what should she do to get him to understand their marriage is OVER!!

I don’t like having sex with him, because he makes it very painful. He likes to make it violent and I’m used to getting hit by him, but If I can avoid pain, I’ll avoid it. He’s having sex with other girls (including my sister) so he’s not so lonely. I can understand, but why would he have sex with my sister? :( Why is he always looking for ways to hurt me?

His drug and alcohol addiction is driving me insane. He does weed/P and I get so angry how he does it in front of the kids. He gets violent, and sometimes he slaps Polly (our youngest). She doesn’t deserve this… it’s all my fault for being a bad wife. We’re losing money because he buys drugs, and he also buys stuff to torture women sexually with.

What do I do? Be a better wife or divorce him? I could have sex with him, be a better wife and earn more money so he can afford his things… but I care too much about our children. You guys MUST help.. I am so desperate for help :(

Unfortunatlly i never expected such a dark cloud of suffering during my 2 years of marriage. My wife and I were married back in March of 2006. One month later i found out a horrifying issue that she has. She was addicted to Crack Cocaine and Pain Pills.

I never saw it coming. It was just a mack truck that hit me straight on and it has yet to stop. Before we were married my wife was laid off from her job. She did not take it well at all. She was always upset, always sleeping and i noticed that she was not taking care of her place much anymore. I just thought to myself that this was probably typical when depressed about losing a job.

A couple weeks after we go married i notice odd things missing. I couldnt find my poker set, i couldnt find my watch, i couldnt find my camera..etc.. Since we just moved to a new house i just thought it was just packed up somewhere. After all was unpacked i still didnt find them. Everyweek something would dissapear.

During the same time i would notice that 20 here, 20 there was taken from the ATM a number of times each week…I couldnt figure it out. Sometime in April i needed to leave town for business for 5 days. Everything had been going great until my third day away. I was at a CVS buying a snack and my card was declined. Thinking that maybe i just forgot to move my money from one account to another i made no big deal of it. A couple hours later i was shocked to notice that 3 transactions had been made for 150, 300 and 220 from 9pm to 3am. I called the wife to see why so much was taken out a i couldnt get a hold of her to 24 hours.

After i came home i kept drilling her on why so much $ was taken out and she just said that she owed some people money and that its all taken care of. Naturally that answer was not good enough for me, but i just delt with it.

A week later once again 350 bucks was taken out. I tried to call her but no answer. I did not hear back for 48 hours. I begged and proded and pleaded to her. She finally broke down and told me the truth she was addicted to crack and pain pills and periodically she would have her binges. She promised me it wouldnt happen again and she was getting help.

A week later 500 gone. The continous circle of money concerns, divorce threats, appologies and dissapointments has gone full circle over an infinate number of times. The worst month was in September of 2007 when 2600 had been taken from savings in one month.

There have been a number of things ive tried from controling the money, letting our family know of the issues, selling out second car to make up for bills and to also limit her ability to drive. She just finds ways to still get her fix. From forging my name on my checks to phycolohgically messing with my mind and making me feel horrible for making her feel like i was controling her life.

In my opinion im dont believe that i crossed the line. I gave her money when she asked. All i asked was for reciepts. I would take her to when she wanted to go at ANYTIME of the day or night. i was her personal choffier. But unfortunatllly that wasnt enought in her mind. So what do i do?? Loan her the car. Unfortunatlly there were time where i got the impact of her binges. Many times she would leave me stranded for hours after work and i would just wait. Knowing deep inside the reason she was late was because she wasnt in a state to drive. On average i would be stranded for 5 or 6 hours until she came to get me or if i convinced a friend to drop me off. The worst was when i went to work an event 2 hours away from home Both her an i were working different promotional events. She got out a couple hours before i did. Because of that i gave her the car to get us something to eat…..She never came back. I didnt knopw what to do? My wife had left me to go 2 hours south to get her fix. She kept telling me that she was leaving in 10 minutes…2 hours went to 4 hours, 4 hours when to 6 hours…etc..It was midnight and she still hadnt shown up. I knew i had to walk to a hotel. I arrived at the hotel. Unfortunatlly to my dissapointment the card was declined. I looked in my pocket and only had 50 bucks. The room was 90. I couldnt do anything. I checked my balence and noticed “$0″. I called my wife and told her that i had 0 money and that i could not get a room. She said she would be leaving to get me….I was in the streets for 48 hours until i ran into a lady that was desperate for gas money and needed to go accross the state. After i convinced her i was safe, i gave her my last 40 bucks i had with me and she dropped me off to my car.

