How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

My wife and I have been married for nearly 3 years and were together 6 years prior to our marriage. She has two children from a previous relationship, and we now have one child together. I have adopted her two children and treat them as my own. We struggle with our finances, but don’t let that get in the way of living life and having fun every once in a while. I love my wife and children more than anything in the world and would do anything for them.

Lately, for about a year now, my wife and I have been going through a rough patch in our marriage. My wife says that she still loves me, but is not in love with me. I can understand, because I too feel similar, being comfortable together and being in a routine everyday. With that said, she says that she wants to live the married life during the day and the single life at night. We didn’t jump into marriage to soon or anything. We both wanted to get married and were very happy that we did, but she feels tied down now, and “stuck in a rut” as she says.

Now since these conversations we’ve had, partying hard has been a nearly weekly occurrence. Most every weekend we go out separately, and hang out with our best friends apart from each other (which is sometimes difficult because all my friends are all her friends too). This is all fine and great that we can go out and have fun without each other. I would just like it to be more on an occasion, rather than weekly thing. We used to be inseparable, and would go everywhere together, but now its like she can’t stand being around me. She says that she can’t be herself, let loose, and have fun when i am around. Whenever we go out together, it seems that she will never have a drink, get up and dance, or do anything to have fun. It’s almost like she is purposely having a bad time to have an excuse to go home. This upsets me because I don’t like to see my wife have a bad time. This is why I let her go out with her friends and the weekends.

Since she has been going out on the weekends alone with her friends, I have noticed some very strange and almost ridiculous behaviors from my wife. On one night and weekend that she went out (just so happened to be the weekend of my birthday), i noticed on the phone records that she had been texting one of her ex-boyfriends almost non stop. The only reason I checked the records we because i received a phone call from the phone company stating that we had gone extremely over our minutes, so i went and checked it out. I confronted her about this, and she denied it at first, but came clean and said it was no big deal, they were just catching up. I told her how i felt about her talking to her ex bf, and she told me not to worry that she always comes home to me. Which i then believed her. This was just the beginning of what began a trust issue with my wife.

A few months later, still going out, and having good weeks and bad weeks, my trust issues have gotten worse. I would log onto her facebook account and basically spy on her everyday. She had caught me a few times, and basically just got pissed and changed her password. She says that I had been invading her privacy and am too far up her a**. Which I agree, but there shouldn’t be anything to hide, since we are married, were my thoughts. Since I don’t get to go out with her anymore, i usually get stuck at home with the kids. I enjoy spending time with my children, but when my wife goes out, she doesn’t get home until around 5a.m. or later. Driving people home while intoxicated (she always drives too, she wont get in the car with anyone else that has been drinking), or staying at a friends house until the morning. While she is out, i can’t help but be curious as to what she is doing, so i’m constantly texting and calling her to see what is going on. I especially get bad after 4 a.m. and the bars close, because i know she will be driving somewhere and i worry about her. She usually just ignores my calls and texts, or is just too drunk to realize that someone is calling her (which is usually not the case, but has happened before). This makes me worry even more, so i start calling all of her friends asking questions and asking when she’ll be home, etc. Doing this starts fights between us, which makes our friends want nothing to do with us. So at this point or friends basically want nothing to do with either one of us. This too is very upsetting.

