How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Archive for the ‘QUESTIONS ABOUT WIFE’S DRUG ADDICTION’ Category

I married a girl I shouldn’t have, had two kids with her. The older one has severe epilepsy, the younger asperger’s syndrome with bi-polar thrown in for fun. My wife began abusing drugs and alcohol about ten years ago, still drinking to this day, not helping her mental illness one bit. So here I am in this prison where nothing ever goes right, looking at the finish line, thinking I’m almost there. Once the younger one turns 18 and both kids are settled, if my wife has not done anything to better herself or make our marriage better, I’m gone. There it was, right? Freedom, independence, a good life on my own with no one holding me back. Now I have had not one but two seizure episodes, so it appears that I have epilepsy. I am on medication and I cannot drive. My parole is not going to come, is it? I now have to depend on my wife, and even the little freedom I had before is gone. What would you do? Please, no sympathy for the wife; she doesn’t deserve it.

I have been married to a man for 8 years. The rouphest years of my life! He had a terrible drug habbit which lead to other problems, from being verbally and physically abusive to stealing, you name it. On several ocassions I have had to call the police and have him arrested. I have thrown him our of my house and we have also put this man through several drug rehabs. Needless to say nothing had worked. He had tried getting back together with me but I finally had to put my foot down and say when you get a job, and you stay clean and I don’t have to support you then maybe ill think about it. He moved out of town to his parents home, which they have never liked me. They come from a very old fashioned traditional Mexican family who can’t accept me because I have children from a previous marriage. We have plans on getting back together since he has found a job and is going to start a vocational training, Only problem is he doesn’t want to move back into town because he says he will go back to his old ways. The kids and I are willing to move out of town once he is settled. The problem is… His parents dispice me. We went to visit him and we had to stay in a hotel because I wasnt allowed in his parents home and neither were my children. They had something for easter where the whole family was invited and our daughter was welcome as well as my husband. my childrend and I were never invited. My daughter also spent spring vacation with her dad and grandparents, my husband was working and my inlaws were babysitting while my husband was at work, yet when I was up there visiting she did not want to babysit so that we could go out. I don’t understand? My husband asked if he could have my daughter for the summer and when I asked who was going to watch my daughter while he was working and in training he said his parents would. So if they did not want to watch her for that one night that we wanted to go out, (they didnt have plans ) what makes me think they will want to watch her for the summer. I’ve mentioned to him that it bothers me that they exclude us and he just blushes me off. The three days that I was up there visiting his mother was calling him constantly.. He mentioned to his mother that he had plans on us getting back together again and she said that his sisters would not accept this. Im sorry my mom passed when I was very young and I have no siblings. Is this the way it’s supposed to be? Am I overexagerating or is it time for me to walk away? Can Somebody help?

..he was emotionally abusive; not understanding the importance of friends and family, expecting me to think the same way as him, he was extremely jealous and just flat out insecure. Not all times were bad, of course. I am most definitely in love with him but I gave him too many chances and I feel I can’t keep going around in circles. I’m 28, he’s 32. He was never a sponge – always pitched in and after the last time I ‘tried’ to end things, he did change some of his ways. I felt he didn’t change enough of his ways.

My brother recently got married (last year) and now has twin babies. After the marriage, he started doing drugs and lying often. His wife took “for better of worse” on and got him help. She loves him very much. He got off the drugs and now goes to therapy and is on medication for depression and anxiety. He often turns his phone off and will disapear the whole day because he is too stressed out to deal with being broke and feeling he can’t provide for his family..
They are under a lot of stress with money, etc. Yesterday, my brother (whom works for my dads company) was caught stealing from a jobsite. He got arrested. FIrst time ever being arrested in his life. He’s not a horrible person. His wife’s family won’t speak to her and she spent the day and night with me and my family. I saw my brother today and he sobbed, explaining he was so desperate to do anything for money and that’s why he did this. I WILL NEVER SAY IT IS OKAY.

She’s been through so many ups and downs with my brother and she’s still by his side. Today, it dawned on me and perhaps I shouldn’t give up so easily on my (ex) boyfriend. Is this a right way to feel? Does it make sense?

I told my brothers wife last night that if i were in her position, I would have dropped him on his butt but I didn’t think she should do that to my brother, because I know him. He is my best friend. He is such a good person with so many good qualities.
I feel like my (ex) boyfriend really is a good person with very good qualities. He just had a really bad upbring and doesn’t know how to act. He needs help. I am contemplating being there for him and now giving up. Everyone in his life has given up on him. He never met his dad, his mother doesnn’t call him because she’s a mean mean lady. She beat him as a child, etc., etc.

