I still love her and both daughter and I miss her very much. But do not know where to go from here. Am confused, angry, upset you name it my emotions run the gambit.

Recently my wife’s attitude has changed and has become more dominant and angry. It’s like she’s on her period everyday. Everything I say is nonsense to her. She doesn’t believe anything I say and overrides it with ridiculous conclusions that are simply not true.

I am thinking either she is going insane or I have to be more patient until this “unknown stage” in her life goes away.

Just for the record: No, I have not been unfaithful, no drugs, don’t drink or smoke, etc… We are just a normal couple. We go to the gym together and like to eat healthy.
Oh by the way we are in our early thirties.

Since then she has gotten better and then fallen on bad habits, been married and divorced twice (mostly because she sleeps around), is sleeping with a new guy every week and everytime my daughter gets her hopes up that her mom will be okay she throws it all away on her ex that she still sleeps with or falls back onto drugs.

Not to mention that my ex’s second husband used to beat my daughter and the ex did nothing about it. My daughter gives her mother money, tries to buy stuff for her 3 little brothers (from the ex’s second marriage), tries to be there for her but it is tearing her up and I hate to see it.

My sons have long given up but my daughter just keeps trying and getting hurt. More..
She scams my daughter out of money, puts guilt trips on her if she doesn’t do everything for her, calls her at 3am 2 or 3 times a week to say she is too drunk to drive home and needs my daughter to come get her, is verbally abusive telling her that she is fat (my daughter is 105 pounds and has gone through an eating disorder because of the ex’s abuse) and tells her she is a bad daughter even though she spends half her time and money trying to help her.

I just don’t know what to do anymore and I’m at my wit’s end. My daughter just recently got an apartment and doesn’t have the money to pay all her mom’s bills and from what I hear the ex has been non stop calling her and telling her that she is a bad daughter and that her little brothers are going to starve because she won’t give her money.

My daughter is smart, successful and a sweetheart. She took care of her mother since she was 12 and worked hard all her life. Her mom is tearing her down, how can I help her?
I did get custody of my daughter, but she would go to the ex’s on weekends. I didn’t know she was being beat until several years later when she was older and told me.

I didn’t want to keep the kids away from their mother, I had loved her and I knew at some point in her life she had been a good person and I hoped for her sake and my kids that should would get better but she never did.

I wasn’t going to tell my kids they couldn’t have contact with their mother, the boys eventually gave up on her but my daughter won’t. She is a good person and the ex takes advantage of that. Just going to the ex and telling her not to call won’t work, because my daughter still thinks that she can help her.

AP Headlines
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Lone Comair Survivor Pulled From Plane
Almanac Predicts an Extra Cold Winter
Sports
Taveras Runs Hitting Streak to 30 Games
U.S. Smothers Australia 113-73 at Worlds
France Advances to the Quarterfinals
Strange News
128 Students Suspended at Ind. School
Father-Son Team Set Watermelon Records
Chinese Sex Toys Confiscated in Vietnam
Officials say locals swamped by illegals
Most at hearing say feds ignore immigration

By Tim Whitmire
Associated Press

Gastonia | A federal effort to enlist local law enforcement officers to help identify and deport criminal illegal immigrants is a mere stopgap in the face of a much bigger problem, officials told a congressional panel Friday.

“I and many others strongly disagree with President Bush’s policy, or lack of, on illegal immigration,” Mecklenburg County Sheriff Jim Pendergraph told four House members at a hearing on empowering local law enforcement to combat illegal immigration.

“The Congress of the United States has let us down by the lack of action on the illegal immigration issue for decades,” Pendergraph told the panel that included North Carolina Republican Reps. Virginia Foxx, Patrick McHenry and Sue Myrick.

Rep. Mark Souder, R-Ind., chairman of the subcommittee of the House Committee on Government Reform, also attended the hearing at Myrick’s Gastonia office.

Pendergraph’s department last winter signed a memorandum of understanding with federal Immigration and Customs Enforcement. The agreement allowed 12 deputies to be trained to screen the immigration status of people arrested in Mecklenburg, home to North Carolina’s largest city, Charlotte.

The 287(g) program, as it is known, gives local officers access to ICE’s database of fingerprints and photographs, which Pendergraph and others say is the only reliable way to identify the immigration status of an arrested person.

Since screening began May 1, Pendergraph said, his department has found that most of the immigrants who pass through his jail are here illegally.

“So many illegal immigrant criminals have been identified through my 287(g) program, it is causing me a jail space problem,” Pendergraph said.

Pendergraph’s department is one of only seven departments in five states with such agreements and access to ICE’s database.

Gaston County Sheriff Alan Cloninger told the panel his department received approval Thursday to join the program, but Pendergraph said many other law enforcement leaders who have tried repeatedly to participate in it tell him they have been turned down or ignored.

An estimated 405,000 illegal immigrants live in North Carolina, McHenry said.

Michael Lands, district attorney for Gaston County, said the federal government doesn’t have enough agents to handle an illegal immigrant population of that size.

“Ultimately, and I mean no disrespect, this is a federal government problem that you need to address,” he told the panel.

The government’s approach to illegal immigrants, Lands said, has been “to wait until they commit a state crime and then determine if it’s serious enough to deport them.”

Souder responded that federal, state and local governments will have to cooperate to improve the system.

“Somehow we’ve got to figure out how to do this together,” he said.

The mother of a Gaston County teacher who died in a July 2005 hit-and-run crash in Brunswick County caused by an illegal immigrant pleaded with the panel for a solution.

Scott Gardner was on vacation with his family when their car was struck by a truck driven by Ramiro Gallegos, who was intoxicated and had a history of drunken driving arrests.

Wife Tina Gardner remains in a vegetative state at a nursing home, her mother-in-law Emily Moose said Friday. The couple’s two young children are effectively orphaned.

“I believe the cost of human life is too high to pay for cheap labor,” Moose said, near tears.

Gallegos was sentenced earlier this year to 14 to 18 years in prison after pleading guilty to a charge of second-degree murder.

“If you break the law to get here, you’re not going to respect the law once you’re here,” McHenry said.

That comment, plus a statement by Moose that “millions” of lives have been lost to illegal immigration and a complaint by Foxx that the media obsesses about the number of U.S. deaths in Iraq while saying little “about the people being killed by illegal immigrants every day,” appeared to motivate Lands to interject.

“I think it needs to be said – and you all know – illegals aren’t the only ones out there committing crime,” he said. “There’s plenty of crime by American-born citizens.”

My bro-in-law has a bad Opiate addiction. Oxycodone. But also mixes in Morphine some times. He has lost everything good in his life… jobs, wives, kids, homes, cars, belongings, health, friendships, etc. We helped him into detox and rehab a few times… to no avail. He robs and steals and makes a living selling other people’s stuff. He keeps chasing the high and buying and selling drugs and working with corrupt doctors to sell prescriptions for them. He recently moved to another state to get away from his life here in Virginia. He moved in with his mother and looking for a job.

Here is where I pinch myself:

He calls me… he has applied for a job at ADT (the alarm system company). He wants me to give him a reference. I refuse.

He gets the job anyway and calls me back, “How long do I have to be off Opiates to pass a drug test?”

I said, “What kind of test?”

“The hair test.”

“Shave yourself bald.”

Read more on Coshocton Tribune

Back when we played hockey together about 7-8 years ago; he had a great $90K job, a beautiful $500K home, the wife and two kids, and things were peachy on the surface.

But, his wife used my friend for some really horrible (and illegal) things I won’t go into (other than tell you that it was to secure US citizenship for her 3rd-world relatives). Just know that she would always threaten to divorce my friend if he would disagree. She even tried to get me involved in her schemes, which I wisely declined.

So, my friend finally decided to stand up for himself and his wife divorced him, since he was of no use to her anymore. He paid for her college education, the boob job SHE wanted (he told me that he hates fake boobs), and put his neck out for her illegal schemes.

Not only did she kick him out of the home he paid for, but he also lost his job because his depression led to alcoholism. Which also led him to the hospital with some alcohol-related problems (ulcers, poisoning, etc).

Now, it’s 3 years later, and he’s free and clear and healthy. No more alcohol. But he’s having a hard time getting his life back on track. He’s stuck in a Catch-22 and I dunno how to help:

1) He’s been out of work for 3 years now since he was fired and went to the hospital/rehab.

2) He’s got $30K credit card debt, which he only started to accrue once he was jobless.

3) He owes $25K in back child support, which is tough for him to pay because he doesn’t have a job.

4) His driving license is suspended, (because of the back child support) which makes commuting to and from a job much more difficult, especially since he doesn’t live anywhere near public transportation.

5) His work license is suspended, (it’s a gov’t-issued license), also due to the back child support. So, the last 20 years of his work experience counts for squat if his license is revoked and he can’t get that type of job.

What can my friend do to get back on track? I try to speak with him as much as possible to keep his spirits up, but he’s sounding more and more suicidal and I don’t blame him.

He’s not gonna ride a bike to the local pizzeria for $8/hr, just to give his entire crappy paycheck to that idiot ex-wife. He can’t afford a lawyer. He lives in his dad’s basement and has zero social life b/c he can’t drive and can’t afford to go out. He just told me today that if I didn’t speak with him a couple times a week, he’d have nobody.

