How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘exwife’

This selfish drug-addict “B” is only interested in getting as much free money as possible without working for it. She has another daughter, “S” (from a previous marriage) whose three kids were taken away by CA because of her own drug addiction. “S” then moved with her b/f to Oklahoma. These kids were then given to B! It’s so obvious that she only wanted custody of them (and my husband’s daughter, “T”) so she could live on Welfare and Child Support. Now, almost three years later, she and T have moved to Oklahoma. We have tried on two separate occasions (Nov-Dec 2005 and July-Aug 2007) to move T in with us and change the custody order, but B has always had T brainwashed against us, telling her (just before the court appearance) she will kill herself if T decides to live with us. It was just her way of getting a “paid vacation”. The 2007 episode was at the time of our son’s birth, and I’m sure it was planned that way. T (then 14) was a complete BRAT both times, and I just know her mother told her to cause us as much stress as possible, and she sure delivered on that! Because of her screwed-up mother’s and half-sister’s influences, T has become totally uncontrollable. She has been in and out of school (and probably Juvenile Hall) for the past four years and I REALLY don’t see the point in allowing her around our now 2 1/2 year old son. My husband and I fight about this, because he has such a “guilt complex” about it. I know I’ve gone on and on, but I want to be understood, and there’s so much aggravation here.

My husband’s ex-wife is a narcisstic sociopath.
Her favorite drug of choice is court. In the 4 years I have known him, she has filed 62 motions, complaints, and warrants against him in 5 different counties. She Judge shops, much like a pill addict pharmacy shops.
Sometimes she loses, most of the time she wins, because 1) she is female, and GA is not in any way a father’s rights state, and 2) she is very wealthy and can afford court at her whim.

She cries and lies to the court, and her own children attempting to alienate them from their father.
Her husband follows and verbally attacks my husband at the kids school and sporting events regularly, as does her alcoholic father.

We are not wealthy by any means. My husband works 2 jobs, one for us, one to pay ex-wife 50% of every dime he makes for child support.

I don’t have the time or the space to tell you all the spiteful, vindictive, downright evil things this woman has done to my husband.
BTW – SHE divorced him, filed in 2003, final in 2004.
She married him because he was a lawyer – not for love, she wanted his money and status.
When they were married, she was so verbally abusive that he became clinically depressed and had to take Zoloft. He became addicted to gambling as an outlet for his frustration, and lost several thousand dollars. He was no longer useful to her, so she divorced him.
She moved from the West coast to the East, and he moved here to be with his children. She is a flight attendant, so my husband raised them practically alone since birth.
His moving here enraged her to the point that she is trying everything she can to get him out of the boy’s lives – to the point of forbidding them to visit (we live 3 miles from her), telling them he doesn’t pay child support (he pays her $1,000 a month), and filing child abandonment charges against him (the Prosecutor refused to charge my husband; she knew ex-w was lying) to harassing his employer and getting him fired, getting him behind in child support, and filing Contempt charges and having him put in jail several times (filing in different counties).

I am at my wits end!
My husband, like I said, works 2 jobs – sometimes I don’t see him for several days – just to pay child support. When I do see him, he’s exhausted, cranky, and stressed out because of her putting the kids up to calling and spewing her lies, or he got a nasty letter from her or her lawyer, or he has to prepare for yet another court hearing (FIVE in 2010).

This is why most second marriages fail!
My husband is a wonderful person, and an amazing father. He certainly does not deserve any of the childish, hateful, cruel treatment of this woman he once loved. It wasn’t until after the children were born that he realized that she only loved herself, she isn’t capable of loving anyone else.

Seriously, I cannot take this anymore! I’m ready to divorce him because the nonsense drama goes on and on and will not stop!

How does a sociopath stop targeting one particular person?
(She is remarried to a wealthy man and lives in a gated country club. She SHOULD be happy!)

Is there a certain reverse psychology I need to know about.
It is not as simple as “get away from her”. I can’t do that. She is the mother of my husband’s children – whom he dearly loves, and she knows it. She uses it against him in every way.

How can I fight back? I have no money, so I can’t do it in court.
How can I get her to back off and leave my husband alone??
HELP!!!!!

