How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘Help’

I have been married for 6 months now and now I feel like I didn’t know anything about my husband…. Ok so before I say anything I know that I am far from perfect and I’m not trying to put all my blame on my husband…

With that being said I will tell you alittle bit about our lives. Well my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately and there seem to be 3 big reasons that start the argueing. a lot of the fighting happens when we either get his daughter from a previous marriage. He doesn’t discipline her and when she cries she gets what ever she wants. And he feels like that is ok. When he ask for advice I give it to him but he gets mad and thinks that I am just being mean. I told him that he has to be consistant or it will not work. I underdstand he doesn’t want to hear her cry but she uses her cries instead of words to get whatever it is that she wants. She is very smart and knows what she wants and how to get it. I have started to keep distance when she is here at the house because of our fighting, I don’t feel right for her to see us always fighting, but he brings her where ever I am and starts yelling at me telling me I am a bad step mother and what not.

Secondly there are some of his friends. Let me start off by saying my husband got a possesion of marijuana charge last dec and has been sober since. I am very proud of him. But he has friends still that do it and he gets mad when I choose not to be around that. I don’t do drugs and really don’t want them around me. I am a recovering alcoholic and being around curtain people that also enjoy drinking daily or several times a week just doesn’t sound like a place I need to be. And when ever he gets around his friends they always ask us to drink, go out drinking or him and his friends talk about getting high. I know he doesn’t do drugs or want to but still to be around that. He has a daughter to think of for christ sakes.

And third, his brother that he just met about 3 months ago. He’s a nice guy and everything but he worries me when he is around chris. He lies to his wife about poping pills when his older brother was down from dallas. And chris sees this as ok. Should I worry? Since my hubby met him whenever we are around him I think he feels like he has to impress him and changes completely towards me. He becomes hurtful and feels like he does it to prove that he is man and I am woman kind of thing….

Ok so I forgot to metion everytime anything goes wrong he calls his mother. And she yells at me at times and always gets in the middle of everything.

Oh and when ever we are having problems he thinks that it is ok to invite people over. Or even just having family time.
Its to the point that I cry at least once a day or feel like I am not important to this world.

I need only serious answers please..

My wife and I have been married 4yrs. She was great to me from paying 80% of bills to been beautiful she looks like a super model to been kind to my 13 daughter from my first marriage. And dealing with my crazy EX who never holds a job and leaves off our child support money. So I was a horrible husband was just horrible from cheating on my wife with hookers to being horrible in bed since I was never hard since I always was on drugs . So anyhow, she got sick of it I filed for divorce hired the best lawyer in town and divorced my loser ass. We have a beautiful 3yr baby. Thanks to her lawyer she has permanent custody I mean her lawyer came after me like hell. Now 4mo after the divorce she is getting married to surgeon and the wedding is 2mo from now. Why the hell is she rushing into marrying a man she known only 5mo. I met the guy and he was showing my son how to play and he bought him a playground and opened 3bedroom to make it a one huge bed where he even has his own library in it. I mean is the man going to take my place. This does not feel right? That is my wife and this my child not his. I’m mean soon he will ask him to call him dad. Also, is there any way that I could stop her legally. I mean don’t she has to wait certain time like a few years after divorce to be married. What should I do now.

I have been married for almost 3 years. My wife and I have been together since high school. We have a 3 year old son together. Back in december/january i discovered she had been cheating on me with a guy that i work with. I finally discovered that she was doing it and she admitted it to me. We went to counseling and everything seemed to be working just fine for us. We continued going to counseling and were better than ever. Then in early May I found out that she was chatting online with a guy and was planning on cheating on me with him as well. We went back to counseling and decided to try again with our marriage. We then moved into our own apartment and everything was way better. We havent been in our apartment for a month and I found out that my wife has had sex with another man again that just got out of prison for selling drugs.

I dont know what to do, I wish i could help her stop doing this because my son and I get hurt the most out of it. She will admit that she doesn’t know why she does it.