Anyway, is my case different than my brothers? I’m just so confused. Does he deserve to not be given up on?
Thanks Elisabeth – your words really gave me a different outlook. It was hard for me to tell myself exactly that because I have been caught up with these other feelings these last couple of days.

You are right.

Day 1.

Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2.

Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He’s impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn’t he tell me something I don’t know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven’t noticed.

Day 3.

This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.

Day 4.

A miracle has happened! There’s a new drug on the market that will fix his problem. It’s called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.

Day 5.

What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6.

Isn’t life wonderful but it’s difficult to write while he’s doing that.

Day 7.

This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I’d like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, I have to admit it’s very nice – I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy.

Day 8.

I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I’m also getting a bit sore down there.

Day 9.

No time to write. He might catch me.

Day 10.

Okay, I admit it. I’m hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he’s washing the Viagra down with whip cream and whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over….

Day 11.

I’m basically being screwed to death. It’s like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He’s a complete pig.

Day 12.

I wish he was gay. I’ve stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous …

Day 13.

Every time I shut my eyes, there’s a sneak attack! It’s like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that “Oops, sorry”, thing again, I’ll kill the *******.

Day 14.

I’ve done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him hornier. Help me.

Day 15.

I think I’ll have to kill him. The cat and dog won’t go near him and our friends don’t come over any more. Last night I told him to go and f… himself and he did.

Day 16.

The ******* has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.

Day 17.

Switched the pills but it doesn’t seem to have made any difference… Christ! Here he comes again!

Day 18.

He’s back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the telly all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss!

Let me explain. My husband knows how I feel about a certain thing. I asked him a few times to take my feelings into consideration and apparently I do not think he is doing it. He tells me to my face he will keep on doing this thing after I am asking him to cut back on (no not drugs) and he also says deal with it.
How can I get my point across. My close relative said to me you can not control someone. I do not think it is about controlling but 14 years of marriage a wife should at least get some kind of recognition.
What would you do if you felt this way?
It is talking to the ex wife.

She had an affair last year. Still believes she “Loves” the goofy idiot. The know nothing about each other except sex. He is a drug addict, womanizer who wouldn’t be a husband for 2 minutes let alone 20 years.

We have stayed together so far. Im trying to forgive. I find her with messages professing love an longing for this freak. I still sleep on the couch (Well over a year), no wedding rings (She writes that we are “Separated”). No sex, no love, no ANYTHING.

We have 3 kids. They are the best. Wanted to work it out for them especially. But then I find this crap.

I am so tired of the lies. She says trust me, than sits around writing that crap. She finds out I am going to file for divorce. Last night she says we’ll work on it, wants to try counseling. Says she does not love him. Just venting, trying to come out of this “Sickness”. We had a good talk and decided we’d make an effort.

So this morning I ask her…”Are we married or separated” Because when she thinks she is separated she does/says things that are not good for this marriage. She stammers around and says “I just need some time for me”. I just walked out.

Wow. The last year and a half of running around “Sexy & Separated” sowing her oats while I starve to death.

So…do I put anymore effort into this? We are scheduled to start counseling…will it help? Anybody had any luck with that?

I still love her. I really do. But not enough to live as room mates, while she pines away for fiction and fantasy.

She had an affair last year. Still believes she “Loves” the goofy idiot. The know nothing about each other except sex. He is a drug addict, womanizer who wouldn’t be a husband for 2 minutes let alone 20 years.

We have stayed together so far. Im trying to forgive. I find her with messages professing love an longing for this freak. I still sleep on the couch (Well over a year), no wedding rings (She writes that we are “Separated”). No sex, no love, no ANYTHING.

We have 3 kids. They are the best. Wanted to work it out for them especially. But then I find this crap.

I am so tired of the lies. She says trust me, than sits around writing that crap. She finds out I am going to file for divorce. Last night she says we’ll work on it, wants to try counseling. Says she does not love him. Just venting, trying to come out of this “Sickness”. We had a good talk and decided we’d make an effort.

So this morning I ask her…”Are we married or separated” Because when she thinks she is separated she does/says things that are not good for this marriage. She stammers around and says “I just need some time for me”. I just walked out.

Wow. The last year and a half of running around “Sexy & Separated” sowing her oats while I starve to death.

So…do I put anymore effort into this? We are scheduled to start counseling…will it help? Anybody had any luck with that?