My boyfriend, who also happens to be the biological father of my oldest daughter, is going through a nasty divorce. Right after his ex left we started seeing each other. We have been ever since, it’s been almost 16 months. He still hasn’t got divorced because the ex is trying to get back with him, and keep contesting it over and over. Also he has been very back and forth on whether or not he wanted to give her another chance, so he didn’t really “rush” this divorce along. He was very naieve about the whole process.
It’s hard to put this all into a short lil composed story, but basically she moved 1 state over months and months ago and he’s been making the trip there so that she can see her daughter, even a couple of times towards the end he let his daughter stay the night with her.
All was well, until last weekend she called to say she was driving to town and staying in a hotel and wanted to see their daughter. My bf told her he didnt want their daughter staying in a hotel so she could have her the next day. He proceeded to drop her off with her in the morning, when time came to pick her up, the ex didnt respond to any calls or txts. We later learned she fled to another state with her and he could do nothing about it until he recieved a temporary custody paper.
Ok so onto my problem now… she still has the child and is telling him that I will never be allowed to be around his daughter, which is also mind you, my daughter’s sister. We will be getting her back once he gets paperwork, but when they have divorce court in a few months I’m wondering if she can try and break us up by not allowing the child around me. Obviously she has to have grounds for this, which are the following: I have been arrested, but before I was ever dating him, or around his child, and everything but 1 thing was dropped in court, which was resisting arrest, which I spent 8hrs in an anger mgmt class and 36 days house arrest for. Also before we were dating, or I was ever living with his child I tried to kill myself and spent 30 days in the hospital, 5 of which were in a mental facility, where i was cleared to go home.
Should I be worried? I have been raising his lil girl for over a year bc her own mom has barely been around. Now all the sudden she wants to keep her from me bc I was mad and txtd her that her daughter will know all about her mom one day. She feels that she is going to use my past against me.

Ok now onto her past:
While she was pregnant she smoked pot and took pills to get high, they drug tested the baby when she was born and she came up positive.
During their marriage she cheated on him with almost every single one of his friends, inlcuding his roommate while he was in the other room.
She has done every drug imaginable even after the baby was born, including smoking crack, and meth.
She would have family members come over to watch the baby every single day so that she can go meet up with random men and get drugs.
After she left him she started stripping at a local strip club.
She has repeatedily threatened to kill herself if he doesnt take her back.

Please, I welcome any and all responses. I want to know LEGAL stuff more so than opionions. Thank you in advance.
I am not a threat to her in anyway what so ever, but can she use my past against me? My past is in no way abusive or involving children.

Also, she is trying to claim that I am still suicidal, and that I am on drugs. Can she even bring this up in court or will they just realize she is a jealous ex-wife?

My husband has two sons from his previous marriage (age 14 and 11). A year ago, their mother wanted my husband (who had full custody for 4 years after their divorce before they went to live with their mom for one year) to take full custody of the younger son, but wouldn’t let the older son come live with us. Eight months later, his ex-wife’s mother called him and said he needed to buy a plane ticket for the older son to come live with us, because her daughter (the boys’ mothers) had been kicked out of the house for drug use. So we now have full custody of both boys.

Well, their mother gave them both cell phones but after one month, she canceled the younger sons plan and only pays for the elder. She calls and text him ALL THE TIME throughout the day, but at most only talks to the younger son once a week. She never sent Christmas presents or birthday presents for the younger son until April (His birthday is in February) and it was just basic things like clothes and items from the dollar store. But for the older son, she has already told him she’s going to get him an IPOD Touch and some other things and that she already has it in the mail a week before his birthday.

My mother dealt with strong favoritism from her mother (my grandma would only send birthday presents to one of my sister) and she demanded that her mother send us all presents or none at all. And when my grandma still would only send my sister a present, she returned it so her mother would take it seriously.

I understand that a parent can’t be perfectly fair with each child, but that’s not the case here. This woman is STRONGLY favoring the elder child and my husband doesn’t know how to put a stop to it. He has brought it up with her in the past, but she got raging mad at him and insisted that she doesn’t favor one over the other.

How do you think we should deal with it, because it’s only a matter of time before the younger brother begins to resent the older brother….That’s exactly how me and my sister began to feel about my sister being favored by our grandmother.