I love my wife, but going through this wirlwind of stress at the moment. Its really effecting my health and my job. At the same time i dont vent to anyone since i am JUST SO EMBARRASED about the wh

My wife got her first job when we arrived at our new base and has been working for 1.5 years now (I congratulate her constantly). She was never able to handle the pressure of going to work and this was a huge improvement in her well-being. Only thing I worried about … prowling men! My wife feels she is ugly and unwanted (normal feelings for bi-polar & people in general), so a compliment here and a giggle there is enough that she can (could) develop a friendship easily (or an enemy). Well the cute, cool, womanizer caught my wife in his net and drew her in back in June of this year. Nothing happened between them more than friendly banter until June. When he asked her what color her underwear were online one night while im’ing. (Before finding this out he was nothing more than a friend and my children had even met him). My wife felt so guilty over allowing the IM to flourish that she attempted suicide to erase her guilt. While we were in the emergency room she told me about what had happened and that she was “intoxicated” on her nighttime medications, and that she was truly sorry and regretful. I was hurt of course, but I know that mistakes happen. So I let her cool off and get the help she needed and I supported her through it. She was released from the hospital and agreed that she would never talk to the man again. Like I said though … she is bi-polar and her emotions can quickly overcome her. One day in July or August she again over-dosed. When I asked her why she would do this she said it was because she wanted to talk to the guy because she missed their original “FRIENDS ONLY” relationship. I informed her that because of the cyber-sex I was uneasy with their relationship even as friends, because I knew he wanted more and she is gullible and easily manipulated emotionally. After she was released from the hospital this time I asked her to begin looking for another job, transfer, or take a vacation to visit her family. She informed me that everything would be fine and we talked with her employer to attempt to arrange her schedule to avoid this man as much as possible (my wife is a manager, but not his), so at times they MUST interact.

Now after my history my problem ….
On Nov 3-6th my wife began acting depressed again and took 3-4 sleeping pills. When I confronted her she said that the guy had began talking to her again and he followed her to the parking lot while talking. They almost kissed. I was FURIOUS, but once again I allowed her “mental health” to control my emotions and I forgave her and BEGGED once again that she NEVER talked to him again. She swore that she wouldn’t and we seemed fine, but her depression lingered. She blamed it on guilt and the holidays and then she emailed the guy calling him a p.o.s. and told him to not talk to her again (I guess he had been pitching jokes here and there again). BTW: All this time I avoided the “kill the other man” instincts, because of my children and my utter devotion to my wife. I admit I am deeply in love with her and wanted undeniably to spend eternity with her. Turns out though that 3 days ago she again took 30+ sleeping pills and the “almost kiss” was actually “REAL ORAL”. I proceeded to have her removed from my home for cheating on me. Until this day an UNFORGIVABLE ACT in my eyes. She flew home to her family today and I am heart-broken and unsure of where to turn. I know I will pray a whole bunch this weekend and I will be seeing my therapist (I talk mostly about my wife and how to deal with Bi-Polar), but that doesn’t take her act away nor does it allow me to forgive her. I KNOW I LOVE her though and I don’t know how I will continue life without her. I (we) have our children to consider (age 8-14) and I am under a cloud of hate and love.

Do I forgive her? Do I accept the “bi-polar” excuse? Do I say enough is enough? Do I keep the children (I am military and could be deployed) or do I forfeit custody to her? I wish I could talk to GOD and hear and know what his answer is. I feel so

Thankyou.

