How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Archive for the ‘WIFE’S ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT QUESTIONS’ Category

so two years ago I married the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We get married, I get pregnant and come to find out he wasn’t the person I thought I was marrying. He is an alcoholic and over the past two years of our marriage has had alot of issues, jail, lieing, stealing, you name it. but being the supportive wife I was I supported him. Last year in July he left me and our girls and left the state to his moms because being away from his drugs and alcohol was getting to hard so he left, went on one of his binges, became incarcerated and I moved on. Come November we started talking again and he promised he was done and wanted to make it work with me and the girls. So he moves back and of course I carried a grudge on my shoulders for he had done and it was hard, I still didn’t trust him when he came back but I tried. I found him a job, supported his recovery, and not to mention he didn’t have a license so I made sure he was where he needed to be 24/7 even if it meant dragging our kids out at 12 midnight. I did so much and come to find out since he’s been back he has been cheating on me with little teenage girls?? He’s 25…..so I kicked him out last weekend and already he is with his little girlfriend. he hasen’t called, nor checked up on his daughter. I call my father in law and he totally switched it around saying that if I would of just trusted him and gave him a clean start when he came back and forgot what happened in the past and don’t be down his throat so much he wouldn’t of left and now this is my bed to lay in. I am just hurt, for almost three years I have taken care of him, supported him and yeah it has been hard because of the emtional rollercoaster he put me through, but I feel so low. How can I get over this, he is scum and I know my life was going no where, but the fact he lied and just moved on with his new girlfriend and showed no remorce or emotion what so ever??? What can I do, and I have no way of contacting him, his dad said he dont want me knowing where he is at or to contact him anymore and i have filed for divorce, but how can I get over the emotional state and just move on and stop thinking about what he did and is doin??

So, my boyfriend and I love each other (at least he says so). However, his dreams lately seem to differ from mine. He wants to move to Colorado as soon as he can, and I’m not sure if I want to live there. I prefer lush green climates, and if I could move, I would pick Hawaii. Also, I was a military brat, and became really close to my family, because that is all you have when you move to a new place. As such, I want my future kids to be able to know my parents, and have my parents help me and stuff. My boyfriend has always lived here, and just wants to get away from his family.

Another problem is that I want to be married by the time I’m 25, and I want to be engaged now (I’m almost 24). I love him, and know that I want to be with him, but he says he is so unsure of his future, he wants to have everything in his life settled before he even thinks of getting married, which probably won’t be until 28 or 29. The problem I see is that we are the same age, and I want to have kids by 29, and we both want to enjoy married life for a while before I have kids, and if we go with his plan, what if I’m too old to have kids then?

I guess one reason why I would want to get married younger is that I’m a virgin, and he’s not, and I will not live with a boyfriend before I’m married. He says that he would really want to live with someone before he got married to them.

So, the problems are
1. The age at which we would get married
2. He wants to live together before marriage
3. Where we would live

As of yesterday, I am the only one of my friends that is not married or engaged. I feel sad, because I want to start my life with my husband, but he doesn’t want to, I guess. Any problems he has with money will be moot, because I graduate in a month, and have a job lined up where I will be making plenty of money.

I guess I need advice on whether I should just break up with him, and try to find somebody new, which hurts me to think about. Or stay with him, and see if he will propose. I have considered moving to colorado with him, but only as a husband and wife, and he doesn’t seem to want that….I need any and all advice.

Please help, thanks

1. Pulling the too-short hospital gown around his wasted body, the patient wandered down the hospital corridor. Unaware of the stares of the healthy people streaming by.

2. Last year, the student government overhauled its charter and created chaos. A confusing set of guidelines that muddled already contradictory policies. This years senate has defined a way to remedy the situation.

3. Occasionally looking up to see if anyone interesting had entered the room, the student sat hunched over their desk in the study carrels. Cramming for final exams. Scheduled to start the next day.

4. As prices have come down, DVD players have gained great popularity. With the development of these sophisticated viewing systems, watching movies is more enjoyable than ever. Indeed, nearly as pleasurable as being in the theatre itself.