I was with my ex-wife for 10 years. I was in love with her, but we had a rough relationship. The entire time we were together I was lying to her about my feelings toward other men. She always knew I was bi, but deep down I suspected I was gay. She tried to get me to open up about my sexuality but I always resisted. It was a huge struggle for years and led to drug abuse and addictive behavior on my part.

After 7 years of marriage I started meeting other men online and sneaking around behind her back. I didn’t hide my tracks very well and she found out everything. She left me and filed for divorce. At the time I had convinced myself that I was gay and that this was the right thing for me. I told her and my family that I was gay. I admit I treated her badly, both before and after she left me. For that reason she refuses to talk to me anymore. It has been 2 and a half years.

Now I have come to the realization, after having relationships with men, that I am not gay — I am bi, just like I always thought. Maybe I am more attracted to men (mostly gay), but nobody compares to my wife. I miss her and the life we had, every day. I am so lonely and so angry at myself for messing that up. Everyone I meet I compare to her, and nobody compares. I know now what a great gift I had and I threw it away. I don’t even have her as a friend anymore, and she was once my best friend. Her family, who I was once a part of, now hates me. The worst part is, she is still very close with my mom and other relatives, they all love her and are angry at me for what I did. So even though I don’t talk to her, I still hear about what’s going on in her life, how well she is doing, and it hurts.

I have attempted to get her back, but she wants no part of it.

How can I force myself to get over her and move on?
How can I stop myself from comparing everyone (men and women) to her?
How can I get over the feeling that I have wrecked my life for good and there is nothing left for me anymore but loneliness?

sorry for the long post, thanks for reading and giving me your opinions.

I got divorced about 10 years ago, at the time my daughter was 12. I had a very good marriage until my ex starting making bad friends and doing drugs. She started sleeping around and we obviously got divorced, she had no interest in working out the marriage, getting clean or her kids.

Since then she has gotten better and then fallen on bad habits, been married and divorced twice (mostly because she sleeps around), is sleeping with a new guy every week and everytime my daughter gets her hopes up that her mom will be okay she throws it all away on her ex that she still sleeps with or falls back onto drugs.

Not to mention that my ex’s second husband used to beat my daughter and the ex did nothing about it. My daughter gives her mother money, tries to buy stuff for her 3 little brothers (from the ex’s second marriage), tries to be there for her but it is tearing her up and I hate to see it.

My sons have long given up but my daughter just keeps trying and getting hurt. More..
She scams my daughter out of money, puts guilt trips on her if she doesn’t do everything for her, calls her at 3am 2 or 3 times a week to say she is too drunk to drive home and needs my daughter to come get her, is verbally abusive telling her that she is fat (my daughter is 105 pounds and has gone through an eating disorder because of the ex’s abuse) and tells her she is a bad daughter even though she spends half her time and money trying to help her.

I just don’t know what to do anymore and I’m at my wit’s end. My daughter just recently got an apartment and doesn’t have the money to pay all her mom’s bills and from what I hear the ex has been non stop calling her and telling her that she is a bad daughter and that her little brothers are going to starve because she won’t give her money.

My daughter is smart, successful and a sweetheart. She took care of her mother since she was 12 and worked hard all her life. Her mom is tearing her down, how can I help her?
I did get custody of my daughter, but she would go to the ex’s on weekends. I didn’t know she was being beat until several years later when she was older and told me.

I didn’t want to keep the kids away from their mother, I had loved her and I knew at some point in her life she had been a good person and I hoped for her sake and my kids that should would get better but she never did.

I wasn’t going to tell my kids they couldn’t have contact with their mother, the boys eventually gave up on her but my daughter won’t. She is a good person and the ex takes advantage of that. Just going to the ex and telling her not to call won’t work, because my daughter still thinks that she can help her.

