How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘Death’

OK, so the media says it was an accidental drug overdose. How does anyone ever really know if it was intentional or accidental? Not everyone leaves a note when they plan on taking their life. Plus, families do not want to bear the shame of suicide and mental illness. They do not always volunteer the truth even to the police. After all, what good will that do for them?

The man was a Harvard grad, and was an attorney for a very brief time. Switching suddenly from that to comedy and then not ever wanting to talk about his brief stint as a lawyer says to me that there had to be some major issues in his life. At 44, no mention of a wife, a marriage, divorce. kids or a current girl/boyfriend. Nothing.

Any thoughts on the issue?

I was sent the bills afterwards and days after her death, I had an illegal entry into my residence by her daughter removing my marriage license and other documentation. At the hospice, a friend of my wife’s convince them not to let me know she was there and I felt this was not only criminal but as well violated all ethics. At the hospital they failed to mention this woman had been on illict drugs for the past year and she was started on dilaudid of which put her in an immediate coma and unresponsive. More then anything a well planned death using medical facilities. Her daughter was with her at the time and made no effort to contact me but requested the fatal dose of dilaudid at the hospice. I did get the medical records form both facilities and had to fight the hospice to get theirs. I berated the staff in letters after reading the report and seeing that someone unrelated took charge of everything. At 350 pm on May 26, 2009, my stepdaughter requested another dose of the drug even though it is noted in the report that my wife’s extremities were getting cooler at 230 pm and at 8am that morning, she had a high fever and had been unresponsive upon her arrival at the hospice two days before. She succumb at 4pm on the 26th of May.
She was alert at the hospital on the 22nd but limited to what she could do. Her daughter signed for her and I felt that violated my rights for it showed in the hospice report they had no intent of contacting me and removed the body before I knew anything.

My wife had a son from a previous marriage. Her son was 13 when he started doing drugs. At age 15, he died from a drug overdose in May.

I blame my wife for his death and I have told her this hundreds of times. She didn’t know he was doing drugs. But as a mother, she chose to work instead of stay home but yet she still insisted on having me pay for things for him.

Now that Jacob is dead, she uses that as an excuse to get time off from work. But yet she wouldn’t keep her behind home when Jacob was alive. I don’t feel bad for him that he died because he did drugs and I don’t feel bad for my wife because she’s trying to drag me down into her misery.

Now she’s begging me to buy her counseling sessions, but I’m not going to pay some idiot $100 an hour to listen to my wife whine. I love my wife, I respect her, and for the most part, I have been faithful, but she’s is just going to have to accept the fact that she is no longer a mother and that Jacob is gone.

How do I convey this to her nicely? Should I write her a letter?

I am ready to live I have a wife and two girls and I am going to detox off of percoset 30 ..I have been snorting 4 a day I have gone to get help with a counselor for the mental part ,but will be detoxing at home…please help with any important info .my wife will be helping me …and please leave the un-needed opinions to yourself this is hard enough as it is…thank you

Abusive wife gets 7 1/2 to 15 for husband’s death
Robert Potter’s final years were “hell on earth,” a Lancaster judge was told Thursday.As Potter tried to help his wife, Tonya, cope with her mental illness, alcohol dependency and cocaine abuse, prosecutors said, she responded with violence.In May 2009, Tonya Potter stabbed her husband repeatedl…

Read more on Lancaster Online

Sept. 22, 2006, 7:41PM
Slain officer missed suspect’s gun in search

By MELANIE MARKLEY, JENNIFER LEAHY and ROSANNA RUIZ
Copyright 2006 Houston Chronicle

The Houston police officer who was gunned down by a suspect Thursday after a routine traffic stop apparently missed the man’s weapon in a pat-down search, Capt. Dale Brown told reporters today.

Juan Leonardo Quintero, a 32-year-old illegal immigrant, has been charged with capital murder in the shooting death of Houston Police Officer Rodney Johnson.

Brown said Quintero apparently was not under the influence of drugs or alcohol at the time of his arrest.

Brown said that Quintero had a criminal history from 1995 to 1999, convicted for DWI, failure to stop and give information and indecency with a child. His driver’s license was suspended and he was deported to Mexico by immigration officials in 1999, Brown said.

Quintero has been working for a landscaping company in the Deer Park area and was driving a company Ford double-cab pickup when Johnson stopped him for speeding, Brown said.