5. Last night, I went to the hospital to visit my uncle. Who had been hospitalized four days earlier with a heart attack. I was releaved to see how healthy he looked.

6. The BB gun has changed dramatically. Over the last few years. Today’s top-of-the-line gun can fire BBs or pellets 800 feet per second. Almost as fast as some hand guns.

7. The hyacinths and daffodils were blooming beautifully. Until a freakish spring storm blasted their growth. Within hours, they shriveled up. And lay flat on the ground.

8. During last weeks heated town meeting, several municipal officials urged the town council to adopt a controversial zoning ordinance. A proposal that had already been rejected by the town residents.

9. Strategically placed pine trees concealed the junk yard from nearby residents. Who otherwise would have protested its presence in the neighborhood. Well known for its lush lawns and colorful gardens.

10. In an effort to cover his bald spot. Al combs long strands of hair over the top of his head. Unfortunately no one is fooled by his strategy. Especially not his wife. Who wishes her husband would accept the fact that he’s getting older.
Look old lady.. if you didn’t want to help you didn’t have to.. but for your information.. they were done. i wanted to make sure they were correct..

I have recently realized I have been enabling my dad since I was 12. When I was 9 my mom left us, and my dad got remarried when I was 10 only to be divorced when I was 12 because the new wife couldn’t stand his alcoholism, and so when he, my little sister and I had to move into an apartment and there were no other adults around, I started to take care of my dad and “clean up” both literally and figuratively after my dad.
It’s always held me back but when I was growing up I dare not tell him how angry it made me for fear he would tell me I was being disrespectful and spank me( like when I was little and would sneak candy and lie- he’s not physically abusive really) or worse- what he WOULD do any time I tried to bring it up about how it was affecting me- he’d guilt trip me. Any time I wouldn’t stick around to make sure he got up for work in the morning he would yell at me. Anytime I let slip he was drunk last night to somebody I was an ungrateful b****. I talked to my school counselor about it and begged her not to talk to him about it, and when one christmas the salvation army brought a bunch of food and toys to our house for christmas dad thought it was because I was telling the counselor he was a bad parent and yelled at me for days until he found out his employer and many others in town reported single parents to the salvation army so they could randomly suprise them around christmas with stuff to help out.
It sucks because when he’s not drunk my dad and I are super close. He taught me numerous musical instruments since I was five and we used to play together every night, he encouraged me at every turn and always seems fair when he is sober, and a fun and loveable guy.
Well now I am 21. I moved out the day I turned 18 because I couldn’t take it anymore. During the past three years my dad stopped doing everything except drinking and working(when he wakes himself up from a hang over and manages to get in). About 6 months ago he got kicked out of the house he was renting from my uncle because he trashed it and had hundreds of vodka bottles everywhere. Hoping to help him just quit I offered him a place to live at my house with me and my fiance. He was supposed to go to 2 AA meetings a week. He hasn’t been .
He has peed on my floor and won’t walk upstairs to use the bathroom, he goes in bottles in the house and hides them and i find them when I am cleaning. He spits mucous in his sleep and it lands everywhere, on my walls and floor and once even on my dog. He refuses to take up the bedroom right next to the bathroom I set up just for him and sleeps in his chair in my living room, and complains when we want to watcha movie late or use the oven to make a late supper(says it makes him all sweaty). He hardly does a thing around here, sometimes he’ll vaccuum his area but doesn;t wash his dishes, take out the trash(which is mostly his) or mow the lawn. He eats all our food during late night alcohol induced binges, which is even worse because he has severe diabetes, his legs are always swollen like tree trunks and oozing, He can’t put his own socks on so i have to do it for him, etc, the list just goes on and on.
Also he often says it’s too late for him and he hopes he dies soon.
I have told him everything in the book to try to let him know how important it is to me for him to get better, but nada. I am sure somewhere down there he loves me but he’s so wrapped up in his drinking and self loathing to remember that.
I really think I need to tell him to move out, because I have been enabling him and I am trying to get my own life in order, I have gone back to school full time and work part time and try to run a functional household, and of course this is very hard on my fiance too, who at first was supportive but now is just sick of my dad controlling me, which I understand. I wish I could help him but I don’t think I can.
How can I tell him to leave? I have read I am not supposed to be angry or yell, no pleading etc. I have tried the calm and honest way of telling him he’s screwing us over but he seems to ignore it. I just don’t know how I can do it. Please any advice, similar experiences or encouragement anyone can give me will be greatly appreciated. Don’t know how much longer i can keep up this charade.
He went to a rehab center for a month when I was 16 but within a month of him being out my sister and I found bottles again. He ain’t gonna go back. I have tried to explain the spiritual angle as when we were little he was a very religious man and always taught us about God and right and wrong. Are there any good verses I should read that might help me with this? Even if it is just for me, I would like to know. Thanks again.