We have a Christmas party tonight, and my father in law, who is divorced from my mother in law, but remarried will be there. His wife and her children (teenagers) from a previous marriage will not be. I don’t feel inclined to get anything for her because 1. She won’t be there and 2. because she and her ‘children’ make my father in law’s life a living hell. He says that they are about to get a divorce and I don’t think that he’ll be offended if there’s not a gift sent home for her. I do feel a little guilty about not giving a gift to one of the kids because for the most part, he’s not THAT bad, but his sister is awful (I guess she can’t help it if mom lets her get away with it) and I don’t think I should give to one without the other. Am I being a Grinch? All of the other years I have gone against my husband’s wishes and gotten them presents anyway, but I haven’t seen these people in years and only hear stories about their drug use and attempts at throwing my father in law out.

My husband’s ex wife stormed into my house last August without knocking. In front of my husband, father, brother and my three children (my step daughter was not there at the time), she started screaming all these untrue accusations at me. I said to my husband “you need to do something about her”, and he just looked down at his plate. I had to stand up to her and tell her to leave my house. She eventually did. My children were traumatized. My step daughter had been telling her mother lies about me, which my husband knows to be untrue accusations. I told him he had to get his daughter and make her come home (she usually lived with us but hadn’t been home and hasn’t been home since). He refused to make her be accountable because he was afraid that we would all be “mad” at her. I was so depressed (because I raised this girl since she was 2) and I cried frequently, he just walked around like everything was fine, ignoring my tears. Not one hug, not one “it will be okay” in 5 months. Finally, in December we separated. He has made no attempt to contact me, very little to contact his 11 year old boys or my 16 year old daughter, but I can see by his cell phone bill that he talks to his 17 year old daughter 98 times in one month. Yet, he blames me for the break up of the marriage. I still feel badly for him as his daughter is now a drunk and using drugs, and he really has no friends. His family blames me. My boys were angry but seem to be getting better, but obviously have little respect for their father. Makes me very sad. How can I ever trust him? How can I ever believe he will ever stand up for me in the future? Should I give him another chance or run while I can? What would be best for my kids??
I’m sorry, you are right, there is so much more to this. He was shocked the other day when I told him he wasn’t coming back. I told him that I couldn’t go back to a relationship where I couldn’t trust him to stand up for me or to tell me the truth for that matter. I was depressed, not a basketcase. I have been very strong since we’ve been separated, I have told the kids that they can see him or phone him any time they want. They know that. I think they have been waiting for him to phone them! I am a very active mom. I never miss a soccer/basketball/volleyball/baseball game. I take them for hikes, bike rides, swims on my days off. We talk about everything. Girls, Boys, drugs, alcohol. I have a great relationship with my remaining children…and their friends. But my heart still breaks for the family, and for my stepdaughter, and for myself…but I try to keep this from my kids, and try to just show them as much love as I can. I do appreciate everyone’s comments. Thank you

I had just cut the lawn, too, and so there was Claire, crying and blabbering, with grass clippings all over her wet and snotty face. She, as regular readers of my posts know, is my pregnant ex-wife, and last night was the Election, as she was vying for a district attorney post.

She had been down in the polls after it was revealed by her opponent (with photos) that she had cheated on me while we were married with a known felon (and the baby she’s carrying is likely his), and her negative retort, calling her opponent a pedophile, was the talk of Backwater, Fla., but couldn’t really help her gain electoral traction in this Obama year.

Until my best friend and the PI who’d originally gotten the philandering photos of her, Eddie, held a press conference before Channel 71 WKCR News yesterday morning “with information that would blow the lid off this race.” (Is it really a “press conference” if only one news organization shows up?)

Anyway, Eddie, through a friend of his at the bank who he wouldn’t reveal “for his own safety and said employee’s risk of death,” proved with a big, disorganized pile of computer printouts that two large withdrawals of cash from the DA’s bank account could be linked to a strip club at the edge of town that my wife’s affair partner frequented. This felon, Timdawg, had no known job, but was seen on Eddie’s grainy videotapes with large sums of cash at the seedy joint. The strip club deposited the cash back in the same bank the next day. The cash withdrawals perfectly coincided with the two things that Timdawg did during the campaign — stealing and selling the risqué photos of my wife to a Democratic operative working for the DA and the physical attack that Timdawg and his friend laid on me, sending me to the hospital for two weeks.

Previously, the DA had said that it was my wife paying Timdawg to shut me up, as I was, according to the DA, a “socialist, beatnik art professor who, along with her affair, demonstrated her lack of patriotism and integrity.”

