How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Archive for the ‘WIFE’S ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT QUESTIONS’ Category

She wants to go out drinking with her mother , and her mother is one of those people who think 1or 2 drinks and she can still drive. Last time i had to go pick her and her coworker they both swore they only had 2 drinks and the drinks might of been drugged. Honestly it was just they had way more then 2 drinks and where uber smashed. I would drive them both my self to and from but i can’t naturally leave my daughter at the house alone or take her to a bar. Would it be better to hire a personal drive for that night or drive them up there drop them off then come back and pick them both back up?
Should i just trust them to be smart about it if there to intoxicated to not drive.

I’m a recovering alcoholic who has been going out with a guy for 2 and a half years. I’ve been in the program seriously for 1 and a half years. We are very much in love, and he doesn’t drink around me, but when he is not with me he will drink, and once in a great while smoke pot. We are not kids, I am 53 and he is 43. He also has been in an abusive (wife abused him)relationship for 22 years, and never has gotten help for the affects its had on him. What should I do? I really want our relationship to work, but he has had anger issues in the past with me, says he is willing to get help, but we can’t go any farther in our relationship until he gets help, or somehow quits smoking pot and drinking. What can I do? Please help me

My H has been an alcoholic for years. He has had past history of dv with ex wife and ex gf. This weekend we got in a fight in the car, we had both been drinking, I was driving. He faked like he was calling the cops and had a whole conversation while a police car w/ lights on came down the hill after he got off the phone. I swung open handed and hit his chin, he swung closed fist and hit me in my glasses which cut open the bridge of my nose. I took off and left that night, but I came back the next morning. He said he would give me a divorce and leave if I wanted. He said he deeply regreted everything that happened, but I shouldn’t have hit him, because then I was instigating the violence. I think he was wrong for pretending to call the police.

He has a tendancy to binge drink on the weekend and most of my friends don’t want to be around him. Which leaves his buddies that do drink constantly. We have a 2 yr old son and I have an 8 yr old dtr. I do love him.
But I am not sure if he really can change like he says he wants to. I told him next time we are done. But should I go to anger management or some sort of counseling? We have been together for 3 years, he is also bipolar and stopped taking his meds two months ago. He says he wants to change but then he does the same thing every weekend. I told him we both need to be accountable to each other to not drink and talk to each other better. What next?
I am not an alcoholic and am not making excuses for myself, I would not have even mentioned anything about me doing anything wrong if I was… My kids were taken care of at the babysitters, they didn’t see anything.
Hey teacherintheroom I had 2 beers he had 10 he was doing his typical emotional phsychological crap… Sorry that you have never been in that position before. I am 29 I do not drink all the time, if I have 3 drinks in a weekend thats a lot.

I like to think I tried very very hard. However it wasn’t enough. I am not going to sit here and tell you I am perfect because I am not, the main reason she left me was because on average, once or twice a year I would get so intoxicated I didn’t know what I was doing and ended up pushing/shoving her around. I never slap her or beat her per say, however it is still just as bad. Why I would do something like this to someone I love so much, ?? I know I will never ever touch another bottle of Liquor as long as I live and God as my witness. She has only been gone two days now and the pain is killing me. I have custody of my children from a previous marriage and I feel like a Zombie around them. I just need someone to confide in, something to just make it by. I think there may still be hope for our marriage, however at this point I wonder if she deserves better and I should just grin and bare it for her sake. I know not what to do, Only that I have made the biggest mistake of my life and will never recover from it.
Thank you all for your kind words of wisdom. It does all sound easy. There are alot of other women in this world, yes, but she is my soulmate. She is the nicest person I have ever met in my life. She has never had a bad word to say about anyone. She is truly “one in a million”. Which is why I think she probably deserves better than I. Oh, I know very well what I did, and do realize what alcohol has cost me. No, I will never be influenced by that again. I don’t drink all the time, just socially, couple of times a month. She has been in and out of the hospital for months and months and I have always been right by her side, even though members of her own family never show up as promised. I worry more about her health than anything else. She does love me, I know, however I think the medication she is on is affecting her state of mind on a regular basis as her moods have grown more and more sporadic. Sorry for going on and on…Helps to let it out.. I miss her so. She won’t return my calls.
I just got back from taking my kids to the movies. I could not do anything but think about where she was, what she was doing, If she was thinking of me at all?
All the while smiling and nodding trying to hide my true feelings. Don’t know how much longer I can keep it together. I’ve got a constant knot in my stomach, Managed to force down a few handfuls of popcorn tonight…I’m self employed, and have not been to open my store in two days and I do not even have a care to check the voicemails….How on earth can anything hurt this bad…Please tell me there is a magic pill that can make this all go away….