This guy is a great guy, a real good friend, and a good person who just has had a bunch of bad luck.

What can he do? Claim bankruptcy? Claim hardship? He’s stuck in a hole that gets deeper everyday and soon, I think the authorities will be knocking on his door to throw him in jail for being a dead-beat-dad, which he’d rather kill himself.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Oh yeah, and please don’t tell me to have my friend contact a Suicide Prevention Hotline. He’s not some emo-kid struggling with social-difficulties. He needs real advice and having someone one the other end of a phone tell him that “Suicide’s not the answer” is NOT the answer he needs.

He was driving home on Memorial Day with his wife, Dawn and their son, when a car slammed into them.

He says he did not see the other driver, only a shadow, because he was attending to his injured wife.

Prosecutors say that driver was Jorge Dominguez. Dominguez is an illegal immigrant with a criminal record. According to a criminal complaint, he told investigators he’d had 8 drinks on the day of the crash and had taken cocaine recently.

Glogovsky’s testimony was part of a preliminary hearing to determine if enough evidence exists to send Dominguez to trial. Prosecutors have more witnesses to call so the hearing will be continued later this month.

“We were thrown into the ditch all the way on the other side and probably 20-30 feet into the ditch,” he told a judge. The crash killed Dawn and injured Frank and their son.

http://www.620wtmj.com/news/local/96512089.html

Your opinion illegal driving drunk & has criminal record family’s life is forever changed do our families count in this debate ?

Though the results of survey show that woman are against the power wheezing sex by their partner, in actuality the opposite is the case. They want their man to be strong and hard in bed. To give wonderful sex to their partner, men need to get a hard and lasting erection. Unfortunately, this might not always happen as all men face ED at one or the other point in their life. Due to this many men lose not just their wives but also a beautiful relation.

The penis is made up of spongy tissues interlaced with large blood vessels. There is a constant flow of blood in and out of the penis. The tissues in the chamber must relax and receive blood in order to make the penis hard. When men are sexually aroused the regular flow of the blood stops and the blood vessels suddenly brings in more blood which leads to the expansion and hardness of the penis.

Erectile Dysfunction happens when the blood flow to the two chambers of the penis is disrupted. Drugs like Viagra and Levitra help by elevating and relaxing the tissues which further increase the blood flow to the penis thereby giving it a strong erection for sexual intercourse.

Erectile Dysfunction can happen to any one and at any time in life; it can happen early in a person’s sex life or after one had for a long time already experienced an enjoyable sex. Men in their late 30′s and early 40′s are found to be most susceptible to the disease mostly due to psychological tensions. In older men of above 55 years the problem happens due to physical factors.

People might think that sex is not the only thing in a relationship however it is just a thought because in reality sex and love are intimately connected. Sex plays a very important role in the life of married couples. Couples who are happy with their sex lives tend to be happy with other areas of their relationship. When a husband suffers from ED, he feels incapable and depressed and that takes away all his sexual desires. The wife on the other hand feels that her husband is not interested in her and feels ignored and unwanted. This leads to many complications which can even end up in a divorce.

As erectile dysfunction is curable it is always better to take medical help than let your marriage suffer. Levitra online is the medicine for you. It was introduced in the year 1998 and is the only drug which could rival Viagra. On August 20, 2003, it was approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administrations for the treatment of erectile dysfunction or impotence. In spite of an FDA approval never buy levitra without Doctor’s Prescription.

The initial media reports that instantly spread around the globe sounded dire: Tiger Woods had been “seriously” hurt in a car accident early Friday and was hospitalized.

It turned out the superstar golfer’s injuries, first reported by the Orlando Sentinel, weren’t as dreadful as the word “serious” implied in the police report. But as additional details emerged, it appeared Woods certainly suffered more than a fender bender.

Woods, 33, was backing out of his driveway in the Isleworth community near Orlando, Fla., at 2:25 a.m. when he struck a fire hydrant and then hit a neighbor’s tree, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

It was almost 12 hours before the police issued an accident report, and it is still unknown why Woods was out driving at that hour and much about the incident remains unclear.

After the first news reports about the accident, Woods’ website in the afternoon issued a terse statement saying he was in “good condition,” after being treated and released from Health Central Hospital in nearby Ocoee, Fla.

The Associated Press later Friday quoted a local police chief as saying Woods’ wife, Elin, used a golf club to smash the back window to get Woods out of his 2009 Cadillac sports utility vehicle after she heard the accident and came outside.

Woods had cuts to his lips, blood in his mouth and was lying in the street, with his wife nearby, and was in and out of consciousness when officers arrived, Windermere Police Chief Daniel Saylor said. At one point Woods woke up and tried to get up but lost consciousness.

FHP Sgt. Kim Montes said troopers arrived at the Woods’ home early Friday evening to talk to the golfer, and that his wife told them Woods was resting and asked them to return this morning, the Orlando Sentinel reported. The troopers agreed to do so.

The FHP’s news release said alcohol was not considered a factor in the accident, and that the crash remained under investigation.

The airbags in Woods’ SUV did not deploy, according to the FHP, and it was unknown whether Woods was wearing a seat belt.

Saylor said his responding officers did not hear anything about an alleged argument between Woods and his wife, according to AP.

“Right now we believe this is a traffic crash. We don’t believe it is a domestic issue,” Montes said.

But owing to the authorities’ technical language in the case of accidents, the world was stunned with headlines of Woods’ “serious” injury that appeared on media websites from Los Angeles to London, aired on television and arrived on fans’ Blackberrys and mobile phones.

The news release listed the injuries as “serious” because patients’ conditions are always classified that way if they are transported to a hospital, FHP spokesman Jorge Delahoz told the Orlando Sentinel.

The media frenzy the word “serious” ignited was “illustrative not only of Woods’ global fame, but of the rapidity with which the media can spread news whether it is entirely accurate or not,” said David Carter, executive director of USC’s Sports Business Institute.

Woods, of course, is the world’s No. 1 golfer. He has won 82 times worldwide and captured 14 major tournaments, and this year he also became the first athlete to reach the $1-billion mark in career earnings through prize money, endorsements and other income, Forbes magazine estimated.

Woods can make or break TV ratings simply by choosing to play in a tournament. He has a net worth of $600 million, according to Forbes.

While authorities “may characterize [the injuries] very technically,” today’s instant media communication “leads to banner headlines, which makes everybody wonder what the impact could be if, for any reason, he was to miss a series of tournaments,” Carter said.

In fact, the accident occurred leading to next week’s Chevron World Challenge, an 18-player tournament hosted by Woods at Sherwood Country Club in Thousand Oaks.

The four-day tournament starts Thursday, and Woods is scheduled to hold a news conference there Tuesday.

Wood missed last year’s tournament, which supports the Tiger Woods Foundation, because he was recovering from surgery on his left knee.

He was scheduled to rejoin the field this year, but Mark Steinberg, Woods’ agent, told the Associated Press on Friday that he did not know if Woods still planned to play.

Woods won six times this season. Although he did not win a major tournament, he said he considered the year successful because he wasn’t sure how his knee would respond after months of rehabilitation.

Tiger Woods’ new estate on Jupiter Island

Why Golf Is Better Than Sex

Copyright reserved by Ebayoyo.com

One reason is that we find it difficult to accept that living itself causes various forms of stress, making it impossible to eliminate. Nor is all stress bad. The satisfying excitement of achievements and happy events in our lives result in a stress that we welcome. But it is realistic to avoid–or at least reduce–the harmful forms of psychological stress (e.g., worries, anxieties, fears, irritability and depression) and the damaging physiological reactions (e.g., increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, muscular tensions, and an impaired immune system). Stress may also cause us to behave destructively.

Let me say that in coping with stress, we should avoid ineffective or self-defeating techniques, including overindulgence in alcohol, smoking and the use of illegal drugs. These temporary methods not only fail to relieve stress but cause more damage–physically, emotionally, relationship and job- wise. Users become addicted to them and all too often spiral out of control.

Another approach to controlling stress is the use of psychotropic drugs prescribed by physicians. But as a psychologist, I use behavioral and other psychotherapeutic techniques. With most people, these treatments are effective. But they involve the persons participating in their own recovery. However, if the person’s stress is severe, medical consultation could be indicated. Knowledgeable physicians will treat their patients with an effective drug that has the fewest side effects and will follow up on the patient’s progress. They will also reduce or eliminate the medication when the stress is manageable. The patient should not hesitate to question the psychiatrist about the medications and their effects. Often, psychotherapy may be indicated to make more effective and lasting progress.

Physical causes for stresses should not be overlooked. A good physical work-up may be necessary to find out if medical treatment is indicated. Sometimes, medications themselves can cause stress reactions. In considering the cause of stress, we may need to play detective.
Let us keep in mind that people differ in their coping styles. Even with the loss of a loved one, a relationship breakup, losing one’s job or a serious financial setback, some people are more resilient. Others recover more slowly or are even stymied in moving on with their lives. Those whose suffering is severe or lengthy should not avoid seeking professional help. As a consumer advocate, I would suggest that the person consider the various treatment options and consider the pros and cons of each.