I still love her. I really do. But not enough to live as room mates, while she pines away for fiction and fantasy.

i am 20 i’m am single have been for a bout a month i split from the father of my children to better there lives and mine. Well my ex has a friend who i’ve had a crush on for long time me and my ex were together for 4 yrs. ( our kids are 3 and 17mnths) Well his friend got one of my friends pregnant and her dad forced them to marry they were together for a year then split she went on a drug bienge and lost there daughter. Then they were getting together just to have sex and she got pregnant again by him. He got with her cuz they are still legally married and he is a good guy and it was the right thing to do. She hates him and he lost all feelings for her long time ago. He started talking to me and we finally confessed our true feelings for each other. We are in love but are not sure how to go about making it public. She is due to have the baby anyday. He doesnt want to be with her he wants a divorce but ( by the way she is 20 and he is 22 ) doesn’t want to leave her as a single mom no job a 2yr old and a newborn because he is a really good guy. He loves his children very much and is scared she will start smoking crack again if he leaves and doesn’t want his kids around that. She holds them above his head all the time says if he ever leaves she make his life a nightmare. He is miserable with her and can only see me a few times a week because we are still sneaking around. We are tired of sneaking around we are in love and don’t think its right he has to be with a woman he hates and who uses his kids against him. I love this man very much, we have had feelings for each other for over a year but never said or did anything about it because he is my ex’s friend and i am friends with his wife. I already know that this will ruin mine and hers friendship but she is a backstabbing friend and it wont be that bad of a loss to me. I want to be able to be with him and were not sure how to go about telling her we are in love…. help
ok… her dad made to much money for her to get on soonercare to pay for the doc. and hospital bill while she was prego she was under age he wasn’t her dad pretty much was like marry her or go to jail….. and i was still in the puppy love stage with my ex at the time it wasn’t until after she had there daughter that we started devolping feelings for each other so when he said i do he probally wasnt thinking of me cuz he was probally thinking about how good a jail cell would look !!!
yeah let me put it this way her parents have had custody of there kid for the last yr he just got custody of his daughter back…. i’m pretty sure we know what were doing she is phsyco last month she got mad cuz he didn’t take the trash and and she treatend to cut the baby out and make him watch it die…. And so what if we have kids…. my life was wrecked my a homewrecker my kids aint seen there day in a month hes to busy with her at least we give a shit bout our kids and as for taking care of my kids i’ve been taking care of my kids since i was 16!!!!!!!!!

I know this is long, but I really need some advice from you mature married people.

I have been married for 2 1/2 years. About 7 months ago my husband started having escalated problems with anxiety (something he has struggled with for a long time). This went on for about 3-4 months until it got so bad he was not able to function for about a week. He had to take a lot of time off work and his general practitioner doctor diagnosed him with severe anxiety. He took alprazolam (a lower dose version of Xanax) for a few months and then was weaned off that and onto the anti-depressant Lexapro. When he’s off the drug it’s very hard to have sex because the anxiety makes his sex drive minimal. Now the drug has taken away ALL sexual desire for him.

His doctor told him after a few months his body would become used to the drug and his desire would return, but it’s been two months and nothing. He tried to go off it for four days (because he was frustrated that he couldn’t make love to his wife) and his anxiety came back to where he couldn’t deal with it.

As long as I thought it would eventually come back I was okay with waiting as long as it takes!! I will be with him forever, I know that. I can deal with any problem that comes our way. The only thing is that I have researching Lexapro and found out that the sexual side effects do not necessarily ever go away!

The thing is, I would rather not have sex than to see him suffering from this terrible anxiety disorder! It’s horrible to have to seem him not be able to control his mind like that. I would never want him to stop the drug. I just need some advice from those of you who have had a spouse on antidepressants before and how we can deal with it. Thanks for listening and thank you for your advice.

Oh, and we are both still very young. I’m in my late twenties and he’s in his early thirties. No children. Fun-loving couple living in a big city and loving our lives.
You people are so insensitive.
After the first three answers everyone else has been SO helpful!!!! THANK YOU!!! :D I am very hopefull. I really appreciate it!
Seriously, I am SO grateful for all the heartfelt advice. I can’t talk to anyone in my life about this and having people online who actually take the time to help me extremely touching. I am gonna cry. Thank you!!

Turns out she was unhappy and told me so, but I had asked her in the past couple months if it was because of me and she would always say, no its not you, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. She wouldn’t open up to me, she’s very secretive about her feelings.

When she said she needed some space, she was drunk and told me all the things that I did that she hated and it made me feel terrible and beforehand, I just kind of dismissed her unhappy thoughts as post partum depression or baby blues. Our baby is 10 months old now, but when she left, she was about 8 months old.

Then I find out through the grapevine that she was cheating on me and started cheating on me about a month before she finally left. While I’m sitting at home killing myself over this situation and worrying about her so much, thinking she’s at her mom’s house all depressed and lost and lonely, I find out she’s been seeing this lowlife guy that nobody likes except her. I confronted her about it and she lied at first but finally admitted the adultery.

