Comments on: My soon to be ex-wife needs help!!! (Kinda long, but full of juicy details)? http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/ We are here to provide assistance in getting your wife off of drugs! Mon, 20 Jun 2011 06:17:20 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: inoffensive nickname http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6843 inoffensive nickname Fri, 30 Jul 2010 16:13:29 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6843 1) She doesn't deserve you. 2) She needs AA. 3) You need Al-anon to help give you the tools to deal with an alcoholic soon-to-be-ex-wife. 1) She doesn’t deserve you. 2) She needs AA. 3) You need Al-anon to help give you the tools to deal with an alcoholic soon-to-be-ex-wife.

]]> By: Lifeline http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6842 Lifeline Fri, 30 Jul 2010 15:20:21 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6842 my heart goes out to you for it is never easy to see a love one slowly destroy himself or herself and get pushed away when all you want is to help; the sad thing of this is that only she can change if she wants ("but I want to change") yet her actions say otherwise. Her behavior as destructive as it is can be changed or at least assessed--it well can be related to her sexual abuse and for this I would say she is trying to destroy herself, and as many "friends" or "relationships" she gets into "She has dumped or cheated on every guy she's ever been with and has ended these relationships "because she can't deal with people once she really gets to know them and see that they aren't all perfect"(this is an excuse for there is no one here on earth that is perfect but it gives her reason to end it or she just wants to continue "looking" for someone else--continue her destructive behaviors), she will still find ways to sabbatage them for it is not a relationship she is looking for but an escape from her hurt; therapy can help her deal with the real reason (those secrets that she does not share with anyone for they are hers alone but are affecting her life-she needs to gain insight of them to overcome them and learn that she does not have to follow these "notions" set by her early childhood ecperiances--sexual abuse--"you are a dirty little girl" which might give light as to why she goes from one relationship to another--she is living to the names she was given by the abusers, but she needs to be willing to go there. Her pattern of behavior shows she needs to go and see a counselor to help her deal with these for if these continue, there is a sad reality--she will end dead some where or by someone and your child will be lesf alone. In therapy she will be allowed to open up the her life and see where she is with you, your child, and herself. but again she needs to want to change not just say she wants to change. What can you do? not much for you have done good (you came out of your own issues) by her side (have insurance for her still) and once the divorce is final, it will be up to you if you still want to be close or not(it appears you are a good man for you do still care for her but she is slowly destroying herself). Not sure what destroyed your marriage but it appears she had something to do with it but this comes only after hearing from you. Take her to a therapist one that does follow the code of ethics so she will not get hurt once more. Peace out. my heart goes out to you for it is never easy to see a love one slowly destroy himself or herself and get pushed away when all you want is to help; the sad thing of this is that only she can change if she wants (“but I want to change”) yet her actions say otherwise. Her behavior as destructive as it is can be changed or at least assessed–it well can be related to her sexual abuse and for this I would say she is trying to destroy herself, and as many “friends” or “relationships” she gets into “She has dumped or cheated on every guy she’s ever been with and has ended these relationships “because she can’t deal with people once she really gets to know them and see that they aren’t all perfect”(this is an excuse for there is no one here on earth that is perfect but it gives her reason to end it or she just wants to continue “looking” for someone else–continue her destructive behaviors), she will still find ways to sabbatage them for it is not a relationship she is looking for but an escape from her hurt; therapy can help her deal with the real reason (those secrets that she does not share with anyone for they are hers alone but are affecting her life-she needs to gain insight of them to overcome them and learn that she does not have to follow these “notions” set by her early childhood ecperiances–sexual abuse–”you are a dirty little girl” which might give light as to why she goes from one relationship to another–she is living to the names she was given by the abusers, but she needs to be willing to go there.
Her pattern of behavior shows she needs to go and see a counselor to help her deal with these for if these continue, there is a sad reality–she will end dead some where or by someone and your child will be lesf alone. In therapy she will be allowed to open up the her life and see where she is with you, your child, and herself. but again she needs to want to change not just say she wants to change.
What can you do? not much for you have done good (you came out of your own issues) by her side (have insurance for her still) and once the divorce is final, it will be up to you if you still want to be close or not(it appears you are a good man for you do still care for her but she is slowly destroying herself). Not sure what destroyed your marriage but it appears she had something to do with it but this comes only after hearing from you. Take her to a therapist one that does follow the code of ethics so she will not get hurt once more. Peace out.