Strange as it may sound, stress can be helpful! Like pain, it can motivate us to make changes in our lives or to obtain the necessary treatment that can not only reduce stress, but also improve our lives. I can give two examples in my own life. One concerned a job that was damaging my physical health and psychological well-being. Those stresses made me quit the job, return to school and change my career. A second was an overwhelming workload and a weight gain that were taking a physical and emotional toll on my health. I switched to a nutritious eating pattern and started practicing meditation techniques; both improved my physical and psychological health. I must admit that I had the same difficulties as my patients in overcoming these self-destructive patterns. While we are creatures of habit, we can be motivated to change if we strive for health, longevity and greater happiness.

Having used myself as a case study let me give an example from my psychotherapy practice. A patient worked for two years without a pay raise. Finally, he was encouraged to approach his supervisor. He discovered that the supervisor was unaware of the situation and promptly got the patient his raise. This problem arose because of a personnel glitch and the patient’s not speaking up sooner. He had underestimated how valued a worker he was. His insecurities contributed to the problem! As a result off this experience, he was also able to consider other situations in his life that he could confront.

But let’s be realistic. Another supervisor could have acted differently and defensively. If he had, my patient could have considered all possible options, such as appealing to a director, looking for another job or biding his time if he was not ready to quit. While not wanting to unnecessarily prolong our suffering, we should avoid acting impulsively. It is best to carefully consider our options, including a change in the situation. For several of my patients the difficult supervisor was transferred or quit. Since we are each unique, there are no boilerplate solutions. Know thyself is a good maxim. One person may find it better to quit, another to bide his time. But each should consider the consequences of each choice.

Let me now mention couple relationships which offer not only many satisfactions but, as we all know, stresses as well. While we realize “talking it over” is helpful, all too often, each person goes into the defensive or critical mode. Criticizing and complaining are counter-productive, escalate the conflict and make a bad situation worse. Communication, while highly desirable, has to be constructive All too often we ignore the basic ground rules of effective communication. They include: a calm situation where both are willing to spend the necessary time to listen as well as talk. Rather than criticizing, or complaining and defensively not admitting to any fault, just listen. Don’t neglect to say what you like about the other person and the positive aspects of the relationship. If neither existed, why would you want to remain in such a relationship? Present the difficulties in perspective. I can’t go into all of the effective communication techniques that help resolve conflicts, but be assured there are many. If such discussions don’t help, consider other alternatives, including couple counseling. If your partner is unwilling to go, consider going yourself to get help as to what to do. Often, the partner who’s unwilling to come may change his or her mind. With a skilled therapist, couple counseling will help both persons realize what each is doing to contribute to the problems and what each can do to improve the situation.

One recent example is the couple that came to me, the wife saying, “He threw me out!” while the husband said, “She left and wouldn’t return.” It soon became clear that after a heated argument, he told her, “If you’re unhappy, you can leave.” After she left, she refused to return. By the way, anger, a stress itself, interferes with listening and thinking. The couple, after several sessions, realized that their intentions were not to end the relationship but rather that their words were expressing anger and frustration. They decided to again live together and in counseling learned to discuss and resolve their conflicts more rationally. If all efforts fail to resolve differences, couples may consider divorce to end a futile situation. Hopefully, each can learn from the experience and move on with their lives. If there are children, the couple should avoid involving them in their conflict and reduce as much as possible the damaging effects on them.

Let me summarize my approach, which is appreciably condensed in this brief article. First, realize stress is an inescapable aspect of living and may even prod us into improving our lives. Two, consider the causes of the stress (don’t leave yourself out!) and the options for reducing or eliminating it. Three, realize that many stressful situations have developed over time and may be complicated. So don’t expect instant solutions. Consider solutions a process in which we may be stymied, enter blind alleys, make blunders, but always consider the ways to recover and better resolve the situation. Four, realize that reactions to stress are not limited to fight or flight. Our human species has the capabilities for considering constructive options if we are motivated, realistic, persistent, flexible and are open to getting professional help. And lastly, realize that a realistically optimistic attitude can be maintained or learned if necessary to help us effectively handle the stresses in our lives and live more happily.

The initial media reports that instantly spread around the globe sounded dire: Tiger Woods had been “seriously” hurt in a car accident early Friday and was hospitalized.

It turned out the superstar golfer’s injuries, first reported by the Orlando Sentinel, weren’t as dreadful as the word “serious” implied in the police report. But as additional details emerged, it appeared Woods certainly suffered more than a fender bender.

Woods, 33, was backing out of his driveway in the Isleworth community near Orlando, Fla., at 2:25 a.m. when he struck a fire hydrant and then hit a neighbor’s tree, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

It was almost 12 hours before the police issued an accident report, and it is still unknown why Woods was out driving at that hour and much about the incident remains unclear.

After the first news reports about the accident, Woods’ website in the afternoon issued a terse statement saying he was in “good condition,” after being treated and released from Health Central Hospital in nearby Ocoee, Fla.

The Associated Press later Friday quoted a local police chief as saying Woods’ wife, Elin, used a golf club to smash the back window to get Woods out of his 2009 Cadillac sports utility vehicle after she heard the accident and came outside.

Woods had cuts to his lips, blood in his mouth and was lying in the street, with his wife nearby, and was in and out of consciousness when officers arrived, Windermere Police Chief Daniel Saylor said. At one point Woods woke up and tried to get up but lost consciousness.

FHP Sgt. Kim Montes said troopers arrived at the Woods’ home early Friday evening to talk to the golfer, and that his wife told them Woods was resting and asked them to return this morning, the Orlando Sentinel reported. The troopers agreed to do so.

The FHP’s news release said alcohol was not considered a factor in the accident, and that the crash remained under investigation.

The airbags in Woods’ SUV did not deploy, according to the FHP, and it was unknown whether Woods was wearing a seat belt.

Saylor said his responding officers did not hear anything about an alleged argument between Woods and his wife, according to AP.

“Right now we believe this is a traffic crash. We don’t believe it is a domestic issue,” Montes said.

But owing to the authorities’ technical language in the case of accidents, the world was stunned with headlines of Woods’ “serious” injury that appeared on media websites from Los Angeles to London, aired on television and arrived on fans’ Blackberrys and mobile phones.

The news release listed the injuries as “serious” because patients’ conditions are always classified that way if they are transported to a hospital, FHP spokesman Jorge Delahoz told the Orlando Sentinel.

The media frenzy the word “serious” ignited was “illustrative not only of Woods’ global fame, but of the rapidity with which the media can spread news whether it is entirely accurate or not,” said David Carter, executive director of USC’s Sports Business Institute.

Woods, of course, is the world’s No. 1 golfer. He has won 82 times worldwide and captured 14 major tournaments, and this year he also became the first athlete to reach the $1-billion mark in career earnings through prize money, endorsements and other income, Forbes magazine estimated.

Woods can make or break TV ratings simply by choosing to play in a tournament. He has a net worth of $600 million, according to Forbes.

While authorities “may characterize [the injuries] very technically,” today’s instant media communication “leads to banner headlines, which makes everybody wonder what the impact could be if, for any reason, he was to miss a series of tournaments,” Carter said.

In fact, the accident occurred leading to next week’s Chevron World Challenge, an 18-player tournament hosted by Woods at Sherwood Country Club in Thousand Oaks.

The four-day tournament starts Thursday, and Woods is scheduled to hold a news conference there Tuesday.

Wood missed last year’s tournament, which supports the Tiger Woods Foundation, because he was recovering from surgery on his left knee.

He was scheduled to rejoin the field this year, but Mark Steinberg, Woods’ agent, told the Associated Press on Friday that he did not know if Woods still planned to play.

Woods won six times this season. Although he did not win a major tournament, he said he considered the year successful because he wasn’t sure how his knee would respond after months of rehabilitation.

Tiger Woods’ new estate on Jupiter Island

Why Golf Is Better Than Sex

Copyright reserved by Ebayoyo.com

The initial media reports that instantly spread around the globe sounded dire: Tiger Woods had been “seriously” hurt in a car accident early Friday and was hospitalized.

It turned out the superstar golfer’s injuries, first reported by the Orlando Sentinel, weren’t as dreadful as the word “serious” implied in the police report. But as additional details emerged, it appeared Woods certainly suffered more than a fender bender.

Woods, 33, was backing out of his driveway in the Isleworth community near Orlando, Fla., at 2:25 a.m. when he struck a fire hydrant and then hit a neighbor’s tree, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

It was almost 12 hours before the police issued an accident report, and it is still unknown why Woods was out driving at that hour and much about the incident remains unclear.

After the first news reports about the accident, Woods’ website in the afternoon issued a terse statement saying he was in “good condition,” after being treated and released from Health Central Hospital in nearby Ocoee, Fla.

The Associated Press later Friday quoted a local police chief as saying Woods’ wife, Elin, used a golf club to smash the back window to get Woods out of his 2009 Cadillac sports utility vehicle after she heard the accident and came outside.

Woods had cuts to his lips, blood in his mouth and was lying in the street, with his wife nearby, and was in and out of consciousness when officers arrived, Windermere Police Chief Daniel Saylor said. At one point Woods woke up and tried to get up but lost consciousness.