Now a few more months go by, and again we have our up and down weeks. My wife and I are in agreement that thing are definitely different between us and are not sure if they will ever be the same again. My wife realizes that we have a real problem, and honestly wants it fixed. She doesn’t know why she feels this way about me, but wants it to change for the good of both of us. So we try spending a whole month together, not hardly doing anything without each other. We went out a few times, spen
Jules>> We actually have very good communication between each other. Even if it is a day or two later after an argument, we both still seem to get out what needs to be said. She actually has days that she enjoys with me too. Whether that is watching a movie together, going for walks, or just sleeping in together. We do have our good days believe it or not.
To clear a little up, my wife does put her kids first, during the week it’s all about the kids, and then the weekend is our time to have fun. She is a good mother, and still cooks dinner, and does the laundry, and those types of things. And I do the same, coach baseball for the boys, play toys & video games, mow the lawn, take out the trash, etc.
So it’s not all bad, its just to the point where I can’t trust what she does anymore on the weekends. I just need to know if there is a way I can trust her again, because ultimately me not trusting her, just pushes her farther away & they maybe thats the big issue
Also, I do spend time with her, but she wants the weekend for herself, or at least one night a week. She needs space for herself and I have a hard time giving her space. And I do complement her all the time, and do things for her, so its not neglect in any way. She tells me that she is sorry for being such a terrible wife and that she would understand if I didn’t want to wait around for her. She doesn’t know why she feels this way and doesn’t like it. She uses alcohol to forget about it temporarily, because it bothers her too. I think I just have issues trusting her, and she has issues with her feelings, and what she truly wants.

My husband is comtemplating divorce and has written a list of things that he want me to be, in order to continue the relationship.

On the list he mentions his needs as a woman “Not Being Needy” and a woman “Not being Manipulative” and as a requirement she has to “Be Purpose Driven”.

Here’s my situation:

I have been married for 9 years. I am a housewife(even though I held full-time job for 4 years of the marriage and made more than my husband).

My husband left me 3 times in the first 3 years of the marriage and then came back. I made the decision to dumb down, and take jobs making less money or sometimes no job at all. When I did this, my husband became happier and stopped leaving me, so I exchange a career for a happy marriage (6 years happy – so I thought).

I don’t have children(can’t get pregnant).

I have a bachelors degree in management but am unsure as to what, I want to do with my life (I lack real purpose in my life, I don’t know what to do about that – I prayed, I educated myself, I read self help books, I tried different kinds of jobs in different fields, I’m running out of options).

Whenever I work, If I am not content with the job, my husband says, “if you don’t like it then you can come off the job baby”. He also says that my attitude changes when I work. So I am confused , when he says that he wants a wife that is not needy!

Please help! When I dated my husband I knew how to conduct my self. I basically had the attitude that I could do anything I wanted and that I need nobody to support me for anything! But then I heard people saying that a husband needs to feel likes he’s needed in the relationship. When I started this behavior my marriage got way better but I lost myself in the process…

Isn’t a woman suppose to be “one” with her husband, and isn’t he suppose to take care of his wife needs? and isn’t it hard not to be needy, when you can only date that one man, for the rest of yur life(before I got married – I had lots of friends and some of them were considered to be friends with occasional benefits(but I stopped these friendships when my husband proposed to me)?

We’ve had our ups and downs since we got married while on a drinking binge in Las Vegas awhile back but now she has completely flipped her lid. OK, she kicked me out and I move back to my trailer. Then she invites me over a couple of weeks later, then we fight and I have to hitch hike home then I go back and we slam the clam and we fight again and I have to walk home then a few days later it starts all over again. “I love you, I hate you, I need you, don’t touch me, why don’t you call me, drop dead, I miss you, I wish you were dead..”. It never stops. Should I just cheat and let her cook for me and stuff or break down and get another divorce (#4 for me)? What would you do?

My friend was married for 10 years and his wife was a severe alcoholic, she wouldn’t get help after asking her for years and he left her. She lost her apt. and went to go live with a friend, one day she left and never came back. People still hear from her from time to time and they know she’s okay, but she won’t say where she’s living. I think she’s hiding so he can’t get a divorce.They don’t have any children, property, or own anything together. He has found a great girl and wants to move on with his life, how can he get his divorce?

She swore she wouldn’t get fat after marriage, but here we are, a year later and she’s tankin-up. I think she just trapped me to let herself go on an eatin’ binge.

My husband went away on a 3 week long drinking binge overseas, leaving his wife and one year old child at home. Affair is highly suspected, but impossible to prove in court.