]]> By: elegantartwork http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6841 elegantartwork Fri, 30 Jul 2010 15:18:34 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6841 She's an alcoholic. Just like her dad. She has to see that SHE has the problem. Until then, take full custody of your daughter because she is learning how to become an adult from her alcoholic, promiscuous mother. You really dont want that, do you? She’s an alcoholic. Just like her dad. She has to see that SHE has the problem. Until then, take full custody of your daughter because she is learning how to become an adult from her alcoholic, promiscuous mother. You really dont want that, do you?

]]> By: patrickd89 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6840 patrickd89 Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:50:21 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6840 She needs a lot of help, needs to grow up. You need to be responsible and get custody of your girl and not let her any were near your ex or your daughter will grow up exactly like her. Do you want that? She needs a lot of help, needs to grow up. You need to be responsible and get custody of your girl and not let her any were near your ex or your daughter will grow up exactly like her. Do you want that?

]]> By: Cone http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6839 Cone Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:39:49 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6839 My wife and I are separated right now and have been for a month and a half. Our 12yr anniversary is next month, but she has left me, taken the kids and moved in with a guy that she has more than likely been cheating on me with prior to leaving. This has caused me to move back in with my mother. Now, I still love her and always will just like you do your wife. We have 2 biologically and three that I have helped raise since they were 5yrs, 2yrs, and 5mos old for a total of 5 kids. What you are struggling with is your need to be the father that your daughter needs while watching her mother self destruct. My wife isnt dealing with the same issues that yours is, but she is involved with a vagina who if he was 1/2 the man he should be would wait until our situation was over. This punk doesnt have a job, her van is broke down, he doesnt have a car, her hours have been cut, she is going through. My solution is like yours, to seek full custody, because children need their fathers. As for your wife and mine, they might have to hit rock bottom before their lives change, and as much as that may bother you, you cant let your kid hit the bottom with her. Pray and let God guide you on your next move. My wife and I are separated right now and have been for a month and a half. Our 12yr anniversary is next month, but she has left me, taken the kids and moved in with a guy that she has more than likely been cheating on me with prior to leaving. This has caused me to move back in with my mother. Now, I still love her and always will just like you do your wife. We have 2 biologically and three that I have helped raise since they were 5yrs, 2yrs, and 5mos old for a total of 5 kids. What you are struggling with is your need to be the father that your daughter needs while watching her mother self destruct. My wife isnt dealing with the same issues that yours is, but she is involved with a vagina who if he was 1/2 the man he should be would wait until our situation was over. This punk doesnt have a job, her van is broke down, he doesnt have a car, her hours have been cut, she is going through. My solution is like yours, to seek full custody, because children need their fathers. As for your wife and mine, they might have to hit rock bottom before their lives change, and as much as that may bother you, you cant let your kid hit the bottom with her. Pray and let God guide you on your next move.

]]> By: LU LU http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6838 LU LU Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:34:05 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6838 are you the one giving all these thumbs down to the people that have your daughters best interest at heart? If so then Your daughter needs to be taken away from both of you. Doesn't sound like the poor soul has a chance at growing up to be a healthy responsible adult. I feel sorry for your daughter. She deserves better then all this. are you the one giving all these thumbs down to the people that have your daughters best interest at heart? If so then Your daughter needs to be taken away from both of you. Doesn’t sound like the poor soul has a chance at growing up to be a healthy responsible adult. I feel sorry for your daughter. She deserves better then all this.

]]> By: Joy http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6837 Joy Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:29:52 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6837 From what I see, you had done what you are suppose to do as a friend. Yes, I agreed that she needs professional help on her issues and that is bad for your daughter to has such a problematic mother. As a father to your daughter, seek full custody. Advise her to seek help if she wants joint custody. Hope this will help her to recognise her problems. Good luck. From what I see, you had done what you are suppose to do as a friend. Yes, I agreed that she needs professional help on her issues and that is bad for your daughter to has such a problematic mother. As a father to your daughter, seek full custody. Advise her to seek help if she wants joint custody. Hope this will help her to recognise her problems. Good luck.