Am i wasting my time trying to save my marriage?

Please help me

so two years ago I married the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We get married, I get pregnant and come to find out he wasn’t the person I thought I was marrying. He is an alcoholic and over the past two years of our marriage has had alot of issues, jail, lieing, stealing, you name it. but being the supportive wife I was I supported him. Last year in July he left me and our girls and left the state to his moms because being away from his drugs and alcohol was getting to hard so he left, went on one of his binges, became incarcerated and I moved on. Come November we started talking again and he promised he was done and wanted to make it work with me and the girls. So he moves back and of course I carried a grudge on my shoulders for he had done and it was hard, I still didn’t trust him when he came back but I tried. I found him a job, supported his recovery, and not to mention he didn’t have a license so I made sure he was where he needed to be 24/7 even if it meant dragging our kids out at 12 midnight. I did so much and come to find out since he’s been back he has been cheating on me with little teenage girls?? He’s 25…..so I kicked him out last weekend and already he is with his little girlfriend. he hasen’t called, nor checked up on his daughter. I call my father in law and he totally switched it around saying that if I would of just trusted him and gave him a clean start when he came back and forgot what happened in the past and don’t be down his throat so much he wouldn’t of left and now this is my bed to lay in. I am just hurt, for almost three years I have taken care of him, supported him and yeah it has been hard because of the emtional rollercoaster he put me through, but I feel so low. How can I get over this, he is scum and I know my life was going no where, but the fact he lied and just moved on with his new girlfriend and showed no remorce or emotion what so ever??? What can I do, and I have no way of contacting him, his dad said he dont want me knowing where he is at or to contact him anymore and i have filed for divorce, but how can I get over the emotional state and just move on and stop thinking about what he did and is doin??

So, my boyfriend and I love each other (at least he says so). However, his dreams lately seem to differ from mine. He wants to move to Colorado as soon as he can, and I’m not sure if I want to live there. I prefer lush green climates, and if I could move, I would pick Hawaii. Also, I was a military brat, and became really close to my family, because that is all you have when you move to a new place. As such, I want my future kids to be able to know my parents, and have my parents help me and stuff. My boyfriend has always lived here, and just wants to get away from his family.

Another problem is that I want to be married by the time I’m 25, and I want to be engaged now (I’m almost 24). I love him, and know that I want to be with him, but he says he is so unsure of his future, he wants to have everything in his life settled before he even thinks of getting married, which probably won’t be until 28 or 29. The problem I see is that we are the same age, and I want to have kids by 29, and we both want to enjoy married life for a while before I have kids, and if we go with his plan, what if I’m too old to have kids then?

I guess one reason why I would want to get married younger is that I’m a virgin, and he’s not, and I will not live with a boyfriend before I’m married. He says that he would really want to live with someone before he got married to them.

So, the problems are
1. The age at which we would get married
2. He wants to live together before marriage
3. Where we would live

As of yesterday, I am the only one of my friends that is not married or engaged. I feel sad, because I want to start my life with my husband, but he doesn’t want to, I guess. Any problems he has with money will be moot, because I graduate in a month, and have a job lined up where I will be making plenty of money.

I guess I need advice on whether I should just break up with him, and try to find somebody new, which hurts me to think about. Or stay with him, and see if he will propose. I have considered moving to colorado with him, but only as a husband and wife, and he doesn’t seem to want that….I need any and all advice.

