August 30th, 2010 | 
Author: 
Of course the obvious answer is to quit, and maybe I’ll have too… I’ll explain.
I don’t drink a lot, in fact it is extremely rare that I get even slightly intoxicated. But I do like to have a few beers on the weekend. I never go out drinking with “the guys” at bars like I did when I was single, because now that I am married I believe that can be trouble, and I dont want her to worry. So like now, I’m just watchin TV and having a beer like I usually do on Friday night (fun, huh?).
She denies it when I confront her with it, but there is always such disaproval in the way she acts when I drink. Which is strange, because when we met she drank a lot but rarely does now. I still like to though, and I am responsible about it. I never drive if I’ve had even one drink, I don’t get stupid and i have never ONCE said or done anything negative to her while drinking. Am I right to stand my ground and be myself, or should I stop drinking to appease her?
yeah it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to stop, I guess I just feel like I’m being molded or something haha. I’m a engineering student, and after a particularly mentally exhausting week it is nice to have a few to unwind.
Yes, I do take her out, try to include her. Tonight I took her out to dinner, and she did have a beer.
Definately not a religious thing, she’s not religious at all… alcohol is a touchy subject in this country, I’d rather stop drinking than to cause serious problems in our marriage; but at the same time I don’t think it’s healthy for our marriage if I just give in to her whims all the time.
Awesome advice everyone, thanks. BT, yes she used to drink heavily when she was a teenager/early 20′s and it got her into a lot of trouble. That is a big part of why it bothers her. I was raised by parrents who always drank responsibly, so I guess that’s why i dont see the problem with it…. again, thanks everyone.
Posted in 
Tags:
You should stop drinking, not to appease her, but in the interest of your own health. If it makes your wife happy as well, it sounds like a win-win situation to me.
Definately stand your ground. If you’re drinking responsibally it’s your right to do so. My wife doesn’t drink and used to be against my drinking (i drink casually like oyu do too), but sometimes after a stressful night at work I just want to come home, relax, and have a beer. When i explained this to her she backed off a little bit.
You’re right. In fact, studies have shown that regular drinking, not getting drunk, has it’s health benefits. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the occasional drink now and then. Your wife is wrong. Her telling you not to drink when you drink responsibily in a healthy manner is like you telling her that she’s not allowed to eat chocolate or some other favorite food of hers. It’s controlling and ridiculous.
The only time I could possibly understand this controlling behavior from a spouse is if there was some out of wack religious ideas against drinking or a drinking problem which would require you have a dry household. Clearly, she doesn’t have these issues. She’s just being a jerk.
EDIT: In fact, drinking responsibly infront of your children, if you have them, is setting a good example by showing them the healthy way to drink instead of making alcohol a taboo or party beverage. Alcohol being a taboo or considered a party beverage in America is one of the reasons for alcoholism in America. In much of Europe where legal age to drink is lower or non-existant and wine and beer is a regular part of dinner there is less incidences of alcohol problems.
You sound like a normal working man..Maybe she would like you to take her out for a drink on a Friday night. You know like when you guy met..Give it try, let her have a few.
If the situation is like you describe, then no, you aren’t doing anything wrong and she should back off. She could have an issue if you’re doing things like setting the empty beer can on top of your head and yelling to her “It’s not going to get itself!” or something of that nature.
If you’re being responsible with it, that’s fine. But….let me ask YOU a question. If it’s an issue with her, but not with you, then what’s the problem. Why is it such an issue to just give it up if you only have one or two once in a while? Doesn’t sound to me that you’d really be giving much up.
Good luck.
In my opinion, if u love your wife…
you should QUIT to please her..
and like you mentioned that she used to drink too..
so that might mean that she might have gave it up when she married you. This may be b/c if you guys ever had kids that would be a bad influence on the children….
I think it doesn’t matter if you don’t do anything to hurt her emotionally or physically, but with drinking you make it worst….
Your wife may care for your health not for the abuse that comes with drinking…
I think that ur wife just wants you to give up the beer and drink only in special occassions…
because personally…my aunt was just like you..because she would drink on the weekends…
all my family told her that she was turning to an alcoholic b/c she had to have her beer every weekend….
so stop before it ends bad
Do it for your wife or better yet do it for yourself
(^_~)
You should care more about your spouse’s feelings than you do about quenching your desires. That is a part of being married, and marriage is about not considering just your own feelings. She probably has a very good reason for not wanting you to have beer. One very good reason is that whatever you do, you are modeling for your kids.
I find that when people say “a few beers to relax” it usually means ten or twelve over the course and that spells a problem if it is interfering with something else you should be doing.
Do you NEED beer to “be yourself” as you say? Being married isn’t about just being yourself anymore. If you want it to work out, consider her reasons.
You don’t have to change in order to please her.When she marry you, she marry everything about you.Let be yourself and time will come she will accept you of what you really are if she does really loves you.But if you are willing to change for good,then go on.It’s not your lost,it’s your gain.
I used to be like your wife… there are a couple of reasons:
1. My Aunt was killed by a drunk driver and subconciously I just started to despise people that drank even thought I would have the occasional glass of wine with dinner, I felt like I could judge other people that weren’t being responsible (in my eyes…).
2. When we were first married I used to make comments to my husband about his drinking because his father was a raging alcoholic and I was worried about my husband following in his footsteps. However, it’s been 10 years and my husband has been very good about monitoring his drinking. He may have a couple of beers a week or a margarita if we go out… nothing big. He also began to understand what his father’s drinking did to their family. He’s a part time drug and alcohol counselor now.
I would suggest talking to your wife to see why she has these fears or worries. Maybe it’s something in her past that is triggering her anxiety? It doesn’t necessarily have to be you, she may just be directing her worry on you.
Anyway, hth.
BT