How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘Denial’

I have had severe chronic pain for the last seven years that has slowly degenerated. I am now at the point that I have to be very careful how much I do in a day or I’ll find myself spending the next day in bed, unable to do anything, a big price for each full day. I get tired easily, hurt easily, and am very slow….

Well, a friend recommended that I visit her chiropractor. I did, and he found several problems that were making my condition much worse. First, my hips are tilted to the point that my right leg is half an inch shorter (not really…the tilt of the hip lifts the leg half an inch off). My tailbone is not in line properly, which makes it more difficult to sit comfortably. My knee caps are out of place, so that the cap rubs at the cartiledge whenever I walk. Several bones in my wrists are out of place, causing pain when I type, read, etc. These are all minor problems compared to the last one, however.

The top two vertabrae of my neck have slipped to the left, placing pressure on my spinal column. Additionally, my neck has an eleven degree curve instead of the proper forty-five degree curve. This causes my skull to be forward from my body. The slip of the vertabra have caused my skull to further slip to the left…so, my skull is slanted and forward, a very uncomfortable position that puts great pressure on my entire spinal column and brain stem.

I also have seizures that are related to my condition (undiagnosed, but they think it might be fibromyalgia) somehow.

So, I went to the chiropractor three times a week for two weeks and twice he third week. By the end of the third week, I no longer had to walk with a support cane, nor did I need to lean on my boyfriend’s arm or take repeated breaks if I walked more than ten feet. My pain levels were minimal, and I was no longer requiring twice daily pain killers (Ultracet, because the doctor’s afraid I’ll get addicted too fast to Percocet or Oxycodone, and I agree). Every visit to the chiropractor, my health was drastically improved.

However, Medicaid’s policy is to pay for only 8 visits per year. My chiropractor said we’ve barely touched the tip of the iceburg, that he needs to see me at least twice a week for six months or more before I’ll be able to say I’m recovering (each visit was followed by a step back if I did not see him soon after).

My chiropractor said that the need was there, and that he didn’t see any reason why Medicaid should deny payment for further treatments, since this is a severe condition that needs extensive treatment. However, lo and behold, they denied me. According to Medicaid, because my condition is not “life-threatening,” they will not pay for further treatments.

I am on SSI and SSDI, and as a military wife I get Tricare Prime, but Tricare covers *no* percentage of chiropractorial visits. I spend more than half of my monthly disability on bills alone, and an additional portion goes toward upkeep of the apartment, groceries, and pet care for my emotional support cat (for anxiety, borderline personality, and comfort when I am so sick I can’t get out of bed).

How much chance do I have of being granted approval through the appeal process, and how should I go about appealing. I do not have funds for an attorney, nor can I pay the out-of-pocket cost for chiropractorial visits (more than $100 per visit, totaling $800 per month at the rate of twice a week, which is what my chiropractor says should be a minimum).

Any help would be appreciated@!

Denial, they say, is “not just a river in Egypt”. Denial is a strange beast. It is on the cycle of change (or, rather, just off it), as ‘pre-contemplation’. That time when you are not thinking about change because you don’t need to. You are a ‘happy user’. Other people are starting to suggest that you have a problem. Then denial raises it’s ugly head and starts to show its various features:-

1. Avoidance

Avoidance is saying “I don’t think about it. I don’t talk about it. Whenever the small inner voice starts it’s prompting, I submerge it, drowned under more drink, more sex, or with any other distraction.
Avoidance is not going there, saying, “What I don’t know can’t hurt me”".

2. What Problem?

When suggesting that an addict might have a problem, brings out a show of more needles than you would see on a cornered porcupine, you know you’ve pressed a button. The response is a puffed up “What problem? I don’t have a problem.”

He may feel that his righteous indignation has won the day. He has managed to fend off another attack on his character, but the still small voice inside starts to niggle his conscience again.
 
3. Minimising

When you cannot convince yourself that you are not in denial, then it’s best to minimise the problem. You may say, “It’s not that bad, it’s such a small thing. It was a problem last month but now I’ve got control of it. If I put my mind to it, I can stop whenever I want to.”

4. Rationalising
 

Rationalisation is providing a good reason rather than the true reason. But not all rationalisations are good reasons. Some are a real stretch of the imagination, but they are made to sound rational.

“If I can explain the causes of it, I won’t need to sort out the problem. When I get down to the root cause, it will be alright. It’s due to the stress I’m under at work, and that’s putting pressure on the marriage. It’s how my personality is, It’s the way I deal with stress – I can live with it.”

5. Blaming (Projection)

“It’s not my fault. If you had been what I have been through, then you would drink. How can I take responsibility for my drinking when it’s not my fault.” Or, “If you had my wife then you would drink too. I am not an alcoholic, she makes me drink.”

6. Comparing
 
“There are plenty of people with a far more serious problem than me. For example, there’s so and so who’s marriage has just broken up. Compared to him, I don’t have a problem. I don’t need to get help.”

7. Manipulating

“If other people want to help me, that’s their business. I’ll just let them do it. If it fails, it’s not my responsibility. I can blame them. They are the one’s who will feel bad. If anybody else wants me to change when I am not ready, my subsequent lapse will be their fault.”

8. Feeling Better

This happens during the first or second week of treatment. Ten days without the symptoms of the problem. Like a revelation it comes. “I’m cured. I don’t need this treatment. I’ve never felt better in my life. All the drugs are behind me.”

9. Compensation

“I cannot be acting or behaving the way you say because I always act the opposite”.

10. Justification

“I did it because it was the right thing to do at the time. I didn’t think it would lead to anything”.

Extended denial can affect a person physically, mentally and spiritually. It can lead to a state of hopelessness. Hopelessness is itself, another aspect of denial. It denies that we have the ability to change. It means that there is no point in carrying on. It is not even worth anybody trying to help us it would be a waste of their time.

When addicts are in denial, they are not liars. They believe that they are not dependent on chemicals. They are actually unaware of their dependency.

Knowing that you have a problem, does not automatically make bad news into good news. It takes a while for it to sink in. Acceptance does not come easy. It is considered that Denial is, paradoxically, part of the process of recovery. For some, the road to recovery means getting to a place of brokenness, and Denial is often the first step.