How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘friends’

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. 4 years ago through a lot of work on my part and my family paying for the lawyer my husband got custody of his 4 year old son. The child is now 8, his mom is so very bad that she was down to only 8 hours a month of supervised visitation, but we have a restraining order against her. We also have a 20 month old daughter together.

My husband had spent some time in jail 10 years ago, but it was mostly drug related and he was not doing drugs any more when we met, or even to this day, but over the last 15 months he has had several brushes with the law. Ever since our baby was born he has become distant, his drinking increased, and he was arrested 3 times in the last 15 months. Once for driving a 4 wheeler on private property, once for a DUI where he really did only have 1 beer, and this last time for being so darn drunk he totalled his truck into a tree. When he went to jail I couldn’t bail him out this time and I found that he had been texting another woman 742 times the month leading up to his DUI. He even had a suggestive picture of her on his phone,a nd his texting ring tone set to silent. I have put up with a lot hoping to get back to a happy place, but ever since our daughter was born he didn’t even share a bed with me, instead he slept with the 8 year old. At first it was because the baby cried, but even after she moved into her own room he didn’t come back. We were more like roomates than man and wife.

Once I found the text messages I had had it. That was cheating in my book and it is unforgivable. The arrests, the stupid mistakes, the excessive drinking…I was trying to work through all that, but I was the only one responisble for the baby, and responisble for my step son both with school work, medically, I even coordinated the visits with his biological mother, and did all the laundry, and the dishes, and pretty much everything except the cooking, because i also work 40 hours a week and my husband got home at 3pm, so after many fights he agreed to do the cooking…but that was pretty much all he did. He even gave me a lot of attitude when i asked him to watch the baby so i could do homework with my step son, he said i should have been able to do both..I was very close toa nervous break down when he went to jail and then, to be honest, without him there to tell me how I was doing everything wrong, my life was better. Even being a single mom of 2, and fighting with my step son’s mom so that i could keep him while my husband was in jail for the last 5 months, my life was STILL better.

Well, I have made it clear that when he gets out next month he isn’t coming to my house, because it really is my house, I owned it before we met. When he is sober he is a good dad to the 8 year old, he says the baby just scared him and i want to believe him…anyway, he will be living at his mothers house, and I must say she is one of the coolest people I have ever met, we are really good friends. But how do I stay friends with him?

The 8 year old adores his dad, he knows why his dad is in jail, and I take the kids to see there dad once a week, which I think under thr circumstances is very nice of me, but I don’t do it for him I do it for THEM. My husband is still talking about us getting back together, but there is just too much that has happened, it isn’t something I want. He isn’t good at the monday-friday stuff, so i want to keep the kids, even my step son. We can make this happen, and his family is on board with that idea, they really like me. But how can I maintain a friendship with this man…how do you do the parent thing with another person when you refuse to do the married thing?

How do you stay friends for the kids sakes?
My step son has been living in my home for over half his life, I am the only mother figure he knows since his own mom has had the state remove 2 children from her care and she has been deemed a danger. My husband can terminate her rights according to state law and then I can adopt him…that’s how i wind up with my step son too.
Okay clarification, my husband can PETITION the courts to terminate the biological mom’s rights as she falls into multiple categories for involentary termination of parental rights. I thought my post was long enough so I didn’t expand on what all she has done.

My friend has never had much confidence with women. I’ve always tried to be supportive and was really pleased that he’d found someone he’d like to marry. I was proud to be his best man. I’ve never had a problem with any of his other girlfriends, but there was always something about this person that didn’t quite click with me. Until recently I felt guilty about this: thinking the problem was mine and that maybe subconsciously I was judging her for her troubled past – drugs, prison, prostitution etc. But after staying with them last weekend and seeing their marriage close-up I couldn’t help but feel that he’s made a mistake in marrying her. She gives him no warmth or support; she’s incredibly lazy in terms of rearing the children/sharing household chores; she’s a bully and says things that are designed to be vindictive. I’ve noticed a change in him for the worst.
Do I wait for him to approach the subject?I can’t even get him out on his own to talk over a drink.
Many thanks for your time

ok, before me and her got married, she was kinda into drugs. well she stopped all that cause she said she loved me and knew i didnt approve of that. and she said she stopped seeing and hanging out with her drug buddies. i know she has cut her ties with most of them but she says she still has sum friends who dont do that, drugs that is. so she hangs out with them a couple of times a week. but when i ask if i can come, she always has sum kinda exuse like, she wont be out long anyway so i should just stay home. its like it annoys her when i ask to meet sum of her friends. it raises suspicion but she assures me that nothing is going on. she even gets defensive at times, like there is sumthing she doesnt want me to find out. the point is, if nothing is going on, then y cant i at least meet her friends once? isnt everything supposed to be shared in a marriage? is it just me or should i be more assertive about this??