FHP Sgt. Kim Montes said troopers arrived at the Woods’ home early Friday evening to talk to the golfer, and that his wife told them Woods was resting and asked them to return this morning, the Orlando Sentinel reported. The troopers agreed to do so.

The FHP’s news release said alcohol was not considered a factor in the accident, and that the crash remained under investigation.

The airbags in Woods’ SUV did not deploy, according to the FHP, and it was unknown whether Woods was wearing a seat belt.

Saylor said his responding officers did not hear anything about an alleged argument between Woods and his wife, according to AP.

“Right now we believe this is a traffic crash. We don’t believe it is a domestic issue,” Montes said.

But owing to the authorities’ technical language in the case of accidents, the world was stunned with headlines of Woods’ “serious” injury that appeared on media websites from Los Angeles to London, aired on television and arrived on fans’ Blackberrys and mobile phones.

The news release listed the injuries as “serious” because patients’ conditions are always classified that way if they are transported to a hospital, FHP spokesman Jorge Delahoz told the Orlando Sentinel.

The media frenzy the word “serious” ignited was “illustrative not only of Woods’ global fame, but of the rapidity with which the media can spread news whether it is entirely accurate or not,” said David Carter, executive director of USC’s Sports Business Institute.

Woods, of course, is the world’s No. 1 golfer. He has won 82 times worldwide and captured 14 major tournaments, and this year he also became the first athlete to reach the $1-billion mark in career earnings through prize money, endorsements and other income, Forbes magazine estimated.

Woods can make or break TV ratings simply by choosing to play in a tournament. He has a net worth of $600 million, according to Forbes.

While authorities “may characterize [the injuries] very technically,” today’s instant media communication “leads to banner headlines, which makes everybody wonder what the impact could be if, for any reason, he was to miss a series of tournaments,” Carter said.

In fact, the accident occurred leading to next week’s Chevron World Challenge, an 18-player tournament hosted by Woods at Sherwood Country Club in Thousand Oaks.

The four-day tournament starts Thursday, and Woods is scheduled to hold a news conference there Tuesday.

Wood missed last year’s tournament, which supports the Tiger Woods Foundation, because he was recovering from surgery on his left knee.

He was scheduled to rejoin the field this year, but Mark Steinberg, Woods’ agent, told the Associated Press on Friday that he did not know if Woods still planned to play.

Woods won six times this season. Although he did not win a major tournament, he said he considered the year successful because he wasn’t sure how his knee would respond after months of rehabilitation.

Tiger Woods’ new estate on Jupiter Island

Why Golf Is Better Than Sex

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INTRODUCTION:

“Retirement has been a discovery of beauty for me. I never had the time before to notice the beauty of my grand kids, my wife, the tree outside my very own front door. And,  the beauty of time itself.” – Hartman Jule

“Retirement itself is the best gift. No gold watch could ever top it.” – Abigail Charleson

“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” – Abe Lemons

“Retired is being twice tired, I’ve thought
First tired of working,
Then tired of not.”- Richard Armour

The above adage of the famous people present us a very disparate views about retirement. Every people in all walks of like know that retirement is inevitable and it has become a part and parcel of ones life. Life is meant to be “lived” and not just passed. This phase of life can be made fun and worth living to explore the unexplored.

LATENT THOUGHTS

There may be times in our life when we wanted to learn to play tennis or wanted to write a book on our ordeals and learning, or wanted to learn yoga or simply pursue our long cherished passions. But our wishes were never fulfilled, because we were too busy at work or family. To put it in other This is the right time to explore our hidden talents and fulfill your deepest desires.

Of course one feels very high and happy to shoulder all the responsibility. Certainly it gives utmost satisfaction to our inner soul. But  today in this hectic world whether we like it or not all of us are engaged in a mad rat race catapulted  towards  inflated targets and unreachable destination .During this mindless expedition we do  tend to miss so many things which might look insignificant but carry significant value. When we hurry through each moment being so obsessed with getting to the check point , we miss out on the richness that could be ours.

Here retirement comes us the bonanza when we take time to live, to experience where we are. We begin to accept that there are so much to enjoy, to share. The terrain of life is filled with wonderful and astounding details which we failed to notice earlier. On the other hand we  need not regret too much about this for the fact that it is wonderfully exhilarating when life is moving quickly and the velocity becomes our only experience when there is so much in parallel to relish.

If we try to de-segment the life and begin to look at each segments one by one, we can realize that each segment has its own essence, charm , meaning, quality, pros and cons. We will then recognize  how each segment are interlinked, their superimposing effects on each other. So once this understanding in our life is established then retirement will be stage of unwinding.

Money plays a paramount role in determining the happiness of anyone’s life post Retirement .Life can be more blissful if a reasonable saving has been done in time to take care of all exigencies like health issues, children higher studies, son’s/daughter’s marriage, buying a house or other properties, social spending and above all to maintain a fixed balance always for tacking day to day expenses.

RETIREMENT  –  PERCEPTION & THE ISSUES TO CONSIDER:

From the good old days to the present electronic age the very thought of retirement unnerves all types of people in varied ways.

Below list presents the common reasons for the prevalence of negative attitude towards retirement.

1. Emotional Issues-One own self

    -Partner issue

                            -Family/Relations

2. Unfulfilled commitments

3. Financial issues

4. Health issues

5. Societal attitude

EMOTIONAL ISSUES

One own self

At first retirement can feel like a holiday and the initial phase is often referred to as the ‘honeymoon’ period. You can sleep in, catch up on reading or hobbies, and spend more time with family and friends. However, once this ‘honeymoon’ period wears off, you may feel down or depressed .For an average salaried person the prime thing would me the Money Factor. Since most of the issues are money bound , money tops the list and  irrespective of the gender this panic marches happily in ones mind when one thinks about family responsibilities and other related matter. A feeling of insecurity gradually gets rooted in the mind of the people which has its own associated aberrations. Some even go the extent of secluding themselves from rest of the family /society causing agony to their attached ones too. A recent Study shows that high percentage of people die during their first year of retirement. One of the reasons being , psychological trauma. A sense of feeling that you’re a worn out individual and should be placed in the corner of the house sitting idle most of the time. This can be effectively handled by engaging ourselves in some constructive activity which profoundly helps us to cope up with the nagging worries. Some times spending time on hobbies and interest, may not turn out to be as rewarding and meaningful as anticipated .Emotional issues to consider include:

Our profession forms part of our identity. Some people can suffer a loss of self-worth once they cease to working. Daily schedule and activities add a rationale to life. If there is nothing in particular to do or look forward to on any given day, a person is more likely to feel monotony and more depressed than a person who lives a dynamic meaningful life. Grandparents may find they are expected to baby sit all the time which is an arduous tax on them. Partner issues can include differing (and conflicting) ideas on retirement lifestyle.

We must make sure that ours is not an idle mind, so there can be no devil’s paradise.

Partner issues:

When a person retires or in the verge of retirement, their better half need not be on the same lane  which paves way for  innumerable disagreements and misunderstandings costing the mental peace. Some of the common issues include:

One partner has retired or plans to retire, while the other willing to continue working. Notions  on retirement lifestyle may collide; for example, one partner wants to have a hectic life schedule with much of  travel, hobbies and volunteer work, while the other long for  a more unperturbed  daily routine. It can be little complex at first to frame out how much time to spend together. This is specifically  the case if one partner is gregarious and social, while the other is more introspective. In this scenario, the outgoing partner may feel disregarded, while the introspective partner could feel hassled. Some people may try to do everything united as a couple, but lack of personal space can cause stress and scuffle.

Family/Relations

ON the other hand , there are instances where the retirees are treated with due respect even by their own kith and kin. This is not a cherry fact. In their twilight years all these elderly look forward to are food, love and peace. But it is very untoward  that  there are many instances of emotional, physical, financial and mental abuse older generation are subjected to by their own children.  They are exhausted , they have more than enough run the race of life, and they require rest to reflect and prepare for their final journey.  Everyone goes through this ordeal. No one is bestowed with enduring youthful and energetic life .So what makes these children forget this one natural, universal truth? Where has gone their gratitude which is supposed to have been intrinsic in them? However a small relief is that there of course exists children with innate predisposition to be grateful to their parents .However it is a brutal fact that those children can absolutely not compete with the number of adults with glimmering gratitude whom we see in the world today.  If a simple but vital introspection can be made by all these ungrateful successors and if efforts are made to make the family bond thick set then the retirement blues can be effortlessly trounced. After all Co-existence gives   peace in life which everyone craves for .  Sharing can fetch ecstasy. Values and morals make a society culturally affluent.  Let us all strive to   improve our society and halt this monstrous moral slide that is  leisurely  but surely happening .

 Unfulfilled commitments:

 It is an adage that “Life Without Commitment  Is A  Life Unfulfilled” .But what will be the plight of  the people with reasonable dreams , goals ,commitments and  aspiration but unfortunately unable to accomplish them before their life slows down. The unanimous raison d’être what the people attribute to this is having too much of commitments in the pipeline and poor in prioritizing. A well crafted investment in our hay days can be the best solution for the unfulfilled commitments like children’s marriage. For a long-term investor a short-term market swings do not have much implications. So early prudent saving can result in exuberant accumulation of fund which can very well be channelized to meet all the requirements post retirement. However for people with minimum savings or no savings due to predominant  demand from  large family like sibling’s education, marriage the sole tranquilizer can be an helping hand from their own children or relatives .

