Posts Tagged ‘joke’
March 2nd, 2011 | 
Author: 
Wondering if you might be a terrorist yourself ?
Do the Terrorist Test here;
YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF…”
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You’ve often uttered the phrase, “I love what you’ve done with your cave.”
10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
12. You have a crush on your neighbor’s goat.
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You’ve often uttered the phrase, “I love what you’ve done with your cave.”
10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
12. You have a crush on your neighbor’s goat
Posted in DRUG REHABILITATION | 
Tags: anyone, files, government, joke, know, like, lost, shop, terrorists, they, want | 
6 Comments »
Our troops in Afghanistan prove they’ve retained their sense of humor with the following:
“YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF…”
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
10. You’ve always had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.
Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message; however, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
Our troops in Afghanistan prove they’ve retained their sense of humor with the following.
‘YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF…’
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon ‘unclean.’
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You’ve ever uttered the phrase, ‘I love what you’ve done with your cave.’
10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
11. You bathe monthly whether necessary or not.
12. You once had a crush on your neighbor’ goat.
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You’ve often uttered the phrase, “I love what you’ve done with your cave.”
10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
12. You have a crush on your neighbor’s goat
58 minutes ago – 4 days left to answer.
what do you call threatening and organized bankers = banksters !
what do japanese power plants create = yenergy :D
what is a hearse drives personality = a hearsonality
what did the hippie say at a war memorial say = “o free heroin ”
what did the kid playing real live tetris on a building site become= tetrisaplegic :D
what does bill gates have during sex = a microsoft .. :D
what did the hit man say to the employer when he finished someone of with a knife = i ceasered him
what did the anorexics name the astro turf = a gastro turth
what did the welsh wife wife say to her welsh husband when she found him in bed with a sheep = YOU WERE SHEEPING WITH HER!!
yush your entilted to your opinions (Y) FTW
and i respect what your all saying
good to give me some feedback :D
but hey my jokes portray a
random sense of humour (Y)
it’s pretty evident the majority of you hate randomness all but a few :D better than goat clippings :D fair play to you
..ok so you would think id choose these ppl no . im leaving this fecal matter down to teh voters :D
im not one sided and predictable as ye shall see (Y)
Would Letterman make a joke about the fact that Obama’s mother was only 17 when she conceived Obama?
Would Letterman make joke about the fact that Obama’s mother was “knocked up” by a polygamist who was a drunk?
Would Letterman make a joke about the fact that Obama’s father that he worshiped, even though he only saw him ONCE, cut and ran on Obama to return to Kenya to his OTHER wife and die while driving drunk?
My friend tells me a different joke everyday and this is the latest one, I happen to think it is not that funny. You decide!
A man is at a bar all night. He drinks too much and gets sick all over his shirt. He says to the bartender, “My wife is going to get so mad at me. She’ll say I drank too much and then threw up on myself, she’ll be pissed.”
The bartender says, “This is what you do. You put a ten dollar bill in your shirt pocket and when your wife asks you what happened you say a drunk guy threw up on you and then gave you ten dollars to get the shirt dry cleaned.
The drunk guy says, “Great, I’ll try that.”
He goes home and his wife asks him what happened. He tells her, “a drunk guy threw up on me and then gave me ten dollars to have my shirt drycleaned.” The wife looks in his shirt pocket and pulls out the money and says, “well that’s nice but this is a twenty.” And the drunk guys says, “oh well, he crapped my pants too.”
A drunk who had just vomited on himself lost it and began to cry my wife is gonna leave me he shrieked. A fellow patron calmed him down whats the problem he asked. The drunk explained that if he came home with vomit on himself again his wife would leave him. The other man came up with a genius plan. Put twenty dollars in your shirt pocket & tell your wife someone else threw up on you & gave you $20 for dry cleaning. The drunk took the advice & went home to pass out. He was woken by his screaming wife. Don’t worry honey it was some one else & they paid me $20 just check my short pocket. A few moments later the wife announced there was $40 in his shirt pocket. Oh yeah answered the drunk he shit in my pants too!
Two men are in a bar getting drunk. Suddenly one of them throws up all over himself.
He says “Oh, no. Now my wife will kill me”.
His friend says “Don’t worry. Just tuck a twenty dollar bill in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill”.
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually he reels home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.
“You reek of alcohol and you’ve thrown up all over yourself, my God you’re disgusting” etc.
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, he says, “Wait. It’s not what you think. I only had one drink, but this man was sick on me. He’d obviously had one too many, or else he just couldn’t hold his liquor. He was very sorry and he gave me twenty dollars for the cleaning bill. Look in my breast pocket.”
She looks in his breast pocket and says, “But this is forty dollars”.
“Ah, yes.” says the man. “He pee’d on my trousers too”.
Everyonce in a while someone will ask me if they can copy the joke, hell please do whatever you people want to do with them, these are jokes that I have collected over the many years and written down, or were told to me, go ahead please.