When I am not home she comes in with her son to snoop around(she once lived in the home)If I am not in the living room when she arrives she goes back to his bedroom following his father.I didn’t realize this was going on except I would come home at lunchtime and find our bedroom door locked on the days she was to come pickup him up. She finds excuses to come into the home.I had enough,so I called her and told her that when she comes inside my home she stays in the foyer. She got beligerent.This woman has tried suicide 4 x since I have known her and 8 x total. She admitted that she did it for attention,the last time she scratched her wrists. I have only been in her home twice and both times was to get the son out of the home because her 3rd husband and her were drinking and fighting.She is getting married again without divorcing the 3rd husband,she has an alcoholic and pill problem.I love the son as my own and he knows it. What should I do in the future?

…cause you might be dreaming?
Here is one from my life… see if you can top it.

My bro-in-law has a bad Opiate addiction. Oxycodone. But also mixes in Morphine some times. He has lost everything good in his life… jobs, wives, kids, homes, cars, belongings, health, friendships, etc. We helped him into detox and rehab a few times… to no avail. He robs and steals and makes a living selling other people’s stuff. He keeps chasing the high and buying and selling drugs and working with corrupt doctors to sell prescriptions for them. He recently moved to another state to get away from his life here in Virginia. He moved in with his mother and looking for a job.

Here is where I pinch myself:

He calls me… he has applied for a job at ADT (the alarm system company). He wants me to give him a reference. I refuse.

He gets the job anyway and calls me back, “How long do I have to be off Opiates to pass a drug test?”

I said, “What kind of test?”

“The hair test.”

“Shave yourself bald.”

Okay, well, there’s actually a few characters I’d like you to name (for a book in my story). First names are all that’s needed. Thanks!

1. Single mother, sort of irresponsible, always with a new boyfriend and occasionally binge drinks, though she isn’t an alcoholic. Not really a very good mother, but she does love all her children. Dark red hair, tall and slender.

2. 18-year-old boy, light, sandy hair, does drugs and used to do alcohol but hasn’t ever drunk since an incident a few years before. Intense and lonely, consumed by guilt but also selfish. (Son of person 1)

3. 20-year old girl, long, curly red hair and bright brown eyes, obsessed with making something of herself and studying to be a psychologist(daughter of person 1, sister of person 2)

4. A male prosecutor who has 3 kids, two boys and a girl, who he loves more than anything, except perhaps his wife. His other daughter was kidnapped and killed, which is why he’s a prosecutor. He loves his job and likes to think he’s making the world safer for his children. However, he has a brother who’s a criminal (theft, DUIs, and assault) but is now out of jail and living on a trailer on the prosecutor’s backyard. He finds out that his brother and wife are having an affair, and his wife wants a divorce and custody of the kids.

Thank you!!!

I’ve always been the weird child, the one that stops and thinks about feelings, poverty, injustice, and abandoned dogs. I remember when i was little i used to dream that i would buy a HUGE house and then i’d pick up every abandoned grandfather of the streets and i’d help them ..i wanted to save dogs too. Now Im a psychology student, vegetarian and i am a home health care provider for elder people. but in less than a year i’ll get married to my boyfriend and i’ll become another house wife struggling to make ends meet. My family is happy now because i’ll be conforming to the rules of society.. i’ll no longer be the weird child. Now they’ll start asking about kids..when will i have kids..b-day parties..toys.. while i’ll be miserable everyday. I want to join the peace corps so bad….so bad. I want to go to Africa and serve for 2yrs. I want to travel and do adventuorus things..help people! get out of this intoxicating cycle. School-wedding-kids-life gone … i want to do more! they ask me “why r u not excited abt ur wedding?” i do love my boyfriend i do i really do but i dont want to live a normal life!!! help!!!
what should i do???