Financial Issues:

An astute person will unquestionably plan well in advance about their financial position post retirement. It is ideal to consult a  financial planner, accountant or similar to chart out the financial issues of retirement as it blankets all the other issues. Some of the factors to consider include:

The size of your superannuation nest egg. Other savings and assets. Level of liabilities. Whether you have any dependants. List of commitments not met. If you are planning to continue working part-time or not. Your eligibility for pensions or part-pensions. Possession of properties. Financial options if you or your partner fall ill. The kind of retirement lifestyle you’re anticipating.

A systematic approach to face the retirement phase is more recommended than facing unforeseen challenges timidly.

Health issues

One of the key issues but the one which is mostly ignored by many people is the health care. In the olden days one tend to overlook their health related issues even from the early age when they start their journey in taking care the family. They normally carried by the thought of shouldering the family responsibility but not a wee bit thought about their own health as they do not want to be self-centered to think about themselves. Thankfully this attitude has undergone a sea change now and the practice of having medical insurance and other stuffs are on the rise now.  The practice of early-wise saving , even it is iterative is worth to be stressed again and again that many of the problems can be tackled with great ease. Obviously the poor savers tend to bury their pain and will be forced to invite their death with agony.

Societal Attitude:

Some people look forward to retirement as an extended holiday where they can finally slow down and ‘smell the roses’. Other people expect to have a busier, more active life than when they were working. When one have such a affirmative attitude towards retirement nothing can go awry. But even for those upbeat people, when they encounter a demotivating expression from their social group by projecting nightmarish picture about the retirement life it tends to infuriate them and even belittle their confidence. On the other hand, a person who always feel petrified about retired life ,these thorny statements from the society will make their life lifeless and pale.

ROLE OF PLANNING IN RETIREMENT:

“Good plans shape good decisions. That is why good planning helps to make elusive dream come true”

People who plan an hectic life after retirement tend to be happier than those who have no preparations. Some tips for good planning  include:

Opting for Flexi Time working or Interim working especially working mothers rather than fully retiring. Volunteer work is a gratifying way to add configuration and more meaning to your life, Devote  time and energy into much-loved interests and passions. Setting a personal standard with a purpose and striving to adhere to it.  Upgrading oneself with further education with options galloping  from short part time courses through to university degrees. It could even be a new launch pad in ones retired life. Make sure that you and your partner discuss ways to accommodate each other’s wants, needs and expectations. Open discussions can smoothen the relationships. Loneliness is a common source of depression in older people, To combat it one should maintain and increase their  social networks.

Few  ways  to  stay  active  after  Retirement:

“what is this life with full of care

We have no time to stand and stare:

No time to stand beneath the bows

As long as sheep or goats:”

Life is a cycle with so many phases and retirement is the phase to relax and indulge in :

•·         Physical activity  to keep us healthy and fit.

•·         To meet friends to relive the nostalgic past and to catch up with the ones we have missed.

•·         Gardening to freshen our mind and fortify our body.

•·         To assist Grandkids in their studies and play with them.

•·         Go on a pilgrimage trip or just holiday.

•·         Volunteering our service to an NGO for a noble cause.

Making the best use of our skill by tutoring the students which will inflate our wallets too. Pursuing our long cherished passion.

•·         Participating in religious activities.

Upgrading us by further studies since age can not deter learning.

SHAME OF US:

In western countries the government came out with a new proposal of introducing a directive  that would make it compulsory  for children to look after their  parents.  What an appalling state of affairs?!  The confidence in the children has corroded and eroded too much that there is a  requirement of an authority to enforce  a law to make sure the children do their duty. This divulges to what levels morals and values have declined. Where is society heading? Shouldn’t this duty be intrinsic and un-prompted?  Why should someone monitor you with a stick and coerce you to take care of your parents?   This was not done to the parents.  They did their duty of raising up their children commendably, so why do children need perks and pressure to look after their parents

SALUTE TO THE RETIREES

Let not age make you yield to its oddities. Soar and fly. Commence your life a new in its own dazzling colors. Retirement is the respect given to your years of service. But if you don’t want to sit and rest why not explore and say “here is life I am back like a Phoenix. Ready to go.” Live the life that you’re worth living, after all, ‘Age is a state of the mind.’

The elderly must be allowed to depart with respect and their passing should be mourned

Even if a parent has failed a lot, someday you will be a parent and have to face your own failures. Why not receive a blessing by being grateful just for the fact that they were your

As a practicing clinical psychologist, I work with people included in these numbers every day of the week. Monday I talk with a man on his way to prison for writing bad checks, a middle-aged mother struggling to quit drinking herself into a stupor every night, and a twenty-something single woman recently diagnosed with herpes. Tuesday I talk with a teenager dealing with an unintended pregnancy, a father court-ordered out of his house after assaulting his son, and a wife conflicted about whether to end her extramarital affair. On Wednesday I meet with an 11-year-old boy who doesn’t cooperate with his teachers, on Thursday with a woman who was devastated by the news that her husband has filed for divorce so he can marry his girlfriend, and, on Friday, with an adolescent who recently attempted suicide.

From this perspective, rather than being numbers, persons included in statistics are living, breathing, human beings. Each has a unique history and set of circumstances as well as very personal thoughts, emotions, ideals, regrets, hopes, and dreams. But despite their differences, all of these individuals have one thing in common—they are all, to some degree, unhappy, discontent, and dissatisfied with life.

Recognizing that all of these people are in some sense unhappy, it is possible to characterize the number of persons in all of the statistical groups referred to by the pundits as a global measure of unhappiness in the United States. Since the total number of people in each of these groups continues to rise, it is reasonable to infer that we are in the midst of an epidemic of unhappiness. Recognizing that this nation was designed to optimize the conditions for the personal pursuit of happiness, this epidemic of unhappiness can be referred to as the current crisis in the American way of life.

Attempts to Cope with the Crisis

One group of opinion leaders offers a simple explanation for, and solution to, this crisis. Presuming illiteracy, probation, incarceration, assault, addiction, sexually transmitted illness, unintended pregnancy, domestic violence, and divorce are consequences of dysfunctional behavior, conservatives maintain that the rising number of people who find themselves with these conditions is the result of poor decision-making. They contend that people could avoid these outcomes by making better choices when managing their personal lives.

Conservatives remind us that the basic structure of the American way of life is a legal system based on a foundation of moral principles—ideas about right and wrong. They cite Founding Fathers, such as John Adams, who, in 1798, wrote, “Our constitution was made for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to govern any other.” Or they refer to James Madison, who, in 1778, wrote, “We have staked the whole future of American civilization, not upon the power of government, far from it. We have staked the future of all of our political institutions . . . upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God.”

Conservatives point to the fact that, beginning with Colonial America and up until roughly forty years ago, the people of this country generally assumed the moral principles the Founding Fathers inherited from the Judeo-Christian tradition were a set of guidelines for making choices which would lead to real and lasting happiness in this world and the next. They note that since those advocating a separation of church and state began to succeed in removing all reference to religion from public schools there has been an increase in the number of people who are failing to finish high school, living on probation, parole, or in prison, victims of domestic or criminal assault, addicted to drugs or alcohol, infected with sexually transmitted diseases, having abortions, giving birth outside of marriage, getting divorced, and relying on antidepressants and other psychotropic medications. They argue that each of these undesirable conditions could be lessened if Americans, once again, began to act on the Ten Commandments and the teachings of Jesus Christ when making choices in daily life.

On the other side, liberals insist there are several problems with the conservative approach. First, the moral position of the Judeo-Christian tradition is far from clear. Although all believers root their morality in scripture, there are wide differences in how sacred texts are understood. While some Christians maintain using alcohol is a sin, others serve wine in church. Similar differences exist with respect to the Christian positions on gambling, divorce and homosexuality. Liberals point to the fact that people of faith can be found on both sides of abortion, capital punishment, and assisted suicide to demonstrate that religiously based moral reasoning is incapable of effectively dealing with the major moral controversies of our time.

Further, liberals maintain that religiously-based moral reasoning permitted many of the most outrageous injustices of the past. Thousands were slaughtered in the Crusades, tortured during the Inquisition, and died during centuries of European holy war. Many who settled the British colonies in North America were fleeing persecution at the hands of religious authorities intolerant of their beliefs. After the American Revolution, the Bible was used to justify the perpetuation of slavery and the subordination of women. Even today the Ku Klux Klan uses a Christian symbol to terrorize non-white Americans who are simply exercising basic rights.

Liberals also note that the American Revolution was as much a rebellion against religion as it was a military campaign. Instead of relying on the British notion that it was a citizen’s duty to God to obey a divinely enthroned king, the Founding Fathers based their declaration of independence on rational philosophy—the other source of moral authority which has shaped and influenced the course of Western civilization since its beginning in ancient Greece. They went on to establish a government explicitly based on philosophical rather than on religious ideals. Referring to the first amendment of the Constitution and the fact that America has become a nation of many faiths, liberals argue that it is now un-American to base public education or any type of public policy on a set of moral principles which belong to any particular religious tradition.