Please help, thanks

me and my wife have been going thru some rough times. i have been using and selling drugs to make bills. she smokes weed and drinks on the weekend as do i but i also do coke. she has asked me to stop doing coke and to stop selling or she was going to leave. well she left and now that she has i have stopped everything and have been sober for 3weeks and going to chruch every sunday with are son thats 8. i have been baptised and trying to make the right changes for myself and my son , but so badly want my wife back. i have also been doing na meetings. i am 29 , shes 28 . we both love to party but by her leaving has inspired me to change my ways i just hope its not to late. oh we have been together for 9yrs married for 2 . she says she is for sure filing for divorce and has been living with her dad for the last 3weeks. she says she needs her space but why cant i leave her alone. i am man enough to say i **** up. with all of that said am prepared to make all the changes to get her back. i asked to push the divorce off for six months to show i will change becuz in the past i sd i would but never did. now i willing to show it and just talk it. i need advised to give her her space. before marriage we both cheated but neither have since beening married but those thoughts still linger when doping and drinking. she smokes pot and drinks but hates the coke i do. this is mainly my fault i know but what i need from everyone is what to do to get her back not smart remarks. i already know im wrong . are two biggest issues she said was trust and the drugs. i need your guys help.

ignore the logic.
just help me to check it pelase,
thanks advance
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My family and I moved into a house in March. The grass was beautiful and we were told it was called Texas Turf 10. It;s a very thick, lush lawn that needs to be cut short and looks like turf. I know from reading the small amount of information online that it doesn’t need a lot of water at all. But over the summer, my lawn has been overrun by weeds and is very light in areas. I know it’s that time of the season that lawns begin to turn yellow (I live in West Texas) but I was told that the lawn stays green throughout the year and when we were looking at the house before buying in February, it was green. I’ve found a lot of the weed killer, fertilizer, etc on the market doesn’t work on this grass and I found that it actually made it worst. Does anyone have any suggestions? My wife has spoke to some green houses and they’ve gave some suggestions, but I wanted to come on here and see if anyone has this type of grass and what they use on it. Thanks in advance!

I need serious help. This is kind of a long story so If you don’t like to read you will not be able to help me. I am a 32 year old concerned step-mom. My husband and I used to live in New Orleans, unfortunately due to Katrina we had to move and start a new life in Houston where we both got jobs. Prior to Katrina, my husband had domiciliary custody of his son, back then he was 8 years old. The reason why he got domiciliary custody is because his son did not want to live with his mother. He was really afraid of her and exhausted with her mood swings. The court ordered a family psychological evaluation to be able to designate the domiciliary parent. All of us were evaluated. As it turned our, the evaluator diagnosed my husband’s ex-wife with a Borderline Personality disorder. In other words, she diagnosed her as an anti-social and sociopath. During the time we were in going to court, she was stalking us, she killed our cat, stuffed my car with rotten seafood, smashed her own son’s birthday cake on our porch (most of which she admitted in court) . She was following us everywhere and even filed a false report with Child Protective Services (the accusation was dropped). She was also a crack and heroin user and was in jail for that. To make it short, during Katrina she kidnapped my step-son and flew to New Jersey where she is from. She disappeared for two months and my husband had to get a court order from the judge to get his son back.. My indignation occurs because the judge knowing all these facts from the beginning he always had way too much leniency with her. He never granted us a restraining order, and even made my husband transfer domiciliary custody to her because we weren’t moving back to New Orleans (we had no money and were totally broke). We had just found jobs, we could not afford to go back. My husband has tried numerous times to go back to court, but everytime we had a court date, the judge could not show up and made us re-set the court date numerous times. The judge ( Sydney Cates) knows we live in Houston, and to be able to go to court we need to travel to New Orleans and that cost a lot of money, and he just doesn’t care. Recently, my step-son has called his dad crying telling him he wants to commit suicide because he is so unhappy. He is only 10 and I don’t really know what to do. Has anyone here been in a similar situation?

