How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Archive for September 4th, 2010

We have (had?) a perfect marriage. There are normal stress issues (life, house, money), but not major & before some get off base, in the 6+ years I never even thought about cheating myself much less done it. An old friend of hers recently came back into her life w/ text messages and long phone calls. I came home from a 5 day trip out of town, there were flowers on the table,(from a customer). She went out with some friends from work the next night till 3am (never does that). He came over that Sunday while I was home and again Mon. while I was at work. Mon., I find a female contraceptive device in the trash, (i was looking for a receipt), she says it was for me when I came home from my trip and she was too intoxicated on Sat to use it so she threw it away. I LOVE her and BELIEVE her. She was doing something nice for me and I screwed it all up. I dont think she will leave me or take our daughter, but but 24 hours, 3 dozen roses, and 100 sorry’s isnt mending it. So, now what?

I met a man at work. He’s married, I’m single. We became friends, and through our friendship told each other the story of our lives. I had ended a relationship 5 years earlier with an abusive man. His marriage was over when I met him, the reason he didn’t leave his wife was she’s an alcoholic and bipolar, he felt he had to take care if her.
We became best friends and started feeling an attraction to each other. Neither one of us are cheaters so we ended our friendship, numerous times,but we always ended up back together.
He finally decided he wanted to leave her because he loved me but then he struggled with his fear she might commit suicide. I never pressured him, I always let him make his own decisions. After numerous attempts he left her. I agreed to pay half his rent on his apartment even though I didn’t move in with him. We decided he needed to be separated for a year, get his divorce and then we’d move in together. It wasn’t until after he left his wife our relationship became sexual by this time we had known each other 4 years.
We were happy together and planning our life after his divorce. We kept our relationship to ourselves. It was no one’s business but ours.And he was still fearful she might commit suicide.
Four months after he moved out he went to talk with her and told her he wasn’t coming back and that he wanted a divorce. She did not take the news well.
She in the meantime had quit drinking AGAIN and told him she deserved another chance ( he’s given her numerous chances in the past), he still told her he wanted a divorce.
Then she began laying the pressure on him, her friends knew really good lawyers and she’d take him for all his money. She told him his son ( whose 30 and still living at home) was depressed and it was his fault, And then she lost her job and all the finances would be entirely on his shoulders. He went to talk with her again and two days later he told me he had to go home and take care of his dysfunctional family (his words not mine). As he’s telling me this he’s crying, telling me he loves me, and how sorry he was, I begged him not to go home but home he went.
I left him alone, didn’t speak to him and had no contact with him except for work related issues.
Last week he comes into my office crying telling me he loves me, how much he misses me and that he made a mistake going back home but there’s nothing he can do and he feel’s he’s stuck, he’s just spending his days waiting to die.
That scares me he’s depressed, he’s not eating or sleeping. I’m heartbroken because I’ve lost my best friend and the man I love with all my heart. But I can’t stay in his life as the other woman.
How do I help him get over his guilt for wanting a new life with me, his fear of losing his money that he’s worked so hard for, and his sense of obligation….I’m sorry but…. he doesn’t owe this woman his life
Thanks to all of you for your anwers, however to all you bitter woman, whose men moved on for LOVE with another woman (and you know who you are) this story has a happy ending. The heart wants what the heart wants. Ours apparently want each other. He told his wife about me and moved in with me. We both know we’ll have some struggles ahead BUT we’ll be able to handle them TOGETHER. Love conquers all.

i was with my wife for 4 years before we got married then 3 months into our marriage she went back to binge drinking it was serious, then one night she was enraged and blamed me for all the things her ex husband did to her and pinned me in a corner of our bedroom then she started to lash out so i pushed her, i knew it was wrong but it wasn’t that hard and i needed to defend myself. she then still inebriated fell over the bed hit the computer desk got up stumbled hit the wall then the bookcase then the floor. she then got up and started again in front of our 5 kids i asked her to leave and sober up. she went out the front door then fell down the stairs. but to cut it short she then moved out we started talking again and dealing with what happened then she stopped seeing me and i knew she was seeing someone else. she said she wasn’t. she then moved into a town house and would not tell me where she was till i took my daughter to the shop and saw her car in the flats so i knocked on the door she was binge drinking and yelled and screamed and told me in no uncommon terms to leave. i did, she rang me a couple of days later and invited me around things were going well for a couple of months then she went funny on me and started to drink again i had death threats my Tyre’s let down my oil let out and she had the same done to her. but she never reported it. then in the last month she started drinking heavily again every day and i asked her if she was seeing some one else and she said no but then i started to notice little things like our wedding photos were moved our certificate was always crooked so i asked her again was she seeing some one else she said no. so one night i drove past and noticed a ute in her drive way and the only light on was her bedroom. so i asked her what was going on she said nothing it was all innocent i had nothing to worry about it was me she loved and still in love with. then she would not return my calls or spend any time with me and was drinking heavily again and every time i drove past there was that ute. so i filled out divorce papers and gave them to her she then was on y7 chat and told me she shredded them and to drive past and see so i did and there they were all over brodie rd. the next night she invited me around to make love to her so i did then this guy rang and i could hear him on the phone asking what the hell was going on and who i was i told her to tell him and she wouldn’t so i yelled out i was her husband she then told him she would ring him back later i asked was she seeing some one else she denied it again. we talked for a couple of hours about all the things we both wanted and our marriage she was drinking. i left feeling great then the next morning she came to my place and told me she wanted a divorce and she was with someone else and if i come near her she would get a restraining order. so how does some one just turn there love of like a tap and build your hopes up then just tear it all out from under you this is or was the girl for me or so i thought. telling me how much she loves me wants me then the next day saying all those things to someone else and now i don’t exist.haven’t seen or heard from her since monday 21/6 but when i drive past her place the ute is always there
the other thing was she had this guys number in her phone as a girl and when i asked her about it she said it was none of my buisness and to never touch her phone
only 1 child is hers from a previous marriage the other 4 are mine from a previous marriage
i have documented all the I.M from y7 chat and also all the threats i recieved on facebook. i know i have lost her to this other guy as he drinks i dont and he is her bosses brother.