I still love her so much and I know that I drove her away because we had not been getting along very well. We argued all the time and said mean things, but I didn’t really realize what it took to keep a marriage together and arguments go both ways, she has a lot of negative energy and always picks out the bad in everything and is normally in a bad mood, but I’ve always put up with it.

Instead of thinking all the the things I thought, I should have told her how I felt about her and told her how much I appreciated her. She’s a great mother and did so much for me and I didn’t realize how hard she really worked until she left.

After hundred of dollars in programs and doctors, I’ve finally figured out what it takes to make a woman happy and I’m not nervous about giving compliments anymore. I always just figured she knew I thought she was beautiful and I figured she knew I appreciated her vacuuming and cleaning the house. We’d argue and I’d end it with saying something mean to her or her saying something mean to me.

We worked very different schedules, she worked 1st shift and I worked 2nd shift. I told her I would forgive her and we should try to work it out because I have so much love to give and I know I could make her happy and I really don’t want to stress out the poor baby.

This guy is no good for her, he’s a drug addict or was, he’s a bad alcoholic, he has a shitty job, a shitty bachelor pad/apartment, and 8 year old kid he only gets every other weekend and is behind on child support and about 25 people have told me that he for sure has herpes and has given it to a couple other girls I talked too.

I need to get over this, but I can’t stop loving her and wanting her back. I’ve always loved her for the person she is and I guess I didn’t know how much until she was gone. It hurts because everything I’ve learned about life and love has made me a better person and I know I’d never make the same mistakes twice. I just can’t get over the fact that she cheated on me without trying harder to save our family. I’ve always thought of her as the glue the kept me in line and I’ve always been faithful to her since we were married. I don’t know what to do and I just want to move on because I don’t think she’s good enough for me anymore.

I know what it takes to keep someone happy now, but the sad thing is that she is still the same negative, mean, and pessimistic person. She never really appreciated me either. I got to thinking and I can’t remember one time that she said I was handsome other than the times if I asked her if I looked okay.

I know that she will probably never be happy in the long run and it hurts me to think that, but its true. She doesn’t know it yet, but she’s really headed down the wrong road and she will realize it too late. I don’t think anyone would put up with her as long as I have and she won’t talk to anyone about her problems. I just don’t know what to do.
The saddest thing is that I have all of this knowledge now and its too late. If I would have known everything that I now do before this tragedy, then it would have been avoided. I know she didn’t want this to happen, but she’s a weak person and didn’t fight hard enough to save our family. I was even willing to try and work it out after the fact that she cheated and she said she loved me and wanted to come back and then a few days later she decided that she didn’t think she should come back. She’s living with me still and we just kind of do our own thing, basically roomates that have a baby together. I had so many plans in store for us when she came back and its just too late. I know for a fact that I won’t have a problem finding another girl, but its just a shame that all my new knowledge will be used on them, instead of the woman that I married and promised to love and cherish forever.

Turns out she was unhappy and told me so, but I had asked her in the past couple months if it was because of me and she would always say, no its not you, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. She wouldn’t open up to me, she’s very secretive about her feelings.

When she said she needed some space, she was drunk and told me all the things that I did that she hated and it made me feel terrible and beforehand, I just kind of dismissed her unhappy thoughts as post partum depression or baby blues. Our baby is 10 months old now, but when she left, she was about 8 months old.

Then I find out through the grapevine that she was cheating on me and started cheating on me about a month before she finally left. While I’m sitting at home killing myself over this situation and worrying about her so much, thinking she’s at her mom’s house all depressed and lost and lonely, I find out she’s been seeing this lowlife guy that nobody likes except her. I confronted her about it and she lied at first but finally admitted the adultery.

I still love her so much and I know that I drove her away because we had not been getting along very well. We argued all the time and said mean things, but I didn’t really realize what it took to keep a marriage together and arguments go both ways, she has a lot of negative energy and always picks out the bad in everything and is normally in a bad mood, but I’ve always put up with it.

Instead of thinking all the the things I thought, I should have told her how I felt about her and told her how much I appreciated her. She’s a great mother and did so much for me and I didn’t realize how hard she really worked until she left.

After hundred of dollars in programs and doctors, I’ve finally figured out what it takes to make a woman happy and I’m not nervous about giving compliments anymore. I always just figured she knew I thought she was beautiful and I figured she knew I appreciated her vacuuming and cleaning the house. We’d argue and I’d end it with saying something mean to her or her saying something mean to me.

We worked very different schedules, she worked 1st shift and I worked 2nd shift. I told her I would forgive her and we should try to work it out because I have so much love to give and I know I could make her happy and I really don’t want to stress out the poor baby.