“It shows that she’s not just soft on crime,” the DA said. “She encourages it.”

But Eddie proved otherwise, and Claire eked out a narrow victory last night, pending recount. Eddie told me after that he “felt dirty helping elect Claire,” but, “in her own twisted way, she’d never hurt you and does love you,” he added.

So there she was, at 2 a.m., on my lawn, drunk, crying, and covered with grass, saying, “Winning is nothing because I lost everything.”

My girlfriend, Krystka, ran out and called her a “filthy, fat lush,” and they went at it verbally, but, for awhile, I really felt sorry for Claire. Eventually, I talked Krystka away, and helped Claire walk up the hill to her house.

“Why can’t we make it work, Reality?” she said. “We keep trying, and it never does.”

“I don’t know,” I told her, bringing her into her big, empty place and tucking her in bed — an act she’d always used to take comfort in after her oftentimes raucous nights. “It just never does.”

Walking back to my home in the cool night, I felt a bit of regret that I couldn’t stay with Claire and make sure she was going to be all right. It didn’t help that Krystka decided to sleep on the couch and pretended not to hear me when I got back.

How do you divorcees turn off that part of yourself that actually cares still about your former spouse?

ok the deal is…i have been in a relationship for over 2yrs, we just got engaged this past month. he has 2 amazing little boys (8 & 6yrs old). my issue is their mother (his ex-wife). she for one is an alcoholic, use to smoke pot (not sure if she still does) cusses at them constantly, has been put in jail for harassment, has had notes sent to our home stating if she kept them out of school anymore they would take her to court! th list just keeps going & going! the boys love their mom & they should, she is their mother. she allows them to do things kids their age should not be doing & they are NOT allowed to do in our home. (in turn we look like the bad guys) all we want is what is best for them! the oldest came home from school yesterday and cried & cried cause i was making him do his homework. he said my mom wouldnt make me. i told him as long as he was with us he was going to do is homework. so we go to the store to get a few things and in walks their mom…he ran up to her & started
to cry. she said if it was her night things would be different and that there wasnt anything she could do because it wasnt her night to have him. that just makes me out to be the bad guy AGAIN! i mean i am just trying to do the thing anyone that loves a child would have them do. its his homework for crying out loud! i just hate that we care so much for their well being and yet we are made out to be the ones in the wrong. i asked the oldest why he didnt like me anymore when i try so hard to whats best for him…he said that his mom has told them NOT to mind me, do anything i ask of them and calls me hussy to them. i am 36yrs old…she is 29yrs old and she is playing her own childern. what do i do? we cant get full custody of them right now because we dont have enough proof. although we are trying our best to do the right thing…

the youngest has said the words fu**ing and laughing my *** off…he said his mom says those thing all the time and why cant he…we dont
that type of lanuage in our home…EVER! everything is my mom lets us do it, mom says we can watch rated R movies, we can do this and that at her house. but they cant do them here. so again we are made to look like the bad guys!

i love these two boys with all my heart and soul…they mean the world to me. i just wish they knew we are trying to raise them the way we feel is proper. we dont spank them…they have timeouts. we dont yell at them…what do you do in this type of situation?

my heart is breaking and i cry so often because they see us as being mean to them. i just sometimes feel there is no hope for us as a family…it will always be torn apart…i just need some words that can give me back some hope. the more this goes on the more hopeless i get!

their father and i have lived together for almost a year…the boys have to have respect for both of us…but with their mom filling their heads with god knows what…the rules in house are joke.
but they must have rules in out home. they cant just run us over because their mom lets them do it, we have to protect them…does that make since?
“LIGHT D” why in the name of god would i lie…when i am asking for help…you are just as bad as her…thanks for nothing! why the h*** did you bother answering my question? you havent helped one bit…go waste space else where!
“LIGHT D” you have answered over 110 question and only have one best answer…I CAN SEE WHY!
LIGHT D…you said that you dont know if you believe all of what i am saying…we have taped phone calls of her w/the boys while drunk, letters from the school, the youngest can tell you how many times he has washed he mouth out w/soap for cussing, etc! this is NOT a game or me being full of myself…this is for the boys well being! if you cant comprehend that, then you need to GET OVER YOURSELF! i am not here to win brownie points…i am seeking words of advice, not trash talk! you remind me of her…poor attitude, lake of concern for others well being and no heart! how sad for you and her to live life that way!
we will go for full custody…then the table shall turn!
no need to reply you are wasting my time!

