How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Archive for September 3rd, 2010

This may be a bit long, but please take the time to read it, I will really appreciate all the feedback I receive.

Lets start from the beginning.
My experience in the department of relationships has been one shady ride since the beginning. Starting with drug abusive siblings, one alcoholic mother, and ending with one womanizing father whom left the family while I was at the age of eleven never to be heard from again until my eighteenth birthday.
All of these things listed above have had a great triumph over my life, and took their toll at a young age, and now I find my self in a similar situation that I have decided its probably a good idea to ask for some help.

The day I met her I knew we would be together, although only at the young and vulnerable age of 16 it felt different than anything else I had previously experienced in my life, something new, something exciting. Love.

Over the next few months to a year we immediately fell for each other, spending every waking minute with each other in between school and work. Our relationship was just as I suspected everyone else had. Simple fights, some tears, a bit of yelling, but mostly happiness.

It has been five years since this chapter of my life started to unfold, and since then I have been through situations I never once thought I would be forced to endure.
Upon lying to me about going to spend time with her sister, my love decided to go to a party, which unfortunately ended with me having to pick her up to take her home. This caused a random intoxicated student to become upset with the fact that he would no longer “get any” he decided to put a gun to my head and threaten to end the very life I am sarcastic to agree I enjoy.
This ended with my love justifying her actions and forcing me to apologize for being upset with her because she could not foresee my life being at risk.

I have a scar to prove the knife cut up my chest from a particular male that believed I no longer deserved my love, and to top that cake, it was my very own brother.

Every few months of our lives she has a tendency to become “bored” with me, or suggest that I don’t make her happy any longer, ultimately ending with her leaving me for a few days only to realize that she “made a mistake”. Saying every few months pay be bit of a stretch, but it has happened six times in the last three years.
I will admit that she is emotionally abusive in every way possible when things are not going her way in life, and it seems at different times if she is not happy, then I cannot be either. Backing this statement up begins with my love making slanderous comments about how I was the one who forced my father out of my life, and how I am everything like him.

My love makes continuous comments on how I am angry with the world, and have trouble finding happiness, and to her this is “annoying” and “obnoxious”.
As I do not understand where these claims come from, I feel I am a extremely considerate person, I care for, and love even people I have yet to meet.

I have never, and will never hurt any girl physically. I am the first to take responsibility for any and all actions and arguments regardless if it is my fault or not, simply because I can’t stand to see her upset in any fashion, whether it is just her being mad, crying, or depressed.

I can’t honestly say I have never been wrong. There have been times that I have been rude, and inconsiderate towards my love, just as you might have been to the one you care for most. Although I don’t believe the pain I have endured over the last few years is fair to me or anyone else.

I do not lie.
I do not cheat.
I very much am a depressed individual.
I am seeking help, and at your mercy.

Sincerely yours-

He drinks from 12:00PM (Noon) until well after 11:00 at night… he is not going to stop as we have tried everything we can to convince him. He is 75 years old and I believe he is just waiting to join his wife whom passed away two years ago. He seems to be getting a lot more forgetful and we noticed his Toe Nails are Black so what is this a sign of?

we have three daughters together and our youngest is 4 years old. I’ve been clean for about 8 years and I haven’t really looked back on it, Heroin is good stuff and I’m not saying Im immune to it because I can easily fall back into that old habit but I choose not to for my kids. I never told my kids about my drug problems ever, I was planning on telling them when they were a little older. We haven’t gotten into an argument like that in front of the kids since we divorced 3 years ago, she said something and I said some things that weren’t exactly nice and she said really loudly “I liked you better when you were shooting up heroin, now you can’t blame your stupid decisions on being “high” I left as soon as she said that and when I went to pick my daughters up from school my oldest asked me if I did drugs when I was younger and I told her I did and I dropped it. In reality I wasn’t that young, I was 27 and she was 7 years old when I stopped. I’m suprised she didn’t remember her mom and I getting into it when I came home at 5 in the morning high out of my mind. I haven’t really explained to her the full details do you think i should? I kind of have to , she’s getting to that age where drugs are the “cool” thing to do and I don’t want her to go down the same road I did. what should I say, oh yeah I did drugs for 4 years straight and I only stopped because your mom threatened to never let me see you and your sister if i kept doing it?

Wife had drug problem 4years ago and other charges. Now clean but was arrested again this time sellnig drugs.She has done the rehab,some jail,house arrest, and only had 13 months to go on probation. Now with new charges looking at minimum 5 years jail up to 15 years. We are in early 40s should I wait or let GO???

