September 2010
S M T W T F S
« Aug   Oct »
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930  

Archive for September 30th, 2010

1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots, and shoots 18 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt before having to reload?

2. Joey has 2 ounces of cocaine. He sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320, and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine?

3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 a day crack habit?

4. Jerome wants to cut his half pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?

5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for stealing a Chevy, and $100 for stealing a 4×4. If he has stolen 2 BMW’s and 3 4×4′s, how many Chevys does he need to steal to make $800?

6. If the probability that Amy graduates from high school is 1/5, and the probability that a high school graduate gets into college is 2/3, and the probability that a student who enters college graduates is 1/2, what is the probability that Amy graduates from college?

7. Hector has knocked up 6 out of 27 girls in his gang. What percentage of girls in his gang has Hector knocked up?

8. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 a month, how much money will be left when he gets out of prison? As a bonus, how many years will he get for killing the bitch that spent all his money?

9. Latisha takes TV’s from 25 houses, and VCR’s from 27 houses. If in 10 houses she takes both a TV and a VCR, and in one house she takes 2 TV’s, how many houses did Latisha rob?

10. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet, and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many times can Jane spray her favorite four-letter word with 5 spray cans?

——————————————————————————–
This is a joke people. Lighten up will ya?!!? Yes, it’s been around for a while but it’s still FUNNY.

  • Share/Bookmark

Hello, my wife and i have been married for year. During our marriage I went back on drugs and alcohol. I came home one night drunk and high, and I hit my wife. She took out a restraining order and we are separated. I live in a drug treatment facility. She is not talking to me now and she will not tell me if she wants a divorce. Every time I ask her she never answers me. Can you help me please?

  • Share/Bookmark

To lay it out I am 4 months pregnant and since we found out I have not had a single drink. Prior to being pregnant I would driink with him. Still give him a hard time about it but controdicted myself at the same time. I knew I was starting to have a problem and it scared me. Like I mentioned before as soon as I found out that is what saved me so to speak. My problem is this my fiance wants to quit he talks about it frequently and he whole heartedly want so stop but he isn’t. His twin brother is the same way and in the same situation. (His wife is also expecting) Whenever they are around each other my fiance drinks. Is it because of routine? But further more he has many alcoholics that are friends and family that binge drink as well and this is what they do. Partially its a cultural thing. I understand a few drinks but I dont understand why must he get to the point where he is always the drunkest one there and passes out. It is embarrassing to me before I feel like I must take responsibility for his actions because he wont. He wont do AA and he is in anger management court ordered because he distroyed the inside of my vehicle when we got into an arguement after a night of drinking and I was wanting to go our seperate ways. I am not sure what I can actually do. I don’t buy the alcohol for him any more if he drinks I dont let him sleep in the bedroom and if he goes to his mothers house (To drink) I wont pick him up or speak with him. I am really lost. I love him very much I see how much he wants to stop but I think his surroundings and the addiction have and will always win.
I understand everyones initial response to leave. Thats easy. I know what alcohol does to people and families and yet I have personally seen full blown abusive alcoholics turn to a sober healthly life. The other reason I dont want leaving him to be the only option is because having loved ones leave him.abandon him has partially caused some of the need to drink. “Suppress all problems with a drink.”

  • Share/Bookmark

Before my wife and I get busy, I like to have a couple of drinks. To me it makes sex more intense and inhibitions are lower. Of course, like most women my wife takes everything personal. She thinks I have to drink so that I can make myself have sex with her. That is not the case at all. It is so far from the truth. So my question is, does anyone else’s husbands like to have sex while moderately intoxicated? Do you? I personally think there is no other way. What say you drunken married women?
I need a woman’s perspective.

  • Share/Bookmark

My wife and and I have a rare and unusual opportunity to adopt a child.
The circumstances are very complex and somewhat disturbing.
The mother has been charged with several crimes. It appears she will be going to prison and has voluntarily agreed to give up the baby.
The alleged crime were drug related and she was addicted to heroin when she had the baby. Since it;s birth it was necessary to have the baby on methadone to re leave the symptoms from it’s addition. Information we are getting is that it is fine, off the medication, and appears to be all well. We have been contacted by a close friend of the mother who has informed her of our situation and the mother is already prepared to allow us to foster the baby until the adoption is complete. This will be the second child the mother has had to give up. This will be our first child.
We know of the first child…..it seems to be healthy, and appears to be doing great in the new home. To further complicate this situation, we just got this news several days ago and the mother wants us to come to her by this weekend so that she can personally hand us her child.
We want a child, yet under these circumstances our concerns are numerous. We would like some feedback, advise, or any input you care to share in regard this. Thank you and God bless you!

  • Share/Bookmark

After our 3rd child, my wife started take anti-depressents / anti-anxiety drugs. This may be why she has absolutely no sex drive. Prior to #3, the sex was good. I do love my wife.

Dear Abbey once said “when there is no passion within the marriage, there will be passion outside the marriage”. I haven’t been looking for passion outside, but I finally told my wife that if some came my way, I probably would go for it. Well, I did. Now I’ve got this strong emotional desire for a co-worker. We’ve been friends for over a year, and the three of us have gone out several times.

My wife left for a 2 month vacation with her family, and my co-worker invited me over, and it happened. And it was GREAT! We sat and talked for about 6 hours one night. I have not had that kind of companionship with a woman since 3 years before I hooked up with my wife. Let me be truthful — before the sun came up, we knew each other Biblically.

I don’t want it to end with my co-worker. What should I do?

  • Share/Bookmark