September 1st, 2010 | 
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I’ve always been the weird child, the one that stops and thinks about feelings, poverty, injustice, and abandoned dogs. I remember when i was little i used to dream that i would buy a HUGE house and then i’d pick up every abandoned grandfather of the streets and i’d help them ..i wanted to save dogs too. Now Im a psychology student, vegetarian and i am a home health care provider for elder people. but in less than a year i’ll get married to my boyfriend and i’ll become another house wife struggling to make ends meet. My family is happy now because i’ll be conforming to the rules of society.. i’ll no longer be the weird child. Now they’ll start asking about kids..when will i have kids..b-day parties..toys.. while i’ll be miserable everyday. I want to join the peace corps so bad….so bad. I want to go to Africa and serve for 2yrs. I want to travel and do adventuorus things..help people! get out of this intoxicating cycle. School-wedding-kids-life gone … i want to do more! they ask me “why r u not excited abt ur wedding?” i do love my boyfriend i do i really do but i dont want to live a normal life!!! help!!!
what should i do???
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Go with what drives you in life regardless of what people think because if you don’t you will just have regrets for the rest of your life. Then you will want a divorce and have 3 kids to deal with and still not be able to do the things you want to do.
You may do whatever you want. And you should do it now. Finish school and go and join the peace corps, maybe take your man with you? If he doesn’t want to go and he really loves you, he’ll be waiting for you when you get back. You have your time now to reach for goals, normalcy can follow later.
You my dear are not anywhere near to being ready to get married and settle down, DONT do it for Gods sake, get out and see the world and do the things you want to do, if you marry now and settle down, you forever have a longing in you to do what you wanted to do. Just do it!!!!!
Why did you say yes? If you feel this way, your marriage is doomed.
Why do you want to get married at 21? if you don’t want to get marry, don’t do it or you will be unhappy and regret it for the rest of your life. if you parents or your BF truly love you. You should not feel obligated. Do this for yourself, it’s your future. Life is too short! Good luck!
You are 100% not ready to get married, and it would be a disservice to both you and your boyfriend if you go through with it. Join the Peace Corps and do what you want to do now, because once you get married it will be too late. You can worry about getting married a few years down the road, if ever.
You are not anywhere near ready for marriage, do your Africa thing and then decide.
Unless you are very wealthy it will be harder to travel and hold down a household financially. You may want to postpone getting married until you have a desire for it.
Don’t get married. Please. It’s not too late for you. I read what you wrote and you sound just like me. I’m 23, a vegetarian, love to travel and wanted to join peace corps as well. But my last year of college I got pregnant and got married. Now I’m stuck. Please listen to yourself. I wish I had. If you know being a housewife is going to make you miserable, that’s cause it WILL. Tell your bf you love him but you need some time. You’re too young. Join the corps. It’ll be the best experience of your life. I promise. Take this chance while you have it. In a few years you’ll never get another like it.
Why do you have to become a housewife? Why not just keep doin g what you’re doing now? Marriage doesn’t have to change your curren t lifestyel. If you agreed to this, then that’s on you. Don’t complain. But if you don’t want to ‘conform’ then talk to your fiance and let him know you intend to keep doing what you’re doing now. Better to talk about it now rather than wait til later. Communication is VERY important. Doesn’t matter what any of the parents say, you are not marrying them. Talk to your fiance and compromise.
if your doubting about getting married don’t do it.if you do get married don’t have kids soon your young anyways have them when you think you accomplish all your goals.be smart
You should follow your heart and your dreams. Be happy. You only get one life, kiddo.
It sounds like you’re not ready
Well, you do not have to be a house wife if you do not want to. You can do whatever you like. Why do you feel like you have to be a house wife with kids and all? Havent you talked to your fiance about this? You dont have to have kids and become a housewife. You and your fiance and go to Africa and do other adventurous things.
Have you seen Disneys Beauty and the Beast? You sound so much like Belle.
I learned the hardest way of all, I conformed to what my parents and others wanted and gave up my dream when I was 23. It ended up being the biggest regret of my life. As life goes on you learn that you will never please everyone and so the most important person to please is yourself. You have to folllow your heart or you will wander all your life what if. If he is the right one he will either join with you or be here when you get back. When you truly truly love someone you want them to fulfill their dreams and passions. You dont want to take them away or control them.
Go join the Peace corps and live your dream! You can always come home if you regret it sweetie.
Talk to your man and tell him how you feel. You will never feel the passion and fulfillment as a woman/mother/wife etc unless you do.
GOod luck and listen to that inner voice it never steers you wrong.
I’m a vegetarian, peta activist, humane society supporter, designer, artist, democrat and all around granola. I know how you feel. I stick out from my family like sore thumb! I got married last year- at 21 yrs old and would not change a single thing. If you really love your fiance you two will have an amazing time growing together and discovering your passions. You both have to support one another. Just because you get married doesn’t mean anything has to change. How does your boyfriend feel?
You are too young to get married anyway. Late twenties is a much better age. You have time to do all the things you want to do, and still be young enough to start a family.
Don’t get married yet feeling the way you do. Go to Africa and all the other things you want to do.
If your boyfriend really loves you and understands you he may be happy to wait until you are ready, although if he wants to get married it could be he wants all the things marriage and a wife brings with it, home, kids etc. as much as he wants you.
If that is the case, and he won’t wait you must do what is right for you. Don’t give up YOUR life, your dreams, your happiness to comply with what others expect from you. You only have one life. LIVE IT!
Online, do aptitude tests of all sorts immediately. Look carefully at results. Ask yourself why t everything, and then, where and when.Pretend you have no boyfriend…in your mind, what is next?. You have, up to now, basically decided to live out their program for you, not your own. A big part of you wants them to be happy with your choices, which are theirs. Forget you ever thought that way. Tough on them.