My wife and I met in High School and “dated” for 8 years before getting married, and have been married 13 years.We have 2 kids in elementary school. We are both under 40 years old. My wife stayed home through the birth of our kids and then shortly after my second child, she decided to go back to school for her Masters degree, I helped out in every way I could while she went to school, I worked nights and took care of the kids during the day. This strained our relationship severely, but it was already not healthy. I feel my wife could be a “rageaholic” (she comes from an alcoholic family, as do I) and I had been dealing with alcoholism myself which seemed to get worse. Until now, I quit drinking 1 1/2 mos. ago. I don’t think I ever really “loved” my wife, and I think we’re in denial about WHY we married and whether or not we’re even in love. She said we should stay together “for the kids”, but I think this is not the best way. I hope someone has some insight or a story to share.
Schwinn…no girlfriend
Infritsk…I never said I was looking for another relationship
Janetrmi….My wife is religious, I am not
Sandie….What about her anger….that is still there, and she has made no apparent effort to resolve this issue
Paul M…What you say is basically what the book, Too Good to leave, Too bad to stay” by Mira Kirshenbaum states, and I read the book cover to cover.
We have tried counseling several times and she never likes the therapists, I think she doesnt like hearing what they have to say.
In addition to all I’ve said already, I also do not get the feeling she really cares about me, unless she has a vested interest in the situation.

Robert F Kennedy Jnr files for divorce
Robert F Kennedy Jr had filed for divorce from his wife three days before she was arrested for drink driving, it has emerged.

Read more on Daily Telegraph

My wife told me she loved me on monday and on the following Monday wanted a divorce. she went out that saturday and came home at 5 am after she told me she was too drunk to drive

I try to accept her reasons , sometimes I’m close , then I seem to drift back trough all the hurt and dissapointment all over again. She says she truly loves me but because of my alcoholism she cant trust me and needs to have her own security. I pray to God for forgivness for us both, but I still have some resentment that is tearing at my faith …any advice would be appreciated.

and marry a rich step-ford wife who gets rich by selling the only legal drug that kills more family’s by mangling them in car wrecks as in drunk driving?
and do you think this is the most retarded question ever?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AoDTZeqmjSqnp9TKZbgaYPDQ7BR.;_ylv=3?qid=20081016162427AANcIyf

my wife and I have been married close to 2 years. No kids together. No property together. Shortly after we got married, my wife started to drink too much and lasped into alcoholism. She went to rehab and goes to AA meetings. She has fallen off the wagon once. As if the wife’s alcoholism wasn’t bad enough for a new marriage to endure, my wife is financially irresponsible. She was self employed when we met and because of the economy had to get a regular job. But that has been hard to find and basically she barely makes enough to cover her own expenses let alone contribute to the community. I took her off my credit card because she runs up too much debt. Her car payment is way to high for somebody who earns so little but she wont sell it and get something else because she is upside down. Bottom line, I would have to pay for another car for her. No thanks. I have told her that if she cant make the payments and the bank is close to repossessing it ( its not in my name, like I said we have NOTHING JOINT), I won’t give her the money to make the payments. When we met she had gone belly up on her credit cards and just lost her house. I had some debt but she really racked it up until I cut up the cards. On principal, I think that both spouses should suppport the community goals and debts. Its not like when she stayed at home she was a perfect homemaker. That has true value. No, my wife did nothing around the house when she did not work. She would cook some though. Bottom line, I am frustrated. We see both joint and individual counselors but I am struggling with how long I give her to shape up before I file for divorce. The trust issue is gone because she lied to me so many times relative to her drinking and I don’t feel “safe” with her in the financial department. I feel like I will always struggle with her financially because of her irresponsibility. If something happened to my paycheck we would be screwed because she cant pick up the slack. Sometimes I think we are on the same financial page but ultimately she ends up not budgeting properly and i have to cover things like nail jobs and getting her hair done. Not to mention I pay for her gas to go to and from work which is a long distance from our home but it was the only job that she could get. And frequently she is out of spending money for food, etc., so I pump her up when I can. I know I am better off WITHOUT HER FINANCIALLY than with her. I believe ultimately her irresponsibility will be intolerable, actually it is now, and I am struggling with how much more I have to take. I was considering telling her in our joint therapy that I am giving 6 months time and then I will revaluate my happiness and security in the relationship and if its just not there then I am done. If anybody has any suggestions, I would appreciate some advise. Thanks.
no i dont live in san antonio. west coast. i have been to one al-anon meeting only to conclude that those poor people look like they have been dragged by horses because of their alcoholic. I don’t want to be that for sure. The sixth month goal is more about me being happy in the relationship. U cant change a person with addictions only they can.

