September 3rd, 2010 | 
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I’m a recovering alcoholic who has been going out with a guy for 2 and a half years. I’ve been in the program seriously for 1 and a half years. We are very much in love, and he doesn’t drink around me, but when he is not with me he will drink, and once in a great while smoke pot. We are not kids, I am 53 and he is 43. He also has been in an abusive (wife abused him)relationship for 22 years, and never has gotten help for the affects its had on him. What should I do? I really want our relationship to work, but he has had anger issues in the past with me, says he is willing to get help, but we can’t go any farther in our relationship until he gets help, or somehow quits smoking pot and drinking. What can I do? Please help me
Posted in WIFE'S ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT QUESTIONS | 
Tags: alcoholic, date, drinks, occastionally, recovering, smokes, someone
if he wants to be with you he will give that up. its not good for you to put yourself in a position to get hurt, or to go back to ways that will hurt you later.
Absolutely not…you are more important than your addictions or theirs…walk away now!
Try counseling for both of you. It could really help you resolve some of these issues. And you should ask him to quit for you. If he really loves you he will
The First and Main thing to do is…Look what you have come out of, do what it takes to not go back, he needs treatment and you need to slow the relationship down until he gets it..He has huge issues(no offense meant) a sure drinker will always try to get you to do what he is doing, not the other way around, remember when you were a kid you didnt change the person doing more things than you, you probably joined instead.Take care of yourself.
Bad mistake, find a clean person like no smoking , no drinking, no cussing. you deserve some much better. Go to church you will find someone.
This may not help. I’m also a recovering alcoholic, for almost 2 yrs. My wife drinks lightly, smokes pot once in a while, and it doesn’t bother me at all (does both around me, no problem). I guess everyone is different…
As you probably know, guys don’t know how to ask for help. In my case, it took an ultimatum from my wife to go into rehab. It could be that drastic action is needed.
Honestly you got a very serious and touchy issue here my friend. HE NEEDS HELP! If you love him and viceversa you need to tell him like it is and that’s what I would do. We’re not kids here and alcohol and drugs are absolutely bad for everybody and even worse when abused. In the name of love and care that he does and you do feel for one another talk to him like the man he is and tell him that if he wants to be with you, live long and with someone who cares to take the first step and stop! But let me tell you one of the foundations for a healthy and honest relationship is beign able to be friends and trust one another, so if he’s hidding his bad habits from you maybe this relationship isn’t right for you, maybe you need to think and just try to make sense out of what’s going on and I’m sure like the 53 year old mature woman you are you’ll make the right decision and talk to him.