August 31st, 2010 | 
Author: 
ok lets try to give it to you in a nut shell.married my sweetheart 22 years ago we were living the dream until about 6 years ago i hurt my back and got hooked on pain meds and over time crushed all that we had ..she asked me to go back to ny and get help i did ..but my addiction got worse… her and my daughter were in florida and i was alone with mom in ny i did not get help i got put in jail for presciption fraud ….i still thru the help of family managed to support her ,,,,and remained loyal ,,as did she ,it is now 1 year and my whole life is turned around i have been clean 13 months and i am on a drug called suboxone go to therapy ,meetings and am commited to myself to get help for the rest of my life ,and one day at a time i have earned alot of respect back from my family ,wife and co workers …….and i am finally forgiven by my wife.and it looks like in a few months we will be a family under the same roof,part of us moving foward is she wants me to sign divorce papers in case i go on a binge again so she got a lawyer and i dont know what to expect,or what to sign or not sign i make 87k a year and have no assets ,we have beenspeaking to a counsler and we do love each other but for her there is still the fear of me going off on a binge,and the way i feel now at 45yrs old it wont happen ,but nobody can predict the future…again i am in ny she is in tampa what shoul i do about these papers she filed with the courts in tampa what should i expect
Posted in WIFE'S ALCOHOLISM TREATMENT QUESTIONS | 
Tags: cookie, divorce, now.....HELP, pretty, smart, until
Find out the time frame for the papers to be filed after signing. If its a short time frame it can’t hurt. maybe she needs to feel secure in your effort w/recovery. If you in your heart can’t do it don’t. Best Wishes.
I think that if she wants a divorce you will not be a family living under the same roof again. If she wanted that, you’d remain married, regardless of fear. Sign the papers, let her go. She has been a pretty good girl, you know? I don’t have any legal advice for you, but…I’d say expect to pay a good bit of child support if your daughter is younger and alimony for a while as well…..
I would suggest you go see a lawyer also. Let the lawyer read the divorce papers to make sure there isn’t anything on there that might come back and bite you later.
Honestly, I am a paralegal in family law and if you sign those papers make sure you agree to everything in them because once singed all she needs to do is file them with the court and you are divorced! If she loves you and went this far with you, you would not think that she would want to have divorce papers hanging over your head for your recovery. Just make sure that you read them line for line to make sure you agree with everything in them and go from there. Good luck
Do not sign a damn thing.
That’s really frightening that she’s trying to coerce you into signing divorce papers even though she’s saying “just in case”. There’s something incredibly fishy about that, blackmail or outright dump and pumping you of your monetary assets come to mind.
If she really wanted that relationship to work, she wouldn’t have drafted divorce papers, knowing that she has, she’s doing all this (and probably the relationship) in bad faith.
In short, don’t sign ANYTHING she gives you. Immediately get yourself a lawyer and let them handle everything, it’s not expected of you to know what to do in these situations, you didn’t study law, so get someone who has, and they can watch your back.
I think it goes without saying that if somoene has retained a lawer to sic on you, that you may really want to reconsider this staying married thing.
It seems to me…just based on what you wrote…and mind you I don’t know you or your wife or the true true story from all sides…but based on what you wrote I would guess your wife is divorcing you and is going to leave you, but whether its denial on your part or she is saying things to you to get you to sign them or to prevent you from relapsing into old habits she is telling you that you will be together. I am sure she does still love you. It just might have been too damaging to her and the rest of your family for her to stay with you. In my opinion she would not have filed papers if she wasn’t going through with it. It is very expensive to do that. Threatening you is one thing, actually having papers signed is sealing the deal.
I’m not sure I understand what’s going on…I think I do…
She wants you to sign divorce papers “just in case” you relapse? And if you do, then she’s going to file them? That sounds like the kind of thing she will hold over your head anytime you get into an argument or something… “If you don’t do what I want you to then I’m filing these papers, etc.”
This sounds a little fishy to me. I would definitely take the papers to a lawyer and get an actual legal opinion on what you should do. At least let a lawyer look them over so you can make revisions where necessary.
I emailed you and asked you to edit your question to give the specifics of what she wants you to sign. For now, I will answer and edit my question if you provide additional info:If she wants you to sign a simple divorce decree, you will need to ask another Yahoo question or contact a lawyer regarding the “shelf-life” of signed divorce papers. Most legal paperwork must be filed within a certain time period or it becomes null and void. However, this does not prevent her from using a voided divorce decree and its financial agreement as evidence for a new one.I am not understanding her reasoning for the signed paperwork. Is it because she wary of your committment and wants to protect herself? If so she has ever right to be of course. However, it only takes one person to file for divorce. She can get one without your consent. Does she think this threat will keep you on the straight and narrow? If so, she may be mistaken due to what I stated above regarding the shelf life of legal documents. Is she doing it to protect herself financially? If so, you will definitely need to talk to a lawyer. You could be clean and sober for the rest of your life and still be subject to the results of a divorce financial agreement even in the case that she meets someone else and does not want to be married anymore. Could she be asking you to sign the papers simply to test you on your committment to staying sober? In other words, does she want to see if you will sign and base that on how much you trust yourself that those papers will not be filed? Or, lastly…..could she really want a divorce and want to trick you
So….what does this come down to? Communication and trust. First, open the lines of communication and explain to her that you would like to know what will be in the papers and what are her true and heartfelt reasons for wanting you to sign them. Second, trust is something that will not be ensured by any legal document. Possibly you could suggest to her that she may need to be apart from you for a bit longer in order to build the trust again.
I applaud you on your sobriety and think you will do well. 13 months is an excellent track record so far. Don’t ever let any life stressors set you back. You seem smart enough to have learned from your error in judgement. Good luck.
I wouldnt sign the papers—just my opinion but I think she is telling you this just in case crap so she can hold it over your head.
Make it like a pre-nup agreement is my advise. Funny, I’m your age and have a friend who quit drinking about that long ago. Except his soon to be ex is a Psycho!
Good luck to you.