Beyond rejecting the conservative solution to the crisis, liberals offer a different analysis of the crisis itself. Although acknowledging that failure to finish high school, delinquency, crime, addiction, sexually transmitted disease, unintended pregnancy, domestic violence, divorce, and emotional disorders involve some type of dysfunctional human behavior, they deny these conditions have anything to do with moral reasoning or ideas about right and wrong. Drawing on the theory of human nature generally accepted within contemporary social science, they contend that this behavior is determined by instinctive drives, patterns of prior conditioning, imbalances in brain chemistry, socioeconomic circumstances, or some other, as yet, unidentified factor which involves something other than choice. They believe further scientific research will inevitably discover the causes of this dysfunctional behavior and that the results of this research will eventually lead to a reduction in the number of persons who behave this way.

A Need for a New Approach

Rather than attempting to work together in an effort to find some common ground, today’s conservative and liberal leaders invest their energies in attempting to win hearts and minds to their respective points of view. Their strategies are to affect public policy through opinion polls and the election process. Unfortunately, as the leaders of these ideologies engage in cultural civil war, the epidemic of unhappiness continues and the current crisis in the American way of life endures.

One means of moving beyond this quagmire begins with the realization that crises are events which have a structure and dynamics of their own. Crises occur when people are confronted with undesirable conditions which are unintended and unanticipated. They result from pursuing courses of action based on assumptions which are in some way inaccurate, ineffective, or inappropriate with respect to achieving an intended outcome. Crises persist as long as those attempting to achieve the intended outcome continue doing what they do without realizing their assumptions are in some sense flawed.

Crises are resolved when three events occur. First, the assumptions of those who end up with the undesired outcome are clarified. Next, these assumptions are evaluated with respect to the degree that they are actually accurate, effective, and appropriate with respect to achieving the intended goal. Finally, the results of this evaluation are used to develop a new course of action aimed at achieving the intended outcome based on assumptions which are more accurate, effective, and appropriate for achieving the desired result.

This insight into the structure of a crisis suggests that a resolution to the current crisis in the American way of life could be obtained by identifying the assumptions within the conservative and liberal traditions, evaluating their accuracy, effectiveness, and appropriateness, and then developing a new approach to dealing with the epidemic of unhappiness based on what this evaluation has revealed.

Identifying Existing Assumptions

The conservative approach is rooted in three assumptions about human nature deeply rooted in Western civilization. These assumptions were contained in the writings of British Enlightenment philosophers—Francis Bacon, Thomas Hobbes, and John Locke—who provided a theory of human nature for those who led the American Revolution and went on to write the Constitution of the United States. Today’s conservatives often make reference to George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and other Founding Fathers who made use of these philosophers’ ideas.

The first conservative assumption is known as a volitional theory of human nature. It asserts that human beings have the capacity to choose between alternative potential courses of action. It also includes the notion that, when confronted with a choice, people are naturally motivated to select the potential course of action they believe is most likely to make them happy in some way.

The second conservative assumption is a moral theory referred to as enlightened self-interest. This theory presumes that moral principles are a set of guidelines for making choices which are essential to obtaining an optimal quality of life. It also presumes that if individuals act on these principles when making choices in daily living they are doing what they can to maximize their potential to achieve happiness, emotional well-being, contentment, and satisfaction with life.

Finally, conservatives assume that moral principles are a matter of religion. This assumption is based on the belief that individual human beings are limited in their ability to distinguish between those courses of action which only apparently enhance a person’s quality of life and those which enrich it in actuality. Accordingly, conservatives maintain that an all-knowing God revealed this knowledge about how to become and remain happy to specific persons—Moses, the Prophets, Jesus, and the Apostles—and that the rest of humanity can find real and lasting happiness by utilizing this information when making choices in daily life.

The liberal approach to dealing with illiteracy, probation, incarceration, assault, addiction, sexually transmitted disease, unintended pregnancy, domestic violence, divorce, and a variety of emotional disorders is based on a set of assumptions about human nature which began to influence the Western world as the philosophy of the Enlightenment was replaced by a new set of ideas about the nature of human existence. While Enlightenment thinking was rooted in faith in God, a vision of heaven, and a fear of hell, the notions about human nature utilized by liberals developed as an atheistic, scientific worldview emerged.

The first liberal assumption is referred to as determinism. This is the theory of human nature advanced by Sigmund Freud, William James, and John Watson, seminal thinkers who set the foundations for contemporary social science. Determinism consists of the belief that human behavior is caused by instinctive drives, patterns of prior conditioning, genetics, changes in brain chemistry, socioeconomic status or some other process which has nothing to do with choosing between alternative potential courses of action.

Second, liberals assume that moral principles are irrelevant to dealing with dysfunctional behavior. This assumption is based on the belief that rather than religion, the great minds of Western philosophy are the proper source of moral authority and the belief that the French philosopher Auguste Comte, is the great mind Americans should turn to as the appropriate authority on morality. His theory, altruism, maintains that what’s right is that which enhances the welfare of other people, society, or humanity in general. Since altruism insists that moral activity consists of service to others, acting on principle is viewed by altruists as an obstacle to, or restriction on, the personal pursuit of happiness.

Third, liberals assume that religion is not a reliable source of knowledge about life or how to live. This assumption is rooted in their opinion that the quality of human life has improved in virtually every domain of human existence where scientific discoveries have replaced pre-scientific thought. Liberals maintain that it makes more sense to rely on science as a means of trying to figure out how to help people who engage in dysfunctional behavior than referring to religious texts which they view as outdated relics from a bygone era.

Evaluating Assumptions

Clearly, the traditional approaches to dealing with the current crisis in the American way of life involve a set of questionable assumptions about whether people are capable of making choices, as well as the purpose and source of ideas about right and wrong. While conservatives assume that people have the capacity to choose between alternative potential courses of action, that religion is the proper source of ideas about right and wrong, and that acting on moral principle is essential to becoming and remaining happy, liberals assume that human behavior has nothing to do with choice, that morality is irrelevant to the personal pursuit of happiness, and that science, rather than religion, is the appropriate source of knowledge for dealing with the dysfunctional behavior contributing to the epidemic of unhappiness. Now that these questionable assumptions have been identified, each can be evaluated in terms of the degree to which available evidence suggests it is accurate, effective, and appropriate with respect to attempting to resolve the current crisis in the American way of life.

Throughout the course of Western civilization and up until the establishment of social science, roughly one hundred years ago, all educated and thoughtful intellectual leaders recognized that people have the capacity of choice. Since the first philosophers of ancient Greece, every major philosopher in the Western tradition has maintained that, with respect to many behaviors, human beings are able to select between alternative potential courses of action. In addition, every known society has had a legal system based on the notion human beings actually make choices in the course of daily living.

These historical and sociological facts are consistent with observations human beings have made with respect to themselves and one another since the dawn of time. In everyday descriptions of human behavior, people have always regularly made reference to intentions, desires and choices when describing the activities of friends, family members and those whom they deal with in commercial and community affairs. Moreover, we have direct access to the process of choosing between alternative potential courses of action when we decide what to eat for breakfast, what color coat to purchase, and which program to watch on television.

Although the results of some animal studies can be used to argue for a deterministic theory of human nature, there is no conclusive evidence to suggest that this is an accurate means of describing many types of human behavior. Over the course of the Twentieth Century, scientists have attempted to identify a number of non-volitional processes such as instinctive drives, patterns of prior conditioning, genetics, changes in brain chemistry, and socioeconomic status which cause people to fail to acquire adequate vocational skills, commit crimes, become addicted to drugs or alcohol, engage in risky sexual behavior, abuse family members or get divorced. At best, these studies have produced only modest correlations. The results of thousands of these studies over nearly one hundred years reveal that although non-volitional processes may play some role in these dysfunctional behaviors, they do not actually cause people to behave in any of these ways. Based on all of this scientific evidence, it is reasonable to conclude that scientists have never been able to prove that human beings lack the capacity of choice.

One way of determining whether moral principles are relevant to the personal pursuit of happiness consists of looking at what research has revealed about the relationship between acting on principle and subsequent quality of human life. Statistics show that there is a correlation between personal reports of happiness, emotional well-being, contentment, and satisfaction in living with people who regularly tell the truth, keep their agreements, and refrain from theft. Research also reveals that there is a correlation between people who report they are unhappy, discontent, and dissatisfied with life and a tendency to frequently lie, cheat, and steal. What’s more, virtually all psychological research on the reasons people describe for acting on principle reveals that the vast majority of individuals who do what’s right act on principle because they believe they will personally benefit as a result.

Assuming that people have the capacity to choose between alternative potential courses of action and that moral principles can enhance a person’s potential for becoming and remaining happy, the next assumption which needs to be evaluated is whether it is more appropriate to assume that religion is the proper source of moral principles or whether to turn to philosophy for ideas about what’s right and wrong. In this respect, both conservatives and liberals assume there are only two sources of moral principles. Neither considers the fact that within the past decade a new source of moral principles has emerged. This source is science and what the scientific method has revealed about the relationship between choices people make and how those choices affect the quality of their lives. Given the fact that these principles were specifically formulated as a means of determining which potential courses of action maximize a person’s likelihood of becoming and remaining happy, scientifically formulated principles of morality provide a more effective means of dealing with the epidemic of unhappiness than continuing to operate on the assumptions about the source of moral knowledge contained in either the conservative or liberal approach.

