January 6th, 2010 | 
Author: 
My boyfriend’s wife of 16 years died a year ago from diabetes and alcoholism. He is still dealing with his grief issues which is okay by me.
Should I be concerned about his being the husband of an alcoholic?
He took care of his sick, alcoholic wife for at least four years. Is he an enabler? Was he codependent? How do I find out if he was or is resentful?
Posted in 
Tags:
Grief counseling for him. Couples’ counseling for the both of you. Sounds like a copout answer, I know, but I assure you it isn’t. You’ll get better advice that is specific to your needs through the counseling than you’ll get in a million years here. Good luck!
I’d be wary of dating anyone who is in the grieving process over the death of spouse…
There’s no way we can answer those questions. Alcoholism is a complex disease, and it affects both the user and the user’s family. We can’t know if he was an enabler or not – we don’t know what their life or relationship was like. Sounds like you’re questioning his character – this has more to do with you and your feelings toward him than it does his dead wife and her personal problems.
I think you need to think about how YOU feel about HIM.
If he was married to this lady for 16 years, chances are he is co-dependant (or was). What difference does it make now though? She is gone! Enabler? Who knows, who cares!
Are you an alcoholic, do you need someone to enable you?? If not, then don’t worry about it. Allow him to grieve her death, support him if he needs counceling, and enjoy being with him. He could be a great guy who felt obligated to take care of the women he committed his life to. It may be NOTHING more than that!!
First he needs some counseling to help him handle the issues. Second..he should not be dating until he is ready and for1 year after a death many people are not ready for a new relationship. They need their space and when its time to date it should not be limited to ONE person.
You need to leave this man alone…..You don’t want to be his rebound……In marriage…..you are codependant…..it just works out that way…..
When your husband/wife dies a part of you dies with them…..please allow that part to heal. In the end He will raise her up or he will lower her…..
I was angry with my husband when he passed away to the point where I didn’t think that he loved me at all…..now I look back and see how foolish I was…..Right now……He has to deal with forgiving himself and letting her go……