her body to guys who don’t respect her and that she ultimately regrets. I just wish I could get her to understand the gravity of the situation before it’s too late. I truly hope she finds her way out of this mess she’s in.

I appriciate any similar stories, constructive feedback or any advice. Please help me help her! Thanks!

I am very unhappy w/ my atty & the way he represented me. To sum up my case: My fiance was attacked by 2 drunk random females, I tried to break things up in her defense & was attaked by a male from behind. We were wrestling on the floor when police showed up. One cop spurred me from behind and hit his forehead on the back of my head and he got a cut. I was arrested for disorderly conduct and told I would get out in a couple of hrs but later I was added on the charge of assulting a peace officer.
I really was just defending my soon2be wife & in no way was in the wrong. Im a bookeeper and have never been in a fight in my life. I have a clear record & I was sure I had a good case. But my atty’s attitude towards my case was the total opposite. At 1st he said he could help me, charged me 1500. retainer + add’l fees for any further work. But once I paid the retainer, he didnt even try. There was no other witnesses other than my fiance and I, so I told him to put me on the stand and i’ll testify cuz we were the victims. But he kept saying the facts were against me & I should just plea guilty and avoid a jury cuz I could be locked up for 2-10yrs.. I insisted I was innocent, but he never fought for me, just kept urging me to take a plea bargain so we didnt have to go to trial. I even drafted up about 11 diff points I came up w/ that he could use to defend us.. and im not even the atty. Thats what i was paying him for!!!
Anyway, I knew he wasnt goin to help me so by Gods grace, it turns out my mother knew a friend of the D.A & I ended up getting 6 mo. probation w/ deffered adjudication. He thinks it was his negotiations that got me that deal though.
So I finally got a final bill and he charged me additional 2,500.00 in extra fees on top of the retainer. He charged me 100.00 for EVERY motion (ex. motion for discovery, motion for probation, motion for a witness list.. ) He also charged me for “research on file for discovery”, “research on motion for probation” etc. Shouldnt he already know his stuff? This is his job, why am I paying him to learn? He also filed sepinas against 3 police officers The bill said his assistant took 1 hour to draft up each sepina @ 100/per hr. So I have to pay 300 bux for 3 sepinas .(which btw, never got served because supposebly the 3 cops were all on vacation and couldnt be found).. Now im not stupid, all the 3 sepinas are exactly the same , the only thing that changes is the names of the officers. So I understand it took 1 hr. to draft the 1st sepina, but the other 2 didnt take an hr. each.
Lastly, he also charged me for every call he made to me. Even when he left me a message, I am being billed for that also. I think this is outrageous. Now Ive never been in trouble or dealt w/ lawyers, so maybe this is normal, but I think its crazy how he is charging me. Shouldnt a criminal case be a flat rate.. just a certain price up front? I know my co-worker had got arrested for DWI & possesion of cocaine charges and he was charged a flat rate of 2800.00 for both. I only had one and im being charged 4,000.
Is there anything i can do, or is this legit? Im bearly making it & only agreed to go w/ him thinking 1500.00 was the bulk of the amt, and i’d only have to pay a little more in add’l fees…. Not another 2500.00. What can I do if i cant come up w/ this money? Can I go to jail? I really need some sorta advice on what my options are. Please help..

My brother is a permanent residents to states. He has a wife and children back home, apply for citizenship but was deny because of criminal record. He recently apply for his wife and children to come to the states. Will he be deny that too? Which i hope he will! Can’t stand him! I heard that if you petition for certain family members to immigrate to the United States as permanent residents, you have to have high income , at least a driver license (which he doesn’t DWI) , car, exc. Which he doesn’t have ANYTHING. If he does get approve how long will it take?
Not a citizen of the untied states travel home every November ! Winter hes back home summer hes in the state

A lawyer for the third, Victor Arana, said his client, Angel Hernandez-Garcia, was arrested on Halloween on a charge of driving while intoxicated.

Arana said his client, who has since pleaded guilty to the DWI charge, had been living in Austin with his wife and two children and working in construction.

His client, he said, is not a criminal.

“These are tough cases because there are families involved,” Arana said.

