How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘alcoholic’

I have recently realized I have been enabling my dad since I was 12. When I was 9 my mom left us, and my dad got remarried when I was 10 only to be divorced when I was 12 because the new wife couldn’t stand his alcoholism, and so when he, my little sister and I had to move into an apartment and there were no other adults around, I started to take care of my dad and “clean up” both literally and figuratively after my dad.
It’s always held me back but when I was growing up I dare not tell him how angry it made me for fear he would tell me I was being disrespectful and spank me( like when I was little and would sneak candy and lie- he’s not physically abusive really) or worse- what he WOULD do any time I tried to bring it up about how it was affecting me- he’d guilt trip me. Any time I wouldn’t stick around to make sure he got up for work in the morning he would yell at me. Anytime I let slip he was drunk last night to somebody I was an ungrateful b****. I talked to my school counselor about it and begged her not to talk to him about it, and when one christmas the salvation army brought a bunch of food and toys to our house for christmas dad thought it was because I was telling the counselor he was a bad parent and yelled at me for days until he found out his employer and many others in town reported single parents to the salvation army so they could randomly suprise them around christmas with stuff to help out.
It sucks because when he’s not drunk my dad and I are super close. He taught me numerous musical instruments since I was five and we used to play together every night, he encouraged me at every turn and always seems fair when he is sober, and a fun and loveable guy.
Well now I am 21. I moved out the day I turned 18 because I couldn’t take it anymore. During the past three years my dad stopped doing everything except drinking and working(when he wakes himself up from a hang over and manages to get in). About 6 months ago he got kicked out of the house he was renting from my uncle because he trashed it and had hundreds of vodka bottles everywhere. Hoping to help him just quit I offered him a place to live at my house with me and my fiance. He was supposed to go to 2 AA meetings a week. He hasn’t been .
He has peed on my floor and won’t walk upstairs to use the bathroom, he goes in bottles in the house and hides them and i find them when I am cleaning. He spits mucous in his sleep and it lands everywhere, on my walls and floor and once even on my dog. He refuses to take up the bedroom right next to the bathroom I set up just for him and sleeps in his chair in my living room, and complains when we want to watcha movie late or use the oven to make a late supper(says it makes him all sweaty). He hardly does a thing around here, sometimes he’ll vaccuum his area but doesn;t wash his dishes, take out the trash(which is mostly his) or mow the lawn. He eats all our food during late night alcohol induced binges, which is even worse because he has severe diabetes, his legs are always swollen like tree trunks and oozing, He can’t put his own socks on so i have to do it for him, etc, the list just goes on and on.
Also he often says it’s too late for him and he hopes he dies soon.
I have told him everything in the book to try to let him know how important it is to me for him to get better, but nada. I am sure somewhere down there he loves me but he’s so wrapped up in his drinking and self loathing to remember that.
I really think I need to tell him to move out, because I have been enabling him and I am trying to get my own life in order, I have gone back to school full time and work part time and try to run a functional household, and of course this is very hard on my fiance too, who at first was supportive but now is just sick of my dad controlling me, which I understand. I wish I could help him but I don’t think I can.
How can I tell him to leave? I have read I am not supposed to be angry or yell, no pleading etc. I have tried the calm and honest way of telling him he’s screwing us over but he seems to ignore it. I just don’t know how I can do it. Please any advice, similar experiences or encouragement anyone can give me will be greatly appreciated. Don’t know how much longer i can keep up this charade.
He went to a rehab center for a month when I was 16 but within a month of him being out my sister and I found bottles again. He ain’t gonna go back. I have tried to explain the spiritual angle as when we were little he was a very religious man and always taught us about God and right and wrong. Are there any good verses I should read that might help me with this? Even if it is just for me, I would like to know. Thanks again.

he’s not abusive in any way. it just hurts more than anything to have to see him this way, and he thinks that i don’t notice when he’s drunk. nor does he see his drinking as a problem. i’ve thought about divorce/separation, but waver. PLEASE HELP!!!! Any advice is good advice.
just to clarify a bit…i have told him how i feel about his drinking and how it hurts me and/or our marriage MANY times, yet he chooses to do it any way. We talk about it. It just doesn’t change. And to address one of the postings (“Spoil Me For Money”), we completed marriage counseling prior to the wedding so i knew that he had been drunk before. no one in my family is alcoholic. i’ve never been drunk or been around any one else that is an alcoholic, so when he told me it was in the past, i thought it would stay there. he drinks when he comes home from work, and already drunk by the time i get home. i know i/we need some type of counseling, but i want to know more about this situation from people who have been through it. Thanks to all for your replies. I really appreciate it.