Quintero, who apparently in the pickup with a co-worker and the two daughters of his common-law wife, was traveling 50 miles per hour in a 30-mile-per-hour zone, he said. He had picked up the two girls from school and was taking them home, he said.

Johnson decided to arrest Quintero because he did not have any identification, Brown said. Although Johnson patted him down before handcuffing him, he apparently missed the 9-mm handgun he concealed under his waistband, he said.

Although Quintero was handcuffed behind his back, Brown said he apparently manipulated his handcuffed hands under his legs to the front of his body so he could fire his weapon. His hands were again behind his back when officers arrived, he said.

The suspect also fired at a wrecker driver who had been called to the scene by Johnson at the time of the arrest. The wrecker driver had spotted Johnson in apparent distress in the front seat of the car and was approaching the police car when the shot was fired. He retreated until officers arrived.

His wife, Theresa Quintero, said he has expressed concern about immigration officials and whether he should return to Mexico.

Theresa Quintero said in an interview today at their home near Hobby Airport that the couple has been married since 1997.

HPD’s Brown said records reflect no arrests for the suspect since 1999, but he said officers were still researching records.

Chief Harold Hurtt defended his policy against enforcing immigration laws, saying the situation points to the need for stronger enforcement at the border since Quintero had been deported.

“If the government would fulfill their responsibility of protecting the border, we probably would not be standing here today,” Hurtt said.

A Harris County prosecutor said in court this morning that, while seated in the back seat, the suspect pulled a 9 mm handgun from his waistband and shot Johnson in the face. The officer was able to push an emergency response button, alerting dispatch of a problem.

When other police arrived at the scene, Quintero remained in the back seat with the gun in his hand, the prosecutor said. Police found bullet casings inside the car.

Quintero kept his head down while waiting to be called before the judge. During a brief hearing, he answered “Yes” when asked whether he understood the charge against him.

Quintero has been charged with capital murder in the 248th District Court, said HPD spokesman John Cannon.

Cannon said the suspect gave “a full confession” to the shooting.

A source familiar with the scene said Johnson was shot four times through the plastic shield separating the front and rear seats. Johnson managed to push his emergency button before collapsing. The 12-year veteran of the department was taken to Ben Taub General Hospital where he was pronounced dead.

The suspect reportedly struggled as officers tried to move him to a different vehicle.

“They finally got him in the other car, but he was scratching and fighting and acting crazy, like he could win in a fight like that,” said Clara Rodriguez, who lives nearby.

Johnson, 40, was the first HPD officer killed in more than two years.

“He was very personable,” Hurtt said. “We will miss one of our true soldiers in Rodney Johnson.”

At least a dozen law enforcement vehicles cordoned off a large area at Randolph and Braniff where the light bar atop Johnson’s patrol car continued to flash long after the shooting. Temporary spotlights illuminated the scene into the evening as evidence technicians scoured the area. The owner of a nearby machine shop was called to the scene because bullets apparently pierced the wall of his building and investigators needed to get inside.

Before the suspect was taken to HPD headquarters, he was stripped of his clothes, which were placed in evidence bags, and dressed in a white jumpsuit. He was then taken downtown in the second of three patrol cars that left the scene shortly after 7 p.m.

‘It just breaks my heart’
As news of Johnson’s death spread, police officers gathered in small groups but said little. One HPD sergeant walked to a patrol car, took out his cell phone and made a quick phone call, taking a long drink of cold water from a bottle.

“Something real bad has happened by the airport,” he said.

Rodriguez said that she and her neighbors in the small subdivision between Telephone Road and Almeda Genoa knew Johnson well and that he was well-liked.

“He would always wave and smile when he saw me,” Rodriguez said. “He was a real nice guy. All he was trying to do was enforce the rules.”

Rodriguez said Johnson stopped her once for speeding when the speed limit was lowered on Telephone Road. She said he politely asked her to slow down and did not ticket her.

“He was just so very nice,” she said. “He was not ever mean. It just breaks my heart. I feel so very bad for his wife. He got up and went to work this morning, and this is what happened. This is what happened to one of the people who protects us, who truly took care of us.”

Johnson graduated from high school in Oakland, Calif., then enlisted in the Army, serving as an MP until he was honorably discharged in 1990. He served as a corrections officer for the Texas Department of Corrections (now the Texas Department of Criminal Justice) and as a Houston police jailer before attending the police academy and graduating in 1994.

Johnson was assigned to the southeast division that year and to the southeast gang task force in 1996. While on the task force he received two Lifesaving Awards from the department and one Medal of Valor from the state. He was married to Houston police officer Joslyn Johnson. They have three daughters and two sons between the ages of 14 and 19..