When I am not home she comes in with her son to snoop around(she once lived in the home)If I am not in the living room when she arrives she goes back to his bedroom following his father.I didn’t realize this was going on except I would come home at lunchtime and find our bedroom door locked on the days she was to come pickup him up. She finds excuses to come into the home.I had enough,so I called her and told her that when she comes inside my home she stays in the foyer. She got beligerent.This woman has tried suicide 4 x since I have known her and 8 x total. She admitted that she did it for attention,the last time she scratched her wrists. I have only been in her home twice and both times was to get the son out of the home because her 3rd husband and her were drinking and fighting.She is getting married again without divorcing the 3rd husband,she has an alcoholic and pill problem.I love the son as my own and he knows it. What should I do in the future?

She also brings my 3 kids around his mother whom has a warrant out for her arrest and her husband who just got out of prison for I don’t know what. My kids say that her boyfriend “hurts them” “but he is just playing”. When I asked for more information, they said that their mother told them not to talk about it. I am worried about my kids and I don’t know what I should do. I was just divorced 3 months ago and live 3 hours away now. I am just finding out now that my ex also opened up credit cards during our marriage in my name (almost $100,000.00 worth). She also smokes in front of the kids whom 2 of them have asthma. My ex-wife really turned out to be a bad person. What are my options here? I am an injured and very ill person without work right now. The judge awarded her child support even though I have no money. There is nothing I would want to do more than be able to have my kids and pay for them but she has physical custody and the judge gave us joint custody. Do I have any say to who can see my kids? I mean she brings them around criminals and fugitives. I don’t know what to do.
I want to thank everyone for the answers and would like to clarify some things. First off, A goal of mine is to not involve the children on our disput and I do not. I don’t ask about heir mother nor her boyfriend. I let them tell me the things they tell me. What their mother does is on her and I can do nothing about.

As for me being a fit father, if being injured and ill with many ailments makes me unfit, then I am unfit as; I have many many issues which render me unable to work.

I do not let my ex-wife lure me into her rage. she tries to get me mad and I don’t give in. I am as nice as can be when talking to her. My thre kids are 7 (boy), 11 (boy) and 13 (girl). My little girl is autistic and will never be able to live on her own. My ex-wife will leave them home for hours and hours alone making the 11 year old in charge of them both. I have heard this many times and all I can do is sit here. She smokes in the house and the car with my two boys who have asthma. I am stuck

He is ex-army and she has severe emotional problems(including concealing the entire pregnancy of their second child, with no medical attention and binge drinking vodka when he was stationed at Ft. Stewart) and a suicide attempt less than two years ago. He told her to study for her test because it would effect her job and she didn’t listen and just took it. He said she doesn’t listen. She isn’t very bright, nor is she attractive, nor is she nice and she is a neglectful mother-total shotgun wedding. For example, she spelled the word “absurd” o-b-s-e-r-e-d, on her Facebook profile, so there you have it. I know there are plenty of intelligent people in the Army but from what I can see time and again, she isn’t going to be one of them. She is also very whiny and physically abused her husband on base. I have known this guy since the early 90s. I have helped out with the kids a lot, I feel bad for them-they have serious(6 and 3 years old) emotional problems, the second one looks like she has ARND. She leaves for Missouri next month-it was a spontaneous decision because she was messing around with a man leaving for Benning recently. She also doesn’t tend to stick to anything.
Actually thanks for the answer.

Um, I have children and we may or may not be blending a family. There is nothing wrong with asking a question, it is not equal to going out of your way to damage somebody’s chances in life.

Child hood abuse and neglect is actually everybody’s buisness-when people don’t get involved children suffer. ARND, a lesser-form of Fetal Alchohol Syndrome is actually everybody’s business because it involves permanent brain damage and costs the tax-payers more money. If you don’t want to answer the question, then don’t answer it, don’t act ugly. Besides this woman has harassed me in the past and I have never done the same to her yet I can’t speculate when the psyche of the children I help take care of is something I deal with? It’s just a question, not a missive.
Vic-Lol-you’re funny.
I had to only use so many characters for the ?, that is why I worded it that way.