Manorbier

Perched high above a peaceful beach,
with splendid views across the coast,
come visit Manorbier with me,
a castle haunted by old ghosts.
Baronial home of Norman style,
it’s stood the test against the gales.
A treasured gem in Pembrokeshire,
much loved by Gerald, son of Wales.

The masonry of limestone built,
crafted by twelfth century hands,
its turrets, towers, round and square
though aged and wind-worn, upright stand.
Tall, strong and crenelated walls
unspoiled by Medieval gloom,
no savage blows by evil foes
have turned this place to silent tomb.

A quiet solitude pervades,
it captures mood of years gone by.
The chapel and the gatehouse near
and inner ward has view of sky.
On cloudless days this spread of blue
can fall to greet a crystal sea
and from the heights your eyes can roam
to cast themselves on lush country.

The laid out borders edge the green,
bedecked in glorious summer bloom.
The colour lifts the whole display
and air is filled with sweet perfume.
I’ve stood and felt enchanted here,
looked back to times of toil and strife,
heard pluck of strings on soulful harp
and mused on being Baron’s wife.
The Genuine Article: You gave me 8 out of 10 for this when it was last posted: check your records!
Excuse me, that’s why I’ve re-posted it to get some help on improving it further

Ok here it is my Wife is a Drunk We got married last June. What I didn’t know is she was drinking a 5th of Vodka a day. She is a totally functional drunk. I followed her with her driving her car no mistakes she looked perfectly normal. But when she got to the house she couldn’t walk to the door. She has been hospitalized once already for alcohol poisening. Also she has been in two programs and failed both she just doesn’t want to quit. But sex with her is and always has been the best I’ve ever had in my whole life. I love being with her going to museums, garage sales, But she goes on binges and dissapears for a day at a time every other weekend. Comes home so drunk she doesn’t even recognize me or her sister. I finally moved her back into her Condo hoping it would shock her back to normal but she hasn’t stoped even a little. I have the papers with which to file for a annulment which a lawyer told me was what I should do. But I really do love her I just can’t live this way. So the Question I ask all of you is Do I file the papers or give her more chances She has a new program to go to but she was again drinking Thursday, Friday and again when I called her Today.
Tried all the things you say but in this state I can’t have her commited without her permission she can just walk out legally. If you take her keys to her car she can call the police and you are the bad guy. When she was hospitallized the moment she was feeling better she signed herself out of the hospital and went back to drinking. Other than having her arrested and put in jail I can’t legally intervene in her life. Three programs later she is still drinking when I told her either the alcohol or me she said the alcohol.

okay i want the best book you’ve ever read or more like here’s by list of books i want to read so far:
BOOK LIST

1. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas BY: John Boyne

2. A Child Called “It” BY: Dave Pelzer

3. The Color Purple BY: Alice Walker

4. The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things BY: Carolyn Mackler ☺

5. Elsewhere BY: Gabrielle Zevin ☺

6. Fast Food Nation BY: Eric Schlosser

7. For One More Day BY: Mitch Albom

8. The Geography of Girlhood BY: Kirsten Smith

9. The Girls BY: Lori Lansens

10. Hero BY: Perry Moore

11. If You Come Softly BY: Jacqueline Woodson

12. The Lovely Bones BY: Alice Sebold ☺

13. Lush BY: Natasha Friend

14. Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac BY: Gabrielle Zevin

15. Twenty Boy Summer BY: Sarah Ockler

16. A Walk to Remember BY: Nicholas Sparks

17. Nineteen Minutes BY: Jodi Picoult

18. Now You See Her BY: Jacqueline Mitchard ☺

19. Paper Towns BY: John Green

20. Perfect BY: Natasha Friend

21. Pride and Prejudice BY: Jane Austen ☺

22. Prom BY: Laurie Halse Anderson
23. The Rest of Her Life BY: Laura Moriarty

24. The Secret Between Us BY: Barbara Delinsky

25. Things I Want My Daughters to Know BY: Elizabeth Noble

26. Thirteen Reasons Why BY: Jay Asher

27. A Time For Dancing BY: Davida Wills Hurwin

28. The Time Traveler’s Wife BY: Audrey Niffenegger

29. We Need to Talk About Kevin BY: Lionel Shriver

30. Weetzie Bat BY: Francesca Lia Block

31. When Crickets Cry BY: Charles Martin ☺

32. Wintergirls BY: Laurie Halse Anderson ☺

33. You, Maybe BY: Rachael Vail

34. The Last Summer BY: Kathryn Williams

35. Secrets of Truth and Beauty BY: Megan Frazer

and ive read all the clique books almost all it girl books then im gonna start gossip girl so alll those books are off limits but please help!
thank you!

I just found out that my boyfriend of almost two years has been cheating on me with an old lover from a few years ago. I found out by accident when his yahoo messenger popped up on our computer. I am baffled. I have done nothing but love this man and he is the love of my life. We have both been married before and technically he still is which is why we’re not (his ex of five years wont sign papers) We have a brand new baby boy together and I found out he was trying to hook up with her just days after he was born and while I was pregnant. There is no emotional connection between the two just a sexual one. To make matters worse she is 52! I am 29 and he is almost 28. Can you imagine how I feel?! I read all of their emails and the words just keep playing over and over in my head. I am afraid that it will never go away and how can I trust him not to do it again. He says that he’s been trying to tell me for a long time and nothing has happened in a few months which has been verified by email dates. He says he doesn’t know why he did it that I’ve done nothing wrong and I couldn’t have done anything differently. He was cheated on by his ex wife a couple of times and he is forever hurt by this. After they seperated he went on one of those wild binges with girls and then we met. We both have children from our previous marriages and he went from being a wild man to being settled down with three kids and one on the way. Quite a change but still no reason to cheat in my eyes. But, I love him soooo much. He makes me feel like Ive never been in love before him. I don’t know how I would survive happily without him. I would cry more than I do now thinking about him cheating. What should I do? How can I get on with it (its only been two days)? What guidelines should I set so he doesnt think he’s getting away with something? Please help me….I’m desperate and I can’t tell my family because I don’t want them to hate him.

ignore the logic.
just help me to check it pelase,
thanks advance
after a thousand of persuading,his shareholders really granted him that charity
was imperative,so he contributed a handsome sum to the society,and it was a
stunning business in his thinking,he had a virtuous gril friend,so he felt
dreamlike sometimes,because it was not easy to have such a girl as a girl friend,he
cherished her so much,he wanted to choose a dreamlike venue to hold a
wedding,ceremony.
he found out the place.and hosted many people,he lavished so much money on the
wedding ceremony.it was on the tranquil island,after the reception,his wife and him
lied on the beach,the frothing waves were smashing against the seashore and
disappearing into the horizon.the lush trees were swaying languidly,he had a feat
of climbing trees when he was a young boy,they were in a tropical rainforest,the
swaying trees and the flying birds complemented each other.
it maybe was the exclusive landscape in the world.
he felt he were in the paradise,the hotel which catered a wedding banqueit for them
was a grand hotel,there was assorted living things in side.they help customers to
manage their wedding ceremonies,and make out the best ambience of wedding.
it was good for couples who wanted to have a luxurious bash at their wedding
ceremony the hotel was enough to accommodatefour thousands guests.
they hired all the rooms which in the top level.
they sat on the balcony,they could see the panoramic ocean from that angle.
they saw the rugged roads of the mountain,and the verdant groundtheir moods were
happy.it was a good hideaway for a busy person.
their hotel was buit with the medieval chinese style,and combined with some western
style.it looked like a palace,the aristoncratic ambience was permeating in the
air,the allure of the hotel was better,many royals liked to hold meettings in this
hotel,the attraction of this hotel is apparently,it was totally an edifice,the
spactacular waterfall and the whole edifice were inimitable
thanks advance:D