“The only difference is he was born on one side and we were born on the other side,” he said.

http://www.statesman.com/news/local/federal-judge-questions-immigration-prosecutions-216667.html

Sharon is a 25-year-old woman brought to the emergency room by her boyfriend, who has become progressively more alarmed at her complaints, demands, and erratic behaviors. Her chief complaint to the staff is “I keep thinking about wanting to kill myself.” Sharon is a competent secretary, has her own apartment, and is self-supporting. She is also attending university classes in the evening because she wants to advance her education and does not “want to stay a secretary all her life.”
The current crisis began when her boyfriend, John, refused to consider her demands for marriage after a 2-year exclusive relationship. Sharon began to call him at work demanding more and more time, finally threatening to kill herself if he didn’t spend every evening with her. John reported that her demands, phone calls, and escalating threats were becoming intolerable and were making him want to break off the relationship entirely. On the evening John brought Sharon to the emergency room, he had told her that he had to go on a business trip and would be away for several days. Sharon insisted that he was doing this just to get away from her. She became severely agitated and began to talk wildly about killing herself. In the emergency room, Sharon angrily belittles her boyfriend in front of the staff and accuses him of using and then rejecting her. After physically separating the arguing couple, the staff is able to obtain a history of the progressive development of Sharon’s symptoms.
In response to the stress of the past several months, Sharon had developed fluctuating depressive moods, a tendency to oversleep (especially sleeping in the evenings and on weekends), and a tendency to binge eat that has resulted in a 20-pound weight gain. Sharon says she is constantly anxious and has been having increasing difficulty concentrating on her studies. She has continued to work throughout this stressful period, seeking support from those in her office. Attention from John or her co-workers produces a brightening of her mood that she is able to sustain while they are with her.
Sharon experiences her most severe symptoms when she is alone. These include prolonged fantasies about killing her boyfriend and a desire to hurt herself. She says that on several occasions she has cut her thighs with razor blades and describes watching herself do this as if from a distance, numb and dead inside and feeling little pain. Sharon says that at these times she feels fat and unattractive as well as completely unlovable and worthless. At such moments, she calls John on the phone and threatens to commit suicide unless he comes and keeps her company. John reports that she has also begun to lost control of her temper. For example, shortly before he brought her to the emergency room, she attacked him with her fists in the midst of an argument.
Sharon was the youngest of four children and one of two girls. Her parents separated and divorced when she was 3 years old because her father’s alcoholism and physical abuse of his wife and children. A family secret was that Sharon was sexually abused when she was 10 years old by a brother 5 years her senior.
In adolescence, Sharon associated with a rebellious group and became involved in drug abuse and early sexual behaviors to fit in. Sharon said that her mother attributed Sharon’s teenage rebellion to a need to “find a father” and that she thought Sharon had gotten “her sexual urges confused with wanting to be loved and cared for.” By age 16, Sharon had already embarked on the pattern of chaotic unstable involvements with men that continue to characterize her adult life.
Her first drug overdose occurred at age 17 in response to a perceived rejection by her boyfriend. A series of intense relationships followed this incident, each of which followed a similar pattern: Sharon would become progressively more clinging until she gradually alienated her partners. Each rejection was marked by a period of anger and self-abuse, followed quickly by a new and identical relationship. Sharon’s current boyfriend is only the latest in a long series of disappointing partners.

My wife of three years has left again for the same guy.
The sad part is that the blow becomes easier and easier, the number I become after scar upon scar. I’m not saying I’ve been the perfect husband– maybe I missed some lines here and there, but I do not believe there is anything I could have done to warrent this completely. I have not been perfect, but I have been faithful. Our soon-to-be 3-year-old precious son is now in the middle of this. The last time she ran off (a year ago), while hiding my son from me with her boyfriend for five months (six months the first time), she had been arrested for DWI, hit and run, spdg ovr 100mph and child endangerment. I found out after my own investigation that son was in their custody and that my wife was in jail and she lied to them as to my whereabouts while the boyfriend did the same so that they could keep him for themselves. I forgave her once. Now she calls tonightand wants to talk. Logic knows better– heart doesn’t. What do I do?