How Do I Get My Wife Off Drugs?

Hello!
I am engaged to a wonderful 48-year-old widower, whose wife died 5 years ago. We will be married in April, 2008. He is the love of my life and my soulmate! He says the same things about me and I believe him. We are very much in love and extremely happy. He says he has never been this happy in his life. So, what is my problem? He was married for 20 years to his first wife. During that marriage, they both had addiction issues. She was a drug addict and he was an alcoholic. Since moving into his home, I have found evidence that the marriage was way less than perfect. In addition, his family and friends, as well as his deceased wife’s family all confirm that their’s was a bad marriage…that she was a mean, hateful drug addict who kept him broke and made his life miserable. However, he is reluctant to admit any of that. When he has mentioned her, he admits that she was a drug addict and that she spent too much money and that theyhad some difficulties BUT he goes on to say that he loved her, that she was his best-friend, that she saved his life, and that they had a happy marriage. He then goes further to tell me the WONDERFUL things about her…in essence, he has sanctified her! I have to admit that this is the one sore spot in our relationship. We now do NOT talk about her at all, but my mind and heart are full of the “tapes” of things that were said in the past. On special days such as holidays, her birthday, the anniversary of her death, I find myself depressed and irritable! I also find myself wondering if he is thinking of her, missing her…especially on those days or at times that he seems somewhat melancholy. He is no longer a practicing alcoholic…he’s in AA and has been sober for 2 years. One of the main tenets of AA is honesty. I do not feel he is honest with himself about his deceased wife or about their marriage. It is important to his “healing process” that he be honest in all aspects of his life. How do I approach this topic with him without causing an argument or appearing to be unsympathetic or , even worse, jealous? Please help me!
Mae

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