I recently went on a drinking binge and really upset one of my best friends. I can piece together some of what I said and did, but not everything. He keeps telling me everything is OK, but can tell things are still not right. It’s not the first time I’ve said things I’ve regretted to this particular friend who other than my wife/family is the closest person in my life. My problem is that I want him to tell me what exactly happened, but don’t want to make things worse by rehashing it. I’ve decided to swear off alcohol so it won’t happen again, but this friendship is too important to risk and not sure if time really will heal all wounds. A “blanket” apology doesn’t seem sufficient.

I spent the weekend hanging out with a bunch of friends that I have known for years. There are 2 married couples and one couple that isn’t married. After their wives and girlfriend left, I witnessed these guys (who I considered friends up until this point) cheating on their wives. They were highly intoxicated, but to me there is absolutely no excuse for their actions. The worst part about it is that I personally think they were taking advantage of girls that were so drunk, they may have not known what they were doing at the time. I was certain to give them a piece of my mind right there, and told them that I was very upset that they had put me in the position I am now in. I have to see their wives and girlfriend, and pretend like nothing happened? I am so livid that this happened, and refuse to keep them as “friends”. However……… I know what happens when people tell their friends about a cheating husband/boyfriend. I know that I would want to know, but I don’t want to cause a ton of drama in my life, and am worried this would bring a storm my way.

What do you think I should do?

Why do alcoholic think it dosn’t hurt anyone but them when so many people care about them? My ex became an alcoholic also and he lost respect from many friends and does nothing but stay home with his wife and drink, get loud and make a fool of himself….don’t they know what they are doing to those who love them?

My husband has been sober for several months, until he hung out with his “friends.” The main “friend” was celebrating his birthday…had HIS wife ask me if I was going to LET my husband hang out with the guys…and not to worry she assured me that they were his friends and wouldnt pressure him…. Well, it wasnt up to me wether of not my husband went…which he did. We talked about the drug and alchol use that would be going on prior to his leaving. He assured me he would be fine…etc…

Well, needless to say, he came home drunk and high. He broke the verbal contract. We have been going to marriage counseling due to his alcoholism and drug use…Marriage counsling seemed to work, as I know my husband didnt want me to leave and take our 2 young daughters with me. So, I dont know what to do now. I have a feeling this will continue to happen every so often…no matter marriage counseling or not. Should I leave him? He had been sober for 2 months…and is more spiritual…

but, I think that he secretely hopes to once again be a user of drugs in the future…and that this soberness is only soposed to last a while..until me his wife “gives in” and enables it too. B/c in the past I too drank but am NOT an alcoholic, and did smoke the weed…it was the way I could relate to him without being mad at him, or a way to hang out. But, I am past that. I am no longer a user, and am no longer going to dumb myself down to those levels!

I slept with my friends husband. We were both intoxicated and it just happened. We both agreed that we would not speak of it again, but he now says that he feels guilty about it and wants to tell her. Him and I have been friends since High School and over the years I have become good friends with his wife. Technically, he initiated it. Yes, I know I’m still equally at fault. It was an alcohol induced incident, it wouldn’t have happened otherwise. It wasn’t premeditated on either part, I’m not out to steal him from her, I don’t want him, I don’t have feelings for him and as far as I know he feels the same way. I feel terrible, I have never done anything like this.

We agreed not to tell anyone about this, hence why I’ve turned to Yahoo answers. He wants to tell his wife, he says he feels guilty. I don’t think that he should tell her about it. He feels guilty, so he just forget about what happened and dedicate himself to being the best husband ever and never do anything like this again. Right? Telling her isn’t going to to do anyone any good, especially if plans on never cheating again. My nephew who I’ve adopted and his son are best friends, they’re five. This would just make everything awkward. Yes, we should have thought about this before, but we obviously were not thinking. He said he wouldn’t tell her if I feel this strongly about it. Am I committing a double crime by telling him not to tell his wife? I just think it’s unnecessary, he’s sorry, I’m sorry and it’s never going to happen again.

My friend is trapped in a loveless marriage to a mean vindictive drug abuser. They have not lived together for two years. They have no children or property together.
If he files for divorce can he be forced to pay alimony and provide medical insurance etc. She has threatened to ruin him financially can she do this. They have been married for five years.

Thankyou.