so two years ago I married the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We get married, I get pregnant and come to find out he wasn’t the person I thought I was marrying. He is an alcoholic and over the past two years of our marriage has had alot of issues, jail, lieing, stealing, you name it. but being the supportive wife I was I supported him. Last year in July he left me and our girls and left the state to his moms because being away from his drugs and alcohol was getting to hard so he left, went on one of his binges, became incarcerated and I moved on. Come November we started talking again and he promised he was done and wanted to make it work with me and the girls. So he moves back and of course I carried a grudge on my shoulders for he had done and it was hard, I still didn’t trust him when he came back but I tried. I found him a job, supported his recovery, and not to mention he didn’t have a license so I made sure he was where he needed to be 24/7 even if it meant dragging our kids out at 12 midnight. I did so much and come to find out since he’s been back he has been cheating on me with little teenage girls?? He’s 25…..so I kicked him out last weekend and already he is with his little girlfriend. he hasen’t called, nor checked up on his daughter. I call my father in law and he totally switched it around saying that if I would of just trusted him and gave him a clean start when he came back and forgot what happened in the past and don’t be down his throat so much he wouldn’t of left and now this is my bed to lay in. I am just hurt, for almost three years I have taken care of him, supported him and yeah it has been hard because of the emtional rollercoaster he put me through, but I feel so low. How can I get over this, he is scum and I know my life was going no where, but the fact he lied and just moved on with his new girlfriend and showed no remorce or emotion what so ever??? What can I do, and I have no way of contacting him, his dad said he dont want me knowing where he is at or to contact him anymore and i have filed for divorce, but how can I get over the emotional state and just move on and stop thinking about what he did and is doin?? I keep putting it in my head that maybe I was in the wrong and I should of been more supportive, but I tried. Then all of our happy times we shared keep poppin in my head and I just think, how could he?? Over a week now has passed and he hasn’t seen nor called about our daughter, nothing….I just don’t know how to feel?!?!

A very nice meek depressed man left his not so nice wife after 15 years of marriage. He married her because he wanted to give her a better life because her “trailer white trash roots”. She lived with poor me syndrome, binges without health concerns, double-standards, no friends, no families, no hobbies who desperately became pregnant (without his knowledge) fear of being on her own. A child didn’t save their marriage. He feels guilty for leaving and promises her that no matter what she is member of the family, she is never pushed out in the cold. A year later he met a new woman, he hopes the new girl will accept his prior arrangement with the old girl still hangs around but in reality the new girl is not accepting. He has a hard times reversing his promises to his old girl because he feels sorry for her. He says the new girl is his love and priority but he feels bad pushing the old girl out.

What would you do if you were in my situation of a new girl? Help! I love him but…

Three weeks ago I was drinking at my in laws with my wife. Late in the night her and I had an argument that in truth was fueled by my drinking that night,but it got pretty heated and I wanted to leave. Her mother took my keys and wouldn’t let me leave which only made me more angry, I felt like I was gonna get in trouble if I stayed, and I wanted my keys to my truck but they wouldn’t allow it. I got really mad and was cursing and my wife’s little sister decides to call 911 and tell them to “Keep an eye out to make sure I didn’t leave”. Well they came and actually knocked on the door, where my mother in law granted them entry into the home, it was three officers which began seperating me from them, asking me/them questions. My in laws told them no one was harmed, nothing was broken in the house, that I was intoxicated and angry that I couldn’t vacate. Two of the officers stated “They didn’t know what to do.” and one of them was a county officer, he told the two city officers to take me in for Domestic Violence Harassment. No one pressed charges or anything, I have court 4-20-10. What happened, what should I do?
BTW: When the police arrived I was in bed asleep, had been for some 30 minutes, they woke me and had me get dressed.
Also my wife is going to court with me to defend me that I didn’t harm any one/thing. I already have apologized-to the entire family. I did that after my release from jail (12 hours). That was a must.