My beautiful highschool sweetheart of 15 years left me for a teacher where she works at 2 months ago. We are now divorced becuase she did’nt want to work on our marriage. I was a good husband didnt drink cleaned house cooked ect. My ex is now 31 and this guy is 32. He is a real party guy and a heavy drinker,my ex wife did’nt like to drink much and now she is turning into a lush.We have two small boys 7&9 and I have them every other week with her,I love my boys very much.My problem is this-We live in a very small community 80 miles from the largest town in central oregon. It is getting very hard to hear how my ex is turning into a highschool party girl and being very childish. I think its just a phase and I hurt sooo much right now:( I want to get out of here and and start over so i dont have to face the pain everyday. But I cant leave my boys they need me as an anchor in there life right now. I moved my family here 5 years ago for the quality of life and now I’m divorced and stuck here
She acts very cold towards me to and is not the same person that i fell in love with. Every body in our community cant believe what is going on. She works in the kitchen at the school and was seen kissing him at the school and she is acting like she is 16 again! How in the heck do I move on I dont even sleep anymore. I t is tearing me up and i am tearing up just writing this very sad deal. What wuold u do thank you

’14 months ago my spouse asked for a divorce, and I told her that it was the first time since in a long time where we agreed on something. So I spent the better part of 3 months preparing to leave and I was ready. I sell a product with residual commissions and made enough money in those 3 months to keep the income coming to her the same as when I lived there. So I was waiting until late January 09 to leave, and was waiting to tell the kids about the divorce until it was certain. Then my wife tells me she is 3 months pregnant. Then economy got really bad, and my boss made some decisions that cut my income to where I spent all year trying to prevent bankruptcy. The baby was born, but had some medical problems, and had to be sent to a separate hospital for a month. I did not leave the the baby’s side. She is very happy and very healthy today.

She also hid gasoline in our bedroom and got this weird habit of lighting matches all of the time. Then she had to be hospitalized for alcohol withdrawl. I found out she was binge drinking at night after we were all asleep. Then she was caught trying to take my kids for a planned trip in the car right after getting drunk.

So I forced an intervention, pushed her to treatment and have told her I will call the police the next time she does anything. She has been in control for the last 3 weeks, and she has been so manipulative over the years, I question if this is just some huge manipulation…. I have to stay here for my kids saftey, I am just scrimping by financially, and I need to work, so I can not take the kids most of the time. But, I am going insane living with this woman.,, Any suggestions? This is frigging killing me…..

Usually i respect girls & womens, help to old people,neighbours and poor. Used to pray god….etc. When i saw some sexy thing like bra or some exposing automatically i will get feeling that i should participate in sex. I hate to see BF’s even my friends forced me to see.I didn’t like girls and aunts with bad nature, i want to scold them but i can’t bcos it is their wish to participate in sex with others, then will take revenge on them by thinking that i am participated in sex and will get my sperm out using my hands action, after that i really feel bad. My policy is that all my parts of body should be only for a particular girl who is my wife, i don’t want any other. I don’t like heroin’s also bcos of exposing to get fame.
Finally i want to stop getting my sperm out from my body by think about them and i want to concentrate on my future. So please help me in sending remedy for this issue. I know this is a very big text but pls…..pls reading this and understand the problem.

ok, the story here is very long, so i ll try to keep it brief

my darling wife and i have been together 7 years, married 5, we have two sons, 4 and 15months

our relationship has nt always been great, we ve had alot of good and bad times but i may have had my last chance

basically, i have recently been diagnosed with bipolar, undiagnosed as depression for a long time, stemming from a trouble childhood and drug abuse in my teens, and whilst i am not using this as an excuse, i believe it is a huge factor in why my marriage has broken down,

over the years i have neglected to show my wife the love she felt she needed, it was right at times but quickly ruined by my constant mood changes, arguements went from fiery to violent (on my side) never seriously injuring her but enough to physically hurt her, i dont remember much about it all, a red mist decended and from that my mind is blank (i am now seeking anger management help, but the violence is nothing like it was)

if that was nt enough for my poor wife i went into even deeper depression and rejected the support she tried to give me, i turned to another woman, i did nt have a physical affair but some might say it was an emotional one, she found out and quite rightly did nt believe me, to worsen matters i then decided i did nt want my wife and spent the night at the other womans house, again no physical affair, we did nt even talk, i slept on the sofa and returned to my wife the next day, she did nt want me to leave and i stayed, i knew through this i loved her and tryed to get help.

