How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Posts Tagged ‘affair’

My wife and I have been married for 6 years. Before we were married we were like horny teens, after its all down hill. Now at age 27 I’m lucky if we have sex twice a year. She just could care less she has 0 sex drive, a male model could stand next to her and she wouldnt care……. If your wife refuses to have sex is it ok to have an affair for sexual purposes only? My wife seems to be happier being married and not knowing what I’m doing as long as she doesnt know than separating and being alone. What would you do? We’ve been through everything, counseling, therapy, drugs…She’s not depressed she just doesnt like sex anymore. I LOVE SEX. I’m not a nymph, but I have urges like any other 27yr old or any guy for that matter.
Ok, heres the thing. I’m not into porn, kids or anything else sick. I’m the most romantic guy ever, I come home with flowers, line the room with rose petals, buy her little gifts, bring her lunch to work, send flowers to work, even mix cheesy love songs cd’s. She just seems to be anti-sex. Even before marriage she boycotted oral, or anything out of the ordinary (Meaning anything other than missionary). She thinks our marriage is perfect, were a model family just ZERO sex. I NEED SEX. She always just says its because she’s not comfortable with the extra weight she put on after our child, or she has a headache, or long day. I’ll even offer a backrub to start foreplay and after she rolls over says thank you and goes to bed ?!

After our 3rd child, my wife started take anti-depressents / anti-anxiety drugs. This may be why she has absolutely no sex drive. Prior to #3, the sex was good. I do love my wife.

Dear Abbey once said “when there is no passion within the marriage, there will be passion outside the marriage”. I haven’t been looking for passion outside, but I finally told my wife that if some came my way, I probably would go for it. Well, I did. Now I’ve got this strong emotional desire for a co-worker. We’ve been friends for over a year, and the three of us have gone out several times.

My wife left for a 2 month vacation with her family, and my co-worker invited me over, and it happened. And it was GREAT! We sat and talked for about 6 hours one night. I have not had that kind of companionship with a woman since 3 years before I hooked up with my wife. Let me be truthful — before the sun came up, we knew each other Biblically.

I don’t want it to end with my co-worker. What should I do?

We have (had?) a perfect marriage. There are normal stress issues (life, house, money), but not major & before some get off base, in the 6+ years I never even thought about cheating myself much less done it. An old friend of hers recently came back into her life w/ text messages and long phone calls. I came home from a 5 day trip out of town, there were flowers on the table,(from a customer). She went out with some friends from work the next night till 3am (never does that). He came over that Sunday while I was home and again Mon. while I was at work. Mon., I find a female contraceptive device in the trash, (i was looking for a receipt), she says it was for me when I came home from my trip and she was too intoxicated on Sat to use it so she threw it away. I LOVE her and BELIEVE her. She was doing something nice for me and I screwed it all up. I dont think she will leave me or take our daughter, but but 24 hours, 3 dozen roses, and 100 sorry’s isnt mending it. So, now what?

Sorry…this is WAY long.

My wife and I are working through her long term affair with an ex-boyfriend and I have to thank YA responders for helping me while I figured out what was going on during her frequent business trips. I’m admittedly clueless about relationships because I’ve always been focused on jobs, education, and most recently starting my own business. I’m madly in love with my wife and won’t consider leaving her…no matter what a few responders suggested. Since we had the big talk where she admitted to the affair, we’ve been talking about it, and our relationship, every chance we get. We promised to put everything on the table…leaving nothing out…and it’s been enlightening to say the least. We’re both super busy, but we set aside Wednesday and Sunday nights for talking…about anything we want. She didn’t say anything at first, but it’s coming out that my lack of focus on her was a bigger deal than I knew. She knew I loved her, but I was neglecting her too…especially when I was starting my business about five years ago. The hours have been long and vacations non-existent, and looking back I can see her point. But I didn’t have a clue until she told me. As open as we’ve been, most of the talk has been serious and we’ve even danced around a few issues. Saturdays are “date night”, where we toally ignore the affair and serious talk and just have fun. She recently worked her butt off getting back in shape and has a whole new wardrobe to show off the results so she’s really loving these nights out. We laugh and cut up more than we’ve done in years and it’s definitely having a positive impact on both of us. I think the date nights are almost as important as the communication on other nights. We get drunk enough that we’re having the wildest, most uninhibited sex of our marriage when we get home. She’s looking hotter than ever when she’s out having fun like that, and I’m looking at her compleltely different…sexually speaking. The pillow talk on those nights has gotten decidedly close to her giving out personal details of what happened on her trips. I haven’t asked for that level of honesty yet, but in the heat of the moment we’ve both been teasingly risque about what she did. That only happens after our dates and we’re both slightly intoxicated. Are we on dangerous ground with that, or is it a good way to satisfy my curiosity without being accusatory?
donotbuy got a thumbs down for it, but she seems to understand more about us than most. Almost everyone is giving me a lot to think about though. It IS dangerous ground when you start delving into the sordid details, but aren’t we all curious to know…IF we keep our heads about it anyway.

My wife developed a really bad addiction to prescription pain killers and cleaned us out in August of 2007. I filed for a divorce and took custody of our two children. I soon discovered she had been having an affair with her dealer after I cut her off of our finances.

In December of 2007 she returned home asking me to take her to rehab, which I did. The day after I dropped her off she called me and told me she was pregnant. I had a vasectomy back in 2005.

We stayed apart until July of 2008 when we reconciled and she moved back home. The paramour has been in and out of rehab four times in 2008 for alcoholism and immediately relapsed upon completing his most recent round.

My wife had informed him that he was the father and he told her there was no way in hell he’d ever give her a dime. When the baby was born I signed the birth certificate and we named the baby after me.

He and his mother call occasionally and he leaves voice mails saying we are going to here from his attorney. He has never seen the baby. His parents barged into the hospital the day our son was born, but we have refused to answer their phone calls since. They also call my wife’s family and try to ascertain her location. I don’t believe that he’s interested in taking legal action, but his mother appears to be pushing the issue.

We obviously don’t want this guy anywhere near our family. He has done enough damage. Can anyone offer any insight?