Scientifically Formulated Principles of Morality

Scientifically formulated principles of morality were developed by following the same logic scientists used to come up with principles for achieving health and physical well-being. Researchers were able to formulate wellness principles by observing a correlation between certain types of voluntary human behavior and a number of serious illnesses. Studies revealed that people who regularly smoke tobacco often end up with cancer, emphysema, or heart disease. It also detected that a lack of exercise is correlated with diabetes, obesity, and stroke. Based on these and other correlations, scientists were able to formulate alternatives to unhealthy patterns of behavior which they then promoted as guidelines for making healthy choices in daily life. These principles for healthy living indicate that when we avoid tobacco, street drugs, and the excessive use of alcohol, obtain adequate amounts of rest and exercise, and eat a high fiber, low-fat diet, we are doing what we can to maximize our potential for becoming and remaining healthy.

Similarly, the search for scientifically formulated principles of morality began by determining which types of voluntary human behavior correlate with a loss of happiness, emotional well-being, contentment, and satisfaction with life. Once these correlations were determined, alternatives to these behaviors were identified. Conceptualized as principles, these guidelines for making choices in daily living maximize a person’s potential for becoming and remaining happy.

Research which led to the development of scientifically formulated principles of morality revealed that there are basic similarities between the voluntary behaviors of the majority of people who become, in one way or another, unhappy as a result of doing what they did. These patterns of behavior are referred to as self-defeating because they undermine a person’s effort at becoming and remaining happy. Research revealed that there are the following seven types of self-defeating behavior which lead to a loss of happiness, contentment, and satisfaction with life.

Heedless behavior consists of pursuing a course of action while knowing it poses a threat to something or someone essential to a person’s overall contentment and satisfaction with life. Examples include smoking cigarettes, using illicit drugs, driving while under the influence of consciousness altering substances and engaging in unsafe sex. Self-effacing behavior consists of regularly pursuing courses of action aimed at enhancing the happiness of others while failing to attend to what is essential to one’s own. Examples include a female adolescent who consents to unprotected sexual relations as a means of pleasing her boyfriend, a husband who constantly defers to his wife’s wishes on decisions which negatively affect his own quality of life, and parents who continue to provide for able-bodied adult children while neglecting what they need to do to prepare for retirement. Non-productive behavior involves spending time and energy on activities which have little or nothing to do with acquiring or maintaining what is required for contentment and satisfaction with life. Examples include teenagers who spend their time watching television, listening to music or talking on the phone rather than doing homework or studying for exams, employees who spend portions of their workday surfing the Internet rather than completing assigned tasks, and spouses who spend virtually all of their time in activities which have nothing to do with nurturing their partners in life. Unfaithful behavior consists of failing to fulfill agreements freely entered into at an earlier point in time. Examples include adolescents breaking curfews, salespersons who fail to honor warranties and married people who cheat on their spouses. Disrespectful behavior consists of pursuing a course of action which violates another person’s basic rights. Examples include physical or sexual assault, theft, or the disclosure of certain types of personal information. Deceptive behavior consists of attempting to create in another person’s mind an image of reality which does not correspond with actuality. It includes creating misleading audio or video recordings, filing falsified reports, or simply telling lies. Ill-considered interpersonal interaction occurs when people pursue a course of action which involves other persons whose behavior is heedless, nonproductive, disrespectful, unfaithful and/or deceptive. Examples include riding in an automobile with an impaired driver, continuing to employ an individual who does not put in a day’s work for a day’s pay, disclosing personal information to an individual who has demonstrated no respect for privacy, remaining in a marriage with a spouse who has an ongoing series of extramarital affairs, and trusting a person who frequently lies.

Once it was determined that these seven patterns of behavior are the ones which correlate with unhappiness, discontent and/or dissatisfaction in life, a set of alternatives was identified. The alternative to heedless and self-effacing behavior as well as ill-considered interpersonal interaction is referred to as self-respect. Self-respect consists of avoiding any course of action which clearly poses a threat to what is required for contentment and satisfaction with life. Industry is the alternative to non-productive behavior. Industry consists of investing the time and energy required to obtain and maintain what is essential for contentment and satisfaction with life. The alternative to unfaithful and disrespectful behavior is referred to as equity. Equity consists of honoring agreements and respecting the basic rights of others. Honesty, the alternative to deceptive behavior, consists of rendering an accurate description of reality. Like wellness principles, these guidelines for making choices only maximize the potential for achieving emotional well-being when they are combined and acted on consistently in the course of daily living. Given this reality, the combination and regular use of the four scientifically formulated principles of morality can be referred to as the formula for happiness.

Prevention and Dissemination

The potential that the formula for happiness has for reducing the epidemic of unhappiness becomes evident when the connection between acting on its principles and a person’s ability to avoid functional illiteracy, probation, incarceration, assault, addiction, sexually transmitted illness, unintended pregnancy, or divorce is clarified.

People who act on the principles of self-respect and industry can acquire adequate skills for competitive employment in today’s post-industrial economy. When those who are inclined to violate the rights of others act on the principle of equity, they avoid probation and incarceration which is frequently a consequence of murder, assault, and various types of theft. When those who are mulling over an opportunity to experiment with illicit drugs act on the principle of self-respect, they avoid future addiction. When people who have become addicted to drugs or alcohol act on the principles of self-respect, industry, and honesty, they enter into substance abuse recovery programs and invest the blood, sweat, and tears required to overcome their dependency. When interested in having casual and unprotected sexual intercourse, people who act on the principle of self-respect avoid sexually transmitted disease and unintended pregnancy. When people act on the principle of self-respect in choosing a spouse, industry for investing time and energy in working on a satisfying marriage, and equity in forsaking all others, there is a reduction in the number of people who live with marital disharmony, domestic violence, and divorce.

Scientifically formulated principles of morality only hold the promise of reducing the epidemic of unhappiness if people become aware of these ideas about what’s right and act on these principles as they go about their daily lives. This means that a reverse in the epidemic of unhappiness requires a general recognition of the value of acting on these principles to the individual and to society at large. Clearly, the most efficient and effective means of achieving this goal is through the process of education.

The first step in teaching a significant number of youth about scientifically formulated principles of morality began with The Facts of Life Seminar which was instituted in Westmoreland County, Pennsylvania in 1993. This program for character development was designed to teach the formula for happiness to teens who are on juvenile probation and to show them how to apply the formula in the course of daily living. All of the adolescents adjudicated delinquent in this county are currently required to complete The Facts of Life Seminar as a one of the conditions of their probation.

In The Facts of Life Seminars students learn that when they act on scientifically formulated principles of morality they get the tangible benefit of improving and maintaining the quality of their lives. Students are provided with mnemonic devices similar to those used in teaching principles of nutrition and health. They are equipped with decision trees and given several exercises to help them learn to recognize a context for principled decision-making and how to systematically employ scientifically formulated principles of morality to figure out which alternatives to pursue. In addition to learning about the principles themselves, students are trained in behavioral techniques such as imaging and self-talk as a means of enhancing self-control when confronted with temptation to engage in a self-defeating course of action.

Since its inception, hundreds of adolescents have gone through Facts of Life Seminars taught by juvenile probation officers, mental health treatment personnel, and a number of teachers in residential placement centers, day treatment programs, outpatient counseling centers, and alternative education schools. Outcome research reveals that of those who complete this program there is a 123% increase in the number likely to refrain from violence, a 92% increase in the number likely to refrain from theft, a 178% increase in the number likely to keep their promises, and a 160% increase in the number likely to tell the truth. In 2006, the Pennsylvania Center for Juvenile Justice Training and Research sponsored the first state-wide program to prepare youth workers to lead Facts of Life Seminars throughout the Commonwealth.

In addition, a number of public school administrators and guidance counselors who learned about The Facts of Life Seminar have expressed an interest in integrating the formula for happiness into classes on decision-making and self-awareness in public schools. They recognize that many of the youth on juvenile probation may have been able to avoid trouble with the law if they learned to use scientifically formulated principles of morality as part of their overall education. As a result of this interest Lessons on The Facts of Life have been developed. This is a set of lesson plans which can be integrated into existing curriculum on decision-making and self-awareness classes in both public and private schools.

When scientifically formulated principles of morality are taught within a public school, influential persons in the community need to be aware of their existence as well as their value in promoting personal responsibility and citizenship. Public meetings provide opportunities for parents and other community leaders to learn about the origin and nature of the formula for happiness as well as why and how it is effective in motivating adolescents to act on principle in daily life. These meetings also equip members of the community with a vocabulary and a set of concepts about right and wrong which they can share with other adults who are dealing with the challenge of character development in youth. This ability to speak a common language enables teacher, school administrators, parents, clergy, and other community leaders to coordinate their efforts in dealing with issues of responsibility and accountability at school, at home, and in the neighborhood. Clearly, this effort can only succeed if those involved in implementing programs for character education based on the formula for happiness are able to enlist support from community leaders who represent both conservative and liberal groups.