Lately, for about a year now, my wife and I have been going through a rough patch in our marriage. My wife says that she still loves me, but is not in love with me. I can understand, because I too feel similar, being comfortable together and being in a routine everyday. With that said, she says that she wants to live the married life during the day and the single life at night. We didn’t jump into marriage to soon or anything. We both wanted to get married and were very happy that we did, but she feels tied down now, and “stuck in a rut” as she says.

Now since these conversations we’ve had, partying hard has been a nearly weekly occurrence. Most every weekend we go out separately, and hang out with our best friends apart from each other (which is sometimes difficult because all my friends are all her friends too). This is all fine and great that we can go out and have fun without each other. I would just like it to be more on an occasion, rather than weekly thing. We used to be inseparable, and would go everywhere together, but now its like she can’t stand being around me. She says that she can’t be herself, let loose, and have fun when i am around. Whenever we go out together, it seems that she will never have a drink, get up and dance, or do anything to have fun. It’s almost like she is purposely having a bad time to have an excuse to go home. This upsets me because I don’t like to see my wife have a bad time. This is why I let her go out with her friends and the weekends.

Since she has been going out on the weekends alone with her friends, I have noticed some very strange and almost ridiculous behaviors from my wife. On one night and weekend that she went out (just so happened to be the weekend of my birthday), i noticed on the phone records that she had been texting one of her ex-boyfriends almost non stop. The only reason I checked the records we because i received a phone call from the phone company stating that we had gone extremely over our minutes, so i went and checked it out. I confronted her about this, and she denied it at first, but came clean and said it was no big deal, they were just catching up. I told her how i felt about her talking to her ex bf, and she told me not to worry that she always comes home to me. Which i then believed her. This was just the beginning of what began a trust issue with my wife.

A few months later, still going out, and having good weeks and bad weeks, my trust issues have gotten worse. I would log onto her facebook account and basically spy on her everyday. She had caught me a few times, and basically just got pissed and changed her password. She says that I had been invading her privacy and am too far up her a**. Which I agree, but there shouldn’t be anything to hide, since we are married, were my thoughts. Since I don’t get to go out with her anymore, i usually get stuck at home with the kids. I enjoy spending time with my children, but when my wife goes out, she doesn’t get home until around 5a.m. or later. Driving people home while intoxicated (she always drives too, she wont get in the car with anyone else that has been drinking), or staying at a friends house until the morning. While she is out, i can’t help but be curious as to what she is doing, so i’m constantly texting and calling her to see what is going on. I especially get bad after 4 a.m. and the bars close, because i know she will be driving somewhere and i worry about her. She usually just ignores my calls and texts, or is just too drunk to realize that someone is calling her (which is usually not the case, but has happened before). This makes me worry even more, so i start calling all of her friends asking questions and asking when she’ll be home, etc. Doing this starts fights between us, which makes our friends want nothing to do with us. So at this point or friends basically want nothing to do with either one of us. This too is very upsetting.

Now a few more months go by, and again we have our up and down weeks. My wife and I are in agreement that thing are definitely different between us and are not sure if they will ever be the same again. My wife realizes that we have a real problem, and honestly wants it fixed. She doesn’t know why she feels this way about me, but wants it to change for the good of both of us. So we try spending a whole month together, not hardly doing anything without each other. We went out a few times, spen
Jules>> We actually have very good communication between each other. Even if it is a day or two later after an argument, we both still seem to get out what needs to be said. She actually has days that she enjoys with me too. Whether that is watching a movie together, going for walks, or just sleeping in together. We do have our good days believe it or not.
To clear a little up, my wife does put her kids first, during the week it’s all about the kids, and then the weekend is our time to have fun. She is a good mother, and still cooks dinner, and does the laundry, and those types of things. And I do the same, coach baseball for the boys, play toys & video games, mow the lawn, take out the trash, etc.
So it’s not all bad, its just to the point where I can’t trust what she does anymore on the weekends. I just need to know if there is a way I can trust her again, because ultimately me not trusting her, just pushes her farther away & they maybe thats the big issue
Also, I do spend time with her, but she wants the weekend for herself, or at least one night a week. She needs space for herself and I have a hard time giving her space. And I do complement her all the time, and do things for her, so its not neglect in any way. She tells me that she is sorry for being such a terrible wife and that she would understand if I didn’t want to wait around for her. She doesn’t know why she feels this way and doesn’t like it. She uses alcohol to forget about it temporarily, because it bothers her too. I think I just have issues trusting her, and she has issues with her feelings, and what she truly wants.