My family and I moved into a house in March. The grass was beautiful and we were told it was called Texas Turf 10. It;s a very thick, lush lawn that needs to be cut short and looks like turf. I know from reading the small amount of information online that it doesn’t need a lot of water at all. But over the summer, my lawn has been overrun by weeds and is very light in areas. I know it’s that time of the season that lawns begin to turn yellow (I live in West Texas) but I was told that the lawn stays green throughout the year and when we were looking at the house before buying in February, it was green. I’ve found a lot of the weed killer, fertilizer, etc on the market doesn’t work on this grass and I found that it actually made it worst. Does anyone have any suggestions? My wife has spoke to some green houses and they’ve gave some suggestions, but I wanted to come on here and see if anyone has this type of grass and what they use on it. Thanks in advance!

I signed into someones myspace and looked into their emails, discovering that they have been giving drugs and alcohol to teens 14 to 17 years old. They have been giving these kids hydrocoedine, and Adderalls, going on what they call binges. I and my husband felt desperate because the person giving these kids drugs is his ex wife and his daughter lives with her. We discovered that she has been smoking pot and popping pills with his 14 year old daughter. His ex is 34 years old.My husband and I had a feeling this was going on but couldnt proove it, until we got her his ex wifes myspace account and read those emails. I am curious if my husband and I can get into trouble for signing into the account, we made copies of the profiles and emails that verify the drug usage going on in his ex wifes house. I am not out to get the ex, only to try and protect these kids that she could end up killing, by overdosing and giving them a heart attack.

If so, my condolences for your misplaced emotion.
Vigilante or just vigilant, Pasadena resident Joe Horn blasted himself into a world of controversy Nov. 14 when he fatally shot two men he said were breaking into the house of his next-door neighbor.
Despite repeated admonitions of a 911 dispatcher not to confront the pair, the 61-year-old computer consultant stepped onto his front porch, spotted the men in his front yard and shot them in the back. Killed in the midday incident were Hernando Riascos Torres, 38, and Diego Ortiz, 30, both black Colombian nationals later determined to have been in the United States illegally.

In a taped conversation with the dispatcher, a clearly agitated Horn expressed concern that the men would escape with a bag of stolen property.

Horn, in a written statement released through his lawyer, Tom Lambright, later lamented the shootings, conceding they would “weigh heavily on me for the rest of my life.”

While Horn’s actions may have been protected under law — his lawyer says he fired in self-defense — the shootings ignited a contentious debate on gun rights, racism and immigration.Still simmering among some was the memory of an August crash in which three people, one of them a 2-year-old boy, died.

Police said the driver of a second vehicle, illegal immigrant Juan Felix Salinas, was intoxicated. He had been arrested earlier in the year for “violently shaking his wife,” authorities said. He avoided being detected by immigration authorities, however, by signing a “non-arrest” bond, which some victim advocates have called a loophole for illegal immigrants.

http://kathmanduk2.wordpress.com/2007/12/30/pasadena-shootings-created-shock-waves/

Sipping lemonade, yellow like the sun, yet
Why must He steal away all of my Glory?
Kissing upon every glade and flowing river
Might by these I pass, by these I write my story
The fish cease to swim, lilies cease to grow
He enlightens all but mine soul and heart
Despair, hate for all living things, sinking low
Mirror images, two of one, yet one apart
My heart cannot hope to set like this
Into a horizon of happiness, give life to thee
Never to feel the prosperous man’s bliss
Nor bring joy to a feminine sea, nor be
My failure is forever inscribed upon the strife
I can only hope to run away from the light
To take this blade, plunge within, take my life
My blood turning red rivers of the night
I do, said I, I do, said she, death, my wife!

