How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

All right, I’ve been a reader of Yahoo Questions & Answers for quite a few years now. Finally – it’s my turn to ask a serious question. It’s a long read, forewarning.

My husband and I have been married for going on five years. We have three beautiful children together. It’s been a bumpy road, not so much personal relationship problems, but just life in general. But overall, we’re generally a loving couple. He is wonderful with the kids. He counts himself lucky to have this life. For some reason he never thought he’d be blessed with a wife and children of his own.

Fast-forward. The last two years things seem to have gone downhill. For the first several years of our relationship, during an argument I’m the type of person that needs to take a walk and cool down. I get pretty heated, and deal with an anger problem. I am self aware, admit, and have sought help for this, just for the record. However, he would not allow me to leave. Not leave as in, leave him. Just take a walk to cool down, think, try not to be so angry.

Fast-forward again. After about two years of him begging, pleading, standing in front of the door and not letting me out…One day we’re in an argument and he decides he needs to take a walk. And leaves. He’s gone for hours. I go out driving looking around for him. Got a hold of the police department and they start looking around for him as well. Found him just wandering the streets and brought him home.

That was the start of it ALL it seems. Two years ago, the first time he walked out to “take a breather” it’s been habit forming and gotten extreme. From a few hours, to more hours, to days. An affair of course crossed my mind. However, we have since moved to multiple different cities and he always leaves on foot. There are many details to each story. I’ll give an example of one so you all can get the idea.

He was working a job (he’s been horrible at holding jobs since the beginning of our marriage). He was working third shift 10:00 PM – 6:00 AM. Well one day 9:00 AM rolled around and he still wasn’t home. I assumed he was working overtime. So I called his work to check on him and was told he left early, around 12:30 that night. After two days I found him wandering the streets. His story was (which was confirmed) that he was about to lose his job due to poor job performance (third shift sucks!) and was worried to come home to tell me that he had lost yet another job.

Fast-forwarding yet again. Not all of the times he’s “disappeared” have been for “bad” reasons. Sometimes he’s just running to the store for a few groceries and he’s gone for eight hours…

Most recent event. On May 13th we got up, I made him breakfast. He was playing games as usual (online MMORPG). We had a good morning. After breakfast he was going to run to the store. He left around 11:30 May 13th and never returned home. Of course I’ve filed a missing persons report (for about the third time in the last two years). Especially because every time he does this I am left with our three children to take care of alone. He had the money, their social security cards, insurances cards, etc, in his wallet. The police found him wandering the streets, got from him the things mentioned above that I needed and I requested that he not come back here for a while.

Note: We *just* moved about FIVE hours from the last city we lived in. We’ve only been here two weeks. One week in which he has disappeared. All he has is the clothes on his back, literally.

My question would be, what would cause such behavior? To up and leave a wife and children? No drugs are involved. Almost every job he’s had has tested for drugs, he’s clean. He’s also in the National Guards (NOT active duty). So I’m positive no drugs are involved. And unsure that an affair would fit this situation. Again, he is on foot, five hours from our previous city, and the police found him wandering the streets.

INSIGHT anyone?
Edit: Of course I’ve had my nagging moments. I’m not going to sit here and pretend to be the perfect wife. I have my issues too, trust me. However, I do love him very, very, very much. And he knows this. I built my entire life around him. Right now is a very difficult time for me. I am handling three children while worrying constantly around my missing husband that has no money, no where to stay (to my knowledge) and only the clothes on his back that he left with seven days ago. I love him deeply, I’m just not sure I can live this life anymore. The walking out, the handling things alone, the stress, the worrying. I can’t stop thinking about him, he’s my HUSBAND. I haven’t slept in days wondering if he’s cold, if he’s hungry. Then at the same time I get extremely pissed off that he would *choose* to do this in the first place. As I said, this latest event, we were having a wonderful morning. Not a single thing wrong. I’m just not sure I can do it anymore, and it’s scary. Certainly.
It’s a back and forth situation. That is definite. One moment I am worried sick, and the next moment I am hurt and angry. I can not comprehend how he can just walk out on his children. I am *forced* to be the rock, the stone, the solid foundation to take care of my children while he does this. I agree – the majority of these responses are saying he needs professional help. I definitely agree. Whole-heartedly

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