July 31st, 2010 | 
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About 5 nights out of the week my husband drinks about a case of beer and stays up very late. (We’ve been married for about a year.) Sometimes I have to work nights and when I come home he is already very drunk. Other nights, like tonight, I try very hard to get enough rest, but he stays up and watches t.v. very loud and I end up staying up most of the night while he passes out snoring and hogging the bed.
Only when he’s drunk do we tend to argue and he slurs his words and follows me around sometimes picking a fight. I try to tell him about it the next day, but he never believes me. I tape record it on my iphone as evidence to back me up when i talk to him now.
It’s another sleepless night for me (he was watching “the hangover” and blasting it over our stereo system) and I have been doing research on how to help this problem and I have found that most people say it is the fault of the wife and that he probably doesn’t like his life.
I try to be good person, I try to have a good relationship with him. He has a job he loves and he makes tons of money. He seems to be escaping his life, but I’m not sure why. I’m not a nagging person by nature and I am very supportive of him and I work hard and I am very good with money. We do both work, but we spend as much time as we can together doing nice things.
I want to fix this problem and when I read that I could be causing it I was very hopeful, because if I am I want to make it stop, I love him and I want him to be happy and I don’t want us to fight or be exhausted all day at work. I love being married and I love him. Please help if you can or if you have any ideas! Thanks!
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My ex who I still live with is exactly the same way except he doesn’t drink quite as much, and doesn’t pick fights, but will “play fight” and wrestle with me and I usually end up getting hurt. When I’m in school it’s annoying cuz I never sleep! I think he honestly drinks cuz he had a hard childhood and he is dulling the pain of it. As a grown man of 33, he should be able to find other more healthy ways of dealing with this problem, but as he is no longer my boyfriend, it is no longer my problem. You say you love married life, but that is a pretty big part of married life that sucks for you right now! But it is definitely not your fault he drinks, unless you are tying him down and pouring beer down his throat. Guess it’s one of those things you wish you would have known before you got married?
You are dealing with alcoholism, do the research, you get help and he should get help, I suspect he is hiding all his issues behind the beer and you are blaming all the issues on the beer. THis does not get better. get help, may require some tough love, not easy, but you must do it
My sincere and honest advice is that he should be put in a de-addiction centre for 3 months. I am sure he will come out of his habit. Please try.
Just talk to him, throw in some crying to show you REALLY mean it. And tell him that he should get a hobby to stop drinking, or get him some real help.
Woaaaaah. First thing is first, don’t blame yourself for what he is doing!! There can be so many factors as to why he is doing this. Talk to him. Ask him if there is something that is going on in his life that he wants to talk about with you. I think he needs professional help. Its good that you recognize this as a serious problem early. Let him know that you’re there to support him in anyway and that it hurts you when he drinks and it is affecting your work. Good luck–hope everything works out.
Please DO NOT take the blame for his behavior,,,my hubby had\has (he doesn’t done it in about a month or so) the same issues. It’s not us, it’s something else inside of them…maybe his childhood not sure what ur hubby’s case is but it’s something else that’s making him like that. Plus you guys, like me and my hubby has only been married one year….for some reason men goes thru this crazy change like this in the beginning of marriage…I guess that’s how they deal with the change from being single to a full blown married man. Hopefully he will get thru this phase quickly and you can enjoy the beginning of your lives together!! Good Luck
This is NOT your fault.
He has a serious drinking problem, and there is nothing YOU can do for HIM. You can’t make him stop, you can’t make him listen, and you can’t do anything to change HIS behavior.
The ONLY thing that you have control over is how YOU handle this. I can tell you with 100% certainty that: You can’t reason with an alcoholic. You cannot have a good relationship with an alcoholic. You cann’t have a good marriage with an alcoholic, unless you crawl into the bottle with them.
YOU are NOT causing this. HE IS.
Wherever you read that you could be causing this … that is 100% wrong. Please go to this link, and see if there’s a chapter near you, so you can get some help: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html
Best of luck to you, hon
i would buy him something he will like that will make him tried when it will be time to go to sleep maybe sex
just don’t HAVE KIDS if it is going to continue the way u say it is
What the hell are you reading and whats your source?
Unless your enabling this behaviour by giving him a bottle of beer or picking it up for him, or drinking along side him, the situation has entirely nothing to do with you, except that it affects you and your daily life.
People who “binge” drink usually have underlying issues, so your right about that, but who knows what thats all about, and if it is because he isnt happy in the marriage its still HIS problem, not yours. I wouldnt invest the time or energy trying to identy this with or for him, it ultimatly has to be his own realization for it to have any impact on him “stopping” the behaviour.
So instead, I would pick up the phonebook or google AA – Alcohol Anonymous meetings in your are and begin to attend them, you need a network of people who will support and educate you on this and give you ideas on how to protect yourself and maintain while this situation is going on, and on how to confront him on this…
Do you have a good relationship with his parents? Or a sibling he is close to? Or even a best friend you can call to confide in? I think you need to let others who are close to him know and be aware of the situation , your going to need their support, and there may come a time that you need to go and stay with someone (its just binge drinking at the moment, but it has the potential to turn into him beign constantly drunk, at work, home, and watch that he isnt getting violent- if he EVER lays a hand on you or talks to you in a way that makes you nervous, dont hesitate to calmy remove yourself from the situation and quietly without making a scene walk out the door and dont return at this point until he has agreed to get himself from help- you stick with that its a bottom line at this point).
Your husband’s decision making is not something you do. You are not able to make his decisions for him any more than he is able to make your decisions for you. He is making the decision to drink, you aren’t. He is in control of his own decision making.
Alcoholism is a disease that often requires professional help. There may be underlying factors-such as depression, some studies suggest a genetic predisposition etc.. but it is not caused by another person (such as a nagging wife). For the record, clinical depression is a chemical imbalance. If your husband is depressed, and self-medicating with alcohol it’s not your fault. I applaud you for being pro-active and trying to help your husband but do not blame yourself for his problem. Seek professional help.
his Alcoholism isn’t YOUR fault. Whether it started as a partying lifestyle as with most young guys, it can devolve over time into depression and alcoholism. You can however express your concern with the damage being done to his health, and let him know you WANT him around more than ten more years.
While done in moderation may be ok, excess is destructive. Time to grow up or you’ll grow apart either through health or lack of mutual inetersts.