This guy is no good for her, he’s a drug addict or was, he’s a bad alcoholic, he has a shitty job, a shitty bachelor pad/apartment, and 8 year old kid he only gets every other weekend and is behind on child support and about 25 people have told me that he for sure has herpes and has given it to a couple other girls I talked too.

I need to get over this, but I can’t stop loving her and wanting her back. I’ve always loved her for the person she is and I guess I didn’t know how much until she was gone. It hurts because everything I’ve learned about life and love has made me a better person and I know I’d never make the same mistakes twice. I just can’t get over the fact that she cheated on me without trying harder to save our family. I’ve always thought of her as the glue the kept me in line and I’ve always been faithful to her since we were married. I don’t know what to do and I just want to move on because I don’t think she’s good enough for me anymore.

I know what it takes to keep someone happy now, but the sad thing is that she is still the same negative, mean, and pessimistic person. She never really appreciated me either. I got to thinking and I can’t remember one time that she said I was handsome other than the times if I asked her if I looked okay.

I know that she will probably never be happy in the long run and it hurts me to think that, but its true. She doesn’t know it yet, but she’s really headed down the wrong road and she will realize it too late. I don’t think anyone would put up with her as long as I have and she won’t talk to anyone about her problems. I just don’t know what to do.
Its sad to think that after all I have learned, I will not get to use it with my wife, the one I’ve always loved without question. Arguments and appreciation go both ways, we both argued and we both appreciated each other, but neither one of us really showed it to one another, which is the most important thing. Verbal and physical communication are key and we lost that somewhere down the line. Its sad to me that she never brought up how she felt, instead she just gave up, no matter how many times I asked her what was wrong. She just gave up, cheated on me, and split apart our family. I wish she were stronger minded and tried harder and I wish I wouldn’t have been the way I was, but I can’t change the past, but I do have power over the future. I just wish it wasn’t too late, even though I’m moving on and getting over it, it just hurts me to see where she’ll be in the next 5-10 years because I know I’ve given her so much and she’s given me so much and I know we could be happy.

My wife and I have been married for 7 years and I have a small problem with coming to fast during sex so I have to fore play and that’s fine I love to fore play but I would like to stay longer inside her so that she enjoys more of me and I know I will also enjoy it to. Is there something that I can buy at the drug store over even at your local Wal-Mart? I have no problem getting it up that’s not the problem its coming to soon. Now this doesn’t happen all the time honestly it happens when we go without it too long like me waiting until her period is over then I get it back. And I do Not Rush Her during her period I wait with I kind heart til its done I just hate when I come to quick. I also would not mind Like I Need it but we men have one thing on our body women got 3 things on there’s any way I would not mind it changing the size because I know bigger is better. Me pleasing my self before hand makes her mad and if I ask her that makes her mad so that has to be a surprise when she feels like it. And if we do it more then once she gets a yest infection or a UTI then its hell to get rid of it so we can enjoy. What can I take that will work? I have tried Viagra it works with getting you up which again I have no problem with but it does not work with me coming too soon. Just in case my wife is 28 and I am almost 30 if that helps.
okay I do not go fast and I have tried a condom it does not work it makes her dry out faster. If I go too slow then its less enjoyable for her. That’s why I would not mind being bigger please help me please. By the way during her period was her idea it hurts too much and I hate the shower I do it but hot water don’t last long. She bleeds A LOT. For 3 days then light. And another thing I am not giving her yeast infections that she gets because of not enough lube and if we do it more then once I have to wait a week because she is too darn sore. I can only have 2 to 3 times a week that’s why I want to last longer!!!!!

Hello all, im zak, i am currently a recovering alcoholic , ive spent my last three years one of which i wuz married living in drug abuse alcoholism and adultry, ive only been sober for 13 days n i c thing alot more clearly than i ever have….but with seeing clearly i have now realized i feel every emotion more clearly and the biggest is the pain the wretched horrible pain that i have broken such a sacred trust with my wife i have broken my vows set forth under the eyes of my Lord. i want to work it out with my spouse i have a 19 month old son whom i have have neglected to spend time with the furst year of his life due to my decision that drug and partying was more important…i love them so much n before i let myself get so numb to my feelings n now i feel n i feel horrible. i know that i cant make her forgive me i know My God cannot force her to do that, but im trying to show her i care n that i truly love her and that i want to make this work soo bad, so my question is …how can i prove to her i love her with out suffocating her how can i show her how much she means to me while giving her the necasary space she wants? so far ive been doin as many things as i can im getting help counceling and im taking it upon myself to help her with anything shes doin ive stepped up as a father weve only been split up for 3 weeks i know it still so early i know it could take years n years but i wont die happy nless i atleast try to prove n get her back til the day i die so plz if anyone can help me give me some ideas on how a husband shuld be im only 21 n shes only 20 im soo young i need guidance and ive turned closer to the Lord but id like advice im not asking im begging