Conservative Support

Because scientifically formulated principles of morality are based on a volitional theory of human nature and because they are clearly relevant to the personal pursuit of happiness, many conservatives who learn about the formula for happiness recognize its value with respect to reducing the epidemic of unhappiness in the United States. But, since most conservatives believe that morality must be a matter of religion, some have difficulty supporting the idea that scientifically formulated principles of morality should be taught in public schools. They are frequently used to taking a position that it would be more appropriate to either return biblically-based moral principles to the classroom or to take all instruction in moral reasoning and action out of the schools, leaving this aspect of education to parents and to the clergy.

The conservative position that biblically-based morality should be brought back into public schools is rooted in the history of the United States. Conservatives remind us that when the Founding Fathers framed the Constitution they recognized democracy was a very fragile form of government. They knew it had only been tried twice before in the history of Western civilization and that each time it had collapsed into some form of dictatorship. In order to prevent this from happening in America, some of the Founding Fathers advocated for a system of public education so that citizens who are electing public officials would be able to make good choices when it came time to cast their votes. Benjamin Rush, one of the Founding Fathers, and the father of American psychiatry, was a chief architect of public schools in America. He maintained public schools should have two objectives. The first was to teach basic academic skills—reading, writing, and arithmetic. The second was to train students to act on the moral principles contained in the Ten Commandments and the teachings of Jesus.

Based on this mission, for nearly 200 years, public schools in America were one of three institutions which trained successive generations of Americans in moral reasoning and its relevance to daily life. Public school’s functioned in concert with the church and family in presenting an integrated and effective means of acting on principle at home, at school, at work, and in the larger community. History reveals that this combined effort at character development began to unravel when advocates for the separation of church and state were successful in requiring public schools to remove any reference to The Ten Commandments and the teachings of Jesus. Since most Americans view morality as a matter of religion, public schools rapidly and completely abandoned all formal teaching of moral reasoning based on a concern the school district would become the object of litigation by the American Civil Liberties Union.

Conservatives who cite this history as a means of arguing for a return of biblically-based moral instruction to the classroom can be reminded that given the political strength of those who advocate the separation of church and state, it is unlikely religion will be returned to public school classrooms in the United States anytime in the foreseeable future. What’s more, even if this were to occur, teaching moral reasoning based on scripture will do little to motivate a large number of students to act on principle because many Americans no longer understand the world in terms of Biblical descriptions of reality. Students who have no faith in God, who have no vision of heaven, and who have no fear of hell, have no reason to take seriously what the Bible has to say about life and how to live. Clearly, scientifically formulated principles of morality are much more powerful in motivating public school students who have no religious foundation to make use of them in daily living because these ideas about how to behave are consistent with the scientific worldview which pervades everything else they learn at school.

Those conservatives who maintain moral training should be kept out of public school and left up to the family and the clergy can be reminded that in America today millions of children have never seen the inside of a synagogue or a church. Millions more are being raised by parents who see no value in acting on moral principles in the course of daily living. Since public schools are the only place these children would have an opportunity to receive formal training on how to act on principle, failing to provide this type of education only perpetuates the epidemic of unhappiness in the United States. Persons of faith who have no problems using scientific discoveries which have led to vaccinating virtually all children in America against smallpox, diphtheria, and polio should be encouraged to recognize that teaching the formula for happiness is a means of inoculating children against functional illiteracy, probation, incarceration, addiction, sexually transmitted diseases, unintended pregnancy, marital disharmony, domestic violence, divorce, and a variety of problems with their mental health. It makes no more sense to deprive millions of children of the benefit of learning about scientifically formulated principles of morality than it would to limit the availability of vaccinations to the children of persons who believe in God and who take their kids to Sunday School.

Those conservatives who believe that acting on a secular set of moral principles may have a negative effect on fostering faith can be reminded that scientifically formulated principles of morality are in no way hostile to a belief in God or any traditional religion. While letting students learn about the formula for happiness at school, parents and religious leaders can combine this product of scientific research with their approach to religious education. Religious educators can show children how scientifically formulated principles of morality are compatible with many of the ideas about right and wrong contained in scripture as a means of providing further validation for the moral principles found in sacred texts. What’s more, religious teachers can demonstrate how combining Biblical instructions on how to relate to God with scientifically formulated principles of morality enables persons of faith to experience a greater degree of joy than the level of fulfillment people are able to find by simply following the formula for happiness

Liberals

Because the formula for happiness is a product of the scientific method, many liberals find the notion that it can be taught in public school to be an intriguing idea. Since they can also see how training youth to act on scientifically formulated principles of morality will go a long way toward reducing the epidemic of unhappiness, they generally recognize the value of encouraging this approach to teaching decision-making in public schools. At the same time, some liberals have difficulty supporting a program for character development which inspires students to act on principle by an explicit appeal to self-interest. This resistance can subside once these liberals recognize how following the formula for happiness results in a number of benefits to others and to society as a whole.

When an individual acts on the principle of self-respect that person is doing what he or she can to promote his or her overall physical and emotional well-being, thereby relieving healthcare and social service agencies of the need to provide for that individual and making their services available to other needy members of the community. When people acts on the principle of industry, they provide for the material needs of other people in the form of such tangible items as food, clothing, shelter, automobiles, appliance, electronic devices, and countless other meaningful material objects which enhance the quality of human life. When a doctor, nurse, attorney, banker, police officer, auto mechanic, building inspector, or custodian acts on the principle of industry, he or she is serving others by providing quality healthcare, legal representation, financial assistance, security, transportation, or safe and clean buildings, streets and parks, which enhance the lives of other members of the community. When a person acts on the principle of equity, he or she is enabling others to maintain their physical and emotional well-being while, at the same time, contributing to the freedom and security of other members of the community. When a person acts on the principle of honesty, he or she is providing others with accurate information which enables them to make informed and realistic decisions choices when faced with momentous decisions which will have a long-term impact on their future quality of life.

Beyond these benefits which result from acting on specific scientifically formulated principles of morality, persons who behave according to the formula for happiness tend to be those who support institutions which are central to the American way of life. Self-respecting, industrious, equitable, and honest people are those individuals who provide most of the contributions to charitable organizations in the United States. As taxpayers, they also provide service to others through government-funded health and welfare programs.

Self-respecting, industrious, equitable, and honest individuals build better families, neighborhoods, and communities. Working within these networks of interpersonal relationships they develop, support, and maintain quality education, healthcare institutions, libraries, and emergency services. They become politically informed and conscientious voters who support politicians and public policies which balance agricultural, mining and manufacturing interests with environmental concerns. They also support candidates and government officials who are ensuring fair law enforcement, protecting the integrity of the courts, and maintaining military readiness so that all citizens can benefit from a government designed to protect each individual’s right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Assuming liberals are interested in a program for character development which can provide these benefits to society, it is important for them to recognize that these benefits only materialize when individuals are motivated to act on those principles which yield these results. Since character education based on the formula for happiness demonstrates that it is in the students’ interest to act on principle, this approach to character education is effective in inspiring them to make use of scientifically formulated principles of morality in the course of daily living. As such, teaching the formula for happiness is a much more reliable means of enhancing the welfare of others than simply requiring students in character development programs to engage in public service activities such as serving meals in a soup kitchen, picking up litter along the highway, or baking cookies for the residents of the local homeless shelter.

Resetting the Moral Foundation

In 1776, a group of British subjects declared their independence from royal rule and went on to design a blueprint for a way of life intended to optimize the conditions for the personal pursuit of happiness. Recognizing that the pursuit of happiness depends on individual self-control, they based the Constitution and the Bill of Rights on the assumption that Americans would continue to govern their personal lives with the moral principles they inherited from Judeo-Christian tradition. Although the Founding Fathers were aware that science was making impressive advances even in their day, they had no way of envisioning how that moral foundation would disintegrate when the Christian vision of reality gave way to the scientific worldview which characterizes America today.

“These are the times that try men’s souls” wrote Thomas Paine at the beginning of The American Crisis. Five months after the Continental Congress issued the Declaration of Independence, he wrote this essay to awaken Americans to the fact that the war for winning that independence was not yielding the intended, desired, and anticipated result. He urged the people of this nation to recognize that if they simply went about their daily lives assuming the war would be won without some effort on their part, they were pursuing a course of action which would have disastrous consequences with respect to the future of the American way of life. We now know that those who reevaluated this assumption and devoted themselves to the cause, were eventually successful in establishing the first nation on earth devoted to protecting each citizen’s right to the pursuit of happiness.

Like the Americans of his day, we are currently confronted with a crisis and with a soul-searching choice. One alternative involves continuing to flounder along, arguing about whether choices make a difference in the quality of human life, bickering over whether morality plays a part in the personal pursuit of happiness, and quarreling about whether morality must be a matter of religion or whether it should be based on some philosophy, while each year more and more children move into adult life with virtually no appreciation for the role morality plays in the pursuit of happiness. The other alternative consists of recognizing that the choices we make determine the quality of our lives, acknowledging that ideas about right and wrong are essential to the pursuit of happiness, and doing what we can to promote the notion that scientifically formulated principles of morality are an effective means of restoring moral reasoning and moral action to its proper place at the foundation of the American way of life.

Copyright 2006

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