July 25th, 2010 | 
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I’ve made it clear to my friend that I won’t drink with him, or hang out with him while he’s drinking, or hang out with him at bars. I think that providing him somebody to hang out with where he knows there will be no drinking is a good thing. A mutual friend of ours insists that I should cut off all ties, as the alcoholic friend needs to focus on his wife and child and not losing his job. He submits that hanging out with him only distracts him from the severity of his situation. What’s the right course of action?
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You have to open his eyes some how. Somtimes you dont wanna hear it from your wife or family. But when a friend shows how important it is to stop then they might be more open minded.
Yeah I think you’re doing the right thing. CUtting off all ties will just isolate him and probably send him off to make new friends to drink with. If he realises he can hang out socially in a non drinking situation and is supported by a good friend, he’s more likely to reform his ways. Also it’s not easy stopping drinking – he needs a good friend to talk to. You’re doing the right thing.
Well.
I was an alcoholic before.
And I can tell you your answer right now.
He will quit when hes ready. Nobody can change him but himself.
thats it.
and no matter how much you try and get him to stop. if he doesn’t want to hes not going to.
Alcoholism is a disease, and the way people act are symptoms of the disease. Everyone is different, however, alcoholics will only begin the process of recovery when 1) they admit to themselves they do have a problem, and 2) they take steps to recognize and alter their behavior. Millions of people for decades have benefited from Alcoholics Anonymous, and there are meetings and vurtually everywhere in the world. When your friend finally hits a bottom for him, when he gets sick and tired of BEING sick and tired, he may ready. All of us in AA are always willing to help someone to sobriety, but they have to WANT to become sober.
Check out the resources at aa.org… there are likely groups and meeting where he lives, and someone there can assist you. Just give a call … there are phone numbers in just about phone book in America
I’d be really interested to know how he reacted when you told him you wouldn’t drink with him anymore?
If you had said that, and then cut all ties with him, you would have been kicking him while he was down in a sense, but you have done it the right way i think by letting him know you’re prepared to support him while he’s not drinking cos you appreciate he’s in a tough situation now, but you’re also by no means prepared to encourage his drinking under any circumstances.
I sincerely hope he doesnt have to hit rock bottom by losing everything before he dries out for good, with friends like yourself he had a better chance than most, wotever happens.
Tell him to get to an AA meeting or get some other kind of help. If he’s a true alcoholic, he’ll only quit when he’s beaten – but if he gets some good information about the illness and the solution, it will help him get help when he’s ready. If you are getting bothered by his drinking, you might want to get in touch with Alanon, which is a worldwide fellowship for the friends and families of alcoholics. There will certainly be plenty of people there who will have been through experiences exactly like the one you are going through.
Hope this helps.
J