The great news is that you are an outstanding and conscientious person, unlike dead brains in your family. They don;t mean badly for you in some respect, although they don want to tell people about your wedding and their grandkids. They will have to accept the fact you are not here to please them. GET THAT INTO YOUR HEAD ALREADY, no matter what they say. PLEASE take what I say seriously. They think your doing their program will bring you happiness. I promise you, as a creative and talented person that I am who has gone his own WAY, that you will be infinitely happier and self fulfilled and actualized IF you live your own life withouit their input.
Look up hoiw to actualize your life….also research Landmark Education Corporation immediately, and do their three day The Forum, or an updated newer program. It is not brain washing. It sis allowing you to examine your own life powerfully with no restraints, to actualize yourself. It is not brain washing.
After several weeks of this, you absolutely, if nothing else, must cancel the engagement and wedding plans. You are to do this life your way, and you are to tell your family you do not want to hear another word about it. Let’s face it. They are basically stuck in a hole themselves. If you wanted to go to med school for 4 years, they’d tell you not to. Ignore them for real.
The ideals you describe make you a BLACK sheep, but a very Good one. Go your own way. Tell BF you will not marry anyone for years, and you expect to go for your Ph D or other degrees, travel, and many other things before settling down and raising a family. If he wants you to reconsider, do not argue… just wish him good luck in HIS own life. Tell him it would be unfair to him for you to keep the ring,. Return it immediately.
You want someone whop will walk your path along side you encouraging you, to be all YOU WANT TOP BE and do. BF can’t do it. The insightful thing is realizing we have the capacity to LOVE and love again and again, Love in a mature way does not Limit the desires and paths of partners.
Know that many women wait until their mid thirties to marry. love you and Be all you want to be. Your path is far from your family, and if they give you a hard time, you must exit the dysfunctional treatment for many years, spare an occasional card here and there. If you return to them for holidays, it must be under the understanding they are never to bring up your porsonal life and career and make you wrong.
Your parents generally will never get you. I DO! GO For it your way.
Simple–do not marry unless your husband will support your career/desires/goals.
And if he doesn’t ack you up 100%, he is NOT “the one” for you.
Honey, you have a calling, and that is so very rare. You need to follow through for your own peace of mind, for your own integrity to stay intact. Don’t do the mattiage & babies thing unless you are very sure you are ready–because you, your children, AND their father will all be unhappy unless YOU are happy.
Live what makes YOU happy, because this is the only life you get. It is far too preciousto waste it being stifled.
You GO, girl!
have you talked with your bf about all this? if not he could be totally supportive and tell you to go for it, maybe even want to do it with you.
Do what makes YOU happy. Not your boyfriend, not your family. Sounds like if you get married, then you will always be bitter and regretful about the things you didn’t do. Get it all out of your system now, and then when you have done what you need to do, then settle down.
You are complicating this way beyond what is necessary
If you are old enough to make decisions that are life altering then you are old enough to stand up for those decisions
There was a lot written in your question that really had nothing to do with reality unless you really are too young to think for yourself-in other words- what does dreams for your childhood have to do with decisions you make as an adult.
Also sometimes society has created a “norm” because it is what works best for all concerned. However, if you are bucking society because you truly feel that is best for you-then do it-just don’t “buck it” for the sake of ‘bucking it” as that would be a waste of valuable energy
Just think things through and discuss plans with your fiance-as you need to make decisions on our future together-then make your decision-and once you do- stick with it regardless of what others say
As for being weird because you care about mankind-a lot of people think constantly and seriously about poverty, sickness, homelessness etc but solutions to all of those things require money-and that usually requires “playing the game” within the bounds of society-at least if you are truly serious about solving said problems -so do not be so quick to through society and it’s rules to the dogs
You’re scared because you’re afraid that you’re selling yourself short by not living up to your full potential. Joining the peace corps and trying to make the world a better place is an honorable and sincere undertaking. Something that your boyfriend and family should support you in if they weren’t so bogged down in trying to make you live what they see is as being “normal”. Living a normal life isn’t necessarily a good thing especially for someone of your caliber who has her sights set on what your know you were meant to do. This marriage/housewife stuff may be fine for some people but in your case, if you were to go through with it, it would soon make you crazy. You’re resentment would soon fill you with regret for not doing what you knew what was right all along. As a result this whole thing would collapse leaving everyone involved having to deal with the backlash that this inevitable fallout would create. The outcome would be devastating and you would have wished that you had followed through with what you wanted to do with your life all along. Some people have a calling, whether it be from the voice of God or their own intuitive moral longing for the destiny that determines how to conduct their life. No matter where the source originates from, no mortal persons have the right to stand in the way of how someone choose to live their life. Your family and boyfriend ought to be proud of what you want to do with your life and if they won’t give you this support then you need to feel free of the guilt to go do it yourself. You probably know how many sick and neurotic people are going through the motions of just existing mostly because they had to do what someone else told them what to do and how to live their lives. It becomes a travesty of moral injustice and frankly this is not your cup of tea. What to do is to take a stand by holding your ground and make the determination that you aren’t going to be pushed into something that you know will eventually ruin not only your life, but the lives of others who will also be affected. If you aren’t ever going to be happy then they sure won’t be either and even though the short term seems rosy and nice for them, it’ll come to pass that it’ll blow up in all their faces. If they want to know why you’re not excited about the wedding then don’t just stand there with a long face. Tell them you don’t want this and you feel like calling the whole thing off. There is nothing worse than being force into something that will end up making you miserable and any love that you have for your future husband will be crushed by trying to “conform” making everyone happy. Everyone except yourself who should have the finale say about who’s life it is anyway. You’re twenty one now so make this your first test of determining your own survival, one of the many that will shape your will and define who you are as a person.