We’ve been seperated for almost 3 years now, and our divorce settlement is a few weeks away from being finalized. We have a 4 year old daughter together. It was a very bad breakup and we didn’t speak or have any contact for about a year and a half…working with our families to take care of our kid. This past summer we started a dialogue and we have been able to re-establish our friendship in effort to raise our daughter without conflict. However, I have become increasingly concerned for her health and well being lately and I’m not sure what to do or how to approach it.

When we started talking again this summer, she had a boyfriend in California (3000 miles away) and they were ‘together’ pretty much since I had moved out. A few weeks later she called me crying, and told me she’d been getting drunk alot and sleeping with another guy. She dumped the guy she had been cheating with, and the guy in CA dumped her. She was upset that she had sabatoged yet another relationship in her life, and cited depression, heavy drinking and partying as the source for her bad decisions. For a few weeks I checked up on her and she said she was doing better, not drinking and not partying. All seemed better.

This past weekend she called me again…crying. She is apparently back to her old ways of drinking, partying and sleeping with casual acquaintances. She had apparenly put some amount of faith in her latest “friend”, but could not deal with certain realities about him so she dumped him. Once again, she cited depression, heavy drinking and partying for her poor judgement. She has also admitted a couple recent close calls with the law while drinking and driving. We talked at length, and I told her that it is apparent she is repeating the same cycle with every man in her life. She starts out being very affectionate and fully giving up herself and her body to these guys. Then she learns that these people are not who she thought they were and regrets her choices. It’s not even that there’s anything wrong with these guys, she just can’t deal with situations that aren’t ideal for her. She has dumped or cheated on every guy she’s ever been with and has ended these relationships “because she can’t deal with people once she really gets to know them and see that they aren’t all perfect”. She is not permiscuous when she is not drunk, so it’s like she’s a whole other person when she’s partying.

Yesterday, she’s back to “everything is OK” and “I’m going to stop drinking and partying”so much. Basically, now she’s in total denial that there’s any signifigant issue at all…its all under control all the sudden after completely falling apart the day before. I’ve told her that there really is a problem and it’s not OK, and I’m not going to ignore it or just watch her continue hurting herself. I am certain she will revert back to the drinking and party scene after a few weeks. She is definitely taking a lot of risks (sexually and driving drunk) and her drinking / partying is out of hand. She’s a 33 year old mother, but she’s living like a 19 year old college girl. I have our daughter over 60% of the time each week, and I’ve been paying child support for almost 2 years…apparently to fund her nite life. Ironically, I had turned to the bottle as we approached the end of our relationship (to deal with the stress), and she cited that as a major problem at the time. Now the tables have turned and she’s the one binge drinking to cope with her problems. I had more than a few problems when we broke up, and she watched me fall to pieces and drink myself into oblivion. It’s OK now that she’s the one who drinks to cope? I’ve told her a few times lately…she seems like a whole other person than the girl I had married years ago. The “friends” she has, all the booze / weed and the whole party scene she frequents have drastically changed this girl, and destroyed her integrity. Why is she doing this to herself?

When the divorce is settled I am taking 1/2 of the value of our equity in the house and the support will be revoked. I have agreed to joint legal custody but I will not hesitate to seek full custody if she continues on her downward path. She is visibly exhausted when I see her, and she basically refuses to see a counselor even though I provide good insurance for her till the divorce goes through. I keep telling her to take advantage of it while she can. I feel like the divorce will be a real hardship for her due to the reduced income and sale of the house…it may perpetuate or worsen her current behavior. I really worry that she will wait for something to go really wrong before she addresses these issues and starts to deal with her problems. There are definitely some underlying problems from her past that are coming into play, including being molested by her cousin when she was a child, and an alcoholic father. She needs help, and to some degree I still have love in my heart for her…probably always
will. I can’t just stand by and watch her destroy herself, or give herself up to men who really don’t deserve a girl like her. I always felt like she would find someone better than me after we split…I had no idea she would become who she is today.