My boyfriend and I have a baby together and we live together. His ex-wife abused him when they were together and hid the entire pregnancy of their second child, from him sought no medical attention and binge-drank during this pregnancy. She primarily raised them when he was in the military and they appear to have behavioral traits that reflect low self-esteem. It is heartbreaking but not especially shocking considering the unsanitary and disheveled appearance they have when they return from their mothers’ home. He has them five days a week. I have an older child and have helped him care for these girls. This is partly because of the information I naturally had already from raising a child. Their mother continually engages in behavior that shows she is a very “passive” parent. She showed in interest in finding different pre-schools for them, When it came to Kindergarten, she showed no interest in finding or applying for a school or after-care program for her older daughter. She can’t be bothered to do basic things like treat her child for lice or consistently give her athlete’s foot medicine. I stepped in and assisted him with these things since he wasn’t. Ok. Nothing to be done about that.
My boyfriend gives me money but rarely helps with our baby. In the past five months, he has taken her on three walks. Sometimes he has managed to not see the baby for days at a time.
I asked him to go with me to a friend’s home for dinner he refused. However he agreed to go trick-or-treating with his ex-wife(which I argued with him overs so he didn’t). He went to her home for Thanksgiving. Two weeks later he attended a school birthday party w/her and was less-than forthcoming about the arrangement, then the next day he attended a pre-school event in the evening with her, that he didn’t tell me about even though I have often dropped-off and picked-up the girl from that school. His ex-wife tells him things that have nothing to do with the children. This include things such as; her brother’s girlfirend;s miscarriage, the last time she had sex, her own pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage last year. He then wonders why she calls him for trivial matters. He thinks nothing of talking to her late at night, or the two ofthem texting back and forth at odd hours. He gets annoyed that she calls him and tries to engage him in unnecessary conversation. I say he sends her mixed messages. She was married to him less than four years and still has his last name. I think he relates to her like when they were married-walking on eggshells. The children are exceptionally tired and cranky on the days their mother drops them off at school. He tells me he can’t talk to her about certain things because she will just lie(for ex. the time she gets them to bed), but then why hang around somebody so much that you feel that way about? He isn’t even sure if the child from the second pregnancy is his(his children lokk NOTHING alike), seeing as not only did she admittedly have an affair w/another soldier(one he knew) while her husband was in the ARMY, she took out a loan for this lover and put up the car her husband owned since before he knew her as collateral. She then asked her husband to repay it when the guy skipped out, and this guy may be the father of his second daughter that he is raising and that I have helped him with-he refuses to get a DNA test. I think he is in denial. With all that it seems pathetic that he works so hard to make sure the children have their mother(even though she appears distinterested) to the point where he doesn’t mind excluding me from social functions or obligating himself to them without consulting me. Seeing as she appears to be a very uninvolved parent, it seems all these arrangments and communication with her are excessive. I understand they have to havea civil relationship, but some of it appears just plain inappropriate and disproportionate considering her lack of passion when it comes to the children. She requested the divorce. He takes the girls to counseling and other activites and she does nothing. He does all this and wonders why she referred to him as her”best friend” on facebook. She also expressed regret of not being able to “go back” o what she had before. I think they are over-involved. Also, she has harasssed me in the past.
He has them five days/wk.
Actually Garnett, with all due respect….I am not questioning the acquisition of headlice. I pick the children up and I see for myself the condition the children are in. The children love me and they have behavioral problems at school that they complain about. Also the ex-wife with whom I have soken) wllingly made the arrangment for him to have them five days/wk. I havean older chil who isn’t beglected so why would I encourage him to neglect his children/. My baby with him is his child too. When he was thinking about putting them in counseling, I found different resources for him and he actually ended doing one of them.

For your attitude that appears so smug, where what University did you use when you acquired your PhD? His mother used to complain about the condition the children would present with and I didn’t assume anything until I saw it for myself. Also less than 1% of women hide pregnancies. I have known him for 17 yrs, I attended the baptismal party for her older
older child that she attended, she was 7 mths pregnant then and seeking no medical or alternative attention. Her mother and her identical twin with whom she was close and lived and worked with during part of his deployment and her pregnancy did not know about the baby. She binge-drank alcohol when she was pregnant and her husband stayed. Also, at least I am not giving out names and I am publicly asking advice, but instead of being helpful you are being hateful. I have children of my own. I don’t want his. His three year old kept complaining that “grabbed”her neck and the pre-school called CPS. Because the mother played nicety-nice, the case was dropped. Also, she has harassed me in the past, she only cemented his position on complaints. So, why don’t you reapproach with some more of that Southern Hospitality I hear about?
I think it is important to have a “civil relationship” for the kids. I think it is pathetic to use children as pawns to make a relationship where there is none. I am glad you have four well-adjusted adult children. I imagine you had the wherewithal to love them deeply and care for them properly. I imagine this included washing and brushing their hair at three and four years old. I also imagine you showed interest in where they went to school. You got too afford that I know a little of what I am talking about. It isn’t uncommon for an abuse victim to continue relating to the abuser the same way to avoid conflict even if the ultimate result is enabling.
Furthermore, while you are being so Puritanical, he actually asked me to marry him. I declined. While he is far from perfect his wife concealing a pregnancy is a strange occurence(less than 1%) of women. You have to afford I know a little of what I am talking about. He married her while she was a pregnant minor and stupidly-they offered him $10,000 extra for Basic training because of it.

She wants to go out drinking with her mother , and her mother is one of those people who think 1or 2 drinks and she can still drive. Last time i had to go pick her and her coworker they both swore they only had 2 drinks and the drinks might of been drugged. Honestly it was just they had way more then 2 drinks and where uber smashed. I would drive them both my self to and from but i can’t naturally leave my daughter at the house alone or take her to a bar. Would it be better to hire a personal drive for that night or drive them up there drop them off then come back and pick them both back up?
Should i just trust them to be smart about it if there to intoxicated to not drive.

I’m a recovering alcoholic who has been going out with a guy for 2 and a half years. I’ve been in the program seriously for 1 and a half years. We are very much in love, and he doesn’t drink around me, but when he is not with me he will drink, and once in a great while smoke pot. We are not kids, I am 53 and he is 43. He also has been in an abusive (wife abused him)relationship for 22 years, and never has gotten help for the affects its had on him. What should I do? I really want our relationship to work, but he has had anger issues in the past with me, says he is willing to get help, but we can’t go any farther in our relationship until he gets help, or somehow quits smoking pot and drinking. What can I do? Please help me