I am a proud alcoholic and my wife accepts that. I am a good husband to her. I support her, I still screw her a lot and I buy her things. She always accepted that, but lately her friends have been telling her I should stop drinking and she is listening. I can’t forbid her from seeing them but it’s getting annoying. I am usually passed out by the time she gets home from work so we don’t fight about it. I still give it to her about 3 times a week so she isn’t showing anger but she has been hinting. How can I get her to stop listening. If it’s between her and drinking I’ll choose to keep drinking so I don’t want it to come to that.

When she’s doing lots and lots of heroin and you know she secretly wants to bang all of your friends, would you be okay with that?

It’s a drug infused hippie honeymoon, who wouldn’t want that?

I’m asking for my bestie, Jo Jo

Our friends are having their annual holiday party. My wife and I have know the couple for about 3 years now. One of my best friends (whom my wife dislikes) has been invited to the party, also. My wife thinks I should either ask the couple to uninvite my best friend or that I should ask him not to go to the party. I have told her it is not my place to tell someone who they can and cannot invite to a party. Nor, is it my place to tell my friend what he can and cannot do.

My best friend is someone with whom I play ball with every week or two and we will go out to the bars every now-and-then for a few drinks. On a couple of occassions I have gotten too drunk to drive home and my wife has gotten very upset with me. She blames not only me, but my friend for my getting too drunk. This has happened a couple of time in the past 8 months.

Anyway, there had been a friend who pretended like she was thinking for my best interests. But I think she was thinking more about the interest of the guy who she wanted me to date. I was disappointed to see that he wasn’t very intelligent, wasn’t too good looking, and wasn’t very talented either. He was a police officer and I had heard alot of bad things about potential husbands of police officers: they often cheat, they don’t take care of the family properly, they vent their stress from their jobs on their wives, they beat their wives, they suffer from alcoholism, they can’t turn off of “cop mode” when they’re home, etc. The thing is, my friend is a devout christian fanatic who has a messiah complex and she thinks that she is doing the right thing for me. I find myself questioning her motives and her integrity of trustworthiness because the guy who dated me seemed more interested in himself. He had no respect for my future, my goals, and just wanted me to do nothing and be a housewife with kids. I said that I could not do that. He did a background check on me to see how much money I was worth, etc, and I pissed me off. From what I think of, I was guessing that the guy was desperate to have a woman because no woman would go out with him due to his job, and he wanted to find someone who would be a dutiful, servile wife for him and bear him children. And my friend simply set me up with him in order for him to take advantage of me. Wha tod you think?
I have large goals for my future; to graduate from grad school, get a phD from medschool, hav ea nice house and a car, then find an intellectual man with good middleclass background and high education… but my friend just referred me to some kind of college graduate physically fit guy who has nothing in common with me, so I’m questioning her integrity as a person. She seemed like she was more interested in looking out for this guy rather than looking out for my welfare.
She did this to me because she purposely got me into financial debt by maliciously engineering a set of circumstances. If the guy benefits from me, she will benefit from that too.

cars when I was backing out of the driveway? I know its my fault and I shouldn’t drink & drive but they both had their rear ends sticking out way too far.
Jeez, such harsh reactions, I was only moving the car out of someones way, not driving somewhere, her friends, Jim & Kevin know that I hit the cars and I am paying for the damages, but my wife tends to overeact to petty things

Valley friends stay sober by getting hooked on fishing
With a yelp, Vicky Whinnery leaps to her feet and starts yelling. “Hey, hey, hey!” she screams, gripping her newly purchased fishing pole. “What do I do now? Do I have a fish?”

Read more on Yakima Herald-Republic

My hubby walks up and announces that his friend is going to stay with us for a while cuz he got kicked out of his other friend’s house for playing peeping tom on her when she was in the shower.I can’t understand why he coddles this lush.He drinks all day,doesn’t work and doesn’t care.What the hell am I supposed to do to get rid of him?

He has some friends who are totally useless, they call him out to drink! there is nothingelse they call him for. I dont like them. they are not even to his standard.
I have tried telling 2 of his friends about what happens when he come home from drinking, they told me- dont worry we wont call him out anymore which lasted for 1 week only and after that they keep calling him out.
I just dont understand why he has to go out and drink with his friends. I have tried to stop him by blackmailing him to choose which he wants.. his wife or alcohol.. but still after few days he is back to drinking.
Can someone tell me some trick that i can use on him.

I have no reason to doubt her, except one of her friends ( a former alcoholic) told her off and doesn’t speak to her any more; I found that suspicious. Plus she says she remembers everything, but I don’t think you can when you’re that drunk, can you?