I have been married for about 3 years. I met why wife when I was an english teacher in Osaka. Dating was wonderful, she always visited me, we toured all over Japan and SE Asia. Generally had a great time. We relocated back to my home town in a pretty small midwestern town. We moved around a bit as I had a job in Boise for a bit but quit as I didnt like it. And are back in my home town. She had me promise we would leave this year to either to return to Japan or move to a more metro area to enjoy life more (SD or Hawaii or Miami). My job is stable and in the past years her parents and neice have visted us, one fried came over. We have hosted Japanese univ students. We have traveled all over the US and went on a cruise. To me its been pretty good life.. BUT

The in the past years she is just ‘mean’ to me. I know I am not perfect. i dont smoke, drink or really have any bad habits beside nail biting. I have gained some weight and snore, which is not great. But we often play tennis, go to kickboxing class, go cycling.. and now I am on a diet drug to help reduce my weight which should help w/ the snoring. I am pretty professionaly motivated and have some decient IT certs. We havent slept together in a while due to my snoring (yeah its sorta bad).. I am very attracted to her. She often complains that I wont wear contacts and when I grew out my ‘stubble’ she enjoyed it and oddly I foudn her snapping photos of me at events when I am not looking. I dont want to be vein but I think that sorta hints she is still attracted to me (aleast w/ thick stubble).. ;)

BUT she is SO mean.. I know when I was in Japan I missed my family from time to time but I am not so close to them. Her family is VERY cool and really spoil her. I have tried to go out of my way to make her feel as free as possible here. I got her a nice VW beetle not cause its expensive just cause its safe, girly, and I recall the feeling before I had a scooter in Japan and that stuck/locked in feeling.

So Thurday is her 30th birthday.. I planned a party at an all you can eat sushi place.. 15 firends have RSVPed. I setup an appoitment to go for a 30min ride in a little airplane (cessena) so she could have a new experience, and ordered in a new braclet from coach.com.. yeah she conditioned me well, how could anybody not be happy with this. But I know this cant bring her family closer. She constantly complains that I havent learned Japanese and that if I want to ‘argue’ with her I shoudl learn Japanese.. come on HOW long would that take. I know I should learn but trust me its difficult as I have a ‘math’ type brain.

BUT I think the problem is that she feels being stuck in this small town is a form of ‘isolation’ abuse. Ie typcially ‘mean’ guys say you cant go out, you cant talk to him, your not allowed to do something.. And I think she gets back at me by just being mean. She has said often she wants you yournger husband, better looking to me this is REALLY rude. She is really hurting my feelings. And I feel this has gone on for a few years.

There is a cultural difference and I try to do all I can but I think this is the biggest issue. Another issue is she was never happy with the wedding party we had, as we were between countries. When we first got back to the US, I had like $3000 and no job.. We moved around and planning something has been hard as her Ps are so far away.. but most importanly I just always feel like I am around the cornor from a divorce let alone a WEDDING..

Friends have told me your FAR to nice to be treated this way, and that its time for me to live for myself. I really enjoy being married, I dont like chasing women. I feel I have been lucky to have a few really great long term relationships and am sad about 1 or 2 that I dated that I really wanted to have something happen but it just didnt.. but I cant take much (or any) more of this.

doors have been smashed in fits of rag, there is wall putty in place.. it just not right.

its becoming very hard to go to work, do my job and be happy knowing there is nothing to come home to that is nice, sweet, kind.. or even appriative of what I do.

I have seen one counslor but could not contiue with as insurace would not pay. a co-worker r’cmd a private marriage cousulor he has used and I think its time for that. but part of me just wants to forget it, ‘how could it be so messed up now’ I cant even imagine if we had kids (luckly we dont!)..

So… Should I just end it and start my own healing process. I have been there before, it s-cks but I know I will make it..

(sorry for spelling and grammer errors, pretty emotional now)..