My wife and I are taking the 4 day baja cruise and I want to know how much will I be spending on alcohol. Is it local bar prices, or Vegas club prices? Can I bring a bottle on board. Not really a wine drinker here. We are not lushes, but like to cut loose every now and then.

i want any small example in a movie also can, the guy is alcoholic and keep drinking so the wife leave him ready. any movie example guys?? please i need it as soon as posible.

started drinking and doing drugs at the age of 13. Pot, LSD, Cocaine, Ecstasy, etc. I was never severly addicted and was pretty much a weekend user, however I used hard when I used. This went on until I was 23 and overdosed on X and Alcohol. I would have probably died if my girlfriend at the time had not found me. I gave everything up after that for almost 5 years, even alcohol. The initial withdrawals to my brain were horrible. I went on an anti-depressant, which helped a great deal and I built a life for myself. It should be noted that my depression was related to the death of my mother when I was 18 and my only brother when I was 21.I met my ex-wife when I was 28 and began drinking occasionally, but never really getting drunk.She did some horrible things to me which ended in a divorce and me binge drinking from time to time and some occassional cocaine use. Clearly I know the cocaine use is unnacceptable,but I don’t know if I am an alcoholic.Sometimes I drink way too much,but it is not everytime I drink.For example,yesterday I had one beer and had no desire to have another.I go to meetings and it seems that the people talk about craving to drink.I don’t crave to drink,I just tend to be more unhappy and make worse decisions when I’m drinking.I need guidance because clearly i would have never overdosed unless I had a serious problem correct?
Thanks for the contributions. I do truly believe I have a substance abuse issue or it would not have caused so much trouble in my life. I have been going to meeting, in fact I went to one tonight. I’m just apprehensive to speak because my tales seem so minimal compared to other’s. I never sold my body or stole from my parents. I was and am a master manipulator. Thanks again! Keep the answers flowing please!

To lay it out I am 4 months pregnant and since we found out I have not had a single drink. Prior to being pregnant I would driink with him. Still give him a hard time about it but controdicted myself at the same time. I knew I was starting to have a problem and it scared me. Like I mentioned before as soon as I found out that is what saved me so to speak. My problem is this my fiance wants to quit he talks about it frequently and he whole heartedly want so stop but he isn’t. His twin brother is the same way and in the same situation. (His wife is also expecting) Whenever they are around each other my fiance drinks. Is it because of routine? But further more he has many alcoholics that are friends and family that binge drink as well and this is what they do. Partially its a cultural thing. I understand a few drinks but I dont understand why must he get to the point where he is always the drunkest one there and passes out. It is embarrassing to me before I feel like I must take responsibility for his actions because he wont. He wont do AA and he is in anger management court ordered because he distroyed the inside of my vehicle when we got into an arguement after a night of drinking and I was wanting to go our seperate ways. I am not sure what I can actually do. I don’t buy the alcohol for him any more if he drinks I dont let him sleep in the bedroom and if he goes to his mothers house (To drink) I wont pick him up or speak with him. I am really lost. I love him very much I see how much he wants to stop but I think his surroundings and the addiction have and will always win.
I understand everyones initial response to leave. Thats easy. I know what alcohol does to people and families and yet I have personally seen full blown abusive alcoholics turn to a sober healthly life. The other reason I dont want leaving him to be the only option is because having loved ones leave him.abandon him has partially caused some of the need to drink. “Suppress all problems with a drink.”