My hands are cupped like woven fruit baskets
Collecting fruit raining from above shades of color
Rain bowed reflections hatched by a timid Sun
Playing peek-a-boo with the verdant valleys gem
My tongue rakes through the leaves of droplets
They taste like a lake I dreamed of while sleeping
You were high, chirping, in an evergreen tree
Little brown birds cried for your attention
You fed them, bathed them, you comforted them
As you once did for me, in yet, my only love
Another, nestled at this warming nest so soft
Your feathers ruffled a nod towards the parting sea
My heart sank like a ship; I knew this tree was his

My heart found peace where sunlight never left
Rolling brown hills appeared greening lush
Graying clouds felt my pain and solemnly wept
Then an angel robed in white sparked a blush
She sang melodies dark upon the hills white
As the wind picked an azalea gleaming stark blue
My soul faded away into the depth of night
This love felt familiar, I knew it had to be you
Tears like misty dew fell upon an eyelash lawn
Hand trembling under the weight of the past
The angel embraced the reddening dawn
Our spirits emerged, now we are free, at last

Which one do you like best? These are dedicated to my girlfriend Mikaela. each tell of a story. Can you decipher what they are about?

Thanks for all critiques!

My situation is extraordinary: My dad, a very good and decent man, was led horribly astray when he was only ten. A pair of teenagers heckled him into having sex with, I am very much ashamed to report, a much older and drunk woman, of course, my mother. She was estranged from her husband at the time and had gone on several drinking binges, he was in town visiting friends. The life that I had with my mother and her husband was less than pleasant and I found myself being taken away by the state when I was 13 for reason of abuse and neglect. I was, however, able to find my dad when I was 16, I couldn’t believe how much he looks like me. It was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. We built up a good relationship and had proceeded to engage in my adoption (paternity tests and so forth). Since the net back then was still somewhat out of reach, we kept in touch with letters. One day, my letters started coming back return to sender and the delivery company I had been using informed me that there was a young woman at the door denying receival of the letters. I was ruined for the experience. For the better part of ten years I was in something of a fog, I thought that he just didn’t want me anymore and that he had told his girlfriend to not accept anymore mailings of mine. I am now in my twenties and after having finally started to come out of that am in college. Recently, my dad was able to make contact with me. We met at a park and he asked me as to why I had changed my opinion of him. This was strange as even though I thought he had left me, I still loved him. He then went on to tell me that he had received 5 or 6 letters from me saying that I thought him to be perverse, for having me so young. That I didn’t want anything more to do with him and that he was to leave me alone. I never sent anything like that. I found out through the deliverer that there were some letters sent to him using my name and address, from the town where he was living at the time. Over a thousand miles away. His then girlfriend now his wife confessed. She basically said that I was a little bastard and that she wanted nothing to do with me and that she did that to keep me out of ‘their’ way. The supposed news of my hating him back then put him into a depression so that when he had fallen thanks to it, she had the opportunity to pick up the pieces. And now she is his wife, for now. Thanks to the revelation of what she did, he can no longer trust her and is seeking an annulment. The problem that complicates this all the more is that I have a beautiful little brother by this woman, he just coming upon 5 y/o. I realize that this is about as complicated as it gets, but, I really could use some input here. I feel guilty as hell for the fact that he now has to grow up in what woul’ve been an otherwise happy home with both parents. After the childhood that I had I just can’t help, but, want the best for him now and I am so much in need of advice as to how to tend to this with him. Anyone?
My dad is now proceeding with my adult adoption.

So my wife was at a red light and got rearended by someone going 40 mph, and they were intoxicated. I Live in NJ where laws are messed up. We are responsible for the deductible plus 20% of all medical expenses for the first $5,000. My wife did nothing, and she is out of work all messed up and we are getting screwed. Then last week my washer leaked on my neighbor and caused damage and I have to pay that deductible. WTF I understand something that is my fault like the washer but what about the car? Yes I have homeowners and car ins.

Which one would you choose for your child? Any amendments – i.e. place X but in the coiuntryside, or place X if had XYZ?

