July 25th, 2010 | 
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My wife and I met in High School and “dated” for 8 years before getting married, and have been married 13 years.We have 2 kids in elementary school. We are both under 40 years old. My wife stayed home through the birth of our kids and then shortly after my second child, she decided to go back to school for her Masters degree, I helped out in every way I could while she went to school, I worked nights and took care of the kids during the day. This strained our relationship severely, but it was already not healthy. I feel my wife could be a “rageaholic” (she comes from an alcoholic family, as do I) and I had been dealing with alcoholism myself which seemed to get worse. Until now, I quit drinking 1 1/2 mos. ago. I don’t think I ever really “loved” my wife, and I think we’re in denial about WHY we married and whether or not we’re even in love. She said we should stay together “for the kids”, but I think this is not the best way. I hope someone has some insight or a story to share.
Schwinn…no girlfriend
Infritsk…I never said I was looking for another relationship
Janetrmi….My wife is religious, I am not
Sandie….What about her anger….that is still there, and she has made no apparent effort to resolve this issue
Paul M…What you say is basically what the book, Too Good to leave, Too bad to stay” by Mira Kirshenbaum states, and I read the book cover to cover.
We have tried counseling several times and she never likes the therapists, I think she doesnt like hearing what they have to say.
In addition to all I’ve said already, I also do not get the feeling she really cares about me, unless she has a vested interest in the situation.
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Do you have a girlfriend? Usually that’s the case when married people asked questions like this.
i think that denying love, or the reasoning for you initial marriage is a cheap way of getting out of it easy
i know i dont know you, so please dont be too offended
but marriage? is a COMMITMENT it is a covenant. sacred, holy, and blessed by God. even if you DID meet and marry someone who was the ‘love of your life’… there will come a day when they, are not perfect, they lose interest, — you will run across problems, and life will present challenges. but this is what marriage is. it is making a commitment with someone, and dedicating your life to them. to each other.
if you want to escape that, have at it – but that is what marriage is about. if you cant accept it now, how will you accept it with the next one?
Most female would choose to stay together for children’s sake. Well, i would think staying together is a good option cos relationship can change. Maybe, you can try to spice things up a bit cos having children, work drains off alot of romance in a relationship. Dont take each other for granted. I chose to stay out in my relationship thinking that things could be better but the relationship grew worse. We became like strangers. Love is not a feeling, love is a choice.
Are you covenant spouses? If so, you are married for life in God’s eyes until death do you part. There is no biblical grounds for divorce, despite what people say. The grass always look greener on the other side of the fence.
Life always get in the way and causes us to question our feelings. You are both partners. You committed to be partners. You both need a little break from life and the kids and reconnect.
By far the Most people who stick and work on getting it fixed with it say its the best thing they ever did.
By far the Most people who get divorced say its the best thing they ever did.
Everyone who does nothing ends up more miserable – the important thing is to TAKE ACTION – whetherr that be working your relationship out or divorce either will give you what will in hindsight be the best result. Doing nothing will achieve nothing.
You quit drinking which is a good sign. And you never thought of loving your wife all this time, cause of your drinking. You never gave yourself a chance. Give it a try.
You’re lucky to even have a wife to put up w/someone that has a drinking problem as yourself.
She’s probably staying cause she knows what’s it like, hoping someday you’ll quit. If you still want it to work, anything is possible. If not you have a choice.