]]> By: Erica J http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6836 Erica J Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:19:49 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6836 It seems that you still do love this woman because your emphasis was on her well-being. Did she also cheat on you? If there's no hope for you guys to get back together then the focus should be on your daughter. Your ex-wife is SELFISH, but like the good old book says "men love bitches"....no pun intended, but had she been a loving caring mother and wife, you wouldn't be going all out to help her. The honest truth is, you should get custody of your child and let that be your worry. If at 33 all she wants is new penis from time to time, let her live her life, she'll get tired one day and decide to make a change that is conducive to her. It seems that you still do love this woman because your emphasis was on her well-being. Did she also cheat on you? If there’s no hope for you guys to get back together then the focus should be on your daughter. Your ex-wife is SELFISH, but like the good old book says “men love bitches”….no pun intended, but had she been a loving caring mother and wife, you wouldn’t be going all out to help her. The honest truth is, you should get custody of your child and let that be your worry. If at 33 all she wants is new penis from time to time, let her live her life, she’ll get tired one day and decide to make a change that is conducive to her.

]]> By: chanelly_gray http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6835 chanelly_gray Fri, 30 Jul 2010 13:41:42 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6835 sounds like you have alot on your mind. Hope I can help. After reading your story ( twice) I am still trying to figure out how any of this is your problem? if you let your empathy for her get in the way you will not get the divorce and you will live your life feeling sorry for her. She is a grown ass woman she knows what she is doing. All of these things she chooses to do is her business. Your main obligation is your daughter. It is okay that you feel bad for your soon to be ex-wife, but you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved you've done more than enough for her. the best thing to so is let her go. Goo Luck sounds like you have alot on your mind. Hope I can help.
After reading your story ( twice) I am still trying to figure out how any of this is your problem? if you let your empathy for her get in the way you will not get the divorce and you will live your life feeling sorry for her. She is a grown ass woman she knows what she is doing. All of these things she chooses to do is her business. Your main obligation is your daughter. It is okay that you feel bad for your soon to be ex-wife, but you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved you’ve done more than enough for her. the best thing to so is let her go.
Goo Luck

]]> By: sc http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6834 sc Fri, 30 Jul 2010 13:15:01 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6834 Sometimes people have to see things for themselves. You can want to help someone till the day you die but if they don't want help it's not happening.... Sometimes people have to see things for themselves. You can want to help someone till the day you die but if they don’t want help it’s not happening….

]]> By: pappysgotitgoinon http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6833 pappysgotitgoinon Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:23:49 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6833 Your ex is far beyond any help that you, yourself can provide. It sounds as though that the booze has the control and will remain to until she has the guts to get away from it. Simply put, I would just ask her this... Do you want me to raise our child all alone? Because that is what will be happening if she doesn't get away from her destructive lifestyle. Once this sinks in, maybe she will be more receptive to the idea of seeking help on her own. You may try to recommend something like this to her but don't insist as this will cause even more trouble for you. I wish you well. Your ex is far beyond any help that you, yourself can provide. It sounds as though that the booze has the control and will remain to until she has the guts to get away from it. Simply put, I would just ask her this… Do you want me to raise our child all alone? Because that is what will be happening if she doesn’t get away from her destructive lifestyle. Once this sinks in, maybe she will be more receptive to the idea of seeking help on her own. You may try to recommend something like this to her but don’t insist as this will cause even more trouble for you. I wish you well.

]]> By: Babycat http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6832 Babycat Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:09:03 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6832 Wow, you are a really good man. The problem is (as I am sure you know) if she is not willing to admit to having a problem, she isn't going to go for help. The only thing you can continue to do is to encourage her to get help and to take care of herself. I dealt with a family member who was so into drinking and no matter what we said or did, until he was darn good and ready - nothing was done. The fact that she would drink and drive with your child in the car is pretty scary. I think that you should discuss having full custody of your daughter until she does help herself. I would really put my foot down on that one. Other than that- you can just be there. Can you possibly go to an Al-anon meeting maybe just to get an idea of what you can do? I wish you the best and I hope that you realize, your daughter will always love you for being so kind. Wow, you are a really good man. The problem is (as I am sure you know) if she is not willing to admit to having a problem, she isn’t going to go for help. The only thing you can continue to do is to encourage her to get help and to take care of herself. I dealt with a family member who was so into drinking and no matter what we said or did, until he was darn good and ready – nothing was done. The fact that she would drink and drive with your child in the car is pretty scary. I think that you should discuss having full custody of your daughter until she does help herself. I would really put my foot down on that one. Other than that- you can just be there. Can you possibly go to an Al-anon meeting maybe just to get an idea of what you can do? I wish you the best and I hope that you realize, your daughter will always love you for being so kind.