I helped him once by finding him a job buying him a trailer and vehical so he could work and take care of his wife. He lost his job and then traded the the trailer and car for drugs. He is now homless and blames me for not taking him and his family into my home. They are both alcoholics and heroin addicts. I have a wife and 9yr old daughter so thats not going to happen yet I feel guilty to the point of not being able to sleep. I saw him panhandling at the local grocery store. I went lost my temper and became terribly upset. I feel like putting him out of his misery yet feel sorry to see a family member this way and feel guilty for not helping . he has no self respect this hole situation is driving me crazt How do I deal with him?

my ex wife let my son stay with her alcohlic mother today i was realy upset because we have both talked about this and thought we agreed that it was not safe for him at her place. this women has been an alcoholic for years and in the past four to six months gone to the crisis center at least twice and i think a thrid for sucide watch during a binge the last time this happened just a little over 30 days ago,and this time had to be escorted by police, my ex wife thinks because she has been on medicne and ok for 30 days and just a phone call away our son will be fine,(this is not the first or second time she has been ok for 30 days but many times over the past several years) my probelm with this is that not only has our son gone through some tough emotioal times recently and if he saw anything happen to his grand mother it would cause him great emotional harm but god forbid if she went off the deep end took my son in her car and got him hurt myabe worse. i dont think because u dont want to hurt someone’s feelings or what ever the case may be that she should put our son in arms way am i wrong to worry ?

Why do alcoholic think it dosn’t hurt anyone but them when so many people care about them? My ex became an alcoholic also and he lost respect from many friends and does nothing but stay home with his wife and drink, get loud and make a fool of himself….don’t they know what they are doing to those who love them?

I”m a recovering alcoholic and and have no social life anymore. I can’t seem to make any friends at all in AA, and I don’t think I will ever get over my ex-girlfriend unless I start dating someone else.

I’ve tried MATCH.COM and another site, but I always get the same answer, sometimes immediately. Either women:

1. Just don’t want to date anyone that’s a recovering addict/alcoholic.

2. Don’t want to date anyone that doesn’t drink.

I was just hoping someone could tell me why?

I’m 45, single, live alone and a pretty nice guy. Women in recovery generally don’t date men in recovery. I don’t think i’ll ever find a wife.

I’m a recovering alcoholic who has been going out with a guy for 2 and a half years. I’ve been in the program seriously for 1 and a half years. We are very much in love, and he doesn’t drink around me, but when he is not with me he will drink, and once in a great while smoke pot. We are not kids, I am 53 and he is 43. He also has been in an abusive (wife abused him)relationship for 22 years, and never has gotten help for the affects its had on him. What should I do? I really want our relationship to work, but he has had anger issues in the past with me, says he is willing to get help, but we can’t go any farther in our relationship until he gets help, or somehow quits smoking pot and drinking. What can I do? Please help me

casue of death listed. he was seperated at time of death but still legally married- how can i obtain the autopsy report without going thru wife. we are not on speaking terms. very bad situation… would love any help thanks in advance

my son was told by his wife’s attorney that she will get the house because she can prove he is an alcoholic

Here is the issue. My soon to be ex husband lives a 1000 miles away and communicates with the kids though phone and skype (webcam). Lately he has not been setting up times to do this on the scheduled days. Then he text me saying Him and I need to work on our communication for the sake of the kids. ( seriously how do I need to help him, I use to text him to set up times but my counselor told me I need to stop doing that and that he needs to take the responsibility) He says a lot of things that do not make any since and is just all over the board. One week things will be fine for contact with the kids then the next week it is not. His behavior just really weird. I asked my counselor if he is just stupid or if he is crazy.
side notes
-his dad became an alcoholic after he left his wife
-he has totally screwed up his life by everything he has done in the last 7months
So, my question is how can I tell if I never see him or I am never around him. Obviously the only reason I care is because of our kids one is 3yrs and other is 6months. They have no way of telling me something is wrong with daddy.
it is in the court order that he skype and or talk to them twice a week. My parents keep telling me I need to cut him off and tell him no. Oh, and he did not move away he is in the military and we lived there and he told me to move out and go live with my parents. (man what an ass, looks horrible when I type it!)
I do not want my kids to hate me because I cut their father out but it seems like he is causing more harm then good.

my uncle is a serious alcoholic, and I would do anything in the world to cure him of his alcohlism.

His children, ex wife, brother (my dad who recently passed away), neices and nephews have all tried so hard to convince him to stop and he wont listen. Pleasee help!

One of my best friends admitted to me the other day that he thinks he’s an alcoholic. He’s 32 and married with a new born daughter. I have been pretty convinced that he was an alcoholic already on my own just from watching his behavior. He needs to drink a lot. He sneaks it from his wife. He spends a lot of money on alcohol. He drinks alone. He stays up late and drinks even though he has to get up early to go to work. He brought a bottle of vodka to an event that was really not appropriate for alcohol and asked me to do shots with him in his car where no one could see us. I only did one, but he did quite a few.