Substance abuse prevention speakers take the topic seriously, but sometimes I wonder just how many others do? I suppose as a substance abuse prevention speaker who knows the pain and torment personally from an experiential level, I am more apt to see the danger in substance abuse and drunk driving.

I grew up the son of a mother (a former high school cheerleader and honor graduate) who was an alcoholic and substance abuser. As a child I saw my beloved mother self-destruct and torment my grandparents as a result of alcoholism and using every drug imaginable. Ironically, my mother (a former drunk driver herself) was killed when crossing the road as a pedestrian when an 18 year-old drunk driver hit her – killing her on impact.

Dead on arrival, police awaited the return of the young drunk driver who left the scene of the accident. Upon returning, the police video (which I later painfully watched) showed the young man crying and screaming, “I can’t live with this on my mind!”

As a former lifeguard and fitness trainer I don’t drink alcohol to this day. Yet I don’t condemn those who do and kindly serve as the designated driver whenever anybody close to me drinks.

After a childhood of pain and hell as a result of substance abuse and drunk driving, I myself was hit and nearly killed in July 2008 by a drunk driver (a two-time DUI offender driving after her license was revoked). The 61 year-old lady barreling down the road in a large Chevy truck, driving drunk at 4:40PM on a Tuesday afternoon, hit my car repeatedly (completely totaling it and nearly killing me) without stopping, attempting to flee the scene of the accident, after which she hit and totaled a parked car before being arrested by police.

For nearly five months I drove numerous rental cars, while battling my insurance company to be financially compensated to purchase a replacement vehicle for my automobile totaled by the negligible drunk driver. Even worse I spent days and nights in hospitals and doctors’ offices receiving medical treatment after the accident for injuries, which still cause me pain and trouble to this day. The added stress and strain medically and financially also negatively affected my marriage, as logistically my wife and I shared the one vehicle the drunk driver totaled.

Personally encountering the crooked and fraudulent business practices of tow truck companies, medical professionals, insurance claims adjusters, and car salesmen added additional aggravation and suffering to my life at a time when I was most vulnerable.

Nevertheless I somehow persevered and battled through it all to stand tall, becoming a voice of conscience to substance abusers, drunk drivers, they who prey on victims of catastrophic accidents, and those suffering through seasons of tragedy turning their world upside down.

I guess God spared my life so I can speak to others.

My boyfriend’s wife of 16 years died a year ago from diabetes and alcoholism. He is still dealing with his grief issues which is okay by me.
Should I be concerned about his being the husband of an alcoholic?
He took care of his sick, alcoholic wife for at least four years. Is he an enabler? Was he codependent? How do I find out if he was or is resentful?

Prescription drug abuse, which I term medical drug addiction, like all addictions including alcoholism, (addiction to ethyl alcohol), though more widely recognized nowadays, is still not widely understood. And of course, combining the abuse of prescription drugs, (obtained legally or not), with “street drugs”, maybe adding alcohol to the mix, though highly dangerous is commonplace too. My substance abuse Professor, James Crossen Ph/D, coined the generic term “Drugoholism” to cover all Chemical Dependency Issues, because though they have surface differences, most of the underlying downward spiraling progression process, towards ultimate destruction and death, is the same. Poly-substance Abuse is the technical term.

According to the Drug Enforcement Administration, nearly 7 million Americans are abusing prescription drugs, more than the numbers who are abusing cocaine, heroin, hallucinogens and ecstasy combined. The DEA says the number of painkiller addicts has nearly doubled from 2000, when 3.8 million Americans were hooked, Prescription and illegal drug overdose is the second leading cause of accidental death in the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control. “Nearly all poisoning deaths in the United States are attributed to drugs,” according to the CDC, “and most drug poisonings result from the abuse of prescription and illegal drugs.” Prescription drug overdoses now kill more people than homicide.

How do we reconcile these facts with the continued over-prescription of these drugs, and the continuing high profile celebrity deaths, only the more visible tip of this massive iceberg? Compare the two following statements. “He was rocketed to stardom, but unable to handle the pressures of money and fame, he turned to drugs.” Or, “His career was going downhill, and unable to handle the pain of failure, he turned to drugs.” As a young man stated on the phone to me as a “hotline” counselor, “I only drink when I have problems.” I replied, “It seems to me that life is full of problems, so that means you will always be drinking!” Appalled silence on the other end, then a small voice, “I never thought about it like that.” Really!!