i know someone that has gradually developed a drinking problem over the past years. this past year it has gotten so bad that the wife has banned alcohol from the house and begged him repeatedly to stop drinking. each time he basically says no problem, then purchases alcohol and hides it all over the house. when no one’s home it’s obvious he drinks because when the wife and kids get back he’s completely drunk. they don’t know where he hides the alcohol so they can’t get rid of it. he has even engaged in dangerous activities as weedwacking while drinking a bottle of rum. when anyone confronts him about being drunk he completely denies that he drank anything. the next day he will admit he drank and promise not to do it again. finally his wife told him she thought he was an alcoholic and needed serious help. he said he was a problem drinker, not an alcoholic, and didn’t need help, just a little more self-control. his reasoning: he still holds a good job (drinking doesn’t interfere with work) and he has been able to abstain from drinking for about two weeks before without experiencing withdrawal symptoms such as shaky hands. the wife still insists he’s an alcoholic…who is right? is he an alcoholic or a problem drinker?

Got hooked on percs and lortab around November of 2007 and in March of 2008 came clean to my wife and parents about the pain killer addiction. Instead of just going through the withdrawl, I looked for an easy way out and started on Suboxone. So I was on Suboxone for over a year and finally on June 30th I had enough and checked myself in to a detox so I could get off everything once and for all. After a month, I finally feel good mentally again, better than I have in 2 years. Problem is the BACK PAIN. As soon as I started feeling good in every way my back started killing me. This has been going on for 2 weeks now. Could this be a lingering effect of the pain killers and suboxone?? Anyone have a similar situation??

When my wife and I do get to make love (see other questions), she says I spend too much time with foreplay. That I should just get to it. I’m so confused about that because just about everything on this board says I’m supposed to slow things down and focus on getting her in the mood.

I love foreplay. It is so fun and intoxicating. What can I do?
Thanks everyone. My wife is 33. She’s a stay at home mom. Read my other questions for the things I do for her.

ok lets try to give it to you in a nut shell.married my sweetheart 22 years ago we were living the dream until about 6 years ago i hurt my back and got hooked on pain meds and over time crushed all that we had ..she asked me to go back to ny and get help i did ..but my addiction got worse… her and my daughter were in florida and i was alone with mom in ny i did not get help i got put in jail for presciption fraud ….i still thru the help of family managed to support her ,,,,and remained loyal ,,as did she ,it is now 1 year and my whole life is turned around i have been clean 13 months and i am on a drug called suboxone go to therapy ,meetings and am commited to myself to get help for the rest of my life ,and one day at a time i have earned alot of respect back from my family ,wife and co workers …….and i am finally forgiven by my wife.and it looks like in a few months we will be a family under the same roof,part of us moving foward is she wants me to sign divorce papers in case i go on a binge again so she got a lawyer and i dont know what to expect,or what to sign or not sign i make 87k a year and have no assets ,we have beenspeaking to a counsler and we do love each other but for her there is still the fear of me going off on a binge,and the way i feel now at 45yrs old it wont happen ,but nobody can predict the future…again i am in ny she is in tampa what shoul i do about these papers she filed with the courts in tampa what should i expect

Why my wife doesn’t understand that I don’t want deal with my ex. My ex wife is crazy and she is alcoholic does crazy things like throw things call me names infront of our daughter. Therefore, the last 3yrs I decided not to deal with her and not visit my daughter and let my daughter makeup her mind about the past when she is 18yrs. “cause of the nature of my job I don’t want fight custody with my ex ’cause I travel a lot and I don’t want my current wife to have to take care of my past mistakes. My wife still insist for me to try visit or take custody fo my daughter, help how to explain to her to let me make my own decisions. Married 4yr and have 3yr. I have been so great to our child so I’m a good dad.