Turns out she was unhappy and told me so, but I had asked her in the past couple months if it was because of me and she would always say, no its not you, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. She wouldn’t open up to me, she’s very secretive about her feelings. When she said she needed some space, she was drunk and told me all the things that I did that she hated and it made me feel terrible and beforehand, I just kind of dismissed her unhappy thoughts as post partum depression or baby blues. Our baby is 10 months old now, but when she left, she was about 8 months old. Then I find out through the grapevine that she was cheating on me and started cheating on me about a month before she finally left. While I’m sitting at home killing myself over this situation and worrying about her so much, thinking she’s at her mom’s house all depressed and lost and lonely, I find out she’s been seeing this lowlife guy that nobody likes except her. I confronted her about it and she lied at first but finally admitted the adultery. I still love her so much and I know that I drove her away because we had not been getting along very well. We argued all the time and said mean things, but I didn’t really realize what it took to keep a marriage together. Instead of thinking all the the things I thought, I should have told her how I felt about her and told her how much I appreciated her. She’s a great mother and did so much for me and I didn’t realize how hard she really worked until she left. After hundred of dollars in programs and doctors, I’ve finally figured out what it takes to make a woman happy and I’m not nervous about giving compliments anymore. I always just figured she knew I thought she was beautiful and I figured she knew I appreciated her vacuuming and cleaning the house. We’d argue and I’d end it with saying something mean to her or her saying something mean to me. We worked very different schedules, she worked 1st shift and I worked 2nd shift. I told her I would forgive her and we should try to work it out because I have so much love to give and I know I could make her happy. This guy is no good for her, he’s a drug addict or was, he’s a bad alcoholic, he has a shitty job, a shitty bachelor pad/apartment, and 8 year old kid he only gets every other weekend and is behind on child support and about 25 people have told me that he for sure has herpes and has given it to a couple other girls I talked too. I need to get over this, but I can’t stop loving her and wanting her back. I’ve always loved her for the person she is and I guess I didn’t know how much until she was gone. It hurts because everything I’ve learned about life and love has made me a better person and I know I’d never make the same mistakes twice. I just can’t get over the fact that she cheated on me without trying harder to save our family. I’ve always thought of her as the glue the kept me in line and I’ve always been faithful to her since marriage. I don’t know what to do.

Turns out she was unhappy and told me so, but I had asked her in the past couple months if it was because of me and she would always say, no its not you, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. She wouldn’t open up to me, she’s very secretive about her feelings. When she said she needed some space, she was drunk and told me all the things that I did that she hated and it made me feel terrible and beforehand, I just kind of dismissed her unhappy thoughts as post partum depression or baby blues. Our baby is 10 months old now, but when she left, she was about 8 months old. Then I find out through the grapevine that she was cheating on me and started cheating on me about a month before she finally left. While I’m sitting at home killing myself over this situation and worrying about her so much, thinking she’s at her mom’s house all depressed and lost and lonely, I find out she’s been seeing this lowlife guy that nobody likes except her. I confronted her about it and she lied at first but finally admitted the adultery. I still love her so much and I know that I drove her away because we had not been getting along very well. We argued all the time and said mean things, but I didn’t really realize what it took to keep a marriage together. Instead of thinking all the the things I thought, I should have told her how I felt about her and told her how much I appreciated her. She’s a great mother and did so much for me and I didn’t realize how hard she really worked until she left. After hundred of dollars in programs and doctors, I’ve finally figured out what it takes to make a woman happy and I’m not nervous about giving compliments anymore. I always just figured she knew I thought she was beautiful and I figured she knew I appreciated her vacuuming and cleaning the house. We’d argue and I’d end it with saying something mean to her or her saying something mean to me. We worked very different schedules, she worked 1st shift and I worked 2nd shift. I told her I would forgive her and we should try to work it out because I have so much love to give and I know I could make her happy. This guy is no good for her, he’s a drug addict or was, he’s a bad alcoholic, he has a shitty job, a shitty bachelor pad/apartment, and 8 year old kid he only gets every other weekend and is behind on child support and about 25 people have told me that he for sure has herpes and has given it to a couple other girls I talked too. I need to get over this, but I can’t stop loving her and wanting her back. I’ve always loved her for the person she is and I guess I didn’t know how much until she was gone. It hurts because everything I’ve learned about life and love has made me a better person and I know I’d never make the same mistakes twice. I just can’t get over the fact that she cheated on me without trying harder to save our family. I’ve always thought of her as the glue the kept me in line and I’ve always been faithful to her since marriage. I don’t know what to do.
It just sucks because now I know what I need to do to make her happy and I wouldn’t be making it up, it would be truly how I feel. She’s willing to see if this guy will change for her and quit drinking as much and quit doing coke, but she isn’t willing to give the man who loves her more than anything in the world and the father of her child another go. She just doesn’t want to try and it makes me just want to give up and move on, but my love for her is so deep, that I don’t think I can give up. I want to just move on so badly, I know I can find someone else to love the new me, I have no doubt it my mind that I will make someone happy, but I just want it to be her. I’ve never wanted anyone else, just her, she’s everything I ever wanted in a woman and now that she’s gone, I don’t know if I can take it.