On the list he mentions his needs as a woman “Not Being Needy” and a woman “Not being Manipulative” and as a requirement she has to “Be Purpose Driven”.

Here’s my situation:

I have been married for 9 years. I am a housewife(even though I held full-time job for 4 years of the marriage and made more than my husband).

My husband left me 3 times in the first 3 years of the marriage and then came back. I made the decision to dumb down, and take jobs making less money or sometimes no job at all. When I did this, my husband became happier and stopped leaving me, so I exchange a career for a happy marriage (6 years happy – so I thought).

I don’t have children(can’t get pregnant).

I have a bachelors degree in management but am unsure as to what, I want to do with my life (I lack real purpose in my life, I don’t know what to do about that – I prayed, I educated myself, I read self help books, I tried different kinds of jobs in different fields, I’m running out of options).

Whenever I work, If I am not content with the job, my husband says, “if you don’t like it then you can come off the job baby”. He also says that my attitude changes when I work. So I am confused , when he says that he wants a wife that is not needy!

Please help! When I dated my husband I knew how to conduct my self. I basically had the attitude that I could do anything I wanted and that I need nobody to support me for anything! But then I heard people saying that a husband needs to feel likes he’s needed in the relationship. When I started this behavior my marriage got way better but I lost myself in the process…

Isn’t a woman suppose to be “one” with her husband, and isn’t he suppose to take care of his wife needs? and isn’t it hard not to be needy, when you can only date that one man, for the rest of yur life(before I got married – I had lots of friends and some of them were considered to be friends with occasional benefits(but I stopped these friendships when my husband proposed to me)?

Read more on Daily Telegraph

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AoDTZeqmjSqnp9TKZbgaYPDQ7BR.;_ylv=3?qid=20081016162427AANcIyf

Anyway, for the most part, many other aspects of our marriage are reasonably successful, but for the first time in 15 some-odd years I’ve started thinking of divorce and it’s largely the religion issue.

I pay for everything, she stays at home. I am a person who has risen above family alcoholism, extended family drug use, put myself through college, I work to protect the environment, and I actively support human rights … i.e., I have a REAL “morality” system that doesn’t depend on men with beards in skies.

The problem is I don’t want my kids taught by people that are going to teach them their father is a “sinner”, that he is “going to hell”, and that he is a “bad person” … this area is very religious and they definitely do this.

The religion battle doesn’t appear to be reconcilable.

Divorce or no?
Responder wrote: “If you are a faithful husband and a good father, why would your kids believe you are a sinner and a bad person????”

Look around you … people are stupid, including children. People believe what they are told and the bigger the lie the more likely they are to believe it.

40% of the country still believes Saddam was behind 9/11 …

… 130 million people still believe something to be true that isn’t even close to true simply because authority figures told them to believe it was true.

Read more on The Arizona Republic

In Britain now, women make up the largest number of binge-drinkers. Do you think this is down to the feminist mind-set that women should be equal to men and that they should be doing what men do?

I have also read in many places and heard from many men that Britain and the USA produces the worst wives – they do not feel that house-work or taking care of children is their job and strive to be “career women” all the time. They also want to be dominant and do not feel that they have to take care of or “spoil” their husbands, yet they expect that kind of treatment in return. This is apparently also why many older, British men who have been divorced (or even divorce their wives) for Asian brides or Russian brides.

Do you think this could be true? What are your thoughts?