A year and a half ago my husband disappeared. Said he had to go out to the garage one night around 9 p.m. and he didn’t come back for 2 months. I searched every place I could think of. Of course the wife is always the last to know everything. We had only been married a year and a half. To shorten this somewhat, my husband had a cocaine addiction that I wasn’t aware of. I worried about him. Not knowing if he was dead or alive. I found out he was staying with another woman. One of his “connections”. Life was hell for me. When I realized exactly how bad he was, I had many people telling me do this or that. Forget about him. Move on. Divorce him. I had been married before for 20 years. When I met my husband I truly felt I had found heaven. He was perfect. Or at least perfect for me! He was the kindest, most loving man I had ever met in my life. He was good to anyone and everyone. Always helping someone. Great with my two daughters. Each day and night I would search for him. I would get text messages from time to time saying things like, “Help me, I’m lost.” Or “Thank you for being the person you are.” I realized something. Addictions are an illness. For whatever reason people decide to turn to drugs, once they become addicted, they cannot help it. In my vows I said, “In sickness and in health”. This was a sickness. I wouldn’t have divorced him if he had cancer. So I couldn’t give up. Finally I turned to his family, parents and brother. I told them what was going on. I begged them to help. I even told them that if he didn’t want me, that was fine, but I didn’t want to see him dead! I loved him and wanted him to get better. His family told me they wouldn’t get involved. They never attempted to help in any way. Each day I would go to the bank to close our checking account because he was dipping into the overdraft and leaving me negative $300 every day. I couldn’t close the account until it was positive. The stress was so much for me, I went on stress leave at work in order to not lose my job. My parents ended up giving me $2000 to get the account straight. I had no food, nothing. No way to buy food for my 15 year old daughter. My ex mother in law stepped in and sent more food than 5 families could have ate. My in laws didn’t care because she wasn’t their grandaughter. On a Sunday night my husband had used so much drugs that he started seizing. This “woman” and all the friends there, stuck him in a room and left him! He finally came out of it and woke up on Tuesday. On Tuesday night, he came home. He begged me for help. He said he realized then who truly loved him and that he wanted to live. It was a rough road. I sat with him, tied him to the bed, and didn’t leave his side while he was going through detox. It wasn’t long, weeks, he started getting back into it. This time it wasn’t as bad. He would only stay gone for a day or so. Finally this past July, he begged me to put him in rehab. He has now been clean for 7 months and 9 days. I still love my husband with all of my heart. But there are so many problems and I’m not sure we will ever get through them. I feel that my insecurities and my constant worrying is going to push him away or back to the life he was living. I forgave him. I realized it wasn’t his fault. Yes, he did chose to use the drugs, however, this was the life his parents had lived. I wasn’t aware of that. He ended up telling me things that still makes me cry when I think about them. How his only memories as a child was his parents always strung out. People at there house laying around on the floors doing coke and having sex. And he remembers being taken away from his parents. Now, here is a major problem. His parents told him so many lies. Told him I was calling them with all kinds of lies. I only told them the truth. They claim I never asked them for help. And that all I did was call to tell them how much trouble he was in with the FBI. He never got caught. I never told them such things. They were horrible to me. After he came back, I was so far in debt, I was evicted from my home. His parents didn’t care. My parents took us in. They gave us a home. My mother and I had argued when he was gone and she told me she never wanted him around her again. I told her that I would respect that, however, he was my husband and I would not turn my back on him. I told her that I had never loved someone so much in my life and I would be there when he finally wanted help. She accepted that. He didn’t talk to his family for a year. Now that he is talking to them again, and going to visit them, it’s like nothing ever happened. His mother still makes the comments to him that she doesn’t believe him when he tells her what he was doing. She says he is lying to cover my lies. They also expect me to call and apologize to them. I did nothing to them. I told him the only apology they would get from me is, “I’m sorry I loved your s
feel like I’m losing my mind! I want my marriage to last forever. He tells me every day how sorry he is and how he would take it all back if he could. Yet, he let’s them get by without apologizing to me! Please, don’t tell me how stupid I am. I don’t need to hear the negative things. I know people say if my spouse did this or that to me, it would be over. I said the same things, and ate those words. Until you go through a situation yourself, you really don’t know how you would handle it. Please, only helpful answers?
I loved your son enough to go to any lengths to save his life! And I’m sorry you guys didn’t love him enough to help.” I feel that I was the only one there for him. The only one who fought for him. And now they are treated like they did nothing wrong. I feel they did me wrong and they owe me an apology and a thank you! Also, I question everything. I’m constantly looking for something. Searching his vehicle, his pockets, everything. I do this to see if he is doing these things again. How do I get past this? How do I accept the fact that they are back in his life regardless of how they raised him and how the treated me?

casue of death listed. he was seperated at time of death but still legally married- how can i obtain the autopsy report without going thru wife. we are not on speaking terms. very bad situation… would love any help thanks in advance

Of course the obvious answer is to quit, and maybe I’ll have too… I’ll explain.