the help i recieved helped for a while, but the mood stablising drugs i was taking were effecting my work, me being foolish and thinking i was ok now just stopped them and the problems arose again.

all the time these things were destroying my wifes love for me, unbeknown to me, i was trapped in a suicidal, self harming bubble, every time i hurt her i cut myself.

fast forward to recently, things had nt been too bad, but things still were nt quite right with us, i was feeling rejected and she was starting to get more of a social life, i was feeling rejected and was beginning to think i had pushed her into the arms of another man, a friend she has at work, after talikng to her about it i belive she is nt seeing this guy and that he is just a friend, but my paranoia was making me think because i had done this sort of thing, then she may too.

i took an overdose of my tablets and ended up in hospital, this foolish act was the beginning of the end, it was getting too much for her and it really upset her, as she saw there was no reason for me to try to take my life
HOWEVER during my time in hospital, and the thought of losing my wife caused something to ‘snap’ in my head, i realised all my mistakes, felt the pain i had caused her, basically a real reality check, i accepted my mental illness finally, went to see my gp, got refered to a mental health team and started making changes

the love and affection i showed my wife over the last three weeks had been natural, she was still not right but i took that for being the shock and her not beliving i had changed, as i had said so many times before,

we went on holiday last week, a good holiday until i foolishly responded to flirty messages i had replyed to on facebook, she found the messages and quite rightly hit the roof, and that was the final straw, she wanted us to have a break so she could think of whether she could forgive me or not, i think she believes me when i honestly say it was a mistake, again the feeling of being rejected had made me think it would be ok to respond to these messages,

so here i am, now living with my dad, while she thinks on whether she can live with the memories of the last 7 years, shes not ended it properly yet, does nt want a divorce (yet) and says she still has feelings for me but is not in love with me (understandably)

this has hit me so hard, i know i love my wife so much, always have done but my neglect over the years has destroyed her love for me, she says this is nt a short break and she does nt know how long it will take to give me a definate answer, she knows i m seeking help to change, but i m not sure what else i can do, i will give her space, but at the same time i m wondering if we spend longer apart will it be harder for us to get back together, do i wait? try to move on? i m in limbo and not sure whats for the best

my love for her is so strong, we have talked alot and are getting on as friends,

i m not looking for answers, id just like sensible input into this situation

hope someone out there has some wise words or experiences

Phil

I have recently began eating chile everyday of the week for the past 4 weeks some is canned and some is homemade. As a result of my chile eating binge I have been asked by supervision at work to refrain from passing gas in any area where people or employee’s visit. This is in no way a joke this is real. Some person’s have secretly went to the supervisor and asked him to talk to me about my passing gas. apparently the smell is so bad that no one can stand to smell it anymore. I must admit it is a though odor and my wife has asked that I sleep in a separate room with a can of deodorant spray while on my chile diet, Now none of these restriction’s have bothered me until I went to work and was told that I could not bring chile for lunch any more and that if I wanted to eat chile that bad That I could eat it at home.Please tell me what you think. Because to be honest Im feeling like the country of Cuba Right now, I Feel that I have started the Great Fart embargo act of 2009. Please feel free to pass this on to your friend’s so that I can get their comment’s also feel free to email me @ jabii1969@yahoo.com no spam please

Any married couples, please help me here.

I just got into a verbal fight with a good friend of mine. I’m 21 and he’s 22. I’m single. He’s married. His wife is basically a complete B…..I….T….C….H. He does a lot of stuff for her, and she does nothing but use him. He feels that he needs to talk to me about this because I help calm him when some thing transpires between him and his wife. And he also likes when I give him suggestions. In a nut shell, here is how his wife acts. He asked his wife to take their 2 year old baby to the doctor because of a really bad cough he has. She said she can’t because she had a headache and she commented that “he will get it over it with some cough syrup”. I told my friend, his name is Aaron, I told him then you should take your son to the doctor to be checked out. He had no gas in his car, but he could have used his wife’s jeep (which he BOUGHT for her). The wife told him this “if you take my jeep, I will call the cops and report it stolen”. His wife is very immature.