]]> By: Garnet Glitter http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6831 Garnet Glitter Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:40:09 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6831 You make the welfare of your child you only priority...your ex will not change until SHE wants to and quite frankly, she doesn't want to... As soon as you can, petition Family Court for full legal & physical custody of your daughter-her mother is currently unfit to care for her. Perhaps if she looses physical custody of the girl it will snap her around...but don't count on it...All your concern should be with your daughter right now....her mother is secondary. Good luck. You make the welfare of your child you only priority…your ex will not change until SHE wants to and quite frankly, she doesn’t want to…

As soon as you can, petition Family Court for full legal & physical custody of your daughter-her mother is currently unfit to care for her. Perhaps if she looses physical custody of the girl it will snap her around…but don’t count on it…All your concern should be with your daughter right now….her mother is secondary. Good luck.

]]> By: jbrbears http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6830 jbrbears Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:32:17 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6830 wow...way too long. get custody of your daughter...her needs are #1 priority...not yours and not your ex's. wow…way too long. get custody of your daughter…her needs are #1 priority…not yours and not your ex’s.

]]> By: Lucy http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6829 Lucy Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:42:45 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6829 It seems to me that you should stay with her. There's just the slightest tone of arrogance in your writing. A sort of condescending attitude towards her recent behavior, yet you seem to have a firm grasp on it's causes and effects and probably a good idea of how you can help her. I believe she is not so far gone that you no longer have the ability to help her. I think you do and I think that now is not the time to abandon your wife and mother of your child. Why are we here if not to help each other through difficult times? It seems to me that you should stay with her. There’s just the slightest tone of arrogance in your writing. A sort of condescending attitude towards her recent behavior, yet you seem to have a firm grasp on it’s causes and effects and probably a good idea of how you can help her. I believe she is not so far gone that you no longer have the ability to help her. I think you do and I think that now is not the time to abandon your wife and mother of your child. Why are we here if not to help each other through difficult times?

]]> By: Ben1492 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6828 Ben1492 Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:00:38 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6828 your obligation is to your daughter. You need to do what is best for her. Not what is best for your Ex or yourself. Your daughter;'s needs are priority #1. From what you wrote, you need to petition for sole custody. IMO your obligation is to your daughter. You need to do what is best for her. Not what is best for your Ex or yourself. Your daughter;’s needs are priority #1. From what you wrote, you need to petition for sole custody. IMO

]]> By: Poppy http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6827 Poppy Fri, 30 Jul 2010 09:54:04 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6827 Sorry but at my age it can't be juicy enough. Sorry but at my age it can’t be juicy enough.

]]> By: fi ♠ http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6826 fi ♠ Fri, 30 Jul 2010 09:35:25 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6826 let me get this right you pay her to party and sleep around and you want to know how to help her? WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER??? jeez, grow a pair, get custody of your daughter and make sure she is cared for before you do anything else that enables your wife/ex to continue this destructive lifestyle put your own house in order before trying to help someone else let me get this right

you pay her to party and sleep around
and you want to know how to help her?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER???

jeez, grow a pair, get custody of your daughter and make sure she is cared for before you do anything else that enables your wife/ex to continue this destructive lifestyle
put your own house in order before trying to help someone else

]]> By: Family http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/comment-page-1/#comment-6825 Family Fri, 30 Jul 2010 09:31:57 +0000 http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com/07/30/my-soon-to-be-ex-wife-needs-help-kinda-long-but-full-of-juicy-details/#comment-6825 I don't care if this is so called juicy or not. WAY TOO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t care if this is so called juicy or not. WAY TOO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!

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