I don’t drink a lot, in fact it is extremely rare that I get even slightly intoxicated. But I do like to have a few beers on the weekend. I never go out drinking with “the guys” at bars like I did when I was single, because now that I am married I believe that can be trouble, and I dont want her to worry. So like now, I’m just watchin TV and having a beer like I usually do on Friday night (fun, huh?).

She denies it when I confront her with it, but there is always such disaproval in the way she acts when I drink. Which is strange, because when we met she drank a lot but rarely does now. I still like to though, and I am responsible about it. I never drive if I’ve had even one drink, I don’t get stupid and i have never ONCE said or done anything negative to her while drinking. Am I right to stand my ground and be myself, or should I stop drinking to appease her?
yeah it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to stop, I guess I just feel like I’m being molded or something haha. I’m a engineering student, and after a particularly mentally exhausting week it is nice to have a few to unwind.

Yes, I do take her out, try to include her. Tonight I took her out to dinner, and she did have a beer.

Definately not a religious thing, she’s not religious at all… alcohol is a touchy subject in this country, I’d rather stop drinking than to cause serious problems in our marriage; but at the same time I don’t think it’s healthy for our marriage if I just give in to her whims all the time.
Awesome advice everyone, thanks. BT, yes she used to drink heavily when she was a teenager/early 20′s and it got her into a lot of trouble. That is a big part of why it bothers her. I was raised by parrents who always drank responsibly, so I guess that’s why i dont see the problem with it…. again, thanks everyone.

My wife of 12 years started working in a bar last year. She has become friends with a young, party crowd, and we’ve had some rough times over the course of the year. (See only other post).
One of her friends from the bar is getting a bunch of people to go to Key West next month for her birthday. I’ve become good friends with this girl too. Initially I was invited, along with this girl’s boyfriend. I just found out 2 weeks ago that I am no longer invited, and neither is her boyfriend. Apparently, only girls and gay guys are invited now. Initially, I was hurt because she’s been talking with us about how to celebrate her birthday for months now, and in fact she’s even asked me several times for ideas. First I was invited; now suddenly I’m “uninvited”.
I’m really not comfortable with my wife going on this trip. I’m not a contolling guy, but considering what we’ve been through, I think this is a really bad idea. This job has definitely put a strain on our marriage. For a while it was like she was trying to relive her youth. She would go to bars with her friends after work and not come home til 6am. A couple times I had to go into work late because I had to take our child to school when she was too drunk. I also caught her lying to me many times about where she is and who she is wife. Call me old fashioned but I think a husband has a right to know where his wife is a 4am.
She is very flirty and fun when we go out. One time several months ago, when we were out with some friends at a bar, I saw her making out with a total stranger. I freaked out. She said she was drunk and trying to get the guy to hook up with her friend. She said he asked to kiss her, and she let him. When I looked over, they were making out. I was devastated.
I finally put my foot down and threatened a divorce if things didn’t change. She has been honest with me recently (from what I can tell), and we are finally starting to get over our issues. Now she expects me to be fine with her going on a drinking binge in Key West for 3 days.
Initally, I was going to do something even more fabulous that weekend, but the financial reality set in. It would be too expensive and not worth it. Also, we have a son so I would have to find someone to take care of him.
Any suggestions on how to handle this situation? Should I just turn my head and hope everything is ok when she goes on this trip?

I took my wife to the emergency room last night. She’s having difficulty breathing, fatigues easily, and her BP has been all over the place. The nephrologist told her that she is in the beginning stages of acute renal failure. I suspect that she has been abusing Lortab for several months, and I wonder if that might have anything to do with her kidney problems. In the past year, I’ve hospitalized her for opioid detox three times, but she has legitimate pain issues resulting for major surgery complications, making it easy for her to convince several doctors to prescribe Lortab. Any professional insight would be greatly appreciated.

my son was told by his wife’s attorney that she will get the house because she can prove he is an alcoholic

I get mixed signals. She’ll watch it with me if she’s a little intoxicated, but hates it when she’s in her normal mind. (She’s not an alcoholic) I do show her I’m interested in all ways. I hug, kiss her, compliment her, but I also like to look at porn, and sometimes like to draw nude women from photos only. Am I just a normal guy?