Turns out she was unhappy and told me so, but I had asked her in the past couple months if it was because of me and she would always say, no its not you, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. She wouldn’t open up to me, she’s very secretive about her feelings. When she said she needed some space, she was drunk and told me all the things that I did that she hated and it made me feel terrible and beforehand, I just kind of dismissed her unhappy thoughts as post partum depression or baby blues. Our baby is 10 months old now, but when she left, she was about 8 months old. Then I find out through the grapevine that she was cheating on me and started cheating on me about a month before she finally left. While I’m sitting at home killing myself over this situation and worrying about her so much, thinking she’s at her mom’s house all depressed and lost and lonely, I find out she’s been seeing this lowlife guy that nobody likes except her. I confronted her about it and she lied at first but finally admitted the adultery. I still love her so much and I know that I drove her away because we had not been getting along very well. We argued all the time and said mean things, but I didn’t really realize what it took to keep a marriage together. Instead of thinking all the the things I thought, I should have told her how I felt about her and told her how much I appreciated her. She’s a great mother and did so much for me and I didn’t realize how hard she really worked until she left. After hundred of dollars in programs and doctors, I’ve finally figured out what it takes to make a woman happy and I’m not nervous about giving compliments anymore. I always just figured she knew I thought she was beautiful and I figured she knew I appreciated her vacuuming and cleaning the house. We’d argue and I’d end it with saying something mean to her or her saying something mean to me. We worked very different schedules, she worked 1st shift and I worked 2nd shift. I told her I would forgive her and we should try to work it out because I have so much love to give and I know I could make her happy. This guy is no good for her, he’s a drug addict or was, he’s a bad alcoholic, he has a shitty job, a shitty bachelor pad/apartment, and 8 year old kid he only gets every other weekend and is behind on child support and about 25 people have told me that he for sure has herpes and has given it to a couple other girls I talked too. I need to get over this, but I can’t stop loving her and wanting her back. I’ve always loved her for the person she is and I guess I didn’t know how much until she was gone. It hurts because everything I’ve learned about life and love has made me a better person and I know I’d never make the same mistakes twice. I just can’t get over the fact that she cheated on me without trying harder to save our family. I’ve always thought of her as the glue the kept me in line and I’ve always been faithful to her since marriage. I don’t know what to do.

Let me set this up for you, so you know the real situation here…Our marriage is basically over. We have been fighting over things like Internet cheating, drug abuse, lying and stealing. I am done and he knows it. he is trying to get me back by begging me and promising me things will change, when he has already made the same promises and broke them. My husband claims he was getting online and searching want ads to look at pictures. He even replied to some ads (about 7 of them). He begs me to forgive him (each time is repeated for a total of 3 seperate occassions). The other night he walks up to me with a shit eating grin on his face and asks me if he can take naked photos of me. He said that way he won’t have to look on the Internet for women to masturbate to. How in the world is a woman suppose to feel after someone that tells you he loves and respects you?

me and my wife have been married for 8 years and have two boys we both have drug problems i left her last year to quit i went back in hopes she would to but she hasnt since then we have had a terriable time seems we fight about every thing and i always have to be the one to swollow my pride and just make changes to make her happy and she does very little and expects me to be excited over it she said she is affraid to let me in her heart again because i left is she just trying to control the situation or what she is still using and said i am tryin to control her by manting her to stop
I am clean and sober and keep my kids away from her drug use the best I can she said she wants to work it out but wont quit only reason i stay is for my boys

This selfish drug-addict “B” is only interested in getting as much free money as possible without working for it. She has another daughter, “S” (from a previous marriage) whose three kids were taken away by CA because of her own drug addiction. “S” then moved with her b/f to Oklahoma. These kids were then given to B! It’s so obvious that she only wanted custody of them (and my husband’s daughter, “T”) so she could live on Welfare and Child Support. Now, almost three years later, she and T have moved to Oklahoma. We have tried on two separate occasions (Nov-Dec 2005 and July-Aug 2007) to move T in with us and change the custody order, but B has always had T brainwashed against us, telling her (just before the court appearance) she will kill herself if T decides to live with us. It was just her way of getting a “paid vacation”. The 2007 episode was at the time of our son’s birth, and I’m sure it was planned that way. T (then 14) was a complete BRAT both times, and I just know her mother told her to cause us as much stress as possible, and she sure delivered on that! Because of her screwed-up mother’s and half-sister’s influences, T has become totally uncontrollable. She has been in and out of school (and probably Juvenile Hall) for the past four years and I REALLY don’t see the point in allowing her around our now 2 1/2 year old son. My husband and I fight about this, because he has such a “guilt complex” about it. I know I’ve gone on and on, but I want to be understood, and there’s so much aggravation here.