What more can I do to help her, without being overbearing and over-assertive? I don’t want to push her away. I have told her that I really care about her…she is my child’s mother and our daughter needs her mom to be there for her. Our child also needs a mom that she can be proud of, and not a drunk who keeps giving up her body to guys who don’t respect her and that she ultimately regrets. I just wish I could get her to understand the gravity of the situation before it’s too late. I truly hope she finds her way out of this mess she’s in.

I appriciate any similar stories, constructive feedback or any advice. Please help me help her! Thanks!

how do i celebrate?.. fattening breakfast at the cafe?.. $1,000 tattoo?.. mid-day binge drinking?.. suggestions?.. suggestions?..

by the way, i took the day off work so i could go to the closing… i just wanted all of you who are working right now to know that…

Ok, so a good long time friend of mine is paid child support by his ex-wife. he is a vet, he is a good guy. His ex-wife who sends the small children over looking and smelling dirty voluntarily gave the children to him 5/wk a couple of years back. They are emotionally troubled. The ex wife lied about multiple things, including concealing an pregnancy and not seeking any medical care, and binge drinking during that time. She told her ex-husband in mediation she makes $75/ wk in tips. When run by good friends who have worked in the restaurant industry their entire adult lives, they looked at one another and started laughing. When told where she worked they said even the bus boys don’t walk away with that and that a hostess/server will come away with $70 on a bad night, about $100 on a regular night, maybe $130 on a good night. She also consistently appears to have money for unnecessary items and entertainment and is behind on child support in spite of not paying rent.
Well she is now at BJ’s Brewhouse-she was at CPK for 1 1/2 yrs. It iswrong though, unles you are on the verge of starving to walk away from your financial obligation to your children. I figured peoplewho eat out frequently moght have an idea about tips.

I mean when she’s not intoxicated or getting arrested. Anyone know where a different photo of her is?
Adults only, please. If you don’t know who Don Mattingly is, then you are under 18 or you just flat-out don’t belong here in the baseball category.
Why do I want to know? Just curious. Do you post that answer to all the lame questions on Yahoo Answers?
Thanks, scoot. That’s exactly the picture I was NOT looking for. I’ve already seen it. That’s why I was asking.

I had a contentious 3 year divorce that finally ended in 2005. Since the divorce started 8 years ago, my ex-wife has bad mouthed me to the children and it has created massive amounts of turmoil in our lives. Now my older daughter (19) lives with me and she does not speak to her mother very much. My younger daughter (18) lives with my ex-wife and she barely speaks to me. Whenever I try to work things out with my younger daughter, she constantly brings up financial issues between me and my ex-wife, and often accuses me of trying to hurt her mother since I have had to take her to court a few times. My younger daughter is clearly brainwashed and embroiled in our divorce. My ex-wife even brought my daughters to court with her the last couple of times we went. Each time the judge removed the kids from the courtroom. When I had to take her to court because she was caught drunk driving by the police, she convinced the kids that it was a simple mistake on her part and that I was the real one to blame for harassing her.

I do not badmouth their mother and in fact I rarely talk about her at all. I also refuse to discuss divorce issues with the kids, even though they want to talk about them. I think my ex-wife knows that, so she puts ideas in the kids heads and twists the truth in order to show proof that I am a bad person. The kids are even afraid to go to the doctor because their mother gets the kids in the middle of arguments between us regarding whether they need to go or not. I am responsible for the insurance, but mom has to pay the $20 co-pay for going, and any unreimbursed medical expenses. Mom does not even want the kids to go to counseling since she has to pay the $20 copay per session.

I am tired of going to court over issues mom should be abiding by. She routinely ignores the court’s orders and in the end since she embroils the kids in it we all lose. I don’t know what to do because I feel that she will stop at nothing in order to get her way, even if it means hurting the kids.

Any suggestions?
Libby:

I meant to say that I do not badmouth my ex-wife to my kids.

You are missing the point that the kids are emboiled in issues that only the parents need to be involved in. Most of the things my daughter is bitter about is financial, and all of that is why mom should not be paying for certain things the court has already ordered her to pay, like her share of college tuition. I think my situation is different than yours. This situation is about emboiling children in the middle of adult issues in the divorce, not that I am 50% responsible for the turmoil so I should own up to it.

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