we did get back together about a year after the divorce but we were not re-married. She started drink again after receiving help for her alcoholism and I left her after being together for 5 years. Her dad paid for about a couple of months the bills and rent on our house. Her dad reminded her of that today. I believe I left for a good reason. My ex and I have talked and agreed about getting back together and taking it slow and easy. So how should I talk to her dad because I think at the time my ex and I were pretty immature and now since we are older we both agree that we have made mistakes and are mature. Hope this all makes sense and any replies will be helpful. Thank you.

I am in the military and deployed. My wife told me she wanted a divorce a few weeks ago. While deployed I can’t do anything about it but I would like to know if the mistakes I made before marriage and my child was born will effect the outcome of child custody.

I just toldmy wife I wanted a divorce. We’ve been together for 20 years but her nasty attitude and her alcoholism have taken their toll on me. When I told her she began to cry and get upset. (unusual for someon who is usually a domineering, nagging b****. I know I want to go and I am. but I feel a bit guilty about it and her being alone. I have thought this out for years and I know it’s what best for me. But I feel a little bit as if I’m the bad guy. Any advice? Thanks

My wife who I met in college is becoming increasingly religious as I am becoming increasingly non-religious. We have two young sons and she wants to take them to religious activities.

Anyway, for the most part, many other aspects of our marriage are reasonably successful, but for the first time in 15 some-odd years I’ve started thinking of divorce and it’s largely the religion issue.

I pay for everything, she stays at home. I am a person who has risen above family alcoholism, extended family drug use, put myself through college, I work to protect the environment, and I actively support human rights … i.e., I have a REAL “morality” system that doesn’t depend on men with beards in skies.

The problem is I don’t want my kids taught by people that are going to teach them their father is a “sinner”, that he is “going to hell”, and that he is a “bad person” … this area is very religious and they definitely do this.

The religion battle doesn’t appear to be reconcilable.

Divorce or no?
Responder wrote: “If you are a faithful husband and a good father, why would your kids believe you are a sinner and a bad person????”

Look around you … people are stupid, including children. People believe what they are told and the bigger the lie the more likely they are to believe it.

40% of the country still believes Saddam was behind 9/11 …

… 130 million people still believe something to be true that isn’t even close to true simply because authority figures told them to believe it was true.

my wife is an alcoholic and doesn’t see that she is – so we’ve grown apart and don’t have much of a relationship now. Our son is now grown up and out of the house. If you have any experience with getting or trying to get a divorce in this situation I’d like your advice. My wife and I each have our own careers.

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller sign divorce agreement
Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller have started divorce proceedings by signing a 41-page agreement, which details the settlement of their split.

Read more on The Arizona Republic

For example, divorce rates have risen dramatically in the last fifty or sixty years. Fifty or sixty years ago, society seemed to run far more smoothly than it does now. Kids were respectful of their elders, they weren’t out getting really drunk or having sex with everything that breathes (of course, there must have been SOME, but mostly not, whereas now kids mostly are)!

In Britain now, women make up the largest number of binge-drinkers. Do you think this is down to the feminist mind-set that women should be equal to men and that they should be doing what men do?

I have also read in many places and heard from many men that Britain and the USA produces the worst wives – they do not feel that house-work or taking care of children is their job and strive to be “career women” all the time. They also want to be dominant and do not feel that they have to take care of or “spoil” their husbands, yet they expect that kind of treatment in return. This is apparently also why many older, British men who have been divorced (or even divorce their wives) for Asian brides or Russian brides.

Do you think this could be true? What are your thoughts?