Similarly, “He is drinking because his wife died.” What about the majority whose wives have died, who are not? Mistaking effects for causes, and vice-versa, in the self-feeding reciprocating cycles of Drugoholism, is usual rather than an exception. “Often what happens is someone experiences discomfort, anxiety, or pain. They start being treated with medicine, and need more,” said Dr. Steven Juergens, an assistant clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Washington and a private addiction specialist in Bellevue, Washington. “They feel better when using the medication and often feel like “they need it,””  “I’m not an addict, I never took a drug to get high,” maintained Michael Jackson. Dr. Paul, another Psychiatrist, reports in his hilarious history of personal Drugoholism, titled “Doctor, Addict, Alcoholic,” “I never took a pill I didn’t have the symptom for.” From the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous.” Anyone who is in the position of refuting that they have a problem usually has one. By the time any question comes up, some kind of difficulty has usually begun. When was the last time your Sunday Church going, one sherry at Christmas Great Aunt Maude, had to disprove ideas she has might have a problem?

What is missing in most media reportage on celebrity addiction is that THE PERSON is the addict, and more specifically, the person’s choices have become dominated by addictive thinking. All chosen behavior is the result of thinking, so addiction is in the addict’s head, not in the pill or bottle in their hand. Recently I read on the web another hypnotherapist’s statement, “After twenty five years of practice, my observation is that addiction is 10% physical and 90% psychological.” Otherwise those leaving incarceration, rehabs, or hospital detoxification units, who are physically sober, would never relapse! Right! One client I was counseling, an early stage milder case, could not “get it” until I said, “You are dependent on changing your mood with a chemical to get through the day.” His eyes focused and lit up. “That’s me,” he exclaimed, and his resistance to recognizing his alcohol abuse evaporated. This was despite being comfortable with the concept of addiction, as applied to his intermittent cocaine binges. A facet of the times perhaps, or it’s relative undeniability in his case, as he hated the effects of his cocaine use, while still clinging to the far slower destructive direction of his alcohol consumption.

So the persons chosen response to inner and outer “stress” is the missing link, this is what creates a drugoholic. An addiction to the “quick fix”, to the easy way out, ensues. This, apart from any other factors, becomes an ingrained increasing habitual response, including response the real or imaginary stress created by the addiction itself. One of the many self-feeding cycles of addiction, independent of the “host” personality. Part of the cognitive, (thought), behavioral habit apparatus, known as psychological habituation in Drugoholism. And the alterations of cognitive processes and perceptions produced by ongoing use, whether physical, due to chemical toxicity in the brain, or psychological, from the addictive process itself, continues to actually create and additionally amplify perceived stress, as the condition, (the dis-ease) progresses. So there is an increasing reliance on chemicals for stress relief, and increasing amounts of stress, real or created mentally, to relieve. This process underlies the confusion created by focusing on any combination of chemicals, or circumstances, at any given time.

All of this mentality applies to the withdrawal physiology of the body, when a drugoholic initially attempts to “clean up”. So this becomes a major source of the drugoholic’s terror at the idea of, or results of withdrawals, rather than the withdrawals themselves. This is irrespective of the fact that with severe physical, (metabolic) dependencies, that may be both physically and psychologically horrendous. The problem is not the initial withdrawals, for a true drugoholic, insurmountable as they might seem. The problem is learning to live a life on an ongoing daily basis without resorting to chemicals to escape/recoil/retreat from inner and outer reality in any way.

How much of Michael Jackson’s “weirdness” and reports of him being a “complicated” person, were not due to his personality, but were in fact his response to medical drug addiction I wonder? And the degeneration into, histrionic emotionalism and other forms of narcissistic immaturity, that so often accompanies the overall deterioration of Drugoholism, as exhibited by Anna Nicole Smith too. Even worse, many categories of psychiatric drugs can cause potentially horrendous reactions. Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Adderall, Ritalin, Concerta, Xanax, Lithium, Zyprexa and other psychiatric medications may spellbind patients into believing they are improved, when too often they are becoming worse, without the individuals realizing that their medications are semi-permanently deforming their way of thinking and feeling.