Aaron pays for her car insurance. Tomorrow he is going to call the insurance company and take her off his insurance plan and now she will not be able to drive her jeep because she will have no insurance. I am pressing him very hard to do this. Because I have a feeling that he won’t stick to his guns. I’m so pissed that his wife would not let him use the jeep to take the baby to the doctor. So, I told Aaron, the next time she uses the jeep, call the police and make a report that she’s operating a motor vehicle with no insurance and then she can get ticketed for it.

And then just in general she is a complete B….I…T..C…H. She doesn’t work a job, she only goes to college. She doesn’t do much housework. She doesn’t clean up after dinner. Aaron basically does it all. He’s an EMT and a volunteer firefighter. He can’t risk taking her jeep because if she calls and reports it, he could get arrested and he cannot risk a criminal record because of his position. Actually, he’s considering a career as a police officer like me.

His wife claims she cannot do the housework or clean because of her bad back….but yet she has the strength to pick up and hold the baby and take him out with her and put him in the car seat, etc., etc. Her bad back is just an excuse.

He wants to get a divorce but he cannot right now.

Also…..his wife’s parents do drugs. He has given her family so much money and they never paid him back. I told him….he should go to the police and file a report that her parents do drugs. And then a judge can sign a warrant. I told him the whole point of this is to make her side of the family miserable, since that is what they are doing to him. And later on in time when he files for separation, I don’t think the judge will allow her parents to be associated with their baby since they are around drugs.

Do you have any suggestions I can give him? his wife makes him so miserable. See… I am the kind of guy who is always on a short fuse……… I couldn’t take this crap that she’s giving him. I would be furious if I was him. My friend is more hurt than anything.

Anyways……while I was talking to Aaron earlier, I told him “something tells me that you are not going to take her off your insurance”………….and then I kept going on and saying “you probably wont’ do anything I tell u anyways…you are probably just gonna let it go”……..then he told me “you don’t think I’m gonna do anything?”…. I said “yes”…….and then he hung up. He claims I got no faith in him.

What do I do? What can I do to help me? what can I suggest to him?
“What can I do to help me” — i meant to say “what can I do to help him”

He’s only been married for 2 years.

started drinking and doing drugs at the age of 13. Pot, LSD, Cocaine, Ecstasy, etc. I was never severly addicted and was pretty much a weekend user, however I used hard when I used. This went on until I was 23 and overdosed on X and Alcohol. I would have probably died if my girlfriend at the time had not found me. I gave everything up after that for almost 5 years, even alcohol. The initial withdrawals to my brain were horrible. I went on an anti-depressant, which helped a great deal and I built a life for myself. It should be noted that my depression was related to the death of my mother when I was 18 and my only brother when I was 21.I met my ex-wife when I was 28 and began drinking occasionally, but never really getting drunk.She did some horrible things to me which ended in a divorce and me binge drinking from time to time and some occassional cocaine use. Clearly I know the cocaine use is unnacceptable,but I don’t know if I am an alcoholic.Sometimes I drink way too much,but it is not everytime I drink.For example,yesterday I had one beer and had no desire to have another.I go to meetings and it seems that the people talk about craving to drink.I don’t crave to drink,I just tend to be more unhappy and make worse decisions when I’m drinking.I need guidance because clearly i would have never overdosed unless I had a serious problem correct?
Thanks for the contributions. I do truly believe I have a substance abuse issue or it would not have caused so much trouble in my life. I have been going to meeting, in fact I went to one tonight. I’m just apprehensive to speak because my tales seem so minimal compared to other’s. I never sold my body or stole from my parents. I was and am a master manipulator. Thanks again! Keep the answers flowing please!

