June 13th, 2011 | 
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I’ve done a lot of things in my past that I’m ashamed of. well to get to the point the woman that I married all she ever dated was married men or drug dealers.She is 41 and I’m 37. The married men she dated was either 48 to 60 and she dated some about her age before.Me and her started off as friends we came best friends and then we became lovers. she was in a relationship with kids father for like 20 years and she had 3 kids by him he sold drugs and he constantly cheated on her so she left him alone and moved on her with her life and he moved on with his.I feel he really damaged her and after that she just went down the tubes. A lot of the men she was involved with either married or single drink liquor and that’s all she does before we got married and when I was just her friend I use to try to encourage her to find her own man and tell her she didn’t have to settle or drink all of the time. She use to party and hang out with her friends all of the time. These married men use to give her money take her shopping and take her out of town on trips.She use to lie to one of them and I can never understand it even till this day why did she have to lie to a married man about her seeing someone else when he was married.I remember 1 time we went to church on new years eve and she told me she was ready to stop dealing with her ex who is still married she wanted to get out of it but she didn’t know how to so I would listen and try to give her advice. she always wanted to get married and she know that she’s getting older.Like I said before she has 3 kids by the same guy and he is a drug dealer but they both moved on their kids are 24 19 17. The 24 year old is married and out on her own the 19 year old is out on his own so the 17 year old and the 5 year old are living with us but the 17 year old is pregnant.Her fourth child is 5 years old and by a older married man that passed away.Me and her use to live next door to each other but I never noticed her like that because I was married but me and my ex was separated I knew with all of my heart and soul that my marriage was over with my ex I was married to her for like 16 years and I was with her for like 2 or 3 years before we got married and I have 3 kids by her. But like I said my current wife noticed me when I was with my first wife she thought I was attractive and she liked the way I took my family to church and that I was young I own my home I worked and that I had my own car. like I said she never tried to approach me and I never did the same until my 1st wife left our home and later down the line we was strictly friends because I was hurt over my 1st wife and that was all I could think and talk about.I wanted and tried to save my marriage but my first wife told me that it was over.So that’s when I started talking to my my current wife who was my next door neighbor.Since me and current wife been involved she has slowed down with the drinking she don’t hang out or party with her friends anymore if she does we do it together and that’s every once in awhile. she goes to my church and I go to hers we are best friends we are always together.I love her and I know she loves me.She gave up her house because she was renting and I own my home I have my own car so does she and we both have good jobs we have her two daughters staying with me and I love them like my own and my kids gets along with her kids. I feel I’m a good guy like I said I’m not perfect I go to church I work have my own car I don’t run the streets I want us to be happy and I want this marriage to last till death due us part.But her past bothers me it’s like how do I know she won’t do to me what she did to those other guys.Her mother and her daughters feel that I’m good for her because they seen the type of men that she has been with and they feel that I’m what she needs but I’m scared to death because I don’t wanna get hurt.Does my wife see the difference between me and the other men that she dealt with? Has she been out there to long to realize what she has in me? Am I wrong for throwing her past in her face? It also bothers me I’m close with my parents so I told them some things about her past.They don’t like it or her especially my dad he says that she is a street woman and a alcoholic he doesn’t want me with her because he feels ever since I been with her that I started drinking more and that I’m not the same person any more since I’ve been with her and that bothers me because shes my wife and they are my parents but she comes 1st. They felt the same way about my 1st wife because of the things that I told them about her.So they stayed in my 1st marriage and now they are trying to do it again so I don’t talk to them as much now and don’t keep them in my business like I use to so I guess that’s the reason I guess they don’t like her.
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im not going to read all that…but i do have some questions.
do you love her?
do you like being with her?
are you happy?
if you can say yes to all these questions then i think you can forget about her past and think about the future.
the past is the past and people change. you should just put all this behind you.
hope that helps.
Holy cow. Next time, how about giving us the cliff notes version…
Okay, first of all, you are 37 years old. You’re a big boy. You are more than capable of making your own choices and dealing with your own business. Your parents are entitled to their opinion, but you should not give a rat’s behind if they think you should not be with your wife. She’s your wife and it’s your marriage–not theirs.
To answer your question, yes, you are very wrong for throwing her past in her face. It is the past. Let sleeping dogs lie. If she wanted to be out sleeping with drug dealers and drinking herself stupid every night, she would be. But she’s not, she’s at home with you. That’s what matters. Sure, it sounds like you’re a great guy, but don’t make yourself out to be a saint for marrying her.
I clearly don’t know your wife, but just based off of what you’ve said, yes, she is fully aware that you are different from the men she was with in the past. You said yourself that she said she wanted to get out of that lifestyle, and that’s exactly what she did–and it sounds like you helped her do it. I’m sure that she appreciates and loves you as it is. The fact that she’s used to dating scum that treats her like dirt tells me that she probably thinks you’re an extraordinary man, not just a good one. She knows that she has a good man.
You said you’re afraid to get hurt… you married her, you’re supposed to trust her. As far as I know, it doesn’t sound like she’s done anything in your marriage to give you reason to doubt her. You’re killing your marriage before she even has a chance to mess up. If you continue to throw her past in her face, she’s going to get sick of being judged (by the one person that isn’t supposed to judge her, no less) for who she USED to be. How about giving her some credit for turning her life around instead. Like I said, it seems like you’re a good guy; but it also seems like she’s become a good woman. Leave the past as the past; don’t needlessly drag it into the present.
I’m not going to read all that either. But I will tell you about us. My wife was in a street gang when she was in high school. She has the scars from knife wounds all over her body, and from cigarette burns on her boobs, to show for it. I have now told you all that she has ever told me. I met her in college after she had escaped from that life style. We have been married over 44 yrs. She has also never told me about any of her past relationships. She just says about all of that, “That was before you.” I love her deeply, and respect her privacy. If she doesn’t want to tell me, that’s OK. I am curious, but will never ask again. She has been a wonderful wife and terrific mother. She had a long and successful career in nursing and was well respected for her skills and accomplishments. She does not want to relive the past and I think she feels that I will not think so highly of her if I know her past.
She doesn’t respect the sanctity of marriage.
Iknow her type. Some women go out of their way to create drama.
A 37 year old guy can still have kids. A 41 year old women who’s been an alcoholic for yearsprobably can’t. If she had three already she probably doesn’t want more. You OK with not having kids?
Expecting people to read this unpunctuated wall of text is only slightly less insane than expecting a person in their 40s not to have a past. Grow up and get an education.