There are many reasons for this confusion around Drugoholism. Myth, misinformation, misunderstanding and ignorance, using a true meaning of the word which is, “lacking information”, abound. In “The First Session with Substance Abusers.” Nicholas A. Cummings, Ph/D, quotes studies that show MD’s identify .05% of alcohol/drug problems in those who cross their door, while those well trained in Chemical Dependency identify 100%! Two hundred times more! Psychologists and other allied professions fare not much better in my experience and opinion. The psychology of addiction is a specialized field. Though MD’s and clinical psychologists are highly respected and often quoted authorities, unless they have this specialized education, it is more likely to be a case of the blind leading the blind.

The current usual attitude to prescription drugs blinds MD’s to what is happening. How many times is a new wonder drug trumpeted abroad? Sleep aids, Barbiturates etc., (Mebaral and Nembutal). Stimulants, (“uppers” such as Dexedrine, Adderall, Ritalin and Concerta). Tranquilizers, (Benzodiazepines such as Valium and Xanax). Painkillers from Oxycontin type opioids on down? These are now the source of endless drug problems. I never tire of reminding people, “The first medical use for Heroin was as a cure for Morphine addiction.” So when medical people proclaim the latest painkiller or anti-anxiety medication as non-addictive or non-habit forming, I retort, “Except for those persons with chronic long-term anxiety, or chronic long-term pain.” This is in respect of any combination of these factors, plus those induced by the medications themselves, addictive, real or imagined of course.

As Drugoholism is stigmatized, people are loath to attribute a bad “character flaw” to another, especially those idolized and celebrated for other genuine talents. And the ongoing mental, emotional and physical deterioration/degeneration process of Drugoholism is attributed to other sources to excuse the addicts again, in order to avoid personally “denigrating” them. This goes hand-in-hand with the addicts blaming defences. In actuality, the vulnerability to addiction in recent, (2009) studies increasingly reveals a 50% genetic/biochemical basis. There is also another additional constellation of factors that are outside the person’s current will power or control, from pre-verbal cellular level infantile trauma, to role modeling from early childhood onwards. And there are many others too. Current psychic pain, “His wife died…” is the last and perhaps least factor, as is blaming it on childhood pain. Again, there are many with severe childhood pain that display no addictive tendencies whatsoever.

Another source of confusion is the actual disinformation put out by the psychiatric-medical-pharmaceutical complex. This has been rigorously documented by the psychiatrist Peter Breggin, MD., dealing with the medical bureaucracy at its highest levels. He reports how the drug manufacturer Eli Lilly was taken to court for offences tantamount to criminal fraud in this regard. In the mid 1990’s, his “Toxic Psychiatry.” outlined the growing problem of medical addiction. “The commonest drug addict in America is a female in her mid forties, addicted to barbiturates and a benzodiazapine,” he stated at the time. The description of negative aspects of commonly prescribed psychiatric medications above, is taken from his website, http:www.breggin.com. He exposes the growing propaganda infused into the medical community, including the FDA, which diminishes, sidesteps or flat out denies the negative effects of commonly prescribed psychoactive drugs. 

This is partly responsible for the idea that medical drugs are not as harmful as other drugs, and are legitimate, so those hooked on them are not real addicts. Also a convenient denial for the drugoholic themselves. In fact, being 100% pure, it needs to be stressed they can be worse. Oxycontin from the Doctor is as bad, IF NOT WORSE, than heroin from the dealer. It is similar to the confusion around alcohol, another socially acceptable drug. Many can drink with enjoyment and impunity. But once the ominous earmarks of the addictive process begin to appear, a trained counselor can identify the condition years before the final accelerating deteriorative spiral.

Due to the subconscious nature of much denial, and the stigma and ignorance surrounding this process, those close to the addict are often the most totally blind to the malady. The fact that Elvis Presley obtained FIVE THOUSAND pills from Doctors in his last months was invisible to his personal staff. The obvious obscuring corrupting interlinked interpersonal influences of fame, power, status and money, as the deteriorating celebrity surrounds themselves with yes men, are a special factor for the wealthy and those in the public eye. But how many alcoholics leave a complaining spouse to later marry someone with fewer objections, often an alcoholic themselves.

So now I hope it becomes more evident that addictive processes include prescription drugs in exactly the same way as with illicit ones, and that celebrities are not exempt from the identical states of mind and body that occur in these circumstances. Specific drugs may have different results, but the inexorable addictive process will take its toll in similar ways for the rich and famous, just as the scythe of Drugoholism cuts down the ill-educated poverty stricken ghetto street addict. If this article helps one person, I deem it a success, though I do of course hope for more.

Brian Green, c. 2009.   http.www.mindmagic123.com