I’m trying to quit using cocaine. I’ve gotten clean from it in the past, NA and AA have not really worked for me.

After our 3rd child, my wife started take anti-depressents / anti-anxiety drugs. This may be why she has absolutely no sex drive. Prior to #3, the sex was good. I do love my wife.

Dear Abbey once said “when there is no passion within the marriage, there will be passion outside the marriage”. I haven’t been looking for passion outside, but I finally told my wife that if some came my way, I probably would go for it. Well, I did. Now I’ve got this strong emotional desire for a co-worker. We’ve been friends for over a year, and the three of us have gone out several times.

My wife left for a 2 month vacation with her family, and my co-worker invited me over, and it happened. And it was GREAT! We sat and talked for about 6 hours one night. I have not had that kind of companionship with a woman since 3 years before I hooked up with my wife. Let me be truthful — before the sun came up, we knew each other Biblically.

I don’t want it to end with my co-worker. What should I do?

I need to help my husband, but first i need help knowing how to approach this without sounding like a controlling wife. I want my husband to live a long life. he is only 23 now, but he binge eats – he is 225 pounds and six foot tall. he works out on average of 4 hours a week and the rest of his time is sitting in front of the computer playing video games. he is not lazy all the time, but i am afraid he will turn out like the rest of his family where eating takes up the majority of their energy and life. is it wrong of me to control what he eats and help him make better choices ? how many times a day should i make him eat, should i make him eat even if he is not hungry for breakfast in the morning, often he skips it. how many calories for a man this size. any help would be great. i dont want him to think he is being controlled but i love him and care about him. he is going to end up like his father if he keeps this up and his father is over 400 pounds.
even if it is healthy food , he’ll binge on it. i dont think its healthy for anyone to sit down and stuff themselves, and it sounds painful for him once he reaches a full point but he keeps on going.
If i dont bring in the house any foods he’ll want to eat then he’ll end up going to the fast food chains.

My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world. I love her dearly and would be completely lost without her. We’ve been together for nearly ten years and I can’t imagine my life without her. The problem I have is with her family. They all have serious personal issues that they won’t do anything about.

Her mother suffers from depression or has bi-polar or something, but refuses to acknowledge she has a problem and therefore won’t seek help. She has tried to commit suicide before, but refuses to go to any couselling, get help or take medication. The reason being – “I don’t have a problem, everyone else has the problem” Whenever she visits I have to be watchfull of everything I say, so as not to upset her or make her feel unwelcome. She has constant mood swings and is a very difficult person to be around.

Her father is an alcoholic. He drinks heavily every day and has numerous medical ailments, but that won’t stop him drinking. Last month, he had another surgery and now has a colostemy bag. He was told by his surgeon to stop drinking but he won’t. His drinking is one of the main reasons his marriage ended to my wife’s mother.

Her older brother is a border line alcoholic who has become violent when he’s drunk. He has also started using drugs occasionally.The violence and drug taking has only started since his relationship with his girlfried ended. Before that he was a great person.

Her younger brother is a supposed reformed drug user/dealer. I haven’t had much to do with her younger brother because he lives the furtherest away, but the time I have spent with him makes me feel uneasy. I simply don’t trust him.

The main problem I have is that we have a young son and I don’t want him exposed to the lifestyles and problems of her family. Unfortunately my wife’s childhood with her family and their relationships since then have always been tumultuous and full of drama, but she is still desperate to have any kind of relationship with them that she can. She regularly will turn a blind eye to things that happen with them. I am not so forgiving or understanding.

I want my wife to know that I love her dearly and understand how important her family is to her, but at the same time I need her to know that my top priority is protecting my family and I will do anything to do that, even if it means upsetting hers. How can I let my wife know this without upsetting her or making her feel like I don’t want her to have contact with ther family. I’m happy for her family to be in our lives, but not at the cost of affecting our son’s upbringing.