If you were me, and you had a husband and a 2 year old, which would you choose:

Place A
Sunny and bright
Live next to beautiful beaches
There are lots of things to do
There are lots of children’s activities
Schools are good
Healthcare is good but expensive
Uncharacteristic place to live, urban sprall
Highly dependant on having a car
Neputistic – very hard to get a job unless you know “someone”
Very hard for me to get a job, easpecially part-time
On the other side of the world to all your family and friends
Culture different from own
Better paid job but no work for wife who studied for 5 years at uni and 5 years professionally
Here cannot afford to buy a house (which I need as love decorating) unless we live somewhere very isolated and husband has 1-1.5 hr travel to work and may be isolated
Childcare is very poor
Having to live in a rental in one of worst areas of a good suburb, which means that it is quite small and dark and there is distrubance from.. drunk people, parties outside someimes and some drug related crime, etc
The world’s most dangerous creatures liver here!
Very high cost of living and finding it hard to save enough to fly to see family

Place B
Historic country
Lots of lush green areas
Nearer to family and friends
Mild climate but rains a lot
Much easier to get a job part-time and continue wife’s career
Childcare is usually a great standard
Possibilty of living and working in a town that is mainly travelled by bicycles and public transport which is prefered by us as environmentalists and healthy!
Food is much more affordable, and easier to eat healthy and have own allotment
Here we could probably buy our own house in a good area
Highly muticultural population means you get to meet lots of interesting people
Shopping is great – clothes etc
Too many immigrants means that country is full to bursting and the welfare system is much abused so that people who do work are supporting a whole plethora of people who don’t
It’s colder and there aren’t as many nice beaches – if any
It may be very difficult for us to get jobs due to the recession
Place B has 4 seasons, very sunny in Summer, Autumn beings fall, Winter ofetn means sharp frosty mornings but still sunny soedays but FREEZING! And sometimes snow
Spring is sharp again but snowbless and dafodils come up everywhere and the leaves start to change colour.

Ok, I’m in a tight spot and I need to get some thing off my chest. Any input is greatly appreciated. Well here it goes. I am 31 years old. My wife is 45 years old. She has a history of substance abuse. She used to shoot heroin and smoke cannibals on the streets 24/7 when she was my age.

To make a long story short, I took her from a small city and moved her up to my home town. She still continued to use drugs, but not as much. She has ran up all my credit cards without my consent to get money for drugs. She goes on binges, then stops for 10 months or so, before repeating.

We have a 7 year old son. He is autistic, but doing very well in school. The problem is my wife is very verbally abusive to him and me all the time. She has to be in control all the time. She can be sweet when everything is going her way, but when it is not, or I stand up to her, she goes ballistic. This includes physically attacking me, scratching me, throwing things at me, and punching me when I’m not looking.

Yet she is the one that always claims she is the victim. I have been with her for 10 years and I’m at my wits end, but she is a VERY vindictive, ruthless woman, and I am afraid to leave her. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I am literally afraid of her.

I have to hide in my room and do everything in secret. She can talk to whom ever she wants, but I can’t have any friends without her going into a jealous rage, and even threatening any friends I have had over the years.

My concern of leaving is my son. I do not know what will happen to him if I leave. I have to type really quiet or she’ll kick in my door to see who I am typing too. That’s how controlling she is. I feel like a prisoner.

There is a lot more but I am going to end this post now. I’m at a loss of what to do. I feel like my life is slipping past me and I am stuck in a miserable situation with no way out that wont hurt everyone drastically.

I’m literally considering waking my son up one night in the coming week and flying out to relatives in California just to get some down-time. As much as I’m depressed with it all, I really don’t want to get the police involved but there is a gun in the house.

In the past I shot rifles on a Thursday afternoon as a hobby with two friends. I have a license and all but I don’t know where it is. About three months ago I came home and the inventory room where I’ve kept it for several years was moved around. The rifle is gone and whether it’s in the house or not at this stage, I’m unsure but I haven’t mentioned it to her.

I better end this now. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you in advance for the replies. I’m sorry if this is not the right section.

Desperate Dan.