On a related topic, I’ve heard stories about this other guy that works with my dad that is older that is also an alcoholic. I have heard stories about him losing his wife, his job, and his house because he can’t stop drinking. I’m worried about my friend getting that bad. He still has things together. He still works a good job and has a stable relationship with his wife. I just don’t want to see him go downhill and end up like this other guy. What are some tips to help this guy. It’s a delicate subject and I don’t want to risk messing up our friendship by interfering.

His wife thinks that he’s an alcoholic and she has asked my advice on several occasions. It’s tough because she basically has asked me to rat out on his drinking that he does when she’s not around. I hate to tattle-tell on him like he’s a little kid, but also, I think his wife should know how bad it’s gotten.

Part of me thinks that he mentioned that he thinks he’s an alcoholic as a cry for help. Maybe I should answer the call, but I’m not sure how to approach it.

I”m a recovering alcoholic and and have no social life anymore. I can’t seem to make any friends at all in AA, and I don’t think I will ever get over my ex-girlfriend unless I start dating someone else.

I’ve tried MATCH.COM and another site, but I always get the same answer, sometimes immediately. Either women:

1. Just don’t want to date anyone that’s a recovering addict/alcoholic.

2. Don’t want to date anyone that doesn’t drink.

I was just hoping someone could tell me why?

I’m 45, single, live alone and a pretty nice guy. Women in recovery generally don’t date men in recovery. I don’t think i’ll ever find a wife.

It’s been a few years now, and I find myself so lonely that I think of suicide alot.

I have a question. My mother in law drinks A LOT she’s in her 60’s and she always has an alcoholic drink in her hand. She doesn’t get drunk all the time, but for a woman her age, she gets drunk a lot. My family always comments about how my mother in law drinks like a fish. Her own son (my brother in law) and his wife think that she is a alcoholic and my husband has made comments about his mother drinking again. She isn’t the kind of “alcoholic” that is drunk every night and can’t get things done. She has her own business and is very efficient. However she has type 2 diabetes and still drinks every day and night. I would say she has 3-4 drinks a day and it’s always wine or Belgian ales which are very high in alcohol. Sometimes she has mixed drinks. I want other people’s opinions before I go telling her that she is a alcoholic. Basically I want to know if YOU think she is an alcoholic or if she just drinks a lot and needs to cut back. I believe that if she was told she had to stop drinking for a month completely, she wouldn’t be able to do it.

I don’t plan on talking to her myself, I want my husband, his brother and his wife there too. I think alcoholic is a strong word and I don’t want to use it if she just has a drinking problem. I don’t want to be a busy body but it does interrupt my and my husbands life and also his brothers from time to time. Also I am worried about her.

Well 2 years ago, my mum and my step-dad broke up, and not too long after we made friends with this guy Jeff and his son, who lived two doors down from us who had also broken up with his wife. He was a total alcoholic (still is) and it wasn’t long till he moved in with us and his son and my sister hooked up, so they’re living down at Jeff’s old place. Anyways ever since he’s been living here he’s made my life a living hell. He calls me names like I’m stupid, worthless, lazy and tells me I’ve got nothing to live for. Last time we had a fight he was all “I’ve got more money than you”. And so I replied, “So you should, you’re 58.” and so he said “I’ll always have more money than you.” So I laughed and said, “You wish”. I went outside and he followed me (aka stalked), with his fists balled and started yelling at me about this crap. I told mum and she keeps telling me he’s gonna leave soon, but he never does. What can I do to ignore him till I can get the money together to rent a house?

Need help. My sister has been an alcoholic since her teens, now 46. staying at our mom’s drunk & passed out. mom is at her wit’s end. Sis has been in AA 15+yrs (aka sponsor of the month), rehab ? times, attacked both myself (police called) and her daughter. dropped charges cause of mom. what can we do in OK to get her classified as mentally ill. problem is she is smart as a whip and fools everyone when sober. Love her but she is killing not only herself but her family. our dad has not spoken with her in over 6 yrs because of her behavior towards his new wife & our 1/2 brothers. she can’t keep a job or a husband/boyfriend because of her behavior.